textfiles/bbs/modem.txt

ARE YOU A BBS ADDICT?
 
1.  Do you own a modem?  (if the answer is NO, STOP! read no further.  
Anyone who would use a borrowed modem to access a BBS may one day be a 
BBS addict, but is not one at this time.) 

2.  Is your modem 1200 baud or higher? (c'mon now, another obvious 
question, but one that has to be asked...we have to weed out the fakes 
here.)

3.  No matter what baud modem you own, (even 9600) do you wish you had 
one that was faster?
 
4.  Have you used your modem in the past week?

5.  In the past 24 hours?

6.  In the past 30 minutes?

7.  Do you regularly call more than 5 BBSs.

8.  More than 10?

9.  Have you filled up your entire dialing directory and call them ALL?

10. Are your phone bills regularly over $100 a month?

11. Over $300?

12. Over $500?

13. Is there any other monthly bill that you pay higher than your phone 
bill?

14. Is your phone bill so large it gets delivered by UPS?

15. Do you tell yourself after receiving a phone bill that you will cut 
back on your long distance BBSing, and end up subscribing to Dial-a Visit 
instead?

16. Do you leave long tearful announcements on LD BBSs telling everyone 
that you will no longer be calling because you cannot afford to, and then 
check back every 3 or 4 days anyway, "just to see if anyone left me any 
mail?"

17. Does your phone company send you hand written thank-you notes?

18. When you return from vacation, do you get a call from your phone 
company, asking if everything is all right?

19. Do you find yourself taking naps so that you can be awake and 
refreshed for a late-night BBS session?

20. Have you ever cancelled a date cause he/she wants a late night dinner 
when the phone rates are lowest?

21. Do you call during the morning hours, knowing the rates are the 
highest with the excuse that "at least I will be able to get on?"

22. Is your spouse ready to oil the keyboard to get rid of that annoying late 
night 'clickety clack' ?

23. Do you ever sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch?

24. Have you suddenly discovered that you can touch type from all those 
BBS sessions done in the dark?

25. What else can you do in the dark?

26. Do you cringe when you see lightning coming your way and rush to 
unplug your modem from the wall?

27. Do you continue your BBS session anyway because you are in the middle 
of a 1200 block download at 1200 buad...and you are willing to take your 
chances?  

28. Do you own a back-up generator so you can run your computer even when 
the power company can't? 

29. Do you have a complicated set of air motion devices hanging all 
around your computer and modem, because you never turn them off?

30. Have you ever logged on to a BBS, and then realize that you have no 
idea what city, state, or country it is in?

31. Can you log onto a BBS, Browse, and log off without ever having to 
turn the monitor on?

32. Can your spouse spot you in a crowd from the back of your head?

33. Is there a worn spot in the rug in front of the computer?

34. Are the words ON LINE burnt into the screen?

35. Do you know your modem initialization string by heart.

36. Do you consider your self a militant non techie, yet you still know 
enough to be able to change the string to make the computer run silently?

37. Do you know more about what is going on in the lives of the 
people in the BBS community than you do about the people you live with?

38. Do you order disks in lots of 100 or more?

39. Have you recently bought a hard drive cause you are tired of messing 
with floppy disks all the time?

40. ...And then discovered that the hard drive you just bought is not 
going to be big enough for your library of files, and you are going to 
have to use diskettes anyway?

41. Does your hard drive contain more files than any of the BBSs you 
call?

42. Do you actually use any of those files?

43. Do you compete with others to be the #1 user on every BBS you call?

44. Have you had to install yet another phone line into your house, 
because no one can reach you cause the phone is busy all the time?

45. Have you ever put a BBS on redial, and patiently waited hours to get on?

46. ...And suddenly be struck with an URGENT need to use the bathroom 
just as the words CONNECT appear on the screen?

47. Do you make it a point to call a sysop whose BBS is down, even if it 
is 4:00 in the morning?

48. Do you have 9 zillion copies of your terminal program...just in case 
one of them crashes?

49. Do you page sysops into chat, even though you see the message 'sysop 
is not available' again and again, just because you think that maybe he will 
make an exception for you?

50. Do sysops hate you and wish lightning would fry your modem?

51. Do you run over to your computer the instant you wake
 up in the 
morning, to see what is going on in BBSland...before you've even taken a piss?

52. Are you late for work/school in the morning because you insist on 
answering all 235 net mail messages you've received...all consisting of 
one word replies?

53. Have you forgotten how to turn on your TV because its been so long 
since you have watched any?

54. Do you still own a TV?

55. Have you ever found yourself talking on the phone at the same time 
you are in chat with another person on the computer.

56. ...With the same person?

57. Are you a sysop? (the ultimate BBS addict)

58. As a sysop, have you had to go out and buy another computer because 
otherwise no one would be able to reach your BBS anyway?

59. Do you ever call your own BBS?

60. Do you call your own BBS from another computer while sitting in the 
same house? 

61. ...From the same room?

62. Do you advertise your BBS in the local paper's classified 
section?

63. Do you advertise your BBS on business cards?

64. Are you a co-sysop on any other BBS?

65. ..On any out of state boards?

66. Have you been a sysop for more than 6 months

67. More than a year?

68. More than 3 years?

69. As a sysop, do you enjoy chatting so much that you have been known to 
answer the page at 3 am?

70. Do you drag unsuspecting users into chat...whether they paged you or 
not?                

71. Have you ever started a late night chat with a user, and the next 
thing you know, the sun is rising?  

72. Variation:  Have you ever started a late night chat with a user, and 
the next thing you know you are face down on the keyboard, with the words 
"press any key to continue" flashing on your screen.  

73. Do you upload copies of a log-on scrip file to all the area boards so 
that no one will have an excuse NOT to call your BBS?  

74. Do you promise your spouse that you WILL spend more time with the 
family, but then find yourself jumping up to answer the sysop page, even 
in the middle of that special video tape rented just for the two of you?

75. Do you still have a spouse?

76. After reading through all these questions, do you get the feeling 
that you might have a little BBS addiction problem?

77. In spite of that knowledge, do you realize you will never get to any of 
the modems anonymous meetings, cause you can't pull yourself away from 
the computer long enough to attend?  

78. Do you find that more and more of the people you socialize with are 
BBS addicts just like you, cause no one else seems to understand ANYTHING 
you are talking about lately?                                            

                                                                                                                     
*************************************************************************

Well there you have it....and contrary to the rumors currently 
circulating, I did NOT receive a perfect score on this test!
Jean

Written Sept. 1989 with a little help from my friends...thanks guys!

Call THE FRENCH CONNECTION  914-344-1255  24 hours 1200 baud
Sysop: Jean Beit-Halahmi