757 lines
42 KiB
Plaintext
757 lines
42 KiB
Plaintext
Von: Michael Marsden Michael.Marsden%newcastle.ac.uk @ SUB (Mo, 08.07.91 07:12)
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- aus alt.auicide.holiday (Usenet) -
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SUICIDE - Methods
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1. HANGING
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2 methods
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1. asphyxiation (dangle on end of rope for 10 minutes)
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Time: 5 to 10 minutes
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Available: Rope, solid support 10 foot above ground
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Certainty: Fairly certain (discovery, rope/support snapping)
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Notes: Brain damage likely if rescued. Very painful depending on
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rope. Most common EFFECTIVE form of suicide. See later
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"Asphyxiation" section. Someone did this about 10 meters
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from where I was sleeping once. Worked perfectly.
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2. breaking neck
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Time: Should be instant if it does break. See previous if not
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Available: Rope, solid support, 10 foot space below, several above
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Certainty: Very certain if the rope/support doesn't break
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Notes: Minimal danger of discovery (depends on location). Painless
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if you drop far enough (8 foot is optimum). Make sure that
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the rope is tied securely to something STRONG!! It has to
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support your weight MULTIPLIED by the force of the drop
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(in g). Use a hangman's knot (with the knot at the back of
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your neck).
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2. POISON
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Availability of effective poisons restricted.
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Normally painless, but depends on drug.
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Large danger of discovery because slow.
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Available compounds dangerous, have side effect if survived.
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Fairly common, usually ineffective (depends on drug, dose and luck).
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Takes from 10 seconds to fortnight or more.
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In general, you need to stay away from medical help until you actually die,
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but there are exceptions to this (that have been pointed out in the text).
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Common drugs:
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Cyanide (HCN?)
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Dosage: 50 mg Hydrogen Cyanide gas, 200-300 mg Cyanide salts
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Time: seconds for HC, minutes Cs (empty stomach) hours (full s)
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Available: very difficult to get hold of
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Certainty: very certain
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Notes: It helps to have an empty stomach (since the salts react
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with the stomach acids to form H.C.). A full stomach can
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delay death for up to four hours with the salts. Antidotes
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to cyanide poisoning exist, but they have serious side
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effects (they precipitate cyanide and similarly shaped
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molecules from the blood stream. This frequently blocks
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blood supply into toes, ears... so you could lose
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one or two if you are "rescued"). What you can do, is
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instead of taking the salts directly, drop 500mg or so
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into a strong acid, and inhale the fumes. This will be
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pure Hydrogen Cyanide, and you should die in 10 to 20
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seconds.
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The following is something I saw on the net:
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"Hydrocyanic acid is one of the most poisonous substances
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known; the inhalation of its fumes in high concentration
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will cause almost immediate death. Hydrogen cyanide acts
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by preventing the normal process of tissue oxidation
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and paralyzing the respiratory center in the brain. Most
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of the accidental cases are due to inhaling the fumes
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during a fumigating process. In the pure state it kills
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with great rapidity. Crystalline cyanides, such as
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potassium or sodium cyanide are equally poisonous, since
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they interact with the hydrochloric acid in the stomach
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to liberate hydrocyanic acid. This poison has been used
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for both homicide and suicide; in recent history, a
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number of European Political figures carried vials of
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cyanide salt for emergency self-destruction aand some
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used them. Death resulted from amounts of only a
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fraction of a gram. A concentration of 1 part in 500 of
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hydrogen cyanide gas is fatal. Allowable working concen-
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tration in most of the United States is 20 ppm. Two and
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one-half grains of liquid acid has killed. The acid acts
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fatally in about 15 minutes. The cyanide salts kill in
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several hours. The average dose of the solution is 0.1 cc.
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Since this is an extremely rapid poison, rapid action is
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necessary. Occasionally the victim may make a few voluntary
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actions before death results or alarming symptoms set in.
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Death results from paralysis of the respiration. When a
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smaller dose is taken the symptoms are diziness, headache,
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and shortness of breath followed by convulsions, coma,
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and collapse.
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If amyl nitrate is available, have the victim inhale it
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immediately for 20 seconds. Have the victim swallow 2
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tablespoonfuls of hydrogen peroxide. Have the victim
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inhale ammonia. Administer oxygen."
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[ed - cure sounds pretty bad.. drink bleach?? yuk]
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Aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid?)
