textfiles/food/butcher.txt

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Butchering the Human Carcass



  
 The Church of Euthanasia

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BUTCHERING THE HUMAN CARCASS FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION
   
by Bob Arson

This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the human body from
   the full figure into serviceable choice cuts of meat. As in any field,
   there are a number of methods to the practice, and you may wish to
   view this as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules. You will
   notice that the carving of the larger or "commercial" cuts down into
   smaller specific or "retail" cuts will be only mentioned in passing,
   and not concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and viscera is
   generally avoided, and left only to the most experimental chef. These
   choices, along with recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly
   infinite in variety, and we leave them to you. We've found these
   guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize that there is
   always room for improvement and we welcome your suggestions.
   
Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the
   complete rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount
   of time, effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go
   through the ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire
   animal, an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or
   both legs at the points directly below the groin and a few inches
   above the knee. Once skinned, these portions may then be cut into
   round steaks of the carver's preferred thickness, cut into fillets,  
   deboned for a roast, etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily      
   obtained without the need for gutting and the complexities of     
   preparing the entire form.
   
The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as "long
   pig" and "hairless goat" in the case of younger specimens) is not   
   thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy  
   and skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built nor bred
   for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a
   pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to
   provide 432 pounds of saleable beef). The large central pelvis and
   broad shoulder blades also interfere with achieving perfect cuts.
   There are advantages to this however, especially due to the fact that
   the typical specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily        
   manipulated by one person with sufficient leverage.            
   
Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY
   IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in
   tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully
   maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person
   of varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range
   of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad
   habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages, the
   meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal
   is ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen months old is
   a more common slaughtering point. You will obviously want a youthful
   but mature physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain
   amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a juicy, flavorful 
   quality to the meat. We personally prefer firm caucasian females in 
   their early twenties. These are "ripe". But tastes vary, and it is a
   very large herd.
   
The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an      
   interior location is suggested), and a large table for a butcher's
   block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed
   ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for
   blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source  
   close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp,
   clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a     
   hacksaw.
   
Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best
   results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in        
   captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make   
   sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This   
   fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily    
   wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier. Under ideal 
   conditions, the specimen will then be stunned into insensitivity. 
   Sharp unexpected blows to the head are best, tranquilizers not being
   recommended as they may taint the flavor of the meat. If this is not
   possible without exciting the animal and causing a struggle (which
   will pump a greater volume of blood and secretions such as adrenaline
   throughout the body), a single bullet through the middle of the
   forehead or back of the skull will suffice.
   
Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be
   hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with the head down.
   This is called the "Gein configuration". Simple loops of rope may be  
   tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or
   overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a
   meathook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs
   should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the
   arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis,
   and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal.
   It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the
   butcher's head.
Bleeding: Place a large open vessel beneath the animal's head. With a
   long-bladed knife, start at one corner of the jaw and make a deep   
   "ear-to-ear" cut through the neck and larynx to the opposite side.  
   This will sever the internal and external carotid arteries, the major
   blood vessels carrying blood from the heart to the head, face, and   
   brain. If the animal is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly, and
   allow for the blood to drain in any case. After the initial rush of
   blood, the stream should be controllable and can be directed into a
   receptacle. Drainage can be assisted by massaging the extremities down
   in the direction of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing,   
   "pumping", the stomach. A mature specimen will contain almost six   
   liters of blood. There is no use for this fluid, unless some source is
   waiting to use it immediately for ritual purposes. It acts as an
   emetic in most people if drunk, and it must be mentioned here that    
   because of the eternal possibility of AIDS it is recommended that for
   safety's sake all blood should be considered to be contaminated and   
   disposed of in some fashion. It is not known whether an HlV-infected
   human's flesh is dangerous even if cooked, but this is another item to
   consider when choosing a specimen, someone in the low-risk strata.
Beheading: When the bleeding slows, preparation for decapitation can 
   be started. Continue the cut to the throat around the entire neck,
   from the jawline to the back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament
   have been sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping it
   on either side and twisting it off, separation occurring where the
   spinal cord meets the skull. This is indicative of the method to be 
   used for dividing other bones or joints, in that the meat should   
   generally be cut through first with a knife, and the exposed bone then
   separated with a saw or cleaver. The merits of keeping the skull as a 
   trophy are debatable for two principal reasons. First, a human skull
   may call suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly, thorough
   cleaning is difficult due to the large brain mass, which is hard to   
   remove without opening the skull. The brain is not good to eat. 
   Removing the tongue and eyes, skinning the head, and placing it   
   outside in a wire cage may be effective. The cage allows small       
   scavengers such as ants and maggots to cleanse the flesh from the  
   bones, while preventing it being carried off by larger scavengers,  
   such as dogs and children. After a sufficient period of time, you may 
   retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute bleach solution to     
   sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.
Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down.
   Because there is no major market for human hides, particular care in
   removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the  
   task much easier. The skin is in fact a large organ, and by flaying
   the carcass you not only expose the muscular configuration, but also
   get rid of the hair and the tiny distasteful glands which produce
   sweat and oil. A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing   
   into muscle and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers, an outer
   thinner one with a thicker tissue layer below it. When skinning, first
   score the surface, cutting lightly to be sure of depth and direction.
   The diagram of the skinning pattern is an example of strip-style   
   skinning, dividing the surface into portions easy to handle. Reflect
   the skin by lifting up and peeling back with one hand, while bringing
   the knife in as flat to the skin as possible to cut away connective
   tissue. The external genitals present only a small obstacle. In the
   male the penis and scrotum can be pulled away from the body and   
   severed, in the female the outer lips skinned as the rest of the body.
   It is important to leave the anus untouched at this point, and a
   circle of skin should be left around it. You need not bother skinning
   the hands and feet, these portions not being worth the effort unless
   you plan to pickle them or use them in soup. The skin can be disposed
   of, or made into fried rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer
   layer, then cut into smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling oil
   until puffy and crisp. Dust with garlic salt, paprika and cayenne  
   pepper.
Gutting: The next major step is complete evisceration of the carcass.
   To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus, the point between the    
   breastbone and stomach, almost to the anus. Be very careful not to cu
   into the intestines, as this will contaminate the surrounding area   
   with bacteria and possibly feces (if this does happen, cleanse  
   thoroughly). A good way to avoid this is to use the knife inside the
   abdominal wall, blade facing toward you, and making cautious progress.
   

