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444 lines
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+==================================================================+
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| ____ __ __ _ |
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| / ___| __ _ _ __ ___ ___ | \/ | __ _ ___| |_ ___ _ __ |
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| | | _ / _` | '_ ` _ \ / _ \ | |\/| |/ _` / __| __/ _ \ '__| |
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| | |_| | (_| | | | | | | __/ | | | | (_| \__ \ || __/ | |
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| \____|\__,_|_| |_| |_|\___| |_| |_|\__,_|___/\__\___|_| |
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| _ _ |
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| | | ___ _ _ _ __ _ __ __ _| | |
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| _ | |/ _ \| | | | '__| '_ \ / _` | | |
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| | |_| | (_) | |_| | | | | | | (_| | | |
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| \____/\___/ \__,_|_| |_| |_|\__,_|_| |
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+==================================================================+
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| Nintendo and Sega asks users to stop buying product _ _ _____ |
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| REVIEWS: Doom 4th episode, | || ||___ / |
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| Atari to form new games group with Time Warner | || |_ |_ \ |
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| Ace's Angles: r.g.p cool +====================+ |__ _|__) | |
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| CRAWFORDALITY CONFIRMED! | April 1 to April 7 | |_||____/ |
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+=============================+====================+===============+
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IF YOU HAVE ACCESS TO Internet Relay Chat (IRC), then join the GMJ
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Chat Channel, #GMJ. Tuesdays at 7pm Pacific some of the GMJ Crew
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will be available to answer your questions. Industry insiders
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dropping by too! [Moderated.]
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Ace's Angles
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rec.games.pinball takes GMJ with open arms
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Express Mail
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GMJ is cool! We take back all of the flames!
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NEWS FLASH
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Atari joins with Time Warner
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Nintendo, Sega call for product removal
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Mortal Kombat II: Crawfordality, new hidden characters confirmed
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PC Reviews
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Doom, the fourth episode
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___ _ ___ _
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/ _ \ ( ) / _ \ | |
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| |_| | ___ __|/ ___ | |_| |_ __ __ _| | ___ ___
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| _ |/ __/ _ \/ __| | _ | '_ \ / _` | |/ _ \/ __|
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| | | | (_| __/\__ \ | | | | | | | (_| | | __/\__ \
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|_| |_|\___\___||___/ |_| |_|_| |_|\__, |_|\___||___/
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__/ |
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|___/
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Welcome to yet another installment of the Internet's least read
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magazine, Game Master Journal.
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This is our last issue. Everyone is right - we are the dregs of the
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earth, we shouldn't litter the Net with such dribble..
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NOT!
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This is April 1 gang, it's time for GMJ's annual April Fools issue!'
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But wait, before I do any of that, lets get the legal BS outta da way:
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This issue of GMJ is fiction. Nothing in it should be taken as
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fact, as it is satire, sarcasm and other things that lawyers love
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to take and make money with. WE ARE KIDDING FOLKS, nothing here
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has truth. This changes with GMJ 44, when we return to the
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high ethical, moral and editoral standards that everyone
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associates with Game Master Journal.
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Whew - that was tiring. Oh! And another thing.. this is our SECOND
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ANNIVERSARY of being online! Two fun years of GMJ - and here comes
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number three.. what a way to start! More 2nd anniversary info in our
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next issue. NOW THEN - let the fun begin.
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This is our last issue, right, so, um, I won't be seeing you ever
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again!! ARGH!
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_____________________________________________________________________
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]^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^[
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] Innovative Creations [
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] 3730 McClintock Ave #537 +--- + + +--+ +--+ +--- +-- +-- [
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] Los Angeles, CA 90007 |- ++ +--+ |-++ |- +--+ +--+ [
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] (shubert@usc.edu) +--- + + | | \ +--- --+ --+ [
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] |\ /| +--+ -+- | [
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] | | |--| | | [
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] | | | | -+- +--- [
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]_____________________________________________________________________[
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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*** We take back everything we ever said about you, GMJ
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We want to apologize. VidBits went way overboard with our 'Why GMJ
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readers, writers and staff should be uppercutted into the Dead Pool'
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article. I am actually a big fan of GMJ, and started VB so I could be
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just like you. I'm sooooo sorry, won't happen again.
