137 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
137 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... Mourning in America
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by Steve Ross
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>>> a cDc publication.......1990 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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On January 10, 1986, Queens Borough President Donald Manes was found in a
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car parked in a vacant lot, his ankles slashed by a knife. Observers generally
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considered his actions an attempt at suicide. Then on March 13, Donald Manes,
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indicted for bribery, pushed a 13-inch butcher's knife through his heart. That
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knife sliced public opinion into two factions: those who felt this was just a
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"copy-cat" suicide, since the second incident followed the first so closely,
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and those who viewed it as a separate incident, perhaps the beginning of an
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epidemic.
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"C'mon, if it wasn't a copy-cat then why'd he use a knife again?" said
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former Bronx Democratic Leader Stanley Friedman.
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"Existing statues imply that a copy-cat, to be recognized as such, must be
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copying the actions of another person," said U.S. Attorney Rudolph Giuliani.
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"We see no precedent for this."
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Then on January 22, 1987 R. Budd Dwyer, the State Treasurer of
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Pennsylvania who'd been convicted of bribery weeks earlier, put a .357 Magnum
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in his mouth and, as before television and newspaper cameras, pulled the
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trigger. Many of the copy-cat ideologies felt vindicated. "Manes used a knife
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-- an implement of eating," said Stanley Simon, Bronx Borough President.
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"Dwyer merely picked up the metaphor and added his own personal touch." But
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most observers agreed that Dwyer's suicide marked a definite epidemic -- a
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viewpoint confirmed two weeks later when Robert "Bud" McFarlane attempted
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suicide with a handful of Valium.
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The occurrence of politician suicides has tripled in the past five years
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and now ranks as one of the primary causes of death among politicians. In
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fact, the reported rate of suicide may actually be less than the true figure,
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since citizens have grown increasingly unconcerned and may not be reporting the
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deaths of their representatives.
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In order to stem the outbreak of politician suicides, psychologists have
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attempted to identify its leading causes. Some studies pinpoint insincerity,
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characterized by "effervescent" smiles and back-slapping, as a potentially
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dangerous behavior problem. Other studies show that a long-standing history of
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conflict between the politician and his or her constituents may be a possible
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factor. All studies indicate that politicians called "Bud" are in the greatest
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danger. Felony indictments also seem to be related.
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Psychologists have developed a set of warning sighs that indicate when a
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politician may warrant concern. These signals include:
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--searching rooms for electronic devices upon entering
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--late night telephone calls
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--preferring public pay phones over one's home phone
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--a preoccupation with banks, bankbooks and bank records
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--carrying a passport at all times.
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"His concern about the issues just waned and waned," said Wayne Kelly, a
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personal friend of Dwyers who prefers to remain anonymous. "He took to
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drinking -- Shirley Temples, Kool-aid, even Bosco. Then he began picking up
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stray objects and trying to fit them into his mouth. We didn't know why until,
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well, it was too late."
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While there are no foolproof methods for eradicating politician suicides,
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concerned professionals have reached a consensus that something should, they
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guess, be done. Bronx Borough President Stanley Simon agrees with the White
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House policy of allowing politicians unrestricted freedom in their political
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activities, theorizing that "politicians, like people, would act with [greater]
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responsibility if only they were given greater responsibility." Simon hopes to
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take his message to the streets, as soon as his indictment for bribery is
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resolved. A group of teenagers in Bergenfield, New Jersey believes that the
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media attention granted to politician suicides creates a "poisonous atmosphere"
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of positive reinforcement; under the name "The Garage Gang" they have launched
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a lobbying campaign to keep the media out of politics. And a support network
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for politicians who have no place else to turn has been established by Friends
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Of Politicians (FOPs). The assistance provided by the FOPs network includes
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24-hour paper shredding services and a toll-free crisis hotline
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(1-800-POL-DONT).
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One method seems to have had the greatest impact in deterring politician
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suicides. The three-point program developed by G. Gordon Liddy in his book
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FEEL NO PAIN, SCUM is based on DETECTION, ATTENTION, and TREATMENT and utilizes
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the following outline:
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--Early DETECTION of your representative's emotional vulnerability and
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susceptibility to escapist actions. "The time to look for such signals," Liddy
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writes, "is after the subpoenas have been served but before the verdict is
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returned."
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--Devote ATTENTION and time to your representative. Since politicians,
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unlike mobsters, are usually found guilty, the most practical and useful
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attention is spent on guided tours of Club Feds -- penal institutions for
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wealthy white collar criminals. "As a worst case scenario these leave little
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to be desired, offering everything from monogrammed Izod uniforms and haute
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cuisine to tennis courts, polo fields and olympic-size pools."
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--If the attention doesn't work then Liddy recommends a stop-gap TREATMENT
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of physical and verbal abuse. Liddy writes: "Lily-livered wimps who think
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there's an easy way out of anything must be shown the error of their ways."
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But the only real cure for politician suicides is prevention. As
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President Reagan noted, "I, uh, well, uhm, heh-heh." White House spokesman
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Marlon Fitzwater interpreted this statement as: "If your peers ask you to enter
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politics: say no. If your children are thinking about it: seek counseling for
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them. And if someone you care about is already involved in politics: show them
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you care, but keep it well documented."
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_ _ _____________________________________________________________________
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/((___))\|The Dead Zone........214/522-5321 Demon Roach Undrgrnd..806/794-4362
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[ x x ] |NIHILISM.............415/285-9453 The People Farm.......916/673-8412
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\ / |Tequila Willy's GSC..209/526-3194 The Bombay............714/897-0412
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(' ') |Lunatic Labs.........213/655-0691 The Works.............617/861-8976
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(U) |=====================================================================
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.ooM |1990 cDc communications by Steve Ross. 05/17/90-#137
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\_______/|All Rights Pissed Away.
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