Make a cut around the anus, or "bung", and tie it off with twine. This
   also prevents contamination, keeping the body from voiding any        
   material left in the bowel. With a saw, cut through the pubic bone, or
   "aitch". The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin to 
   pull the organ masses (large and small intestines, kidneys, liver,  
   stomach) out and cut them away from the back wall of the body.       
   
For the upper torso, first cut through the diaphragm around the inner
   surface of the carcass. This is the muscular membrane which divides
   the upper, or thoracic, and the lower abdominal cavities. Remove the
   breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side where it connects
   to the ribs, and then sawing through and detaching it from the collar
   bone. Some prefer to cut straight through the middle, depending on the
   ideas you have for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs may  
   be detached and the throat cut into to removlarynx and trachea.
   Once all of the inner organs have been removed, trim away any blood
   vessels or remaining pieces of connective tissue from the interior of
   the carcass, and wash out thoroughly.

   Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to
   begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the   
   arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop
   the hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is  
   between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and
   due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way
   of cutting this portion is to cut away the deltoid muscle from the
   upper arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk)
   before removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable   
   meat on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the
   shoulder blade. Purely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and
   take apart the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm are
   now ready for carving servings from. Human flesh should always be    
   properly cooked before eating.
   
Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split. Some like
   to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This leaves
   the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the ribs. The  
   meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and we find it
   more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, our
   preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by  
   cutting and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.
   

Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your
   preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate,
   and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side
   at a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also
   the time to begin thinking about how you would like to serve the  
   flesh, as this will determine the style of cuts you are about to make.
   These will also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration   
   (physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off at a    
   point about three inches up from the ankle. The bones are very thick
   where the leg connects to the foot. You will want to divide the side
   of meat into two further principal portions: the ribs and shoulder,
   and the half-pelvis and leg. In between is the "flank" or belly, which
   may be used for fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even bacon   
   strips if you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh
   may also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along
   the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you will cut steaks from
   the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve accordingly.     
   
Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat you
   will get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass as divided
   into major portions. You may trim away the neck, or leave it to be   
   connected with the shoulder, or "chuck". The first major step with   
   this mass is to remove the shoulder blade and the collar bone. The  
   best and easiest way we have found is to just cut along the outline of
   shoulder blade, removing the meat on top and then dislocating the
   large bone. To excise the collar bone make an incision along its      
   length and then cut and pry it away. Depending upon the development of
   the breast, you may decide it qualifies as a "brisket" and remove it
   before cutting the ribs. In the female the breast is composed largely
   of glands and fatty tissue, and despite its appetizing appearance is
   rather inedible. The ribs are the choice cut of the quarter. An    
   perennial favorite for barbecuing, you may divide into sections of    
   several ribs each and cook them as is, divide the strip in half for
   shorter ribs, or even carve rib steaks if the muscle mass is        
   sufficient. 
   
Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is, humans
   being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in the legs and
   rump. The bulk is so comparatively large here that you can do just
   about anything with it. The main pieces are the buttock or rump and 
   the upper leg, the thigh. Our typical division is to cut the leg off
   at the bottom of the buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the 
   knee, at places two to three inches away in either direction. Before
   doing this, however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from
   back of the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area. The  
   upper leg is now ready for anything, most especially some beautiful,
   thick round steaks. The rump will have to be carved from the pelvis in
   a rather triangular piece. The legs attach at the hip at a forward  
   point on the body, so there will be little interference as you carve 
   along the curve of the pelvis. Remaining meat will be on the thighs in
   front of the pelvis. 
   
And that's basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of storage
   space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-fashioned smokehouse
   (just like an outhouse, with a stone firepit instead of a shitter).
   Offal and other waste trimmings can be disposed of in a number of
   ways, burial, animal feed, and puree and flush being just a few. Bones
   will dry and become brittle after being baked an oven, and can be
   pulverized.
   


          BOB ARSON'S WHITE DEVIL DINKY-DAO MOTHAFUCKA BOBBACOO SAUCE
   
Marinade/Baste/Dip/Bloody Leroy Mix
   
Ingredients: 
   
   1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
   1 6 oz. can tomato paste
   1 cup black coffee 
   3/4 cup beer (Killian's Red preferred)
   3/4 cup fruit juice (citrus: orange/pineapple/mango type)
   2 tblsp. whiskey
   1 tblsp. lemon juice
   1 tblsp. worcestershire sauce
   1 tblsp. vinegar (red wine garlic preferred)
   3 cloves garlic. minced
   3 jalepeno peppers, minced
   1/4 large onion, minced 1/8 red, 1/8 white preferred)
   2 1/2 tsp. liquid smoke
   2 tblsp. brown sugar
   1 tblsp. molasses
   1 1/2 tblsp. crushed red pepper
   1 cube beef bouillon            
   1 1/2 tsp. salt
   1 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
   1 1/2 tsp. paprika
   1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
   3 dashes basil          
   3 dashes oregano  
     dashes savory
     ashes of one fine thin joint 
                   
   
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