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Matt Kruse, editor of VidBits magazine
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mkruse@saunix.something.edu
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[ACE: Aww, it's okay. We knew it all along. ]
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*** We take back everything we ever said about you, GMJ, again
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We want to apologize. rec.games.pinball has been very childish with
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our dismissal of fine editorial content found weekly in GMJ. Please
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come back.. no more flames, we promise.
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All of the rec.games.pinball readers
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[email address withheld to save bandwidth]
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[ACE: Hey, it's okay. We all know how r.g.p is a flame-fest. We knew
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it all along. ]
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.....................................................................
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:WE are the only magazine that prints ALL EMAIL sent to us that is :
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:not vulgar or obscene. So.. send your videogame hints, tips + Q's!:
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: :
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:# # ##### # # ### # # ##### ##### # # ### ##### # :
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:# # # # # # # ## # # # ## ## # # # # :
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:# # ### # # ##### # # # # ### # # # ##### # # :
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:# # # # # # # # # # ## # # # # # # # # :
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: # # ##### # # # # # # # ##### # # # # ##### #####:
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: ........................:
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:shubert@usc.edu VOICE: 213-743-1877 : :
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:------------------ : Without email, GMJ :
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:tnkutasz@ugcs.caltech.edu [Arkady] : can't work! So tell :
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:ccd@panix.com [Cue] : us what you think! :
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: : :
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:...........................................:.......................:
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_ _ _______ ______ _____ _ ___ ____ _ _
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| \ | | ____\ \ / / ___| | ___| | / _ \/ ___|| | | |
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| \| | _| \ \ /\ / /\___ \ | |_ | | | |_| \___ \| |_| |
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| |\ | |___ \ V V / ___) | | _| | |___| _ |___) | _ |
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|_| \_|_____| \_/\_/ |____/ |_| |_____|_| |_|____/|_| |_|
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Nintendo, Sega call for product boycot
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Los Angeles, (March 32, 1994)
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The Big Two announced today that they are removing all Genesis and
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Super NES products from stores effective immediately. A Nintendo
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representative said "We cannot in good conscience allow our inferior
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technologies to be sold with Project Reality and Saturn/32X coming so
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soon - only 18 months away."
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She went on to say that anyone selling the product will be fined by
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the FTC for selling antiquated technology.
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Sega's reps echoed Nintendo. They also said that no more voilent
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games would be allowed on any Sega product.. all games must fit their
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GA rating.
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In a related story, Nintendo signed a deal with Midway, saying that
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MK2 will be exactly like the arcade, blood and all. MK2 will be out
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this summer, with MK3 hitting the SNES before the arcade, probably in
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time for Christmas.
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+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
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TIME WARNER AND ATARI CORPORATION FORM NEW SOFTWARE PUBLISHING FIRM
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Sunnyvale, CA (March 28, 1994)
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Atari Corporation (ASE:ATC) today announces a collaborated software
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firm with Time Warner, Inc. Avid Software, Incorporated will commence
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operations within the next 30 days and leasing space initially within
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the excutive suites of Atari Corporation in Sunnyvale California. A
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development lab will be established with the Warner Bros. Studios in
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Southern California. The two facilities will be linked by high
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technolgy satellite watts services for real time software development.
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Warner Bros. will focus on story lines and intense animated graphics.
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The operation in Sunnyvale will assemble the hardware-based and
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software-based graphics engines as well as game play models and
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prototypes.
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The new operation is announced just months following Atari Corp's
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successful launch of a new, high end, 64-bit gaming system dubbed the
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Jaguar. Avid Software will dedicate 100% of development time for the
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first year exclusively to the Jaguar platform. Although the core
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development teams have been assembled for the Avid Software project,
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executive decisions will be made by Sam Tramiel, President of Atari
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Corporation, until a permanent executiuve staff has been selected. A
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panel assembeled by Time Warner will review all long range goals every
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ninety days.
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The first three software titles to be developed by Avid Software and
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scheduled to be released within the fourth quarter of 1994 have also
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been announced. They promise a unique blend of realistic digitized
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graphics, powerful high-definition animations, unique gaming plots and
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topical story lines.
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Games slated to be produced soon by Avid are:
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HARDING FALLS(tm)--- Just outside of Portland, Oregon a small
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unincorporated town adopts a new name; Harding Falls. Made popular by
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a local young girl who fought her way to the '94 Winter Games, the
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town unites to launch a new young starlet on to a promising athletic
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career. Harding Falls is where it all begins. Local challengers test
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all of their physical savoy against each other for overall performance
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virtues. Players pre-select their character from an arsenol of
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determined challengers.