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Dosage: 20-30+ grammes (too many cause vomitting)
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Time: hours to days, variable
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Available: easy to get hold of (get soluble ones, & dissolve them)
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Certainty: unreliable
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Notes: Not recommended, fatal dose varies wildly, could cause
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liver & kidney damage instead of death. OD causes strange
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noises in your ears (like a video arcade) & projectile
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vomiting after about 10 hours. Medical help generally
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effective, so stay out of hospital for a couple of days.
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May cause bleeding in your stomach/upper intestines.
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Take with sodium bicarbinate (eg, bicarb. of soda), which
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speeds up the absorbtion (sp?) significantly.
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Paracetamol (aka acet[a|yl]minopren / tylenol)
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Dosage: 15+ grammes, 20+ is better
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Time: 10 hours fatal damage, but 2 weeks to actually die
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Available: easy to get hold of
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Certainty: fairly reliable
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Notes: Once 10-12 hours is up, you've had it, but you still live
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for a week or two after that. Probably better to wait 15
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hours just to make sure. Horrible side effects
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during this time (some of which are: acute toxic hepatitis,
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renal failure, cerebral oedema, intra-abdominal bleeding,
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aspiration pneumonia, haemophilia). Too small dose causes
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severe liver damage. Accidental deaths are very common.
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Sleeping tablets (don't know what kinds)
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Dosage: 50+???
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Time: unconsious in minutes, coma for hours or day,
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death day or two. May survive coma.
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Available: needs to be prescribed (in UK at any rate)
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Certainty: semi-reliable, need to get dosage right
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very reliable with plastic bag and rubber band
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Notes: I don't have enough information about these. Combine
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with an airtight plastic bag, and a rubber band to
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get a very effective method. Also combine with half a
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bottle of whisky, it helps.
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May be quicker if you open up the capsules, and dissolve
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the contents in water. May also mean that you won't puke
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and lose the drug.
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One of the teachers at my old school used barbiturates &
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alcohol, they found her body in the morning.
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Alcohol (spirits preferably, your choice)
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Dosage: 1/2 litre vodka?, similar. Varies from person to person.
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Time: about 8 hours
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Available: good
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Certainty: unreliable
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Notes: will cause liver and kidney damage if 'rescued'
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before death. Drink it all at the same time, quickly
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as possible. Dosage is questionable, I don't have
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any figures. Taking the spirits as an enema is supposed
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to be a very quick way of absorbing alcohol, but a less
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unpleasant way is to inject it. The dosage it takes to
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kill you depends on whether you drink normally, the
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state of your liver, whether you pass out on your back
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or not (and probably also the phase of the moon!).
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The following is from sci.med (on USENET):
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"The fatal dose of pure alcohol in an average adult is
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300-400 mL (750-1000 mL of 40% alcohol) if consumed in
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less than one hour. Apart from the effects of overdosage,
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death after alcohol consumption can occur as a result of
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choking on vomit while unconscious. I don't believe any
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permanent damage occured in the above case [ed - the poster
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was talking about a specific case of a single very heavy
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drinking session]. Consequences such as liver damage occur
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after chronic consumption."
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Water
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Dosage: gallons of the stuff (14 litres mentioned)
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Time: 12 hours or so?
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Available: always available unless you're in Kuwait.
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Certainty: so-so (not certain about this)
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Notes: works by washing out the salts in your body, until
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the cells fail (osmotic balance buggered up). You need
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to keep drinking continually until you collapse. Unusual
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method. Someone suggested it would also cause cramps.
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The following is something from A.S.H., Dec. 1990.
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"About a year ago a local newspaper carried a story about
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a woman who had drunk herself to death. Apparently she
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had injested something mildly poisonous, and when she
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called her doctor asking him what to do, he told her to
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drink lots of water and see him in the morning. She
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got to it and managed to drink no less than 14 litres of
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water before the osmotic balance in her body was so upset
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it could no longer function and she died (don't know how
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quickly)".
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Bleach and other corrosives
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Dosage: A bottle (litre or half litre)
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Time: Hours/days
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Available: Easily available
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Certainty: Uncertain
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Notes: Bloody painful - depends on your stomach getting
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corroded, the stomach acids escaping, and doing their
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dirty work in your vital organs. Not really my cup of
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tea...
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Insulin (injected)
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Dosage: No idea
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Time: Probably quite quickly into coma
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Available: Difficult to get hold of unless you're a diabetic
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or a vet
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Certainty: Very certain if dose is high enough & not discovered
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Notes: Supposed to be quite pleasant (eg insulin shock
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treatments used for some psychiatric condition).
