350 lines
18 KiB
Plaintext
350 lines
18 KiB
Plaintext
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.college,alt.folklore.urban
|
|
Path: news.cso.uiuc.edu!ux1.cso.uiuc.edu!uchinews!kimbark!thf2
|
|
From: thf2@kimbark.uchicago.edu (Ted Frank)
|
|
Subject: alt.folklore.college Frequently Asked Questions
|
|
Message-ID: <1993Mar31.155352.9047@midway.uchicago.edu>
|
|
Sender: news@uchinews.uchicago.edu (News System)
|
|
Reply-To: thf2@midway.uchicago.edu
|
|
Organization: University of Chicago
|
|
Date: Wed, 31 Mar 1993 15:53:52 GMT
|
|
|
|
|
|
Last-Modified: 93/3/31
|
|
Version: 0.58C
|
|
|
|
31 March 1993
|
|
|
|
Official Usenet Alt.Folklore.College Frequently Posted Legends
|
|
|
|
This is alt.folklore.college -- the newsgroup where nonsense is revered
|
|
as an artform, and debunking has been taken to new heights. An offshoot
|
|
of alt.folklore.urban, it discusses urban legends (ULs) about college
|
|
life: all those great stories that a "friend of a friend" (FOAF) told
|
|
you about how roommate suicides result in a 4.0 or exams where the teacher
|
|
asks "Why?" and the correct answer is "Why not?"
|
|
|
|
In other words, it's a great place to get a reality check on anything that
|
|
"a friend" told you, or to compare notes about odd things.
|
|
|
|
A NOTE TO NEW READERS:
|
|
|
|
- We encourage you to post any stories you suspect may be an UL. Funny
|
|
or whatever. Details matter! Please try to give as much as possible.
|
|
BUT, be advised that many of the stories in the FAQ have been hashed
|
|
over. If you wish to debate them, be prepared to substantiate your
|
|
claim.
|
|
|
|
The purpose of summarizing these frequently-seen legends is to provide
|
|
a guide to veracity and their experience in this newsgroup. Most ULs
|
|
cannot be traced back to original true incidents, but some, particularly
|
|
the more recent ones can be. There are ULs which may, coincidentally,
|
|
have a true manifestation, but a true manifestation does not deprive a
|
|
UL of its legendary status. However, since many if not most ULs are
|
|
false, where possible, I include a comment referring to a true incident,
|
|
subject to sufficient evidence, of course.
|
|
|
|
A DIGRESSION ON URBAN LEGENDS AND "FALSEHOOD"
|
|
|
|
Occasionally, there is a post to the effect of: "That actually happened
|
|
you st*p*d, f*ck*ng, b*st*rds, Jan Harold Brunvand is Polish, the FAQ
|
|
list is wrong, the sun rises in the West and it's not an urban legend."
|
|
As noted elsewhere in this list and by astute individuals on the net, an
|
|
UL does not have to be false. If we take the example of "The Unsolvable
|
|
Math Problem" (see below), we find that mathematician George Dantzig is
|
|
the probable individual involved. So is this story no longer an UL?
|
|
Jan Harold Brunvand addresses this issue thusly:
|
|
|
|
"Despite finding its [The Unsolvable Math Problem] apparent
|
|
origin, I continue to accept anonymous versions as legendary.
|
|
Here's why."
|
|
|
|
"An oral story is a story, whatever its origin. As long as a
|
|
story continues to circulate in different variations, partly
|
|
by word of mouth, we may regard it as folklore. But probably
|
|
'The Unsolvable Math Problem' legend should no longer be
|
|
discussed as strictly 'apocryphal,' since we now seem to have
|
|
found its source, and the deviations from the original incident
|
|
are easily recognized and are not excessive."
|
|
|
|
- JHB,_The Choking Doberman_, p. 282
|
|
|
|
Veracity is interesting but far from the only thing when it comes to
|
|
the study of urban legends.
|
|
|
|
MEANWHILE, BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM . . .
|
|
|
|
I have also begun to collect references to specific volumes of JHB's to
|
|
document various classic ULs. This is a slow and on-going process.
