385 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
385 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
From TVXN53C@prodigy.com Sat Mar 30 16:02:02 1996
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Received: from pimaia2y.prodigy.com by mail.crl.com with SMTP id AA00541
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(5.65c/IDA-1.5 for <jawells@crl.com>); Sat, 30 Mar 1996 16:02:01 -0800
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Received: from mailout3.prodigy.com ([199.4.137.97]) by pimaia2y.prodigy.com (8.6.10/8.6.9) with SMTP id TAA48214 for <jawells@crl.com>; Sat, 30 Mar 1996 19:05:04 -0500
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Date: Sat, 30 Mar 1996 19:03:00 EST
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From: TVXN53C@prodigy.com (MISS LUCY ROCHETTI)
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X-Mailer: PRODIGY Services Company Internet mailer [PIM 3.2-086.45]
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Message-Id: <097.04801225.TVXN53C@prodigy.com>
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To: jawells@crl.com
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Subject: Fwd: FOOTBALL
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Status: RO
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X-Status:
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Jason,
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one of my friends sent me this little piece about the game of
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football and I thought it would be neat to have some fun with it. For
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some reason as I read it, it totally reminded me of Jessica Roberts.
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Maybe we ought to put that in the PUB next year. Enjoy!! Lucy
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<< Start of Forwarded message via prodigy (R) mail >>
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From: (GZXT34A) SUSAN WACHOWSKI
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Subject: Fwd: FOOTBALL
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Date: 03/27
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Time: 10:00 PM
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-- [ From: Susan Wachowski * EMC.Ver #2.10P ] --
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Expanded recipient data:
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To: Kim \ MCI Mail: (586-6591)
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To: ANYA \ Internet: (aplotkin@tasis.com)
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To: ALICIA \ Internet: (nanna41@oneonta.edu)
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------- FORWARD, Original message follows -------
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> Date: Tuesday, 26-Mar-96 03:33 PM
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>
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> From: GABBY \ PRODIGY: (KXGZ07A)
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> To: Sarah Fouts \ PRODIGY: (TGBX45C)
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> To: Susan Wachowski \ PRODIGY: (GZXT34A)
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> To: TRISHANN \ PRODIGY: (GNJJ24C)
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>
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> Subject: Fwd: FOOTBALL
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>
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> this is actually pretty creative.
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> =)
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>
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>
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> << Start of Forwarded message via prodigy (R) mail >>
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>
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> From: RSAbdullah@aol.com
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> Subject: Fwd: FOOTBALL
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> Date: 03/26
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> Time: 12:51 PM
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>
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> Date: Sun, 24 Mar 1996 23:51:21 -0500
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> From: RSAbdullah@aol.com [RSAbdullah@aol.com]
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> Subject: Fwd: FOOTBALL
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>
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> ---------------------
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> Forwarded message:
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> From: caesar@connect.net (Ceez)
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> To: hoque66@wharton.upenn.edu (Abeer), syzygy@eng.umd.edu (Amin
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> Eggdude),
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> usi@haven.ios.com (Asif Ahmed), fahmed@usc.edu (Famin),
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> fhussain@lib.law.du.edu (Farheen), L0A7924@VMS2.tamu.edu (Leana
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> Ahmed),
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> lisa@ssl.umd.edu (Lisa Hossaini), mchowdhu@acs.ucalgary.ca (Meena
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> Chowdhury),
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> saminac@hp-mpg.an.hp.com (Mita Choudhury), mukitbyf@aol.com (Mukit
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> Nana),
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> mchoudhury@novatel.ca (Mushtaq), MSBS.NEUSUFZA@capital.ge.com
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(Nurul
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> Eusufzai), Rkabdullah@aol.com (Rash), gra5036@msu.oscs.montana.edu
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> (Rashed),
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> RSAbdullah@aol.com (Russell), KXQM@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU (Russell
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> Abdullah),
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> Syani3@aol.com (Sania Hasnath), s_hanna@alcor.concordia.ca (Shahed),
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> sufiya@cs.mcgill.ca (Shampa), hussain@bsc.eds.com (Shanta Hussain),
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> sharmin@tiac.net (Sharmin Hakim), shoork@sas.upenn.edu (Shoor),
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> haque@ee.mcgill.ca (Shumon), bw37@musicb.mcgill.ca (Shyla), sy@wrs.
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> com (Si),
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> pan@acs.bu.edu (Suez Canal), suzan_a@alcor.concordia.ca (Suzana
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Jhumi
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> Alam),
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> khanm@utdallas.edu (Tariq), saiful@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Utshob),
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> Zannat.reza@utoronto.ca (Zannat Reza), xcalibur@ritz.mordor.com
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> (Arthur),
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> kasperc@stm.com (Chris Kasper), edwards@stm.com (Dave Edwards),
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> drekmann@stm.com (Dennis Drekmann), larsonk@stm.com (Kim Larson),
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> sewell@stm.com (Lance), 295574@xavier.xu.edu (Paul), patelp@stm.
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com
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> (Pushman), richardw@stm.com (Richard Wiltshire), smpatel@lobby.ti.