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Petrol (in lungs/injected)
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Dosage: "A Thimble-full" -20 ml?
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Time: Seconds/minutes
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Available: Common
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Certainty: I'm not sure of the dosage, but fairly certain if
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correct
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Notes: Can also use LPG (propane/butane) on skin surface (since
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these are light enough to go through the skin). Stick your
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hand in a bucket of propane and see how many seconds you
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last...
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Oil of Wintergreen/Methyl Salicylate (in lungs/injected)
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Dosage: Probably similar to petrol (20 ml)
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Time: Don't know
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Available: Not available in concentration
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Certainty: Don't know
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Notes: Don't have enough information on this one to be able
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to say anything about it.
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Carbon Monoxide
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Dosage: 5% concentration or so?
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Time: Minutes to hours depending on concentration
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Available: You get it out of a car exhaust, you used to be able
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to use "town gas" (eg, stick your head in the cooker)
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but this is no longer available
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Certainty: Fairly certain, as long as you aren't "rescued"
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Notes: Causes brain damage.
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Malathon (insecticide)
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Dosage: A bottle (?)
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Time: 2 to 3 hours
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Available: From a large garden centre or DIY shop
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Certainty: probable, given correct dosage
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Notes: Drink undiluted, shake bottle first since it settles.
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it causes diarhoea after about half an hour.
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Caffiene
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Dosage: 20 grammes
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Time: not known
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Available: Caffiene tablets available in Chemist shops
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Certainty: don't know
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Notes: I don't know very much about this.
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Nitrogen gas (or other inert gas)
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Dosage: Several litres uncompressed is minimum
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Time: Minutes
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Available: Try plumber, or welding supplies company
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Certainty: Certain
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Notes: This is really a form of asphyxiation, (see later),
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but is particularly good since you don't experience
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the lack of oxygen (what people really experience is
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the EXCESS of carbon dioxide).
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Potassium Chloride (injected in solution) / KCl
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Dosage: not known (try 20cc injection of strong solution)
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Time: Seconds to minutes
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Available: Widely available
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Certainty: Certain given correct dosage
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Notes: Causes heart attack (which is painful). May be difficult
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for coroner to realise it was suicide rather than a
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natural heart attack. An excess of K+ in the blood
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interferes with nerve signals, and stops muscles and
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nerves from working. So when it reaches your heart, the
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heart stops. Interesting to see what happens if you inject
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it into your carotid artery, if it stops nervous tissue
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from working.
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Rat poison (Warfarin)
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Dosage: not known
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Time: Hours to terminal damage, days to actual death
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Available: Available
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Certainty: Certain given suffient dosage
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Notes: This is one of the truly unpleasant poisons, along with
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Paracetamol/Acetylminopren. I think it causes cerebral
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haemorage (rat poison works by giving the unfortunate rat
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haemophillia). Doctors can't do anything about it, they
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just leave you to die in agony on an intensive care ward.
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Chlorine gas
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Dosage: not known - but probably sufficient generated in suggested
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method
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Time: not known
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Available: Get about 4 litres of concentrated bleach, and the same
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of ammonia
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Certainty: Good
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Notes: This was used in the first world war in the trenches, so
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it's got to be effective. You go into a small room, block
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off all the ventilation, and pour the bleach and ammonia
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into a bucket. This produces chlorine, you breath it in,
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and hey presto! I suspect that this is quite painful,
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if you are "rescued" there is a danger of either lung
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damage, or a slow lingering death.
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Digitalis (Foxglove extract?)
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Dosage: not known
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Time: Probably minutes
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Available: Do foxgloves grow in your area?
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Certainty: probably good given sufficient dosage
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Notes: Gives you a heart-attack. UNDETECTABLE after death, so
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if you don't want to let your friends/relatives to know
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that your death was a suicide use this. I don't know
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how to extract digitalis from foxglove, nor do I know
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what the dosage is. Heart attacks are painful, but the
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advantages in using an undetectable method make this
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very attractive.
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Colchicine (Acetyltrimethylcolchicinic acid)
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Dosage: 7 mg to 60 mg
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Time: symptoms in about 4 hours, death in about 4 days
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Available: Easily available (from large garden centre)
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Certainty: certain
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Notes: From the Autumn crocus (Colchicum Autumnale) /
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royal lily (Gloriosa Superba). One flower of CA is
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about 12 mg, so take at least five of them. 20g tuber
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of GS provides 60mg, single seed of CA provides 3.5mg
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(so take 18). Damages blood vessels and nerves, and
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stops cell division. Don't know whether its painful or
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not, but that bit about damaging nerves is worrying.