|
|
Acronyms for Jan Harold Brunvand's books in the list below are:
|
|
|
|
TVH - _The Vanishing Hitchhiker_
|
|
TMP - _The Mexican Pet_
|
|
TCD - _The Choking Doberman_
|
|
CBA - _Curses! Broiled Again_
|
|
TBT - _The Baby Train_ (forthcoming, March 1993)
|
|
|
|
Key to one liners below:
|
|
T = 100% scientific truth
|
|
Tb = believed true, but not conclusively proven
|
|
F = 100% falsehood
|
|
Ft = A legend, mostly untrue, but with a true occurence or known origin.
|
|
Fb = believed false, but not conclusively proven
|
|
U = unanswered and may be unanswerable
|
|
P = Maybe it didn't happen, but it's scientifically possible
|
|
(used extremely sparingly, where the opposite is expected,
|
|
as it could apply to just about every legend)
|
|
|
|
Please note that as the alt.folklore.college FAQ diverges from the
|
|
alt.folklore.urban FAQ, different FAQs may reach different conclusions.
|
|
================================================================================
|
|
|
|
Categories are:
|
|
|
|
- Absent-Minded Professors
|
|
- Death and Taxes
|
|
- Pranks
|
|
- This is Just a Test
|
|
- Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll
|
|
- Architectural Nightmares
|
|
|
|
Suggestions for wittier subsection names are appreciated; these are fairly
|
|
lame.
|
|
|
|
================================================================================
|
|
|
|
ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSORS
|
|
|
|
T. Prof lists famous unsolved problems;student thought it was homework- solved!
|
|
(Student was George Dantzig.) ["The Unsolvable Math Problem" in CBA.]
|
|
T. No such luck with Fermat's Last Theorem.
|
|
Fb.Professor jostled; misses watch; grabs back from jostler; later finds at home
|
|
[Variation of "The Jogger's Billfold" in TCD] [Possible source: Jack Lemmon
|
|
in "The Prisoner of Second Avenue"]
|
|
|
|
DEATH AND TAXES
|
|
|
|
F. College roommate commits suicide, gets you an automatic "A" for courses.
|
|
["The Suicide Rule" in CBA.]
|
|
Tb.Many colleges do provide leniency on exams, or allow refunds for roommates,
|
|
but it's usually on a case-by-case basis.
|
|
T. Student gets tuition $ by asking for $0.01 from each person via newspaper.
|
|
[Columnist Bob Greene helped along this Michigan student.]
|
|
T. Students find rolled-up carpet; take and unroll in dorm room to find body.
|
|
[Happened at Columbia; see 1/30/84 NY Times.]
|
|
T. Student dies after getting stuck in Cornell fraternity chimney, 1992-93.
|
|
Fb.Student kills self during exam by putting 2 pencils in nose and hitting desk.
|
|
F. Girl is alone at home/dorm with dog; sleeps; hears noise and a dripping
|
|
sound; is frightened but reaches to dog and feels a lick; goes back to
|
|
sleep. In morning, finds dog hanged in shower and note under bed which
|
|
says "humans can lick too." ["The Licked Hand" in TCD]
|
|
F. Two co-eds alone in dorm; one goes to study; other in room; roomie hears
|
|
heavy dragging sounds; blocks door; hears scratches; waits til morning;
|
|
opens door to find other co-ed with ax in head who was scratching for help.
|
|
["The Roommate's Death" in TVH and TMP] [Variation: note left behind
|
|
"aren't you glad you didn't open the door?"]
|
|
Tb.Dave Barry's friend stabbed himself in the head during a calculus exam with
|
|
a pencil.
|
|
|
|
PRANKS
|
|
|
|
T. People's lawn gnomes/elves stolen; owners were sent letter/pics from exotic
|
|
locations with the ornament. ["Roaming Gnomes" in CBA]
|
|
Fb.Students buy a barber pole and drive the town. Stopped continually by police.
|
|
F. Radio station welds antenna to railroad tracks, peeves the FCC by
|
|
broadcasting nationwide. [Told about MIT and Swarthmore.]
|
|
T. Caltech students disrupt Rose Bowl in sundry ways.
|
|
T. MITfolk do the same to Harvard-Yale game.
|
|
Tb.Rutgers grad student puts both Caltech and MIT to shame by bombing World
|
|
Trade Center.
|
|
T. Berkeley student suspended for going to classes naked.
|
|
Fb.Kibo regularly reads alt.folklore.college. Spot doesn't--he's just a dog.
