237 lines
6.8 KiB
Plaintext
237 lines
6.8 KiB
Plaintext
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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_ _ _ _
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((___)) ((___))
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[ x x ] cDc communications [ x x ]
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\ / presents... \ /
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(` ') (` ')
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(U) (U)
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SCARFING
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by Suicidal Amoeba
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>>> A CULT Publication......1988 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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INTRODUCTION TO SCARFING
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------------ -- --------
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scarf: v.(scarf-scarfium(LA)) 1. to eat
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scarfer: n. 1. one who is learned in the art of scarfing
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scarfable: n. 1. an object of food
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HOW TO (general)
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--- -- ---------
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START: Go to the kitchen and look around.. Find spagettios, pop tarts, ice
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cream, picante sauce, soup, or any other type of food. Throw it all together
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in a bowl. Stir it around. Put it in the microwave if necessary. Turn on
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the TV. Be a couch potato. Eat. Enjoy.
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HOW TO (specific)
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--- -- ----------
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Spagettios
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----------
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excellent beginning scarfable
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(see recipe section for more details)
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Ice Cream
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--- -----
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Excellent for scarfing. The best way to go about this is get a really big
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bowl, fill it about 3/4 full of ice cream. Put the ice cream away. Look
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through the cabinets for anything that looks good: lemon pepper, ketchup,
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relish, salad dressing, spagettios, chocolate sauce, chocolate chips, coconut,
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picante sauce, crushed oreos, cat food, bologna, jello mix, whipped cream,
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anything at all. Put it all in the bowl. Put the bowl in the microwave for
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about 23 seconds. Stir this all around. Scarf.
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Pop Tarts
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--- -----
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Open box of pop tarts. Scarf. The pop tarts with frosting are recommended.
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Hot Dogs
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--- ----
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Good. Develops into more advanced scarfing. Finer points of scarfing hot
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dogs include salad dressing, ketchup, relish, picante sauce, and mayo all at
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the same time on one hot dog....the difficult part that makes this advanced
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scarfing is to eat this while not losing any of the sauce.
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Microwave Pizza
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--------- -----
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Quite good, for added excitement while scarfing look in the refrigerator
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and put extra cheese on pizza.. or whatever....ketchup, salad dressing, etc.
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Soup
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----
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The kind that comes in the plastic wrappers for about 5/$1 is recommended.
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Buy some bullion also. Cook with bullion & picante sauce...also anything else
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you can find....oreos, spagettios, etc...
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Pudding
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-------
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Beginning scarfable. Mix up mix, add whatever. Extremely simple
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RECIPES
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-------
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This is a typical scarfers recipe:
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SPAGETTIOS
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Need: 1 Can Spagettios
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1 Microwave
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1 Microwave safe bowl
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1 Can Opener
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1 Spoon
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Directions:
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Use can opener to open can of spagettios. Pour entire contents of can into
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microwave safe bowl. Put microwave safe bowl into microwave safely. Put
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microwave on 3 minutes 14 seconds. When microwave dings take microwave safe
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bowl out of the microwave safely. Take the lid off the microwave safe bowl.
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Stick finger in the middle of the spagettios. If your finger is burned than
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the spagettios are done. If you finger doesn't get burned, then the
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spagettios aren't done so put the microwave safe bowl back into the microwave
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for 32 seconds. Check the spagettios again. After you determine that the
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spagettios are done, stick a spoon in the spagettios and scarf.
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QUIZ
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----
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Hopefully, after reading this, you are at least beginning to understand
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scarfing. Now here's your chance to see how you measure up...
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1) Would a scarfer eat lasagna?
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a) yes, at a fancy restraunt in a tux
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b) yes, if it was microwaved and he was watching TV
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c) yes, if it was either that or spagettios & ice cream
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d) no
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2) Can a scarfer be a vegetarian?
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a) yes, hot dogs are gross
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b) yes, as long as he eats extra spagettios to make up for the hot dogs
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c) yes, what does that have to do with food?
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d) no
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3) What goes well with ice cream?
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a) bananas and cherries
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b) anything
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c) anything except pizza
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d) ice cream is fattening
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4) Does a scarfer have cable TV?
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a) yes, especially the Disney Channel
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b) maybe, if he has enought money left from going to the grocery store
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c) maybe, if his mom will let him
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d) no, cable is bad for your eyes
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5) Does a scarfer have a problem eating?
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a) yes, it's to messy
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b) yes, there's two hands but only one mouth
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c) yes, anorexa nervousa
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d) no
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6) Are there poseur/poser scarfers?
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a) poseur?
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b) yes
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c) scarfer?
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d) no
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7) Does a scarfer like school?
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a) no, it's boring
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b) no, they don't serve spagettios in the cafeteria
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c) no, it's not long enough
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d) yes
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8) Does a scarfer care about nutrition?
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a) yes, it is very important
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b) yes, a scarfer makes sure he gets plenty of helpings from each of the
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four food groups
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c) yes, mom makes him
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d) no
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-------------------------------------
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There you have the questions... Now... Here's how to score yourself:
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For each answer "B" give yourself 5 points and go get something to eat
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For each answer "A" or "C" think about eating something
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For each answer "D" subtract 50 points and slap yourself.
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If your score is:
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40- 100 Go back and re-add your score....
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0- 40 Pretty good... You shouldn't be too hungry. You are a scarfer.
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-99- 0 Reread this file... Go to the kitchen and throw everything in one bowl and eat it.. Take the quiz again.
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-400--100 Forget it
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-------------------------------------
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--MISCELLANEOUS END-OF-FILE BS
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This file was brought to you by Suicidal Amoeba with help from David
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Letterman, Eddie Van Halen, and Steve Martin.
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Not Very Produced by Metallica
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This file is official property of the Cult of The Dead Cow, and should be
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respected as such. HA!
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All rights reserved...
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(This includes your right to freedom of the press so go ahead and press this
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anywhere you want.)
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Ronald Reagan says "Moooo....."
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Warning: Unauthorized reproduction is a violation of all applicable laws. One
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side of this text file may be of longer duration than the other in order to
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preserve the album continuity.
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+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
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Call these s00per-d00per k-radikalizzt boardzzz....
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(806) 763-2222....Time/temp man..AE/CF/BBS..CDC..
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(806) 743-9911....Ambulance Service..TAC.........
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===============================================================================
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(c)1988 cDc communications by Suicidal Amoeba 1/0/88-35
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All Rights Worth Not Very Much At All
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