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Best thing about this one is the name of the acid!
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Nicotine (yep - distilled fags!)
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Dosage: extract from 100g tabacco (possibly 150mg pure)
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Time: not known (possibly several seconds for 150mg pure)
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Available: Easily available
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Certainty: not known
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Notes: Soak 100 grammes of tabacco for a few days. You get a
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brown mess. Strain off the tabacco, then simmer slowly
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until most of the liquid has gone, leaving about 2
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teaspoons of brown treacle-like stuff. Add it to your
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night-time drink, and never wake up. Someone said the
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other day that 150mg of pure nicotine would be fatal in
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seconds.
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Hydrazine
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Dosage: As produced by reaction
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Time: Not known, fortnight?
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Available: Bottle of bleach & bottle of ammonia
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Certainty: not known
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Notes: Something quoted verbatim from the net:
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"This is no joke, Dale. Several years ago at my high
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school, one of the janitors innocently mixed together
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half a bottle of bleach with half a bottle of of ammonia
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in a small closet where the cleaning fluids were kept.
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He passed out due to the hydrazine (not chlorine) gas
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released in the reaction between the two chemicals. This
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man was in agony for two weeks in an intensive care unit
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in a local hospital with the majority of the inside
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surface of his lungs damaged and untreatable before
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he got lucky and died."
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[ed - one of the more nasty methods]
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Cocaine
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Dosage: 1 ounce (don't know what that is in real weights..)
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Time: 2 to 3 hours?
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Available: Difficult
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Certainty: not known
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Notes: Read something in a newspaper... a coke dealer died
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after eating an ounce of it, when the police raided
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his house. Cause of death was a cardiac arrest 2 1/2
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hours after the overdose.
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3. JUMPING OFF BUILDINGS
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Time: Instantanious if you are lucky, minutes/hours otherwise
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Available: You need ten stories or higher, and access to the top floor
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windows/roof. Bring a bolt cutter to get onto the roof
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Certainty: 90% for 6 stories, increasing after that
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Notes: Difficult to overcome fear of heights, many people can't do it.
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Totally painless if high enough, but very frightening.
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Easily discovered if seen on/near roof/windows. Access fairly
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easy in a city, otherwise difficult. Risk of spending the
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rest of your life in a wheelchair. Ever tried killing yourself
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if you are paralysed from the neck down? Email conversations
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suggest 10+ stories works ALMOST all of the time. Try to land
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on concrete. Quote - "9 out of 10 people who fall 6 stories
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will die"
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4. SLITTING WRISTS OR OTHER (pathetic)
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Time: Minutes if major artery cut, eternity otherwise
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Available: You really need a razor sharp knife. Razors are pretty tricky
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to hold when they are covered with blood
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Certainty: Uncertain if you cut an artery, highly improbable otherwise
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Notes: Painful at first. Danger of discovery. This is a very common
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suicide 'gesture' and hardly ever results in anything other
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than a scar. A lot of will power required to cut deeply into
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groin or carotid arteries, which are the only ones likely to
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kill you. Don't bother with this method. Cutting your throat
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is difficult due to the fact that the carotid arteries
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are protected by your windpipe (feel where your arteries are
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with your fingertips, & slice from the side). I've seen photos
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of people who have used this method - the depth of the cut
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required is amazing. If you want to cut your wrists, cut along
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the blue line (vein) on the underside of your wrist, but cut
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deeply so that the artery underneath is exposed. Cut this
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lengthways with a razor or similar.
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5. BULLET
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Time: Microseconds unless you are unlucky (mins/hours)
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Available: Difficult in UK, easier in USA (get a shotgun)
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Certainty: Certain
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Notes: Painless if worked, otherwise painful & brain damage.
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Danger of discovery of weapon or ammunition.
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Not at all common in UK, more common in USA where guns
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available. Brain damage & other effects if you survive.
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Death either instantaneous, or prolonged.
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Lots of will power needed to fire gun ('hesitation marks'
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are bullets/pellets embedded in the wall, when you jerk
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the gun as you fire). Bullet can miss vital parts in skull,
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deflect off skull.