|
|
F. Mikey (Life cereal) exploded from eating Pop Rocks with soda (You wish!)
|
|
["The Death of Little Mikey" in TCD]
|
|
F. Student is regularly nocturnally chloroformed by roommate, for sodomy.
|
|
Tb.This may have actually happened in the Dutch army. Those officers!
|
|
Tb.Students fake such activity as good prank on passed-out drunk roommate.
|
|
T. Students use variety of methods to make foolproof fake ID's.
|
|
T. Students will admit to any number of felonies when posting to Usenet.
|
|
F. Students play construction workers and police off of each other, each
|
|
thinking the other are pranksters.
|
|
Fb.Schoolkid beheaded by road sign, due to sticking his head out the bus window.
|
|
T. New York car thief stole lab delivery of cadaver heads...
|
|
Fb.Med student discovers cadaver is relative/friend.
|
|
Fb.Med students play joke on tollbooth operator involving cadaver.
|
|
T. Syracuse student steals skull from university archives, roommate reports it.
|
|
Tb.Cow-tipping (pushing over a sleeping cow) has happened.
|
|
T. Jason Hansen claims to have seen cow-tipping done.
|
|
T. Cows sleep lying down.
|
|
Tb.Cow-tipping is usually just a bunch of hooey to beguile city kids.
|
|
U. The proper amount to tip a cow is 15%, 20% for especially good service.
|
|
U. Cows fall in the other direction when tipped in the Southern Hemisphere
|
|
due to the coriolis effect.
|
|
|
|
THIS IS JUST A TEST
|
|
|
|
Fb.Student cheats on exam, asks "do you know who I am?",jams paper in exam pile!
|
|
["Bluebook Legends" in TMP]
|
|
Fb.Prof. gives "announced" quiz to surprised class after putting ad in paper.
|
|
Fb.Prof. allows students to "bring in what they can carry for exam"; student
|
|
carrys in a grad student (variation on allowing use of "Feynman").
|
|
Fb.Prof. nails exam thief by cutting bottom 0.5" of exam to find longer answer.
|
|
Fb.Philosophy prof.'s 1 word exam: "Why?" "A" to student who replies "Why not?"
|
|
[Many, many variations, including "What is courage""This", & "What chair?"].
|
|
T. Wise-ass teachers imitate the urban legend and have one-word exams.
|
|
T. Same kind of teacher gives exam with patently bogus directions with last
|
|
instruction being "Ignore all other directions."
|
|
Fb.Low grading prof. grades same exam in successive semesters; gives higher
|
|
grade each time. 4th time around (or so), writes: "Like it more each time".
|
|
Fb.Student submits 20 yr old paper for class; prof. gives "A"; says he always
|
|
liked it but he only got a "B" when he wrote it. [The above 6 Fb's are in
|
|
"College Con Artists and How They Operate" in CBA]
|
|
T. Professors make you erase programmable calculator memory for exams.
|
|
Fb.Professor uses staircase method to grade exams.
|
|
Fb.Squid dissections invariably involve the dissector getting squirted with
|
|
ink by the dissectee.
|
|
|
|
SEX, DRUGS, & ROCK & ROLL
|
|
|
|
F. One night stand, partner leaves early, other partner finds msg "Welcome to
|
|
the world of AIDS". ["AIDS Mary" in CBA]
|
|
F. Frat holds blood drive. Some grossly high % of frat donors are HIV positive.
|
|
F. All fraternity members are rapists.
|
|
T. Towson State study finds fraternities have the highest rape rates on campus.
|
|
T. Athletes are second.
|
|
Tb.It's generally not a good idea to provoke Ted into talking about frats.
|
|
Tb.Geraldo Rivera went to University of Arizona as "Jerry Rivers."
|
|
Fb.Abbie Hoffman was the first Sandwich Man at Brandeis; really used it as
|
|
cover to sell drugs.
|
|
Tb.The Sixties would be a dramatically different decade if not for Jerry Cohen.
|
|
T. There seems to be quite a few university buildings named after Kresge.
|
|
T. It's fairly common to be dissatisfied with one's campus newspaper and SGA.
|
|
Fb.Co-ed loses tampon inside prior to blind date; worried; sees school intern;
|
|
is acutely embarrassed. Her date shows up; it's the intern!