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> com
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> (Sawrin), BOGGESS@xavier.xu.edu (Sean), early@mscd.edu (Steve
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Early),
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>
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> zmehta@post.cis.smu.edu (Zubeman)
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> Date: 96-03-22 01:52:19 EST
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>
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>
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> Do you remember junior high and High school? Do you remember
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talking
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> about 'the bases' with your friends?...Well forget em!! This is
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> *FOOTBALL*
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> With the all new standardized guide to football, you can forget any
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> of the
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> previous complications of having to remember the difference between
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> second
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> and third base and all that other shit. And you wonder why there is
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> a
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> strike in baseball and not football. Quite simply, baseball is a
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> boring,
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> confusing and often ambiguous game, especially when trying to
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> compare it
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> to sexual experiences. Whereas Football was invented for the soul
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> purpose
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> of understanding where you and your friends are at. Basically the
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> game of
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> football is one big sex metaphor. No one has discovered this yet,
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but
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> as
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> you will soon see, the complications of modern romance are easily
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> solved
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> using The Original Handbook Of Football.
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>
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>
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_____________________________________________________________________
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> _____
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>
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> WHERE YOU ARE ON THE PLAYING FEILD (if your not on the feild,
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get on)
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>
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> your 10 yard line ............. holding hands
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>
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> your 20 yard line ............. hugging
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>
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> your 30 yard line ............. kiss on the cheek
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>
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> your 40 yard line ............. kiss on the lips
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>
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> MIDFEILD ............. toungue kissing(your in
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serious
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> territory)
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>
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> his/her 40 yard line ............. shirt and bra off
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>
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> his/her 30 yard line ............. all clothes off
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>
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> his/her 20 yard line ............. ORAL SEX (getting or giving)
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>
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> 1ST AND GOAL ............. put on the condom
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>
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> GOAL LINE ............. TOUCHDOWN (SEXUAL INTERCOURSE)
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>
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>
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> NOW THAT YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE ON THE FEILD HERE ARE SOME
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IMPORTANT
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> DEFINITIONS TO HELP YOU EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT THERE.
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>
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> kickoff...................making the first move (asking for a
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date)
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> kicking it deep...........Asking out a virgin (you'll be starting
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out
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> deep
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> in your own end)
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> on-side kick..............Asking out a slut (starting near
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midfeild, On
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> side kicks are good if they work but are
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> risky)
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> kick return...............How far you get on the first date
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>
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> NOW THAT YOU'VE ASKED HER OUT AND WENT ON THE FIRST DATE THE
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KICKOFF IS
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> OVER AND THE RELATIONSHIP BEGINS, HERE'S SOME MORE DEFINITIONS FOR
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YOU.
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>
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> Downs.....................An attempt to get more yards(get further
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with
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> her, Here in Canada you get two downs
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and
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> then
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> you best kick it. ask out a new girl
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cause you
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> ain't getting further with this one.
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Americans
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> are more patient, they get three downs
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before
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> they should kick again.
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> Running the Ball..........Taking it one yard at a time.
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> Passing Play..............Skipping stages
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>
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> OH OH
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>
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> Fumble....................Impotence
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> Fumble Recovery...........Regain erection
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> Interception..............Homosexuality (YOUR GOING THE OTHER
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WAY!!)
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>
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> OTHER DEFINITIONS
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>
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> Turnover..................Anal sex
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> Field Goal................One of you orgasm, 3pts (Field goal
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range
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> begins
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> around their 30, when the clothes are
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> off!)
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> Touchdown.................Mutual orgasm, 6pts
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> Extra Point...............The smoke afterwards
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> Two Point Conversion......Smoke and a Phone number
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> High Scoring Game.........Multiple Orgasms
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> Rain Delay................Parents/Roommate comes home
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> Pile Up...................ORGY
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> Missed Feild Goal.........Wide right,Wide left or even worse, to
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short!
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> 3RD down and inches.......Call for a measurement (Move those
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Yardsticks)
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>
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>
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> THE OFFENSE
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>
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> Quarterback...............The most important position, the
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missionary
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> Quarterback Sneak.........Unusual positions
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> Center(HUPPER)............Doggie Style
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> Running Back..............A hand-off
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> Tight End.................Self Explanatory
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> Wide Receiver.............Opposite of Tight End
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> Nose Tackle...............(Use Your Imagination)
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>
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>
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> DEFENSE (Becoming more and more important these days)
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>
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> Defensive Line............Condom
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> Break in the defence......Condom breaks
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> The Safety................The Pill (just to be safe)
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> A Blitz...................A "Quickie"
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>
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>
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> PENALTIES
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>
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> Roughing..................S & M
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> Holding...................Handcuffs or Restraints
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> Offside...................Premature Ejaculation
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>
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> THE BOWLS
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>
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> Rose Bowl.................Romantic sex (MAKING LOVE)
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> Citrus Bowl...............Healthy or Safe Sex
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> Peach Bowl................Juicy/Wet Sex
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> Fiesta Bowl...............Sex in South America
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> Superbowl.................Marriage (The Big Dance)
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>
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>
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> SO NOW THAT YOU KNOW THE FIELD AND ALL THE DEFINITIONS YOU CAN SEE
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HOW
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> TO
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> USE THEM, HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF HOW USEFULL THE ORIGINAL
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HANDBOOK OF
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> FOOTBALL REALLY IS.
