137 lines
7.6 KiB
Plaintext
137 lines
7.6 KiB
Plaintext
The Motorhead presents...
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Up Your Pavement
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-- ---- --------
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A random collection of various bits and pieces that wouldn't have made
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practical text files on their own. All complaints should go to Bill the Cat, or
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to my alter-ego Al K. Traz, or his girlfriend, Penny Tentiary.
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This text file is dedicated to Tom Lehrer, who has inspired many people to be
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incredibly obonoxious over the years.
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"All the White folks hate the black folks;
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All the Black folks hate the White folks;
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All the Protestants hate the Catholics;
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All the Catholics hate the Protestants;
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and Everybody hates the Jews"
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- 'National Brotherhood Week'
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Brotherhood. What a concept. Love your neighbor. Wow. It's all fine and
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dandy to talk about everybody loving everybody else, but there are some inherent
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problems; people like a certain B.t.C. exist to foul things up. There are some
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people who don't love their fellow man. I HATE people like that! (ha ha..more
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Lehrer for you there). Don't you see the problem? I bet you don't, since I
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didn't really address it in this paragraph.
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Freedom Fighters. Another interesting concept. People supposedly fighting to
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overthrow a government that is supposedly oppressive. Something interesting to
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note about this is this: How many groups of Freedom Fighters are there that
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aren't ultra-right wing? People doing effectively the same thing who just
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happen to be a little bit to the left are branded as Commies, and they should be
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mashed out of existence, no matter what kind of sadistic murderer is in power at
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the time; just as long as he claims to be anti-commie.
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Modem geeks. Yet another interesting concept. What IS a modem geek? The
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problem is, there's no definition of a Modem Geek. The only way to say what a
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modem geek is is to use an example. The ones used most in this area seem to be
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people like Bill the Cat or someone who calls the infamous Nwonknu chain of
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BBS's. What constitutes a Modem Geek is basically what the majority perceives
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one to be. I tend to go along with the notion that Bill the Cat is such a
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person. I would say that because his general character on the BBS's consists
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mainly of whining about how people have been saying nasty things about him,
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preaching about how wrong phreaking is, and advertising his favorite board, the
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AFFORDABLE HARBOR. Oh yes, two other things. He likes going on about Doctor
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Who and David Letterman a lot as well. The problem is, people get tired of
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reading such messages very rapidly. This tends to make some of the less patient
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BBS callers quite mad, and they start to post nasty messages about him, which
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just escalates the whole thing. The average "modem geek" would probably
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disappear under the heavy fire that BtC takes. A prime example of someone who
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disappeared is WoLVErInE LoGAn. He never even had a chance. Well, enough
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bullshit about that subject; I'm sure everybody has heard too much about it
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already.
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Anarchy. What is it? Is it being a punk? Is it joining Anarchy, inc.? Who
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knows? I doubt anyone could really envision what real anarchy would look like.
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I mean, going around with things stuck through your nose, wearing dorky looking
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clothes, doing strange things to your hair, and listening to the Dead Kennedys
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is not my idea of Anarchy. In my opinion, the majority of people who do that
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are total dorks. They're very immature and don't really know what they're
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doing.
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Ed. Ned. 8. 88. /ed. The Panther. Controversy. Stupid arguments being
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shot down by Cionex di Norina. People acting obnoxious just for the sake of
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being obnoxious (hey, that's what this is all about! Erase that). Ed is Ned is
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8 is round head is... Ed is all-encompassing. Planet Ed is(was) holy ground.
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Ho Hum.
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Transcendental Meditation. TM. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. India. Hindus.
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Weird. What is it really? A cult? An alternative to mind-altering drugs? A
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way to get yourself to stop eating Captain Crunch cereal? Do you care? I
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thought not.
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The Moonies. Now there's a strange group of people. In fact, I would say
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that they're totally bonkers. I mean, the Reverend Moon the second coming of
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Jesus! Come on! It really is a laugh to see them in the airports trying to
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solicit donations, new captives (oops I mean converts), etc. Some day, wouldn't
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you like to just slug one of them right smack in the face?
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The Nightstalker. AC/DC. Satanism. Censorship in music. Stupid? Yes! Can
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you imagine someone so stupid as to take a song by a group with a member as
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screwy as Angus Young literally like that? Har Har! "You shook me all night
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long..." -- "I'm on the Highway to Hell..."
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Slayer. Loud. Fast. Deranged. Obnoxious. "Relentless lust of rotting
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flesh; to thrash the tomb she lies; heathen whore of Satan's wrath; I spit at
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your demise." Or... "I feel the urge the growing speed; to fuck this sinful
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corpse; My task's complete the bitches soul; lies raped in demonic lust"
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Charming, aren't they?
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Jailbait. Fun. Nubile young bodies. Pre-marital sex. Small, firm breasts
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hidden behind "Wham!" t-shirts. Firm buttocks under "Duran Duran" all-in-one
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underwear/jogging shorts. Ahem. Bill, reaching for your zipper? Naughty boy!
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"Hey baby, you're a sweet young thing; Still tied to mamma's apron strings; I
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don't even want to know your age; I'm just happy you're here backstage; You're
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jailbait, and I just can't wait; Jailbait, baby, come on."
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Bill the Cat. Oops, I've already discussed him.
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Kinky sex. Bondage. Fire Hydrants (darn it, I keep going back to our great
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friend, BtC!). Dogs (now I'm talking about Otto Maddox! Shit!). Rear Entry.
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Uh, yeah. We certainly are rapidly heading for the gutter once more here..
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Time for a quick change of subject until your mother leaves the room, you dirty
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little bastards!
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Rabbits. Rabbits are nice, soft, cuddly creatures, aren't they? Long, floppy
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ears, with fuzzy fur, and nice long back legs to hop around with. Even they're
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so cuddly, couldn't you sometimes just take a hatchet and cut one of their heads
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off? I mean, chop its head off and then turn it upside down so you can watch
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all of the blood rush out to the ground. Then you can dislodge the brain and
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give it to some slightly off person named _____________ (you can add the name
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yourself) to use as a replacement for theirs, which obviously doesn't work very
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well. The rabbit would at least be somewhat of an improvement over the present
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model (what is it? an Iguana?)
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Macintosh owners. There seem to be a lot of these people lately. They always
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think that their computer is the solution to all the world's problems. They
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think that Steven Jobs is some sort of deity, and that any product that he had
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anything to do with at Apple Computer is sacred (except, of course, the Apple
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//e, which is inferior technology, along with anything that rolls out of that
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great monolith, IBM). I wonder what Wozniak thinks of the Macintosh. He never
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seemed to say anything about it. "You'd better not talk to an IBMer, because
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they are evil incarnate, and will not praise the Lord, Steve Jobs."
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Since for the time being I can't think of anything else to put into a text
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file, I will end this one here. Stay tuned for Part II, which will be called
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"Sex and the un-married Modem user: What kind of a joke is this?".
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Call these:
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The Haunted House (415)941-7256
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The Realm of the Rogues (415)941-1990
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The Rogues' Gallery (415)961-9337 300/1200 no password!
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The Dark Side of the Moon (408)245-7725 300/1200 no password!
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South Side of the Sky (408)738-1685 300/1200 no password!
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(C) 1985 by Nobody in particular.
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