|
|
Fb.Young man buys condom from pharmacist; he's embarrassed so boasts of date.
|
|
He picks her up, pharmacist/dad answers the door! ["The Blind Date" in TMP]
|
|
U. A plain-Jane coed invited to special night out by a BMOC. As she gets ready,
|
|
has bad gas from lunch. Date arrives; so plans to fart in car before he gets
|
|
in. She farts and quickly rows down window. Date gets in, says, "I'd like you
|
|
to meet Tom and Mary in the backseat." ["The Fart in the Dark" in TVH.]
|
|
U. Dara reads the FAQ from beginning to end.
|
|
T. Common UL mills include Dear Abby, Ann Landers, and Paul Harvey.
|
|
T. Cecil Adams singles out Chicago and Brandeis students for their lack of
|
|
sex lives.
|
|
Tb.Agents of Cecil Adams have an account at Northwestern U.
|
|
T. Nearly every college has statues that do something strange if a virgin
|
|
graduates/walks by.
|
|
Tb.Nearly every college thinks that they're on a Playboy top ten best/worst
|
|
campuses for parties.
|
|
|
|
ARCHITECTURAL NIGHTMARES
|
|
|
|
Tb.Number one cause of student deaths at UMass-Amherst is elevator accidents.
|
|
F. Building is built backwards. Public criticizes; Architect commits suicide.
|
|
Tb.There have been buildings built backwards. [Mertz Dorm. @ Swarthmore?]
|
|
F. Various university libraries sink; books heavier than architect thought!
|
|
F. Same as above, but pool not library, weight of water, not books.
|
|
Tb.Above happened to Kodak; they use it to develop *big* pictures.
|
|
Ft.Lots of bldgs (malls, etc.) are sinking into the ground as we post!
|
|
[See "Back to the Drawing Board--Some Architectural Legends" in CBA]
|
|
F. Architect student fails final project, becomes rich, donates $ to school
|
|
on condition they use his final project as a blueprint.
|
|
T. Some universities, cities are riddled with semi-secret utility tunnels.
|
|
Fb.University of Chicago and Columbia have radioactive libraries.
|
|
Fb.Campus library named after fabulously rich inventor of mundanity.
|
|
[Variations: Q-Tips, zippers, etc.]
|
|
|
|
SOME REFERENCES:
|
|
|
|
Cecil Adams (_The Straight Dope_, 1984, ISBN 0-345-33315-2 and_More of the
|
|
Straight Dope_, 1988, ISBN 0-345-35145-2 both published by Ballantine
|
|
Books). Author of "The Straight Dope" Q&A column of _The Chicago
|
|
Reader_ and is syndicated in many alternative newspapers. Cecil is "a
|
|
National Treasure" who "tells people what they actually want and need
|
|
to know instead of useless rubbish." Worth reading if only for for his
|
|
writing style. His readership, the Teeming Millions, is fanatically
|
|
loyal.
|
|
|
|
Jan Harold Brunvand (_The Vanishing Hitchhiker_, 1981, ISBN 0-393-95169-3;
|
|
_The Choking Doberman_, 1984, ISBN 0-393-30321-7; _The Mexican Pet_, 1986,
|
|
ISBN 0-393-30542-2; _Curses! Broiled Again_, 1989, ISBN 0-393-30711-5,
|
|
_The Study of American Folklore_, 3rd Ed., 1978, all published by W.W.
|
|
Norton). New one due out in March 1993 called _The Baby Train_. JHB is
|
|
one of the leading folklorists today and has done much to popularize the
|
|
study of ULs. Also has a great back hand and skies a great "figure 11."
|
|
|
|
Bruce Tindall and Mark Watson (_Did Mohawks Wear Mohawks?_ _And Other
|
|
Wonders, Plunders, and Blunders_, Quill - William and Morrow, 1991.
|
|
ISBN 0-688-09859-2.) S'all right, and only one wrong entry so far.
|
|
But don't believe what they say about dalmatians, humans, and urea.
|
|
You can even e-mail Bruce on the net to blast him.
