311 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
311 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
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[ The National Enlightener. Vol: ][! ]
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The issue everyone has been waiting for
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is now on your computer screen! (or
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piece of printout paper).
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In this action packed ELITE issue, we
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bring you: ELITE.Interviews!!!!!!!!!!!!
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With mega-elite special guests! Just
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read on.
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(Mega-Elite Interviews, will be given
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in the time honored tradition of. ME:
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AN:, as set down in the ELITE.Interview
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rules of The Infiltraitor.)
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---------------------------------------
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Speaking of The Infiltraitor..... (Drum
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roll please) (thanks). here he is! The
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master of the hidden walkman, The elite
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audiophile, the writer of 800 sector
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text files, Mr. "ME: AN:" Infiltraitor!
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ME: It's so good of you to take time
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out of your busy typing schedule to
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show up for this interview.
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AN: (fidgeting with hidden walkman). My
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pleasure, really it is. Glad to be
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here.
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ME: Good, good. Now the question on the
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minds of our readers is: What do
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you do when you aren't typing up
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conversations you had with ELITE!
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people?
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AN: Well I like to relax by cleaning
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my walkman and counting my tape
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collection. It's hard on the fingers
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writing up huge text files you know.
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ME: Actually, I don't know. Our's are
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always short. But nevermind that,
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what we really want to know, is
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the answer to that nagging question
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we have all been asking: WHY!??!?!?
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AN: It had to be done you know. There is
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no accurate journalism being done
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now. Besides, it plastered my name
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on every board in North America. I
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get cool access everywhere, you
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might even say I'm ELITE! now. But
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don't quote me on that.
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ME: We wouldn't do that... Well we
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really must be moving along now,
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we don't even have a word processor
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that could fit a 200 sector file
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into memory!
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AN: Well don't worry, ELITEWRITER will
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be out soon. Then you can write
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like I do. Trample the most stupid
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and trivial points into the dust,
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have 8 hour conversationa with
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people you catch on your way out
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of the bathroom, use lots of verbs,
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adjectives, even make up things at
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random just to fill space!
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ME: Sounds elite to us. Well drop in
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when you finish part II.
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AN: What part II?
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ME: In the file you said you were doing
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part II.
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AN: Oh yes that. Well it's progressed
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beyond that. So far it's 25 disk
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sides long, hopefully I will finish
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the next 75 sides this month, and
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come out with the ELITE.CD-ROM!!!!!
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With it you can look up any elite
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person since the dawn of time, and
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find out everything they ever said
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in their lives. Totally elite huh?
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ME: {Impressed. Emulating Inf's curly
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cew's in deference to his obviously
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ELITE idea.} That sounds awesome,
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keep us posted!
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AN: You bet, gotta go now, things to be
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typed up you know.
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ME: We understand.
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AN: Bye
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ME: Bye!
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---------------------------------------
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Next up, is that master of english, the
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undisputed king of b942'ers (sorry
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Gadget Master, He's been doing it for
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years, while you are new on the ware
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mutilation scene), that prophet of
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where the computer industry is headed,
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the master programmer himself, The
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"Buy an Amiga before Commodore goes out
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of business" Atom!!!!!@!@#!@!1!@11!!!!!
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ME: So good of you to show up!
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AN: Yah, I knaw it is. My Tame is vary
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taght raght naw.
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{Conversions from the letter "a" to what
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really belongs there, are courtesy of
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out proofreading dept.}
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ME: Innovative spelling style you got
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there Atom.
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AN: You trying to make fun of me? you
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fucking Apple using moe.
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ME: Perish the thought Atom. We wouldnt
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do that to you.
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AN: Good, now what you want, I have to
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hurry home and get Stickybear AMiga
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coloring disks 1-96.
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ME: Ok, we understand. What we really
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wanted to ask you is, when you're
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not calling every board in the
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world and ragging on anyone who
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owns any computer other then a
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Amiga, what do you do with your
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time? We've had promises of
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Thieves Guild ][, for years now,
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you said you were doing a marble
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madness adoption for the Apple,
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and 500 other sundry things. So
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what are you really doing now?