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Each stage consists of a practice session in which a complete
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skating routine must be rehearsed. Obstacles such as untied skates,
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boos from the crowd and irate family members distract your performance.
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With each small win, a weapon toward victory is awarded for use during
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the performance levels. Sometimes it might be deadly capped teeth.
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Other times it may be a stick or a steel club.
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Play against 64-bits of automated power or one-on-one with an
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aggressive challenger by your side; either way you either win gold or
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cry your way back to Harding Falls to try all over again. Cartridge-
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based game features hidden secrets, multi-player action, high
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resolution graphics and a five dollar coupon toward the purchase of
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"The Club".
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HOLLYWOOD STUNT SPECTACULAR(tm)--- With so many action games designed
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to fight and kill opponents, Warner Bros. calls upon their army or
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stunt professionals to reveal their best kept secrets to stay alive.
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Take a 125 level backstage studio tour through Warner Bros. hottest
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action films such as Superman, FreeJack, Batman Returns, The Last
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Boyscout and The Fugitive. Race through high definition scenes of
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your favorite films and pick up props such as breakaway chairs and
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candy glass. Battle friendly adversaries, but don't hurt them...
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after all, they're really your friends. Pick up the wrong prop as a
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weapon and you may kill your supporting actor or actress and lose your
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part in the greatest film ever made.
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This fast paced, action game includes the thrills of thrillers and
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the secrets of a great mystery. The ultimate object is to win without
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hurting anyone, but don't think for a moment there is no blood! One
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player action. Cartridge-based game includes $5 off coupon for select
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Warner Bros. videos.
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BOBBY BOBBIT AND FRIENDS(tm)--- Here's an animated interactive cartoon
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for adults only! At first glance, it looks harmless enough... Bobby
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Bobbit is a bouncy bunny that likes to make friends.
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Collect points by finding carrots and hidden treasures. Unlike most
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treasures, though, Bobby doesn't want to collect coins and tokens. He
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collects shears, razor blades and carving knives. Usually Bobby's
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friends help find treasures, but sometimes his friends get too rough
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and Bobby must take corrective action!
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Game includes vivid cartoon violence unlike any other you have ever
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seen. ONLY on the JagCD, this game is rated NC-17 for violense.
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Let's just say it's a Saturday morning cartoon that will increase
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attendance at Sunday Mass.
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[ :: Thanks to Bob the Bozo PR of Sunnyvale for contributing :: ]
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==================================================================
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LAST SECOND UPDATE
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==================================================================
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We were handed this just as we were aboout to go to spell-check.
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WARNING: Look for clues! You are about to be had! This may be it!
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March 32, 1994 (Clue: This date doesn't exist)
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[commented for the mentally impaired]
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JAGUAR OWNERS EXPOSED TO BOGUS PRESS RELEASE (bogus headline)
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Members dismember each other (overstated) over ethics debate -
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alledged tainted press release blamed (not true, bogus subhead)
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Allover, US-- An unnamed source (unsubstantiated) today reported that
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users of the popular 64-bit Atari Jaguar gaming system have banned
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together (typed online messages) in an effort to discredit the
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infamous "bogus" press release just days before the dreaded April
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Fools holiday is to be celebrated throughout the world (run on
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sentence-hate 'em!).
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Unlike a bug that cripples a computer until the entire system can be
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reboot, the sinister press release causes unusual chemicals to form in
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the brain (lions and tigers and bear a thought, oh my!). Dr. Ima
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Knotheir (alias) of the Institute of Preventive Thinking (I.P.T.)
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states that while "some (most everyone) finds some humor as the feared
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press release propagates over the networks, clear laboratory study
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(personal opinion) of those who are without brains indicate there is
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no humor in anything classified as funny." Dr. Knotheir was unable to
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indicate a direct association of his study to the specific press
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release that launched this one, however.
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In support of the doctor's findings, Jaguar owners have launched an
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attack against any and all bogus press release that contain
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misinformation. Within six weeks, a committee will be formed to
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establish a panel that will elect a professional staff to advise a
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supervisory board for a new team of advisors to appoint a cabinet to
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determine whether a bogus press release may contain accurate
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information (Government funding is anticipated). In the interim, all
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bogus press releases must be labeled to contain artificial ingredients
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which have been known to cause brain activity by the I.P.T. (huh?)
