49 lines
1.5 KiB
Plaintext
49 lines
1.5 KiB
Plaintext
(These are from my brother-in-law, Bob Ekstrom, in Pitt, MN:)
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tongue:
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A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly
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crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of
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dead cow.
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yogurt:
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Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated
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and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods
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that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other
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two are goulash and squid.
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recipe:
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A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing
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ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't
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own, to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.
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porridge:
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Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since
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children were granted the right to sue their parents.
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The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid",
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"hORRId" and "sluDGE".
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preheat:
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To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time
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before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be
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burned when the food is put in, as well as when it
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is removed.
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oven:
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Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky
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pieces of meat and poultry.
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microwave oven:
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Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle
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of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food
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placed within the cooking compartment.
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calorie:
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Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by
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the average individual prior to taking a second helping
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of a particular food.
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arab coffee:
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Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in
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tiny cups at gunpoint.
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--
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