182 lines
8.6 KiB
Plaintext
182 lines
8.6 KiB
Plaintext
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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_ _ _ _
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((___)) ((___))
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[ x x ] cDc communications [ x x ]
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\ / presents... \ /
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(` ') (` ')
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(U) (U)
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THE DAY MY KID TURNED PUNK
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by The Dark Static
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>>> A CULT Publication......1988 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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(featuring variable indentions...)
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Preface:Earnie was in his teens, at the peek of puberty. He was just coming
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to realize that the world was going to end someday. Terrified by this
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horrible thought, he shuddered and popped in the newest tape from
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Genesis..that temporarily brought him back to his usual self... He
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spent many a day jamming those poor beaten speakers with his 3rd
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class music. He pushed up his glasses and leaped over his bed
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to the computer.. he had almost forgotten to cover his path on
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the newly found UNIX account glaring on his green screen. After
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this feat was accomplished ease, he started getting ready for the
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computer meeting at the Library... After adding a few more handfuls
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of mouse to his already greasy hair, he grabbed his backpack...
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Week later:The doorbell rings...Oh, it's only Gene, here at his usual time...
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"So what new tapes did you bring, Gene?", questioned Earnie
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in his high-pitched voice.. "I brought this awesome cool new
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tape, and your definitely gonna spaz when you hear this shit!"
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exclaimed Gene, in his normal 'Gosh Wally' type personality...
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So they raced up to the bedroom to play them...After MEN AT WORK
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came on, Earnie violently unplugged the 'jambox'. "Gosh Gene,
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I thought you said it was new, I've heard that tape a million
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times twice already... Say, let's go down and scope out some
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chicks at the library...". "Sounds swell Earn'. Let's get down
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there before anyone leaves...". They got down there alright,
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and the selection wasn't too exciting... Gene tried his luck.
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He walked up to a skinny girl with glasses. She shoved her pencil
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up his ass when he tried 'touching' her... "Oh well Gene, at
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least you DID get to touch her... I'm proud of you... Looks like
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we'll make a man out of you yet". "Gee, do you really think so?"
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Later in the week:(Over the phone):"Ok Gene, I guess you can come over
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today...This time bring a GOOD tape...". "Alright, on my way
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dood, get ready to ROCK!"
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After arriving:Earnie answered the door... Gene started talking before
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Earnie could speak. "Earn bud, so sorry my man, but I can't
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stay, but I at least brought you over this tape... I don't know
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what's on the back side, so try it out..". "Ok, thanks Gene.
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Tomorrow?". "You bet, see you at the normal time."
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Later:"Earnie, get your tail down here. Your supper's getting cold". "Be right
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down ma.". After making a game of jumping down the stairs, he skipped to
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the dinner table... "Ma, guess. I got another 'A' in advanced Geometry
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Techniques class today... That makes 16 in a row..". "Geez your such a
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nerd... Just go jump off the roof!" said his sister [17, and gets bad
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grades]. "Now Angie, that's not acceptable at the table! Wipe your mouth
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and go to your room!" squeaked their timid father, speaking for the first
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time. Satisfied with the results of this, Earnest makes a face at his
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normal [and quite gorgeous] sister as she ignores her dad's command
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with a laugh.
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That night:[Things get interesting]. Being satisfied with the first side
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of the tape, he flips it over and pops it back in.. After a period of
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silence, Earnie concluded that the volume was too low...So he turned
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it to '10'. Suddenly some very frightening music blasts throughout the
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house... Paralyzed by the event, Earnie was unable to turn it off...
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The tape rumbled for 10 minutes before his dad burst through the door.
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Earnie's hair was on end, and his face was red.. His dad leaped over
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the bed and turned it off...It took quite some time for Earnie to
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mutter 'I'm.........o.....k....".
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That night Earnie couldn't sleep.. His mind was filled with thoughts that
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wouldn't go away...He was unknowingly transforming inside...
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Next morning:Getting ready for school was the normal routine...Almost.
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Today he put on eyeliner, as if he had always done that
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before school..He toyed around with thoughts for lyrics,
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but lyrics that were totally different to him.. Not even
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Earnie knew what was slowly happening to himself..
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At the Breakfast table:"Earnie, you're such a dick!" said his sister.
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Not even waiting for his parents to say anything, he blurts
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out "Fuck off bitch... I have every right to eat at the same
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table with such a goddess as yourself, please, can I can that
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privilege bitch?".. The table was now silent..Dad looked at
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Mom. Mom stared at Earnie. And so did his sister. This had
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never happened before. Things were going to be different.
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And now the present:Today, Earnie was wearing his dad's boots from
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the war...Oddly, he also had the dogleash around his neck.
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[Along with that, he killed the dog for biting him when he
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was trying to get it.]. People at school still hadn't gotten
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over Earnie's transformation... They thought he had totally
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flipped from being on his computer too much.
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Earnie was on his way to the local CoOp to pick up some new tapes.. Today he
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was getting Suicidal Tendencies - Join the Army tape, and SOD - Speak English
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Or die.. He didn't quite have enough to get a COC tape. "Shit" he exclaimed
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as he was a nickel short. His brain had gone to waste in these new days, and
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he decided to steal the tapes instead of the logical thing - Ask for a nickel!
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Of course, he got caught, this was only his first attempt out of many to
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come...
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At the station: Earnie was sitting in between 2 headbangers...Here's the
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conversation:
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"Hey fag, what's the makeup for?"
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"Fuck off, it's too much for a Scrotum Sucking Slut like you to contemplate
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all at once!"-Earn
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"Hey, you're a dead mother fucker! prepare to die!"
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He and his friend got up to jump him, and he surprisingly pulled out
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a newly purchased knife and slashed one while they pounded away...The charges
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against him were adding up. He was being busted for: Theft, Computer Fraud,
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Computer trespassing, and now Attempted Murder... Yes, there was a long
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sentence for Earnie.. But don't worry, he should be out by the time he
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is 60...
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[ Moral ]
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Let this be a lesson for any of you nerds out there, never try
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to be who you aren't. Be yourself.
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Final notes:
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a] The 'old' Earnie:
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___
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/.. \ -----greasy hair
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! _ !
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\___/
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/ \ -------weak arms
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!! !!
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!! !!
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w! !w
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!___!
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/ \
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! ! !
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! ! !
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! ! !
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_! ! !_
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!___!___!
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b]the present Earnie:
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!
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! -----MOHAWK
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_!_
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/.. \
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! _ !. -----earring
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__\___/__
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/ \
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! ! ! !
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! ! ! !
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! ! ! !
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ww! !ww
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!_____!
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/ \
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! ! !
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! ! !
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! ! !
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!___!___!
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! ! ! ----Docs
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! ! !
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__! ! !__
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!______!______!
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-This file was for slightly humorous purposes only. Ok, so I got bored!
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Don't yell at me...
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===============================================================================
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(c)1988 cDc communications by The Dark Static 1/28/88-51
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All Rights Worth Shit
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