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NOTE, fill mouth with water, aim about 45 degrees from
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vertical, this is reliable* since shockwave from water will
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kill instantly.
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*NOTE, several people have suggested that this is unreliable.
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See "Shotgun" below (since much more effective).
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Ammunition to use is: .458 Winchester Magnum, or soft-point
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slugs with .44 Magnum. Also you could use a sabot round, which
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is a plastic wedge with a smaller thing in it. These rounds are
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rather overkill, the phrase "elephant gun" has been used about
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the .458 Winchester, but if you're going to go, do it with
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a bang
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6. ASPHYXIATION
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Time: 5 mins to unconciousness, 10+ mins to brain death
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Available: Anywhere there's a rope and something solid to tie it to
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Certainty: Certain, if yoou don't get "rescued"
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Notes: Panic reaction is very likely (unless inert gasses used).
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One of the most effective and most used methods of suicide.
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Probable brain damage if you are "rescued".
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NOTE, this can only really be done in two ways: firstly,
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when you are unconsious (eg, sleeping pills), or secondly,
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by hanging. Combining with pure inert gasses is a very good
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suggestion. See "Nitrogen" in the poisons section
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7. AIR IN VEINS (basically just a myth)
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Time: Eternity
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Available: Plenty of air about... Need a hypodermic & syringe
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Certainty: Almost zero (you might catch something from the needle)
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Notes: This doesn't work, unless you inject absolutely massive
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amounts of air (it all goes out of the lungs). Myth caused
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by the way that doctors squirt a syringe before using it to
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get rid of contaminants. If you have to try it, go for the
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carotid artery, since this goes to the brain. If you want
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a heart attack, you will have to inject something on the order
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of 20-50ml every heart-beat (these are ball-park figures) for
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several heart beats. Good luck
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8. DECAPITATION
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Time: Couple of seconds before conciousness fades
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Available: Happen to have a train line nearby? Or a guillotine perhaps?
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Certainty: Very certain, unless you pull away just before
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Notes: See "jumping in front of trains". May be difficult to stop
|
|
pulling your head out of the way - OD on sleeping tablets
|
|
first
|
|
|
|
9. DISEMBOWELMENT (aka seppuku/hara kiri)
|
|
Time: Minutes
|
|
Available: Got a nice razor-sharp sword?
|
|
Certainty: Fairly certain, assuming that you managed to gut yourself
|
|
properly before passing out with the agony
|
|
Notes: Painful, even the Samurai used a 'second' to decapitate them
|
|
at the appropriate point, so don't expect to do much more than
|
|
give yourself peritonitis. Trendy for insane martial arts
|
|
fanatics and gay Japanese poets called Mishima.
|
|
|
|
10. DROWNING
|
|
Time: Minutes (usually 5 mins, but up to 20 mins in cold water)
|
|
Available: Anywhere there's deep water in a remote spot
|
|
Certainty: Good, just make sure you sink & can't swim
|
|
Notes: Put stones in your pockets, tie your legs & hands together,
|
|
and hop into the lake.. bit of a shock to the fisherman who
|
|
finds your rotting corpse stuck in his brand new net.
|
|
|
|
11. ELECTROCUTION
|
|
Time: Seconds / minutes
|
|
Available: Anywhere with high-tension, high-current lines & a good earth
|
|
Certainty: Somewhat dependant on luck & how much power goes through you
|
|
Notes: Don't bother with 110 or 240 volt mains, its just not enough.
|
|
Some people do get killed with household electricity, but only
|
|
after several minutes. Use high tension lines, stand in bare
|
|
feet on waterlogged ground (better still, but a piece of THICK
|
|
copper cable into the nearest river). Works best if current
|
|
path travels through your head, or through the heart. Just
|
|
burns you badly otherwise.
|
|
|
|
12. EXPLOSIVES
|
|
Time: 10 milliseconds, or similar (!)
|
|
Available: Difficult to get hold of detonator & good explosives
|
|
Certainty: Certain if detonator works properly
|
|
Notes: DON'T USE GUNPOWDER or other 'slow' explosives (eg,
|
|
homemade explosives). Use dynamite or 'Plastique', strap
|
|
it to your forehead with the detonator, and BOOM! The main
|
|
problem is with getting hold of high explosives (I know the
|
|
recipe for Nitro-Glycerine, but home manufacture is extremely
|
|
risky, and the product is unstable). If you can get a grenade,
|
|
use it, it's probably the best way of doing this one.