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In their first official action, the Jaguars Owners Bogus Press Release
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Action Committee has classified this bogus press release to be
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impounded and not read. In compliance with this declaration, the
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following statement has been appended for your safety:
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IMPORTANT: DO NOT READ THIS!
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Products named are properties of their owning companies. Text and
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concept (c)1994, Artisan Software.
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+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
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Crawfordality, new hidden characters in MK2 version 4.0
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Chicago, IL (March 27, 1994)
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Midway announced today the release of Mortal Kombat II version 4.0,
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and yes, version 4.0 is in the title. The game will have some very
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minor touch-ups with 4 new characters included.
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"We wanted to be like Capcom," said Ed Boon, programmer/designer of
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MK2. "After my interview with this bright young man Anthony from GMJ,
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we decided that having many cheap upgrades would be good - just like
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SF2."
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The new version, already in Ottowa and in some middle-of-knowhere
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places in the Midwest, has four new characters, and GMJ has the scoop
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on them!
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Arkady: "After we saw Tanya [Kutasz, Futuure Wave editor of GMJ] we
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has to put her into the game." She flies like a vampire,
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prowls like a cat and can cast spells (!!) on her foes.
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She often yells out "Cause Mortal" a la Shao Khan. You
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get to her by Double Flawlessing 50 opponents and then
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'DF'ing Noob Saibot, only using High Kick.
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Clinton: "Hey, if NBA Jam could do it, why not us?" He has a deadly
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saxophone, throws Socks and tosses WhiteWater at times.
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[see related WhiteWater article.] At presstime we don't
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know how to access him - he's cheering the Razorbacks
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right now.
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alt.mk: "We mentioned the Internet guys in the closing credits, but
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we felt that it wasn't enough." alt.mk throws fireballs
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like Liu Kang but the damage done varies.. if the player
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counterattacks quickly it does much damage, if he allows
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the flame to pass through him (or under him) it does none.
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Finisher is like Scorpion's Toasty fatality, but instead
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a little guy appears on the screen yelling "Hugo!"
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Some of the Game Masters feel that he says "Yugo!", but
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that's another story.
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Sheng: "Many SF2 players wonder where he is - well, HERE he is!"
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Long His only move is to spawn rumors and sequels. Does damage
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a la alt.mk, except sometimes he can morph into alt.sf2
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Very dangerous character.
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In a related story, a new fatality can be done with the Ninja
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Girls. If you defeat a character using only punch you can morph into
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Cindy Crawford.. a Crawfordality. She climbs atop your foe's
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shoulders and goes to do a Cammy Frankenstiener, but she slips.. going
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into a position we prefer not to mention in GMJ. The Pepsi and MTV
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people are pleased.
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|
|
+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
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/ _______ Game Master_Journal's _ _ _ _ _ \
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\|__ __| | | | \ | (_) | | | | /
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/ | |_ _ ___ ___ __| | __ _ _ _ | \| |_ __ _| |__ | |_ \
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\ | | | | |/ _ \/ __|/ _` |/ _` | | | | | . ` | |/ _` | '_ \| __| /
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/ | | |_| | __/\__ \ (_| | (_| | |_| | | |\ | | (_| | | | | |_ \
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\ |_|___,_|____||___/\__,_|\__,_|\__, | |_| \_|_|\__, |_| |_|\__| /
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/ |_ _| __ \ / ____| __/ | __/ | \
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\ | | | |__) | | 8pm |___/ |___/ /
|
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/ | | | _ /| | Pacific Time +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
|
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\ _| |_| | \ \| |____ in channel |THIS WEEK: /
|
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/ |_____|_| \_\\_____| #GMJ | How funny GMJ 43 was! \
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+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
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_____ _____ _____ _
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| __ \ / ____| | __ \ (_)
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| |__) | | | |__) |_____ ___ _____ _____
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| ___/| | | _ // _ \ \ / / |/ _ \ \ /\ / / __|
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| | | |____ | | \ \ __/\ V /| | __/\ V V /\__ \
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|_| \_____| |_| \_\___| \_/ |_|\___| \_/\_/ |___/
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+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
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|TITLE: |PUBLISHER |GAME TYPE: |SIZE: |AVERAGE OF REVIEWS: |
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| Doom episode| id Software| Save da |.1 MEG| 99.5|
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| 4: Heaven | | Bunnies | |*****%%%%%@@@@@#####|
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|-------------+------------+-------------+------+--------------------|
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|MAIN REVIEW BY: OTHER REVIEWERS |
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| |
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| Arkady 99 Ace 100 ---------- ** ---------- ** |
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| |
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+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
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Well, it's out! It's the Doom you've been waiting for - Episode 4 hits
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the stores today. And what a sequel! It's all that we could wish for
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and more.