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AN: Fuck you moe, It's not that I'm not
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a great programmer, but it's the
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Apple's fault, I gave it a chance, &
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it didn't confer the secrets of
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decent programming onto me overnight
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so fucking fuck it. The Amiga rules,
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do you understand me moe? it fucking
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rules the world, it rox layk an ox,
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its cool beyond words, it, it...it,
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has PICTURES!@#!!@!@#@#@112!@!@!!1!
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ME: Yes we underst...
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AN: No you don't! it has awesome pix &
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games and god it's great. God i'm
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great. 5ive staR will reunite to
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rock the AMiga world to it's found-
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ations!
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ME: Oh no..
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AN: Was that a insult you fucking moe?
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Don't fuck with me Crapple user.
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ME: No, we wouldn't do that.
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AN: Good you moe. And about thieves
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guild ][. it rox all over proving
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grounds, it is the best program
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written since I did Disk Rigger &
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Disk-Fer ///.
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ME: ..... ah yes... it sounds just
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awesome... will this one have lots
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of spinning cursors too?
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AN: FUck yes, it has a 196 phaze cursor
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and upside-down flashing backspace
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trik text m0d!
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ME: Sounds great. Tell us, will there
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be a 1986 lozerlist? Or was there
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a 1985 lozerlist that we missed?
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AN: Fuck you you fucking m0e kn0b fuck
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stick. That's 0ne eyes fault, it
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wasn't supposed to be given out.
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It's not my fault!
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ME: {Bowing down and recognizing the
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Atom's ELITE COMMANDMENTS quote.}
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Well, so why did you write it?
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AN: Because it was the ELITE thing to
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do fuckstick.
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ME: Any comments on the un-elite
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behavior of 0ne eye?
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AN: What you fucking kn0b? he's elite,
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he's never done anything unelite in
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his life.
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ME: Well we were reffering to him
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knocking up some girl, dropping
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out of high school, and having
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a job as a bellboy.
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AN: Fuck you, lies all lies, it's not
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his fault that he's too dumb to use
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birth control. I told him girls had
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cooties, but he just wouldn't
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listen to me. Look where it got him.
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But he's still elite!!@#!@11@!@2!!!
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ME: Well thank you for your time, any
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departing comments?
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AN: Yah, be looking forward to the 1986
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userlist, which will be done as soon
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as a word processor comes out for
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the AMiga.
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ME: It doesn't have a wor...
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AN: Shut up kn0b, it rules, games are
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more important. Now go away, I
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have things to do.
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ME: Thanks for your time. Bye bye
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AN: Fuck off kn0b.
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---------------------------------------
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That faithfull readers wraps up our
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elite.(elite.journalist).interviews.
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Be looking forward to our next issue,
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coming to something near you soon!
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Excerpts from issue ]I[:
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------------------------
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Actual un-retouched quotes of the
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elites! Look and Learn!:
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The (414 (innovative name)) Wizard
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and his Cryt0n login system!
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See Broadway Hacker ask stupid
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questions!
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See Mr. Xerox say everyone in the
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world but him and his co-god lord
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digital, suck!
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See Zero Page rag on all the new
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pirates and every member of LOD
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to boot!
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See The Tempest agree with him!
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See King Blotto rag on everything!
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See Mr. Krac-Man tell everyone to
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fuck off!
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See The Chief Surgeon Ragging on
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Apple Bandit!
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all this and much much more! the first
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portion will be COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED
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posts of the mentioned people. So they
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can speak for themselves. Following
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that will be our witty commentary &
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exclusive (ELITE) Phreak <> Pirate
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counterparts! mix & match personalities
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of ELITE pirates & phreaks!@#!@#11@@!!2
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Plus a EXCLUSIVE! Personality Analysis
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of the ELITES! answering the question:
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"Why are you elite?" once and for all!!
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Don't miss it!!@#!@#121@!@!@@!!!!!!!!!!
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---------------------------------------
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"I'm can't be wrong, I'm Elite" (C) The
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National Enlightener. If it's not NE,
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then it's not elite!
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---------------------------------------
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