|
|
|
|
13. FREEZING TO DEATH
|
|
Time: several hours (15 minutes in very cold water)
|
|
Available: Got a large chest freezer? Is the outside temp < -10 degrees?
|
|
Certainty: good if you don't get found
|
|
Notes: Soak your cloths in water, get into freezer / outside
|
|
somewhere where you won't be found. Helps to get pissed
|
|
first - drink yourself silly. If you are near a very
|
|
cold supply of water (eg, the North Sea, or similar) which is
|
|
close to zero degrees, this is particularly good, since the
|
|
average lifespan of someone in the water is 15 minutes.
|
|
|
|
14. JUMPING IN FRONT OF TRAINS
|
|
Time: Seconds (or hours if unlucky)
|
|
Available: Anywhere near a HIGH-SPEED railway line
|
|
Certainty: Depends on your timing & speed of train. Go for decapitation
|
|
Notes: Probably better to put your neck on the line, since a glancing
|
|
blow would probably break your spine (& cripple you). High
|
|
speed trains need a kilometer to stop, so find a blind corner.
|
|
A friend's cousin did this, worked well.
|
|
|
|
15. SELF-IMMOLATION
|
|
Time: Seconds to days
|
|
Available: Anywhere you can get petrol & a match
|
|
Certainty: good as long as you are far away from medical help
|
|
Notes: bloody painful - one of the most agonising ways to die.
|
|
If you do survive, you will be disfigured for the rest
|
|
of your life.
|
|
Try mixing the petrol with an explosive like TNT or NG,
|
|
this will make it burn MUCH quicker, even if the explosive
|
|
is very dilute. My Dad worked at a dynamite factory, and knew
|
|
someone who used to put TNT into his car (1 teaspoon per
|
|
gallon). It burned out the engine in a couple of months.
|
|
|
|
16. STARVING TO DEATH
|
|
Time: Typically a month, although depends on your health to
|
|
start with, and how much fat is available
|
|
Available: Anywhere where you can't be force-fed
|
|
Certainty: Certain as long as you never get any medical help (this is
|
|
trickier than it sounds)
|
|
Notes: Supposed to be easier after the first couple of days, since
|
|
your appetite goes. In a UK prison, you can't be force-fed
|
|
unless you give permission first, or are diagnosed insane,
|
|
but I don't know whether this is the same in other countries.
|
|
Beware - relatives might give permission on your behalf if you
|
|
are unconsious.
|
|
|
|
17. DRIVING INTO BRIDGE SUPPORT AT 100 MPH
|
|
Time: Hopefully instantanious
|
|
Available: Fast car, motorway, unprotected bridge....
|
|
Certainty: So-so, put a couple of cans of petrol on the passenger seat to
|
|
make it certain, & USE YOUR SEATBELT
|
|
Notes: Bridges are usually protected in the UK, don't know about USA.
|
|
Avoid being thrown out of the car by using the seatbelt, and
|
|
put petrol (in cans or just splashed about) near to the driver's
|
|
seat just to make certain.
|
|
|
|
18. SHOTGUN
|
|
Time: Instantanious if you are lucky
|
|
Available: Difficult in UK, easier in USA (due to gun laws)
|
|
Certainty: Fairly certain
|
|
Notes: 12-gauge shotgun with 3 inch Magnum shells with #2 to #000
|
|
buckshot. See "Bullet" for other points. This is the recommended
|
|
way to die by firearm. Apparently the shells suggested here
|
|
are "extreme overkill", but thats the point really...
|
|
|
|
19. ENLIST (silly)
|
|
Time: Jan 15 or later
|
|
Available: Just pop down to the local army office & sign on as a squaddie
|
|
Certainty: Be a "hero". Life expectancy in a battle is 20 minutes
|
|
Notes: I don't think this is an entirely serious suggestion,
|
|
particularly since only 10% ever see the front line, and only
|
|
a few of those ever see combat.
|
|
|
|
20. PENCILS UP YOUR NOSE, BANG DOWN ONTO TABLE
|
|
Time: Seconds or never
|
|
Available: All you need is a couple of sharp pencils and a table
|
|
Certainty: Very uncertain
|
|
Notes: This is a myth, I think, since the pencils would go into your
|
|
frontal lobes, which are basically optional! This is the
|
|
legendary "exam suicide". Fine if you want a DIY frontal-
|
|
lobotomy rather than death!