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It seems that our loyal space marines are transported this time to
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another dimension altogether, after escaping from Hell in the previous
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episodes. The setting this time: Heaven. The Elysian Fields couldn't
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be more beautiful than the graphics portrayed here - Meadows with
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warm, fuzzy bunny rabbits and colorful butterflies fill the game,
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along with sun-dappled forests that are home to Bambi-like deer and
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friendly racoons. Your Mission: make sure there's enough food for all
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Heaven's inhabitants. Can't have those cute little cotton tails
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turning belly up because their bellies are empty, now can we?
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The way in which you do this is by searching out the food supplies and
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opening them up to the animals by pressing the space bar, much the
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same as opening up doors in the last episodes. And guess what? You're
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linked with the animals by a psionic connection - and every time one
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of them dies from starvation, you lose health points. So keep your
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eyes open for berry-filled bushes that are out of the reach of furry
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little paws. And make sure you get all the thorns off, too - can't
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have bloody tracks all over the forest. Might attract big bad nasties
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that'd eat the bunnies and leave their heads on spikes in random
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spots, with blood dripping down the sides. Oh, but wait - this is
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Heaven, after all. No bad creatures here. Everything's friendly. So
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you don't have to worry about being attacked from behind while you're
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fulfilling your Mission. Want to play with friends? No problem! The
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unsavory Deathmatch option has thankfully been eliminated, leaving you
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with the more interesting of the two choices - cooperative mode. So
|
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you all get to help save the animals. What fun!
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The graphics, as stated earlier, are far superior to the last DOOM put
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out by id games. Soft pastels are abundant, the animals look
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true-to-life, and when you get that food to feed them, you actually
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see your hand reach out and place it at their fuzzy little feet. How
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quaint! How exciting! How could we ever have loved the death and
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destruction of Inferno? This episode far outreaches its predecessor in
|
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all ways, and will be a pleasure to play. It should also soothe the
|
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nerves of all those activists who think that the past episodes were
|
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too violent - none of that unwelcomeness here, simply good, clean,
|
|
pure fun. Who wants to see cyber-demons destroyed by BFG's anyhow?
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Not I! I give this a definite four stars, without question. Play it,
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enjoy it, live it. Tips will be forthcoming on how to save Heaven's
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wonderous creatures. Meanwhile, enjoy!
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Ace - 100
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Happy Happy, Joy Joy! I love you, you love me..
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+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
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| We get serious again (were we ever?) with.. |
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| IN THE NEXT * NBA Jam reviews: SNES, Genesis |
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| ISSUE OF... * NBA Jam Tournament Edition Arcade Review |
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| * More games reviewed.. |
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| GAME MASTER |
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| JOURNAL * Scoop on Atari and Tempest 2000 |
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| * Fiction contest, Ace's Angles, servey + more |
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| |
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+-------------------------------------------------------------------+
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Producer: Anthony Shubert Online Layout Editor: Anthony Shubert
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Head Writing Staff: Contributors:
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HOME SYSTEMS Reny Falzarano Mr. Sims, the Pepperidge Farmer,
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HEAD REVIEWERS Instigator Mr. Mojo Risin', Aquarius,
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FUTURE WAVE Tanya Kutasz Sai-Blade, Matrix, Shez
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CONTRIBUTING ED David Rubin
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We are not affiliated with or endorsed by the following companies:
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Nintendo of America, Sega Enterprises, Turbo Technologies (NEC),
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Atari Corp., Atari Games, SMSG, or any other company.
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Product names are either (c) or trademarks of their respective
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companies, and the non-marking of such product is not a challenge to
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its status.
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This is FICTION folks. Sarcasm. Enjoy.
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Ace's Angles, Chronicle, Express Mail, Warp Zone, and all content are
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(c) 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994 Innovative Creations
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:: Some ASCII/ANSI work created with use of 'TheDraw' SW program ::
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:: Some ASCII work created with use of 'Figlet' freeware program ::
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