128 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
128 lines
7.0 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... Double Feature
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by The Dark Static
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>>> a cDc publication.......1990 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
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{_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_}
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From The Nashua Cult........................................The Dark Static
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{_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_} {_}
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A double "How-To" t-file...
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Table of Contents: 1: How To Steal a Dumpster
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2: How To Lock Someone In Their Own House
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How To Steal a Dumpster
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This has never worked for me, so add any helpful tips you can!
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First: Find a dumpster full of goodies [hard to find these days]. Call up the
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Dept. Of Sanitation, and pose as a manager of the place... explain that you are
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having a problem with the dumpster being too full to put anymore in. Hassle
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them until they agree. If that works, they will send out one of those garbage
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trucks that lift dumpsters and dump their contents into the truck. The driver
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arrives: Hide in the bushes somewhere, and make sure there is no one around
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the dumpster area or within viewing range of the victim dumpster. He will
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get the dumpster hooked on, and then begins to lift it into the air. This is
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where the hard part comes in. Remember when you always pretended to be in one
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of those Ninja movies [or not], well it's come true! Sneak to the dumpster.
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Now begin frantically screaming that someone is in the dumpster after 4 seconds
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of lifting. At this time, jam the joint thingy with a metal bar or something
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strong. Now all this takes good timing, so NEVER panic if you want a
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successful theft.
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The reason this didn't work for me, is because there actually was someone
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in the dumpster, and he blew my cover by screaming in sheer terror. Well,
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anyway, don't let my sad but enlightening story get you down, rather learn from
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it, and tell it to your grandkids.
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On with the scandal - The driver will either come running out, or try to
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put the dumpster back down. Seeing that choice B doesn't work, he will come
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running out. This is the perfect moment to nail him in the head with a nearby
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stone, knocking him out. If you planned poorly, and nothing was available to
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hit him with, or he was just plain immortal, then this is when you make a run
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for it and try some other day. Otherwise, proceed to the next phase of your
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plan.
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All right, so the driver's knocked out. Note: The dumpster should still
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be in a half-lifted position, since you jammed the lever. Now get in the truck
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and drive home. You should have made a neatly done concrete base for your
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newly owned dumpster. If not, anywhere in the yard will do. If your 'rents
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get pissed off, just lock 'em up in the dumpster for later use. You're not
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done yet by any means! You've got a HOT dumpster truck on your hands. Now
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there are many uses for this bold machine, but here are a just a few concepts:
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Run it into the police station with a threat note attached, sink it to the
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bottom of the lake, or just sell it to one of your neighbors. Anyhow,
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congratulations! You now have stolen a dumpster!
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How To Lock Someone In Their Own House
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This one, I have done before. It is really a lot of fun, and can turn
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those boring Sunday nights into a fun filled vacation. You will need some rope
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on this one, and a few other things. Let's get started with the doors. For
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the front door; take a length of rope, tie it around the doorknob and then tie
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the other end to a tree. Doors open into the house, so they won't be able to
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pull it open. If their aren't any trees, just tie it to a support beam or a
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mailbox. Next, you have to get the other doors. Following the example, come
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up with your own stuff. Ok, we don't want the victim to know what's going on,
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so we have to cover the windows somehow. Just get some of that wood glue
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that you see lying around when they're building a house and glue a piece of
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plywood over their windows. Now, let's take care of any sliding doors - just
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take a pole or anything and stick it in the gap so the door won't open. It's
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the same thing some people use to lock them from the inside. This would be
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a good time to glue the mail slot shut, so they can't peek out. If there are
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any dogs in the yard, just give 'em a bone with glue all over it... that will
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glue his jaws together so he can't bite OR bark. I've pretty much covered it
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all; oh yeah, cut the phone line.
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Now, they are totally locked in from the outside world. If they have a
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CB, it might not be as effective. The next morning, alert your neighbors and
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watch the suckers try to get out. The neighborhood will never treat them the
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same again....
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Watch for other bullshit files on a BBS near you!
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Oh, and a little note about myself. The reason my alias changed from Avenging
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Rebel to The Dark Static is because someone else was using the former alias,
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and I found out he's had it a few years longer than I've had it.
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_ _ _____________________________________________________________________
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/((___))\|The Convent..........619/475-6187 The Dead Zone.........214/522-5321
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[ x x ] |Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362 The People Farm.......916/673-8412
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\ / |PURE NIHILISM..........new # soon Ripco.................312/528-5020
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(' ') |Tequila Willy's GSC..209/526-3194 The Works.............617/861-8976
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(U) |=====================================================================
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.ooM |(c)1990 cDc communications by The Dark Static. 02/07/88-04/03/90-#127
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\_______/|All Rights Pissed Away.
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