146 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
146 lines
7.7 KiB
Plaintext
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Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 9 Num. 90
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======================================
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("Quid coniuratio est?")
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TEN PREDICTIONS
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===============
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1.) The stock market will continue to go up, up, up. Driving
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this will be the simple fact that the rich are getting richer.
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As the gap between rich and poor continues to widen, this will be
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reflected in the rich man's haven for funds, Wall Street.
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Corporate yes-man Bill Clinton, totally at the mercy of the
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corporados (due to a Fibber McGee closet full of skeletons) will
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dance to their tune. Look for the yet relatively untapped
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privatization bonanza (a la Mexico) to pump New York's financial
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machine chock full of money to play with. How about privatizing
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social security, huh? Think how much mad money that will give
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Wall Street.
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Of course, Wall Street is filled with shady characters. This
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is one factor working against a rise in the stock market. Stock
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market associates are among the shiftiest looking persons
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imaginable... such as Alan Greenspan, for example. What's that
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you say? Alan Greenspan is not associated with the stock market?
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*Oh* *yeah*??
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2.) Hillary Clinton will *not* be indicted in 1997. Kenneth
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Starr has a nice job; do you think he'll want to take on the
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extra burden of real work by indicting someone big like Hillary?
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If he did, he'd have to take all kinds of heat and he'd have to
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do the real work of prosecution. Why not just shuffle papers,
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form committees to "look into the matter," and periodically send
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out mysterious "insiders" to whisper in the ears of too-trusting
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guerrilla journalists? Even this editor has been contacted by
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one of these mysterious fellows, who urged a prompt secret
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meeting at the Indiana border. "Why not just tell me over the
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phone?" I asked. "Because you have the most tapped phone in
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Champaign, Illinois," was the breathless reply. If I had gone to
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the Indiana border meeting and received the so-called "sensitive
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data," no doubt it would have *sotto* *voce* informed me that
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lazybones Starr was about to get off his ass and *do* something.
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Perhaps this "sensitive data" would have been handed to me by a
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*mysterious* *stranger*, wearing a patch over one eye and a
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trenchcoat! Hoo boy, Conspiracy Nation, have I got a hot story
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for you!
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Would the DEA actually risk winning the "War on Drugs" by
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doing something like going after the big bankers? Hey, DEA is
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not stupid. If they ever won the "War on Drugs" they'd be out of
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a job. Will Kenneth Starr actually risk losing his present
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peaceful past-time by really doing anything? Look for Starr to
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finally release his "Special Report" (a la Iran-Contra's Walsh)
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right about the year 2000. In it he will use phrases such as
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"serious questions" and "grave concerns."
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3.) Hillary Clinton will lose weight and resemble the
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good-looking chick she was in 1992. Until now she has been
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burdened with grief and sorrow over the death of her beloved
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Vince Foster. Her grief had expressed itself by overeating, but
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now the season of mourning has ended. And who can blame Hillary
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for an affair with Vince Foster? Look at the guy she's married
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to! Go ahead, Hillary, lose some weight and even find true love
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once more! Go get 'em, Hillary!
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4.) The American public will, by and large, continue to out-do
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the ancient Romans in their gladiator worship. They will mostly
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sit on the couch, eat, and watch endless football, baseball and
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basketball on television. As long as their bellys are full, hey,
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what do they care!? "Give them bread and circuses," nod the
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Caesars of Washington, knowingly.
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5.) There will be a major "terrorist" event, such as the
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Oklahoma bombing. The corpse of the American body politic will
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jump off its couch, galvanized, and twitch about, exclaiming that
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it is "angry" and "concerned" and "something must be done." A
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week later, the galvanized corpse will have settled back on the
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sofa for more rah-rah endless sports entertainments.
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6.) The major "news" media will continue to prop up Bill
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Clinton, unless they are signalled to do otherwise by their
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corporate owners. If Bill Clinton should attempt to do something
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honest and decent, such as in any way favoring the interest of
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working stiffs, look for the maajor "news" networks to suddenly
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"discover" that there is something strange about the death of
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Vince Foster. Get the message, Bill? Do like we tell you, or
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else we'll actually report on you.
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7.) Taxes will go up, but in hidden ways. Look for "safety
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taxes," such as implemented by Illinois Governor Jim Edgar.
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"Little Jim" raised fines for speeding from $75 to $150
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overnight. It's not that he's raised your taxes, you see. It's
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just that he is mightily concerned about your safety.
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8.) The Pope, a.k.a. The Potato, will die in 1997. This Pope
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is no longer young and sexy and must go. The Catholic Church
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needs revenue enhancers, a.k.a. converts, and the current Potato
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is no longer fulfilling super-salesman quotas for the Church. He
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will not necessarily be assassinated exactly, but subtle
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maneuvers will hasten his demise -- such as, not top-notch care
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from his physicians or not the best food from his cooks. With
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his dying breath, he will piously forgive Conspiracy Nation for
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its "sins." The new Pope will get rid of that awful, tacky
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"Pope-mobile," the auto used by the present Potato, and will
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replace it with something a little more hep.
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9.) Chicago will boom economically. With Bill Daley of the
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infamous Chicago Daley political dynasty as Commerce Secretary,
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Chicago politics has landed in that "Rome on the Potomac,"
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Washington, D.C. You remember all of Sherman Skolnick's reports
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on Chicago politics? Well if you thought corruption under Ron
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Brown was bad, wait until you see what Ron Brown II can do.
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First Arkansas machine politics came to that little town that
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rules the world; now, look out: the Chicago machine has arrived
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in Washington, D.C.
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10.) Sherman Skolnick will continue to pursue stories on Jay
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Rockefeller, a harmless Senator from West Virginia who has become
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Skolnick's Professor Moriarty.
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Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those
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of Conspiracy Nation, nor of its Editor in Chief.
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Aperi os tuum muto, et causis omnium filiorum qui pertranseunt.
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Aperi os tuum, decerne quod justum est, et judica inopem et
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pauperem. -- Liber Proverbiorum XXXI: 8-9
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