107 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
107 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
From The Mage's Workshop
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Copyright (c) 1994, Joe DeRouen
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All rights reserved
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[The following article originally appeared in Texas Talk BBS's weekly
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newsletter. The entire contents of the article are copyright (c) 1994,
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Joe DeRouen, all rights reserved.
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You can reach Texas Talk, a Dallas Texas based multi-line chat system,
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by calling (214) 497-9100]
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From the Mage's Workshop
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by Mage
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"SysOp. . . One more weasel. . . weasel. . . weasel."
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--Anonymous weaselholic
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Last week, I wrote about the female variety of the BBS weasel, the Trick
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Peas. The week before, I essayed on the even more common male BBS
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weasel, oft times referred to as the HD. This week, I'm going to touch
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on an even more fearsome animal - the weaselholic.
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A weaselholic is, by it's very definition, someone that is addicted to
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weasels. You know the type. It's your average BBS nerd who, after
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numerous involvements with BBS weasels (of either sex) seems to get
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involved with them time and time again. They can't say "No." They
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crave the BBS weasel, and their day isn't quite complete without at
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least one run in with this telecommunications critter.
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We all know that the BBS Weasel thrive on causing pain or annoyance. By
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contrast, the weaselholic thrives on *feeling* pain. They enjoy being
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used, and then thrown away, by BBS weasels. If they don't have at least
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one confrontation with a BBS weasel a day, their lives aren't complete.
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This addiction is caused by several things, not the least of which is a
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lack of confidence. When the BBS weasel pays attention to the
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weaselholic, everything that the user in question knows about BBS
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Weasels is thrown out the door. "S/he's paying attention to me?"
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Thinks the addict, forgetting all else. "I need this attention. I
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crave this attention. I *Want* this attention."
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When all else fails - when the weaselholic doesn't have his calls
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returned, when that attractive woman at the office snubs him, when his
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girlfriend leaves him for the CompUsa(tm) technician. . . He can always
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find a friend in the BBS Weasel. A friend who will suck the memory out
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of his very motherboard.
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Do you know a weaselholic? Are *You* a weaselholic? Fear not, you are
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not alone. Now that you know that the disease exists - and, yes, it
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*Is* a disease - you can fight it.
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When you're approached by a BBS Weasel, fight the temptation to give in.
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Resist the urge to type your very most inner secrets to that voiceless
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entity across the screen. Be strong!
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These 12 steps will help you:
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1. Admit that you're powerless over the effects of the
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BBS Weasel's electronically transmitted phermones
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2. Believe in a power greater than your own (The SysOp)
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3. Make a decision to turn over your will to the care
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of the SysOp as you understand Him.
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4. Make a searching and complete inventory of all of your
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GIFs.
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5. Admit to your SysOp and a human being (for SysOps are
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not exactly human) the nature of your wrongs.
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6. Be entirely ready to have the SysOp remove all
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defects from your Connex file.
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7. Humbly ask the SysOp to remove your access to the
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Wildside and Legends games.
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8. Make a list of all the people you've ignored in your
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attempts to chat with BBS weasels and become willing
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to make amends to them all.
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9. Make direct amends to these people except for when
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to do so would cause you (or them) to lose their
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access or get the FBI involved.
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10. Continue to inventory your GIFs, and delete all the
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ones showing full frontal nudity or intercourse with
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small farm animals.
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11. Seek power through chats and open forum discussion to
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improve your contact with the SysOp as you understand
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him, requesting only knowledge of His will for you
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and the access and the technical knowledge to carry
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that out.
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12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these
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steps, try to post the message on as many nets as
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possible and to practice these principles in all
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your telecommunication interactions.
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Once you've completed these 12 steps, your life should be weasel-free.
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Always be wary, though; just one flirt with the nefarious BBS Weasel
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can take you back into the hell from which you've just escaped.
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Remember - you're never cured, just better.
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Until next week, say your affirmations ("I am a good person. I will be
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free from weasels.") chant your mantras, and keep those anti-glare
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screens securely fastened. Cyl8r, all.
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Next week: Something completely different.
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