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>
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> 1. There was an on-side kick to what I thought was a wide receiver
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but
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> it turned out to be a tight end so there was a turnover.
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>
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> 2. Their was a deep kickoff with no return. I ran the ball to mid-
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field
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> but
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> then decided to go to the passing game. The passing play didn't
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work
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> because of a fumble. On the next down a running back took it to
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their
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> 10
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> yard line. With 1ST and goal, the action moved from the Hupper
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to the
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> Quarterback who did a Quarter back sneak. The game turned out
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to be
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> the
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> highest scoring Fiesta Bowl ever!!!
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>
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> 3. I was Roughed in the massive pileup.
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>
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> 4. It was third down and inches on the 20 Yard line but on the
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field
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> goal
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> attempt I was short.
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>
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>
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> I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED OUR JOURNEY THROUGH THE ORIGINAL HANDBOOK
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OF
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> FOOTBALL AND YOU HAVE NOT ONLY HAD A CHUCKLE BUT WILL PASS IT ON
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TO AS
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> MANY PEOPLE AS YOU KNOW SO THAT ONE DAY THE ORIGINAL HANDBOOK OF
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> FOOTBALL WILL REPLACE THE OLD, OUTDATED, INEFFICIENT, NO LONGER
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FUNNY
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> STANDARDIZED GUIDE TO THE BASES.
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>
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>
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> -+*&%$%&*+-+*&%$%&*+-+*&%$%&*+-+*&%$%&*+-+*&%$%&*+-+*&%$%&*+-
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> +*&%$%&*+-
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>
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> Caesar Abedin Love remains a secret when spoken
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> caesar@connect.net for only a lover truly knows
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that
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> http://www.connect.net/caesar he is loved. - R.
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Tagore
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>
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> Sex is just a sublimation of the math urge.
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>
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> 03/22/96
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>
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>
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> -------- Original message header follows --------
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> From @VM.MARIST.EDU:KXQT@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU Mon Mar 25 12:51:55
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1996
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> [PIM 3.2-030.47]
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> Received: from VM.MARIST.EDU (vm.marist.edu [148.100.1.2]) by
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> pimaia1w.prodigy.com (8.6.10/8.6.9) with SMTP id MAA57110 for
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> <gabbys_mailbox@PRODIGY.COM>; Tue, 26 Mar 1996 12:49:04 -0500
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Received:
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> from VM.MARIST.EDU by VM.MARIST.EDU (IBM VM SMTP V2R3)
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> with BSMTP id 9102; Tue, 26 Mar 96 12:45:49 EST
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> Received: from MARISTB.MARIST.EDU (NJE origin MUSICB@MARIST) by VM.
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> MARIST.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 4604; Tue, 26 Mar 1996
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> 12:45:49 -0500
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> Resent-Message-Id: <26MAR96.13773091.0110.MUSIC@MARISTB.MARIST.
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EDU>
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> Resent-Date: Tue, 26 Mar 1996 12:45:10 EST
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> Resent-From: "Laufer, Rebecca R." <KXQT@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU>
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> Resent-To: <gabbys_mailbox@PRODIGY.COM>
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> X-Mailer: MUSIC/SP V4.1.0
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> Received: by MARISTB.MARIST.EDU (MUSIC Mailer V4.1.0); Sun, 24 Mar
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96
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> 23:48:21
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> EST
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> Received: from MARIST (NJE origin SMTP@MARIST) by VM.MARIST.EDU
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(LMail
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> V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 5251; Sun, 24 Mar 1996 23:48:22 -0500
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> Received: from mail06.mail.aol.com by VM.MARIST.EDU (IBM VM SMTP
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> V2R3) with TCP;
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> Sun, 24 Mar 96 23:48:20 EST
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> Received: by mail06.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id XAA17256; Sun,
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> 24 Mar 1996 23:51:21 -0500
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> Date: Sun, 24 Mar 1996 23:51:21 -0500
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> From: RSAbdullah@aol.com
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> Message-ID: <960324235117_177000949@mail06>
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> To: AlKtraZ@aol.com, PsnChckn@aol.com, sgg6994@siena.edu,
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> sbjones@acsu.buffalo.edu, jc99@uno.cc.geneseo.edu,
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> smb0585@siena.edu,
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> JD307@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU, KXQS@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU,
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> KXQT@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU, KXQQ@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU, brie4@mhv.
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net,
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> KXQV@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU, KXQP@MARISTB.MARIST.EDU,
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> DanJohnM@aol.com
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> Subject: Fwd: FOOTBALL
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>
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> -------------- End of message ---------------
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>
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>
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>
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> << End of Forwarded message >>
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------- FORWARD, End of original message -------
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<< End of Forwarded message >>
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