260 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
260 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... Fred, the Boy Everyone Hated
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by Allen Williams
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>>> a cDc publication.......1993 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____
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|____digital_media____digital_culture____digital_media____digital_culture____|
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Fred woke up one morning with the birds chirping outside his window. The
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sun shone in and the faint aroma of flowers and nectar wafted into his room.
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Fred rubbed the dried tears from his eyes, feeling sad and upset.
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"Everybody hates me," said Fred, and he was right.
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Fred's mother walked into the room and yelled harshly, "Fred, you're
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going to be late for school! Get dressed and eat your breakfast before I spank
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you!"
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Fred got up slowly and pulled on his clothes. He walked downstairs and
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sat down at the kitchen table. Fred hated getting up for school, because all
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the kids made fun of him there. Just thinking about it made Fred sniff, and
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his eyes brimmed with tears.
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"Oh geez, Fred, you're such a loser!" taunted Sally, who sat opposite him.
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"You're such an embarrassment to this family!"
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"Your sister's right, Fred. Now eat your cereal, the bus will be here any
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minute!" his mother snapped.
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Fred glumly ate his cereal, and went out to the corner to wait for the
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bus. The other kids in the bus stopped talking when Fred showed up, and rolled
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their eyes. Fred heard whispering and a bunch of girls to one side made
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gagging motions while pointing at Fred.
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He looked at his shoes morosely. Bill, one of the first graders, walked
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up to Fred and said, "Hey stupid! You have a bug on your shirt!"
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Fred looked down, but did not find any wayward insect. Shrieking with
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laugher, Bill kicked him in the shins and all the people burst out laughing.
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Fred turned red with embarrassment.
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Soon the school bus pulled up to the stop, and all the kids walked up the
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bus steps. Fred was the last person in line, but as he was going to step up,
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the bus driver pulled the door shut. "Hey kid!" shouted the bus driver.
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"There's no room for dorks like you in my bus! Find some other way to school,
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wimp!"
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Fred watched the bus recede into the distance. The Girl Scouts who sat in
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the rear stuck their tongues out at Fred. Fred sighed and began walking to
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school.
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Fred was half an hour late to school and was sent, tired and thirsty, to
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the administrator's office. Fred walked to Mr. White's desk and looked as Mr.
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White's lips curled in disgust.
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"Oh, it's you," Mr. White said with revulsion. "Why haven't you
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transferred to some other school by now?" Fred shrugged his shoulders and
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looked down at his shirt.
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"Now you keep coming to school late. Don't you have any sense of
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discipline? Do you know where they send bad boys like you? Reform school!
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That's where you belong, understand?"
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Fred tried to explain about the errant bus driver but Mr. White wouldn't
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listen.
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"Oh just shut up. I'm sick of your pathetic excuses. You are to go to
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detention for a whole month until you shape up, or better yet, ship out!"
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Fred walked away and went to his first class. When he opened the door,
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all his classmates groaned when they saw him. "Oh, puke!" they yelled, "It's
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Stupid Fred!"
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Fred walked down to his desk and ignored all the people pinching their
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noses as if Fred stank. Fred didn't understand, as he took a bath the night
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before. Fred took out a pencil and paper and tried to follow what the
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teacher, Mrs. Puce, was saying.
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"So what's the answer, Fred?" sneered Mrs. Puce. Fred didn't know the
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question, as he had just walked in.
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Fred stammered and asked her to repeat the question. Instead, she turned
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to the class and said, "Can anyone tell me why Fred doesn't know the answer?"
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Sally raised her hand and said, "Because Fred is stupid!"
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"Very good, Sally!" said Mrs. Puce. "Any other reasons?"
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"Because he's a moron!"
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"Because he has cooties!"
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"Because he's funny-looking!"
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"Good, good, good!" said Mrs. Puce. "Fred, because you're an imbecile, go
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sit in the corner until class is over!"
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Fred shuffled to the corner. A spitball whizzed by his ear. Fred sat in
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the corner and drew outlines around the marks on the seat. Soon it was time
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for recess.
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Fred hated recess, as everyone tried to beat him up.
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Fred walked out to the playground, trying to avoid the big mean sixth
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graders. It was pointless, as everyone liked to beat up Fred.
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"Hey, there's Fred!" said Wanda. "Let's throw rocks at him!"
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And they did. Not small pebbles, but big stones. Fred tried to duck the
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best he could, but one caught him in the lip and it started to bleed. Fred
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wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and there was Biff... the biggest and meanest
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sixth grader on the playground.
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"You little pee-face!" growled Biff, and grabbed Fred. Biff picked up
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Fred and threw him face-down across the gravel underneath the monkey bars.
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Biff guffawed and walked away. Fred was about to pull himself up, when he felt
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a painful blow across his ribs.
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Fred looked up at his new attacker and saw Mrs. Green, the playground
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monitor.
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"Get up, you stupid boy!" she shouted. "You're making a mess on the
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gravel!" Fred tried to complain that Biff beat him up, but Mrs. Green shoved
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Fred back and hissed, "I don't care what you say. You're just trying to make
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trouble for me and all of us! Now go to the clinic and clean up or I'll put
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you on report!"
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Fred limped to the clinic. On the way, the second graders hit Fred with
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sticks and tried to trip him.
