84 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
84 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... MaxiSpak Banana
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by R.M. Wood
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>>> a cDc publication.......1994 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____
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|____digital_media____digital_culture____digital_media____digital_culture____|
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The MaxiSpak Banana console is the newest offering from little-known
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Puerto Rican electronics manufacturer MaxiSpak Products Ltd. Boasting
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state-of-the-art 32-bit technology, it is all set to take on the Japanese
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console giants at their own game. Plans to market MaxiSpak's 16-bit console,
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the Kiwi Fruit were shelved earlier this year when it was revealed that the
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32-bit Banana was almost completed, with only "the bits that go inside" yet to
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be produced.
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The Kiwi Fruit would have been ready for sale at the beginning of 1994 but
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at the very last moment top designer Pablo Sanchez's dog ate the prototype and
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they were forced to go back to the drawing board. A slight hiccup, but Sanchez
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was not put off in the least, saying "The Kiwi Fruit was good, but the Banana
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is simply a much better machine! It has everything - well... it is a nice
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shade of yellow, with the 'Banana' logo on it." When it was pointed out to
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him that perhaps the techno-hungry console buying public would want a little
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more from a new wonder-console than a pretty color and a sticker, he was keen
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to point out the new "ultra-high-tech" controller that was to come with the new
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console. Allegations that this controller was nothing more than the remote
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control handset for his TV set with the words "Banana Controller" written on in
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felt-tip pen were vigorously denied.
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All set to take on the mighty Atari Fat Cat which is due to be launched
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any day now, the Banana will boast a range of 2-3 games, which, incidentally,
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are all being written by Pablo Sanchez's grandmother. The most promising of
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which is said to be "Streetfighter III." Sanchez claims that the Banana
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version of this game will be the official version, and says that MaxiSpak is
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thinking of sueing Capcom if they bring out a "rip-off version" of their game.
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A pre-production version of the game was on show, looking remarkably like
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"Yie-Ar Kung Fu" for the Commodore 64.
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Industry insiders (at MaxiSpak) say that the machine could do well, and
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may even outsell the Sega CD. On the question of a CD-ROM unit for the Banana,
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a few privileged journalists were taken to see the "CD-Banana" behind closed
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doors at MaxiSpak's headquarters in Sanchez's back shed. The unveiling of the
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machine that could bring the Nintendo CD-ROM unit to its knees was marred,
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however, when a fight broke out when one of the journalists said that it looked
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like, "some idiot stapled a banana to a Sony CD player and painted it yellow."
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Sanchez later apologized for the incident which he called "unfortunate."
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When asked whether they would be supporting the new machine, Electronic
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Arts, Capcom, Konami, Psygnosis and many others were all heard to laugh
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uncontrollably on the phone. Acclaim seemed rather confused and asked whether
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this was "some kind of joke?" Sanchez still remains confident, though, stating
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that they were all under non-disclosure agreements and really had some "shit
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hot" titles up their sleeves, although he couldn't name any off-hand.
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_______ __________________________________________________________________
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/ _ _ \|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.....806/794-1842|
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((___)) |Cool Beans!..........415/648-PUNK|Polka AE {PW:KILL}..806/794-4362|
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[ x x ] |Metalland Southwest..713/579-2276|ATDT East...........617/350-STIF|
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\ / |The Works............617/861-8976|Ripco ][............312/528-5020|
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(' ') | Save yourself! Go outside! DO SOMETHING! |
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(U) |==================================================================|
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.ooM |Copyright (c) 1994 cDc communications and R.M. Wood. |
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\_______/|All Rights Reserved. 08/01/1994-#274|
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