131 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
131 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
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Press (P) to pause, (S) to stop
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= THE TRAGEDY OF AN ON-LINE ADDICTION =
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- by Steve King -
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"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over
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$450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child
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voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for
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that (expletive) computer!" she continued as she escalated to
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screaming.
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"I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie
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-- I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join
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Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company."
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As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations
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of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem
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fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our
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society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the
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very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping
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it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic
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proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even
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going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All My
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Modems."
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If you don't already own one of those evil instruments called a
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modem, take warning! Don't even think about buying one. Modem
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fever sets in very quietly; it sneaks up on you and then grabs
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you by the wallet, checkbook or, heaven forbid, credit cards.
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Once you own a modem, you enter the insidious addictive trap by
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"dialing up" a friend who also has a modem. For some strange
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reason, typing messages to each other fascinates you. (Even if
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it is less than 10% of the speed that you can speak the same
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words over a normal voice phone link.) Of course, you make
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several attempts at hooking up before you finally figure out that
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at least one of you must be in the half-duplex mode; that
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discovery actually titillates you (sounds impossible, but it's
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true).
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Then your modem-buddy (friend is too good a term) sews another
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seed on the road to on-line addiction by giving you the number of
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a local RBBS (Remote Bulletin Board Service). Once you get an
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RBBS phone number, you've taken the first fatal step in a journey
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that can only end in on-line addiction.
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After you take the next step by dialing up the the RBBS your
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modem-buddy(<28>nld you about, you find that it's very easy to
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"log-on." This weird form of conversation with an unattended
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computer is strangely exciting, much more so than just typing
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messages when you're on-line with your modem-buddy. The initial
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bulletins scroll by and inform you about the board, but you're
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too "up" to comprehend most of it. Then you read some of the
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messages in the message section and maybe, in a tenative manner,
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you enter one or two of your own. That's fun, but the excitement
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starts to wear off; you're calming down. Thinking that it might
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be worthwhile to go back and re-read the log-on bulletins, you
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return to the main RBBS menu.
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Then it happens. The RBBS provides the bait that entices you all
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the way into the fiery hell of modem addiction. As you look at
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the RBBS main menu to learn how to return to the log-on
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bulletins, you find an item called FILES. By asking your host
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computer for FILES, you thread the bait onto the hook of
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corruption; the FILES SUBMENU sets the hook. You start running
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with the line when you LIST the files; you leap into the air with
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the sheer joy of the fight when all those public domain program
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titles and descriptions scroll by. They're FREE!!! All you have
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to do is tell the bulletin board to download (transmit) them to
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you. You download your first program and you're landed, in the
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creel, cleaned and ready for the cooking fires. In just 55
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minutes after you logged-onto the board, you've downloaded six
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programs, one of them is Andrew Fleugelman's PC-Talk, version 3
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(truly an instrument for evil).
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BBS-LIST.DQC, which is also among the files yuo downloaded,
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contains a list of a great number of bulletin boards throughout
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the country. (There's evil all around us, constantly tempting
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us!) You print the list and find about 60 RBBS phone numbers.
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(Have mercy on our souls!) The list also gives you the hours of
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operation, communications parameters and informs you about each
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board's specialty. You decide to try PC-Talk and use it to
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dial-up an RBBS about three states away. Since the line is busy,
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you pass the time entering all those RBBS phone numbers into
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PC-Talk's voluminous dialing directory.
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You try the number again -- still busy. You think, "Hey, there's
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one that specializes in Pascal programs. Maybe I'l try it. It's
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about half-way across the country, but it's after 5pm and the
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phone rates have changed. It won't be too expensive."
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The Pascal board answers. After 45 minutes you've downloaded
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another five programs. Then you call another board -- only this
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one's completely across the country from California, in Florida.
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And so it goes on into the night... And the next night... And
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the next...
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Some days it gets to you. You begin to feel the dirtiness of
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modem addiction, particularly when your wife makes you feel like
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a child by berating you for those astronomical phone bills -- if
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she hasn't divorced you by then. Every time you sit down before
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your IBM PC to do some work, you dial up another RBBS instead.
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If that one's busy, you call another, and another, until you
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connect. Then you feel OK, almost "high." When you finally hang
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up, you still can't work; you can only dial up another RBBS.
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Your downfall as an on-line addict is just another one of this
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society's terrible tragedies, such as polygamy or the compulsion
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to circle all the numbers on computer magazine "bingo cards."
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Eventually your whole social life relies upon only the messages
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you find on electronic bulletin boards; your only happiness is
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the programs you have downloaded. (You never try any of them,
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you only collect them.)
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Hope exists, however. We, the dedicated but under-paid staff of
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Modems Anonymous, have done extensive research to find a cure for
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modem mania, which has been ruining hundreds of lives. And we
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have succeeded in our quest. The cure is really quite simple,
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yet effective:
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Set up your own remote bulletin board service. Then
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all the other modem addicts will phone you, and their
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wives can nag at them about $450 phone bills. And you
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can find peace -- at last.
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*** End of file ***
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