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Fred walked into the clinic, and Mrs. Black, the nurse, stormed up to Fred
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and pulled his ear.
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"Look what you did! You make too much trouble for me!" she yelled. "Why
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don't you just die or something?! Mrs. Black got out a big bottle of Bactine
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and squirted it on Fred's face without warning. The Bactine stung his eyes and
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made all the cuts on his face throb with pain. Gasping, Fred felt his hair
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being pulled back and a rough paper towel scrubbed his face dry.
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Mrs. Black pushed Fred out to the hall, and when he recovered his vision,
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he saw Mr. Gold, the school principal, shaking his head.
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"Young man, you're taking up space in the hall! Go away so I won't have
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to look at you!"
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Fred turned around and started to walk away. He felt himself being
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tripped and fell with a thud on the floor.
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"Clumsy boys don't belong in this school!" laughed Mr. Gold as he headed
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off down the hall.
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It was lunchtime, so Fred went to the cafeteria. He took his lunch bag
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and sat down at a table. Immediately, everyone on the table got up and moved.
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Fred took out his lunch, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a Twinkie.
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"Have some yogurt!" someone shouted, and Fred felt something cold and
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slimy shoved down the back of his shirt. Turning around, he saw Sam, a fifth
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grader. Sam squished Fred's shirt and then ran away, laughing. While Fred had
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his back turned, his Twinkie was snatched and stomped on, making a brown and
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white mess.
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Fred was looking at the remains of his lunch when he felt a heavy hand
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grabbing his shoulder. It was Ms. Brown, the cafeteria monitor.
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"You messy, stupid, idiotic boy!" screamed Ms. Brown. "Are you going to
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eat your lunch or do I have to force-feed you?"
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Fred tried to explain that it wasn't his fault, but Ms. Brown wouldn't
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listen. She grabbed Fred's collar and pushed his face to the squashed Twinkie
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on the floor.
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"You made a mess, now eat it!" she snarled, jabbing his ribs and rubbing
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his face on the spongy treat with the cream filling. "You totally disgust me,
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you know!" she spat and kicked Fred, so he went sprawling across the floor.
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Jeers and insults echoed in Fred's ears as Fred tried to wash up at the water
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fountain.
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After lunch was gym, and Fred went to the gymnasium. Nobody would sit
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next to him since the yogurt was starting to smell bad. Mr. Lavender, the gym
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coach, was teaching basketball.
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"When passing the ball, you throw gently, so as the other person can
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catch it. On the other hand, when passing to Fred, you try to break his nose!"
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With that, Mr. Lavender threw the ball as hard as he could and hit Fred in the
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face with a loud "thwang!" When Fred recovered, he felt his nose. It wasn't
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broken, but it did hurt quite a bit.
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After school was over, Fred went to detention like Mr. White told him to.
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After staring at the wall for a whole hour, he was allowed to go home.
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Fred walked to his door, and the mailman made his rounds at Fred's house.
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"Here's your mail, geek!" said the mailman, and threw a handful of envelopes at
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Fred's face. Fred picked up the mail and went inside.
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Bowser, seeing Fred, growled and bit Fred on the leg. Bowser tried to
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pull Fred's pants cuff apart into shreds, but Fred batted him away with the
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handful of mail.
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"Fred, stop being mean to the dog!" shouted his mother. "You have no
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sense of responsibility! You're a disappointment to your father and me!"
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Fred tried to explain that Bowser was the one who attacked him, but she
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wouldn't listen.
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"I just wish you were never born!" Fred's mother exclaimed.
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Fred couldn't take it any more. He stormed up the stairs to his room and
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slammed the door. Throwing himself across the bed, he unleashed a series of
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sobs. Tears copiously ran down his cheeks.
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"Everybody hates me!" he sobbed. "Why does everyone hate me?"
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Fred soon calmed down and looked under his bed. Under his bed was a
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brown paper bag. Picking up the bag, he emptied the contents on his bed.
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"I'm going to make everyone sorry that they ever hated me!" said Fred.
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"I'm going to get even with everyone who's mean to me!"
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With that, Fred picked up a black box which had a single red button and a
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crayon scrawl which said, "Nuclear Detonation Device."
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Fred pressed the button.
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Downtown in the city Fred lived in, a small nuclear bomb hidden in a
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vacant lot exploded, killing 150,000 people, and an additional half-million
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area residents suffered from protracted radiation sickness before finally dying
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in a puddle of their own rancid bodily fluids. And true to Fred's word, the
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whole world was sorry that they were mean to Fred.
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_______ __________________________________________________________________
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/ _ _ \|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.....806/794-1842|
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((___)) |Cool Beans!..........510/THE-COOL|Polka AE {PW:KILL}..806/794-4362|
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[ x x ] |Metalland Southwest..713/468-5802|Moody Loners w/Guns.415/221-8608|
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\ / |The Works............617/861-8976|The Body Electric...916/673-8412|
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(' ') |ftp - zero.cypher.com in pub/cdc |ftp - ftp.eff.org in pub/cud/cdc|
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(U) |==================================================================|
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.ooM |1993 cDc communications by Allen Williams 07/01/93-#232|
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\_______/|Seven SUPER-CALI-FRAGIL-ISTIC-EXPI-ALI-DOCIOUS years of cDc. K! |
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