52 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
52 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
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Stealth Systems Product Listings
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1987 Edition
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Steven D. Drucker - President, Commander-in-chief, head egomaniac.
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Introducing the new 1987 product line which the nerds we keep in
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our back rooms worked unreasonable hours to produce for little
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monetary gain...
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"Clumsy Rambo Knife" - Never cut yourself again, or anything else
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for that matter. Our stainless plastic knife is guaranteed to be
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absolutly safe or your money back.
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"Super-Deluxe Squirt Gun - Our jet powered RPG squirt gun can be
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used against your friends. After play, Dad can take it and use
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the high powered pressurized nozzle to wash the car. Flip the
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switch to DESTROY and take out that unfriendly neighbor. Only
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$750.
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Attack Craft: Yes, you've seen it on star trek and taken control
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in the arcades. Now is your chance to own a squadron of
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F.A.R.T.S. - Fighter Airborne Response Tactical Ship. Join Oliver
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North in helping the contras or set up your own pacific island
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regime. This baby carries state of the art QUADPULSE laser canons
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with sidewinder missile cappability. A must for Christmas! List
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price: 1 million.
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ARMY SURPLUS NUCLEAR TIMER: Yes, you too can now possess the same
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timer that controlled the detonation over Hiroshima in 1945!
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Fully armed and guaranteed to get that lazy sleeper out of bed in
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the morning. Snooze button doubles as detonator. Only $25
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Demon Worshippers Handbook: You've listened to those Bon_Jovi
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records backwards, now read about what they're talking about.
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Learn to cast spells, perform sacrafices, and other neat stuff.
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Kids- Here's your big chance to get back at that nasty teacher who
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tried to flunk you last semester! Only 2.50.
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CPR Cards: It's nearing graduation. Have you taken your CPR
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course yet? With these you don't have to! Simply sign your name,
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forge a doctors signature, and show it to your principal! The
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perfect gift for a high school senior. $15 blank $50 forged.
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These and many other interesting items await you in our showroom
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or call 1-800-DUMSTUF, thats 1-800-D U M - S T U F and we thank
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you for your support.
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