203 lines
11 KiB
Standard ML
203 lines
11 KiB
Standard ML
Fun for Boring Weekends
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Thought of and written here by
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Woody the Log
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All of these are original ideas which, for the most part, I have thought
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up(the few that were contrived with my friends I will post) all are illegal,
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so don't bother reading this if you don't like doing things that violate this
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country's laws. I'm not going to say I've done any of these for legal
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reasons, but for the most part, I know they work, don't ask how.
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Other than that, these ideas are for entertainment purposes only, just
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laugh. I'm assuming that you are unlike me, in that you would never do
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anything like these disgusting and inhumane ideas. I hope I'm wrong.
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Oh, by the way. If anyone else has thought up things similar to these,
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let me know. I would like talking or typing to you.
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1) Telephones--These devices have more uses than hooking up a modem to them.
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For the first one, get a stereo, if you cannot get one then skip to #3.
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You're going to have to know a little about electronics, not a lot; if you
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have ever soldiered a wire, you are fine.
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Get a phone line, one that will reach from your stereo to a phone jack,
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with at least one modular connector( the regular kind) attached. At the end
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opposite the connector, strip the red and green wires, if there are
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others(usually black and yellow) cut'em off; they have no use for modern
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phone lines. Take the stripped wires and put them in the speaker output
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ports on the back of the stereo. If you want to get fancy, you can bridge
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them mono for more power.
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Now place a tape, CD, or other form of recorder music in you system, the
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louder and bassier the better, "Welcome to the Jungle" is perfect, then plug
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in the phone line, connecting it to the phone system.
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Go to an extension and dial either a random number or someone you don't
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like too much. When they answer, ask them if they want to hear your stereo,
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the only reason for asking is that I have always done it this way. If they
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decline,keep begging, if they hang up, use your handy redial button until the
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accent.
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Now push play with the volume at full and set the phone down, it might
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spark. The other person's phone will make quite a bit of noise, and it will
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get very hot. This also, I would imagine, has a devastating effect on
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answering machines, faxes, or modems.
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2) Telephones II- This next telephone idea is a little more dangerous and
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difficult, a lot more illegal, but a tremendous amount more fun. You have to
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know a little more about electronics for this gag.
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The name for this is "Bobby Browning" it involves going to a house,
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preferably an extremely fancy summer one that is abandoned during the winter,
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calling an infamous 1-900 # and then leaving the phone off the hook. So, by
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the time the people return the next spring and get the phone fixed, they will
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have run up quite a bill.($.75 per minute * 60 minutes * 24 hours * 7 days *
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4 weeks * at least 5 months= $151,000- quite a bit...eh??)
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Now for the more in depth, how to do. You must find the telephone
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connection box and find, once again, the red and green wires. You must bring
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a modified telephone with you( one that preferably is one piece, with the
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dialing apparatus in the handle. Take the phone lines coming out of it and
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soldier fairly small alligator clips to them, if there are more than two
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wires, just the red and green)
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Now simply hook them up to the screws the corresponding house wires are
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attached to. If there are none, then simply clip it straight onto the
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wire-you may have to push quite hard. =====WARNING===== ATTACH THEM ONE AT
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A TIME. I know that phone lines are not supposed to carry much power, but I
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have been knocked out while trying to attach the wires, I had leather gloves
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on too. Once connected you will hear a dial tone. If not then fool around
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with the clips, one at a time.
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Once you get a dial tone call your 900 number, I have always used Bobby
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Brown's. Here are some others:
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Mating Mart: $3.00 a minute:1-900-933-0600.
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Women's Fantasies: 3:00 a minute: 1-900-933-0700
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I should have said this earlier, but once you make your call, you have to
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connect a 300K resistor between the wires, otherwise you have to leave your
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phone there---Not wise unless you like paying $150,000 dollars for fun.
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3)Ropes- Go in a parking lot( a dark, dark parking lot) with a lot of
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relatively short(12') pieces of strong but small rope. Simply tie them
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inconspicuously between bumpers, sideview mirrors--not on the drivers side--,
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or axles( combinations work out well and be creative). Now find a safe place
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and watch what happens.
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4) Trashcans/Mailboxes- This idea was devised by a friend of mine, Chris(he's
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not into modeming, so he does not have a handel) but it yields results that
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will leave most people laughing for days--I'm laughing as I type this. Well
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anyway, I had to include it. All you do is tie a thin 1/4 inch black nylon
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rope across a street, between a telephone pole and either a mailbox,
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preferably an unsteady one, or a trashcan.
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All I can say is do it, find a nice, well concealed bush,(as far away as
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possible while retaining vision of the area) break out the popcorn and watch
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what happens as the laws of physics go to work!
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5) Dummies- This is my favorite prank. Not that I have ever done it or
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anything. Make a dummy- pair of old pants, long sleeve shirt, pillow case,
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shoes, gloves, and lots of news and tissue paper. It is best to stuff them
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with the news paper and then sew the gloves to the shirt, the shirt to the
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pants, the pants to the shoes. Once this is done get three economy size
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bottles of tomato sauce.
