78 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
78 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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_ _ _ _
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((___)) ((___))
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[ x x ] cDc communications, inc. [ x x ]
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\ / presents... \ /
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(` ') (` ')
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(U) (U)
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A GNU CHRISTMAS STORY
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by Franken Gibe
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>>> A CULT Publication......1987 <<<
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-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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Leroy was a very young, very special gnu. He lived in a wonderfully verdant
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piece of Africa, where blue skies stretched oceanically above the mottled
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earth. Leroy had vision. Leroy knew he was more than a gnu, more than another
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hors d'oeuvre for the savage African carnivores...Leroy felt this, in his
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heart, a heart which pulsed with the gamey crimson blood of the Wild.
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It was 90 degrees that fine December day. Christmas was in the air.
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The starving nubian families could be seen across the veldt, preparing their
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Christmas dinners, making their traditional mud pies and locust broquettes.
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Leroy wore a happy yuletide smile on his bearded chin. Christmas is a gnu's
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favorite time of year. Yet, as the hot winter sun fell slowly across the vast
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powder blue sky, Leroy noticed a strange thing. A little boy sat in his
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earthen hut, staring at the aluminum Christmas tree...the tree was unlit, and
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silvery tears dribbled down his sun-blackened face.
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'What's wrong, young person of the veldt?' Leroy the Gnu sympathetically
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querried. Yet, to the young person, Leroy's words sounded something like,
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'Moorrrrrf G-nerggro?'
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'What did you say?' replied the boy, which words to Leroy, in turn, sounded
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something like...
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'What did you say?'
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Suddenly, Leroy felt the itch of the wild, and all the yearnings of his young
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life became focused on the fine young nubian. Leroy pounced, molesting and,
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alas, killing the boy. Blood and sex juice glistened in the manifold mirrors
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of the aluminum tree. Leroy felt like shit...suicidal in fact.
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Later that night, the parents of the boy returned, their arms loaded with
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Christmas presents, brightly wrapped and magically seasonal. To their horror,
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they found their progeny stretched mutilated across the floor.
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'This is a Gnu's work,' gasped the boy's father.
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'A horny Gnu's work,' added his mother, tearfully.
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Suddenly, as if aflame, the once dark Christmas tree blazed to life and light.The parental types fell on their knees in stunned amazement. There were no
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electrical lines within 1200 miles of the family's hut. This was an
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impossibility. Yet, not only did the two adults notice the lights, but heard a
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kind of humming emanating from the back of their home. Father scurried from
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the floor, and around back. What should he see but a Honda portable generator.
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And an extension cord running into the hut.
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'Shit,' the amazed man mubbled.
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Now you may ask what became of the perverted, yet sorrowful Gnu.
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In oppressing guilt, he had spent all his savings (accumulated over the years
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from various gnu jobs) on a Honda generator. Yet, unable to afford fuel to run
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the mighty generator, and in a gesture of total self-denial, Leroy squeezed
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himself into the fuel tank. Thus did the aluminum yule tree glow, and thus did
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Leroy give the greatest gift ever.
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The End.
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===============================================================================
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(c)1987 cDc communications by FRANKEN GIBE 0/0/87-17
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All Rights Worth Shit
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