|
|
|
|
21. GETTING SOMEONE TO MURDER YOU
|
|
Time: Depends on method used
|
|
Available: Know any murderous psychopaths? No, not the tax people...
|
|
Certainty: Depends on method used, & dedication of murderer
|
|
Notes: Forget it. Unless you contract someone to do it, the chances
|
|
are that you are going to wake up in hospital without your
|
|
wallet. If you do contract someone, how are you going to pay
|
|
them? Can't take them to court for running off with your
|
|
money and not doing the job.
|
|
|
|
22. MAKE YOURSELF INTO AN H-BOMB (another silly one)
|
|
Time: Speed of light over 1/2 metre (couple of nanoseconds)
|
|
Available: Nuke (fission OR fusion), 10 litres of heavy water
|
|
Certainty: 100%
|
|
Notes: Drink the heavy water for several days, strap yourself to
|
|
the nuke, and press the button. If you retained a couple of
|
|
litres of the heavy water, the additional yield should be
|
|
.02 * c^2 (joules?). The problem here is getting hold of the
|
|
nuke without anyone noticing. If you are discovered before you
|
|
trigger the gadget, the city authorities are liable to be
|
|
somewhat irate. Also heavy water is a poison, so you might not
|
|
survive that long anyway.
|
|
|
|
23. MICROMACHINES/NANOCOMPUTERS (science fiction)
|
|
Time: years or a fraction of a second - depends how you look at it
|
|
Available: in 50 years time?
|
|
Certainty: Good assuming that the technology is developed
|
|
Notes: Basically, this involves a 'replicator' panel. You program it
|
|
to replicate yourself, simplifying very slightly, with the
|
|
exception of the urge to use this technique. After a while, you
|
|
turn into a mindless zombie, trudging around from the exit of
|
|
the machine to the entrance, for eternity. Strange philosophical
|
|
implications.
|
|
|
|
24. SCUBA-DIVING (various fatal 'accidents')
|
|
Time: see notes -most are minutes/hours
|
|
Available: scuba diving gear, nobody around
|
|
Certainty: see notes
|
|
Notes: The first method is to rise 30 metres or so without releasing
|
|
your breath. Assuming that you can do it, it should cause your
|
|
lungs to burst. The second is the bends - stay under long enough
|
|
for the nitrogen to dissolve (30 metres for 30 minutes). go up
|
|
rapidly without decompression time. This is unreliable, and
|
|
may cause brain / joint damage. The third way is Carbon Monoxide
|
|
poisoning - fill your tank with it, and stay away from other
|
|
divers. You will fall asleep fairly quickly. See CO in poisons
|
|
section. The final way is oxygen narcosis - however, this means
|
|
that you have to go very deep with an oxygen-rich mix, and
|
|
there are problems associated with that. The advantage of these
|
|
methods is that insurance companies / relatives will assume that
|
|
it was an accident ('misadventure'), with the possible exception
|
|
of the CO poisoning.
|
|
The source of this follows: (from the net)
|
|
"Rising 30m without exhaling will usually result in an over
|
|
pressured lung, possible subcuteaneous emphazema, collapsed
|
|
lung, death usually from drowning in your own blood. Rather
|
|
painful and usually curable if you are rescued, but fair chance
|
|
of dying if you aren't.
|
|
Building up a high residual nitrogen time (say 30m for 30 min)
|
|
then coming up without decompressing will get you bent fairly
|
|
nicely. You don't feel much, but your joints tend to start
|
|
stiffening up after half an hour. Death is very uncertain,
|
|
coming from a stroke. Brain damage, joint damage etc are most
|
|
likely. Pobably can be recued but some damage certain.
|
|
Oxygen poisoning, going down 50+m until the partial pressure of
|
|
the oxygen reaches a toxic level. Difficult to accomplish, very
|
|
painful to get down that deep, cold pressure etc, possibility
|
|
of nitrogen narcosis and forgetting what you are doing. Probably
|
|
get bent, good chance of rescue.
|
|
CO poisoning, mix a healthy batch of carbon monoxide in your
|
|
tank as you dive, you tend to go to sleep under water, when
|
|
combined with the above methods you have a pretty good winner,
|
|
don't forget to forget your BCD."
|
|
[ed - whats a BCD?]