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This step you can either do at your target or at your home.. I usually do
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it at home. Take the pillow case and fill it with the tissue paper, then
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pour one of the gallons of sauce into it.
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As you walk to your destination the sauce will soak through the material,
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giving it a "realistic" look. Now just leave the dummy wherever you want:
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the roadside, a porch, under a car, or, my personal favorite, a portable
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bathroom, and pour the other two jars of tomato sauce over it.
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One of the times I did this, fine, I admit I have done it, we left the
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body in a portable john, at a work site. As it turned out, the workers were
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on vacation for a week after we left it. The day before they came back we
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checked our creation; the body was covered with flies and crap. When the
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door was opened they all swarmed out along with a nauseating odor of rot.
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Two days later we went back and saw a pair of legs hanging out of a nearby
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dumpster. The workers were all laughing and talking, they were on break. We
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asked them about the legs, and all of them fell to the ground with gasps of
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laughter. Apparently their supervisor had discovered the body the previous
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day, he had screamed and jumped back, slipping into a mud pool, emptying his
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stomach while still calling for help.....I guess it was pretty realistic.
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6) Bomb- This requires some knoweledge of electronics. No, this is not a real
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bomb, I would never publish anything about explosive manufacture, placement,
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or destination in a Weekend Fun Guide. It however does have the effect of a
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bomb, or one of them. This I thought up with the same friend, Chris, but I
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perfected it with another person, Mike.
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Take a piece of grey window calk, heat it up with a torch, and form
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it into a block. If you know anything about electronics, build a small
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oscillating LED circuit, build it into a circuit board and stick lots of
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extra wires, capacitors, and other components that look fancy in it. If that
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did not make sense, just go to Radio Shack and tell them you want a flashing
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LED hook it up to a nine volt battery and then rip a circuit board out of an
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old radio and place it on your lump,. There is a possibility that the people
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there will not know what a LED is, they do not know much about electronics(
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this is not to make fun of them all, some people at Radio Shack know a great
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deal more about electronics than I do, but the majority feel challenged if
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they have to do anything other than search for numbers); if they don't, send
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me E-mail about it and I'll give you the stock numbers of the parts you need.
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Once that is done, hook it up to a 9-volt battery. LEDs do not use much
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power so if your using one, the light will keep flashing for days. Just
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leave it somewhere frequented by people, and either watch their reactions or
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go home and laugh while imagining them. For even more realism, stencil C-4
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onto the side.
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HAVE FUN!!!!!!
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Until next time Woody the Log
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More ideas for boring Weekends
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by Woody the Log
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Yup, its back. More ideas for the boring weekend. All the same stuff
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about me knowing nothing about any occasion that stuff like this has been
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done. But, if you have any comments or suggestions, let me hear 'em.
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1) Snakes/Frogs/Worms- Try going to a bait shop and pick up a bunch of worms,
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or for cheaper catch some frogs or snakes. Put these in a mailbox belonging
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to a person you don't want to know. Either the mail delivery person or your
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victim will get one hell of a surprise; if you are lucky they both will.
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Find a good place of observation, or if you neighbor is the unfortunate
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victim, your house is a great spot to watch from: he/she will not be able to
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hear your laughter.
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2) Letter Bomb- Make a beeping circuit, or buy a pulsating buzzer from Rad
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Shack. Just hook it up to a battery and tape the whole thing to the inside
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of a small cardboard box. Now fill a bag with sand and tape it in the box
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too, for weight.
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This done, leave the box in someone's mailbox, on their car, or at their
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front door. I don't suggest sending it because the postal service will be
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suspicious of a beeping package. One other note, give it to someone with an
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imagination; it sucks when they just open it up and look, bewildered, at the
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beeper.
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3) Car Fun- Get a pack of firecrackers, separate them, and tape each
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individually to the muffler of a car. Make sure the wicks are not quite
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touching the muffler, if they are the wicks will shrivel up as the metal
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heats.
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As the car moves the wicks will constantly be bumping into the ever
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heating muffler. When the metal is hot enough the wicks will ignite when
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they hit it. Bang! Especially on new cars, scares the shit out of the
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people in it.
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4) More Muffler Fun- I've found that bananas in the tail-pipe actually works,
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but I prefer to use duct tape. Just tape the exhaust pipe airtight and the
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car will not start. Simple but amusing. A few nights ago, a taped car
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proved to be too powerful for the tape. It still made one hell of a noise
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though.
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5) Even More Muffler Fun- Slap a bunch of dirty motor oil on the muffler and
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pour the rest into the pipe. Once the tail pipe gets hot, a lot of thick
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black smoke will start pouring out of it. If the guy or gal stops to check
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and finds black stuff oozing out, he or she will be scared and will, most
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likely, hurry to a mechanic.
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Well, that's it for part II. If you've enjoyed this series, let me know,
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and I'll write more.
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