|
|
|
|
Peter van der Linden (_The Official Handbook of Practical Jokes_ Signet,
|
|
ISBN 0-451-15873-3, 1989 and _The Second Official Handbook of Practical
|
|
Jokes_, 1991, Signet, ISBN 0-451-16924-7). Do you want to get the scoop
|
|
on practical jokes that actually have some real world validity rather
|
|
than those by prepubescent college kids on bad banana peels? Try
|
|
checking these two bricks^H^H^H^H^H^H books out. You'll find ULs,
|
|
delightfully bad illustrations, and even practical jokes.
|
|
|
|
It's only a coincidence that all of the above-mentioned authors have
|
|
links to the Internet at one time or another.
|
|
|
|
===============================================================================
|
|
|
|
An urban legend:
|
|
* appears mysteriously and spreads spontaneously in varying forms
|
|
* contains elements of humor or horror (the horror often "punishes"
|
|
someone who flouts society's conventions).
|
|
* makes good storytelling.
|
|
* does NOT have to be false, although most are. ULs often have a basis
|
|
in fact, but it's their life after-the-fact (particularly in reference
|
|
to the second and third points) that gives them particular interest.
|
|
|
|
If you enjoy alt.folklore.college, you'll just love alt.folklore.urban.
|
|
|
|
===============================================================================
|
|
Unbounded thanks to: Jane Beckman, Steven Bellovin, Conrad Black, Mark Brader,
|
|
Jack Campin, Raymond Chen, Joe Chew, Patrick S Clark, Cathi A.Cook, Cindy
|
|
Davies, Jeff Davis, Scott Deerwester, Larry Doering, all the Terry's: Carroll,
|
|
Chan, Monks, Wood, et al., David Esan, Ted Frank, Greg Franklin, Alan Frisbie,
|
|
Kim Greer, Tom Greer, Dave Gross, Phil Gustafson, Jason R. Heimbaugh, David A.
|
|
Honigs, David B. Horvath, Wendy Foran Howard, Mark Israel, Richard Joltes, Jim
|
|
Jones, the late Cyndi Kandolf and her son Donald, Phil Kernick, Susan Mudgett,
|
|
Bill Nelson, Tom Neff, Bob O'Brien, Christophe Pettus, Brian Scearce, Sean
|
|
Smith, Randal Schwartz, Ken Shirriff, snopes, Haakon Styri, Bruce Tindall,
|
|
Dwight Tovey, Peter van der Linden, Greg Widdicombe, and Dan Wright.
|
|
|
|
alt.folklore.college additions contributed by Raymond Chen, Christopher Dunlea,
|
|
Ted Frank, Ryan Franklin, Phil Gustafson, Jason Hanson, Brian Leibowitz,
|
|
Michael Reel, Sendhil Revuluri, Kivi Shapiro, and Samuel Weiler.
|
|
|
|
OTHERS?
|
|
|
|
Have you ever wondered how those people have gotten the name at the end
|
|
of the FAQ list? They are people who are widely recognized as thoughtful
|
|
posters of reliable information. They have consistently added value to
|
|
various debates by sharing their point of view, and often researching
|
|
difficult questions which arise on the net, and posting authoritative facts
|
|
citing sources.
|
|
|
|
The official way for joining the list of distinguished AFC-ers is to
|
|
take one of these unanswered questions that come now and then, research
|
|
it and reach a definitive conclusion (or demonstrate that one cannot be
|
|
found). Post your findings. If the report is sound, and the original
|
|
question was non-trivial, you will be added to the acknowledgements section
|
|
of the FAQ list! Be prepared to submit references. We are mostly adults
|
|
here (except around the beginning of the academic year). Be prepared to
|
|
discuss and debate your research and conclusions here. The unofficial way
|
|
to get on the list is to give me a big payoff (and it better be more than
|
|
two-fifty).
|
|
|
|
Original FAQ list for alt.folklore.urban by Peter van der Linden, Feb., 1991.
|
|
Maintained by Terry Chan for a.f.u. since July 1991.
|
|
Mildly tinkered with in a few trivial ways, PvdL, December 9, 1991
|
|
Masterfully improved formatting courtesy of Tom Neff, December 16, 1991.
|
|
Modified and eviscerated for alt.folklore.college by Ted Frank, March 1, 1993.
|
|
--
|
|
ted frank | "Why do axe murderers only attack when you're
|
|
thf2@kimbark.uchicago.edu | partially nude /
|
|
the u of c law school | Or you're taking a bath?"
|
|
standard disclaimers | -- Camper Van Beethoven |