|
|
|
|
25. SUCKING YOUR BRAINS OUT
|
|
Time: Minutes
|
|
Available: You'd need a Puma (TM) robot, & some other bits
|
|
Certainty: certain, given proper programming
|
|
Notes: You would need an industrial robot to do this properly. Give
|
|
it a saw attachment, a sucking tube attachment, and program
|
|
it. Make a head restraint. When you are fixed securely into
|
|
the restraint, start the robot's program. It will drill a hole
|
|
in your head, and stick the tube into the hole. Program it to
|
|
wiggle the tube back and forth so that it doesn't miss anything.
|
|
This might work better if you put a stream of water into the
|
|
hole as well, so that the sucking attachment doesn't just suck
|
|
air all the time. Debugging the program could be amusing.
|
|
|
|
26. MICROWAVES
|
|
Time: ?
|
|
Available: Source of strong microwave emissions
|
|
Certainty: ?
|
|
Notes: ?
|
|
|
|
27. DEHYDRATION
|
|
Time: a week or so.
|
|
Available: you need to be able to stop medical help.
|
|
Certainty: certain if your will-power stands up to it.
|
|
Notes: Don't eat or drink. Remember that food contains a high
|
|
proportion of water. Avoiding medical help can be difficult.
|
|
|
|
28. SKYDIVING 'ACCIDENT'
|
|
Time: pretty damn quick.
|
|
Available: need to join a skydiving club.
|
|
Certainty: certain.
|
|
Notes: Join a skydiving club, continue to practise it for a while to
|
|
clear off all suspicions and then once pack your parachute in
|
|
a real mess (preferably knotted up, but not too clearly) and
|
|
then jump. The para will not open and you will reach a terminal
|
|
velocity of 220 km/h (160 mph/120 kn). Death is instant in the
|
|
impact with the Planet Earth.
|
|
This has the advantages of being 'accidental', and your family/
|
|
friends do not have the additional pain and guilt associated
|
|
with suicides.
|
|
|
|
29. DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS; MODERN VERSION
|
|
Time: variable
|
|
Available: a heck of a lot of razor-wire.. maybe a high-voltage supply
|
|
Certainty: not very good
|
|
Notes: This is a modern variant of the Arabic 'Death of a thousand
|
|
cuts'. Basically, jump onto a stack of unravelled razor wire,
|
|
and roll around till you die.. it may help to connect a high-
|
|
voltage, low current power supply to the wire, so that you have
|
|
spasms, which should keep you getting cut even when you are
|
|
unconscious. Also, you should make sure that you can't roll off
|
|
the wire.
|
|
|
|
30. CRUSHING
|
|
Time: seconds to minutes, depends on car press
|
|
Available: a car press.. any good junkyard
|
|
Certainty: certain as long as you can't escape
|
|
Notes: This is an elegantly simple one.. get into a car, in a car
|
|
press, and shortly afterwards be squashed to death as your
|
|
body is converted into a red pulp. It may be tricky getting
|
|
the press to trigger, but if you hide in the car someone
|
|
may come along and activate it. There are other ways of
|
|
getting crushed, this just happens to be the most effective
|
|
I can think up on the spur of the moment. Getting yourself
|
|
run over by a fully loaded articulated lorry is quite good.
|
|
You should remember that people quite often survive the actual
|
|
crushing; they die when the weight is taken OFF them.
|
|
|
|
31. WORLD WAR THREE
|
|
Time: moments if you are near a militarilly significant site
|
|
Available: happen to be one of the 'key-holders'? president maybe?
|
|
Certainty: pretty certain
|
|
Notes: All you have to do is trigger world war three. Fire an ICBM
|
|
or three at the Chinese and the Russians... This method has
|
|
the advantage that you take everyone else with you! Trouble
|
|
is, the number of people with the requisite access is minimal,
|
|
and I sort of doubt that any readers of ASH can do this.
|
|
|
|
32. HEATSTROKE
|
|
Time: 4 hours or more
|
|
Available: Very hot day; no disturbance from neighbours etc
|
|
Certainty: depends on the weather
|
|
Notes: Basically, the point is to give yourself extreme heatstroke.
|
|
You should pass out after a few hours. Use some aluminium foil
|
|
to direct the sun's heat onto you, to speed up the process
|
|
a bit. Try to reduce the chance of being interuppted, take off
|
|
the phone etc. Obviously, start in the morning! Helps if the
|
|
outside temperature is >100F.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
|
|
Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven
|
|
|
|
& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845
|
|
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766
|
|
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662
|
|
Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699
|
|
The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK
|
|
The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674
|
|
Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560
|
|
|
|
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
|
|
X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
|