197 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
197 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
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Elite Commandments:
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-------------------
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1] Never admit you have no idea what
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you're talking about.
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2] Never have a good word to say about
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anyone else but yourself.
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3] Join every group that will let you
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join. After a few weeks have passed,
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quit & claim they aren't good enough
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to merit your prescence.
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4] Always shift the blame to someone
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else. "It's not my fault" should
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become 2nd nature to you.
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5] Always have nasty things to say
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about your so called friends behind
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their backs.
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6] Hate as many people as possible.
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7] Start as many rag wars as humanly
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possible. When your up against
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intelligent people (As on Adventurers
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Tavern, 1982-1986. RIP), and losing
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your end of the war. Say "This is
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stupid and childish, even if I did
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start it", and stop posting.
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8] When someone becomes pushy and openly
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challenges your lack of knowledge
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about something. Say "I know the
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answer, but you're not elite enough,
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so I can't tell you".
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9] If anyone still dares to question you
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then threaten them with tough things
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like getting someone to turn their
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phones off, or charge 10 billion
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toilets on their mothers credit card.
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(It doesn't matter whether or not you
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actually know how to do this, or know
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anyone else who will do it for you.
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This is a favorite tactic of ELITE!@
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phreak groups like L0D!!@#1!.) If all
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else fails began chanting "Cable
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throw, Cable throw, Cable throw" or
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if you are a pirate: make a fright-
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ening rag page on them in your next
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Copya crack.
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[Warning: Be sure to only use this on a
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fellow ELITE!@#1! phreak, pirate or
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equivalent ignorant person. Anyone else
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will laugh at you & tell you to fuck
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off. Only adding to the questioning
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of your massive eliteness.]
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10] Make as big a fool of yourself as
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is possible. Display your ignorance
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and stupidity in a manner that will
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make itself noticible to the modem
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community at large. If you are a
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aspiring elite pirate, get your
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name on as many copya cracks as
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fast as possible. Or if you are a
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up and coming elite phreak, start
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up your own little world (or join
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someone else who has already done
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this, such as LOD), refuse to see
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anyones viewpoint but your own, &
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declare yourselves mega-elite.
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Remember: When in doubt, repeat to
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yourself the sacred chant: "I am elite,
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I can't be wrong, I am elite, I am
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always right and know everything",
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repeat until your confidense is restored
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(Humming, or accompanyment by a choir,
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is optional).
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Also be certain to rag on anyone who
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displays any kind of knowledge about
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anything, and is not currently ELITE!@#
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If he's not elite, he can't be right.
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After all, everyone in the universe
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cares about the "elite hierarchy!", its
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what makes the world go around!@#21!!!!
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[National Enlightener!]
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- 4 yr. old boy is the anti-christ.
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- Robert Woodhead (Co-Author of Wizardry
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for the Apple) suggests that all
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pirates be flogged to death, and
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recommends that their parents use
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birth control next time.
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- Aliens from the planet z0d abduct
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Mrs. Glop, force her to participate
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in a heated 56 way orgy, then dump
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her into her backyard.
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- King Blotto talks to newsweek for
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the 93rd time in 2 weeks. Ms. Blarf
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the secretary finally tells him the
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shattering truth that they don't
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care anymore. Blotto is now sending
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his up to the minute exposes' to
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Young Miss magazine & Bingo news
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around the world.
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- 19 yr. old boy goes on a spree and
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kills 98. When questioned by auth-
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orities, his response: "I was bored"
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- Lord Digital & Mr. Xerox buy an
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island in the carribean and found
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a new religion, with themselves
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declared as the gods. Prospective
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initiates must prove their worth
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by boot tracing a protected copy
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of 1 of the Phantom Access disks,
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while making AUM sounds & signing
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away all their wordly wealth.
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- Water is a deadly toxin. Report on
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page 938.
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- Group of NJ wiz kids use mental
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telepathy and a micromodem to re-
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arrange the orbit of US. Satelites.
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"I've never seen nothin' like it"
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declares computer authority, Sheriff
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Ima Fool. The U.S.S.R. expresses
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interest in hiring the offenders.
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- Is your dog really an alien from
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outer space? take the quiz on page
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437 and find out.
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- Conference on piracy and it's effects
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on computer companies. Part 11932 of
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an ongoing tirade of threats, suggest
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ions, counter-threats, and all around
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stupidity. [Sorry this story has been
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cancelled since our ex-reporter fell
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asleep during the opening comments.]
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- Are YOU really an alien from outer
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space? take the quiz on page 438 and
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find out.
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- $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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$ Betty Crocker Home Cooking Book 1 $
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$$$$$$=> Typed By Lex Luthor <=$$$$$$
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$=> Copied From BC Home Cooking 1 <=$
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$$$$$$$$$$=> Uploaded by <=$$$$$$$$$$
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$ $
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$$$$$$$$$$=> Lex Luthor! <=$$$$$$$$$$
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$$$$$=> & The Legion of Doom! <=$$$$$
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$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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- Buy land on Alpha Centuri. Avoid the
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rush on this soon to be, prime real
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estate. Details on page 230.
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All this and much much more! only in:
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[ELITE NEWS WEEKLY!]
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"I can't be wrong... I'm elite!"
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---------------------------------------
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We gratefully acknowledge all mentioned
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parties, for being the way they are. &
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express our most sincere apologies to
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Young Miss (TM) magazine, for having
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the audacity to suggest they would
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stoop so low, as to printing commentary
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from King Blotoe.
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