438 lines
17 KiB
Plaintext
438 lines
17 KiB
Plaintext
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:: P r a c t i c a l J o k e s ::
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Party Line
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----------
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Of all telephone pranks conceived, this perhaps is the most ingenuous, crafty,
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perplexing, bizzare and often hilarious. To execute this practical joke, a
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telephone with two eensions is required. The most easily adapted for this prank
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is the model with the buttons that are depressed to get a different line. (There
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is often a "Hold" button on these models as well.) By taking the telephone
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apart, the two lines can be connected so that two different outgoing calls can
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be connected so that two different outgoing calls can be placed at the saame
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time. (The details of how exactly to do this are going to be kept a secret. My
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intention is to amuse, not dismantle the nation's communications system.)
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Once the two lines are connected, you are ready to go. If you are working alone,
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you need only dial the first six numbers of one target's phone number, place it
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on hold, quickly dial the other target's number on the other line, then switch
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back and dial the seventh number of the first target's phone number. Then press
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down the buttons for both lines and listen to both phones ring. (Mechanical
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ingenuity can show you how this is possible.) If you are working with an
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accomplice, you can each dial on seperate extensions a different person at the
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same time, provided one of you has connected the two lines on his phone. Thus,
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you both dial your different numbers, and VIOLA, both phones at the other end
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begin to ring at the same time. Both persons who recieve the call think the
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other has phoned him or her. So, if one of you calls your mother and the other
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calls your father, both your parents will pick up the phone and ask why the
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other called. If a person has an answering machine at home, you can call him at
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work, while your accomplice calls your target's answering machine. The result is
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the bizzare experience of your target recieving a call from his own answering
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machine. You can connect old lovers, new lovers, students who cut class with
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their teachers, criminals with the police and any unlikely couple you deem fit.
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Remember, though, the persons you call can hear your voice on the line. You are
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essentially creating a conference call with your fiddling.
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See how practical these pran show how far this prank can be taken I offer the
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following true to life example, committed by two pranksters against an
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antagonist of theirs, here called Wanda... Wanda had just submitted her
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undergraduate thesis on barbecue (yes, a thesis on barbecue) to her professor,
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so John and Alan began by connecting Wanda to her teacher.
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:::::::::
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"Hello," said the professor.
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"Hello," said Wanda.
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"Who are you calling?" asked the professor after a pause.
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"Who are YOU calling?" asked Wanda.
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"Lady, you called me," said the professor.
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"No, I didn't. You called me," siad Wanda.
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"I certainly didn't. My phone just rang."
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"So did mine."
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"There must be some problem. Where are you calling from?"
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"Hunter County," said Wanda.
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"That's where I am," said the professor.
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"I'm in Hattersville," said Wanda.
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"So am I."
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"I'm calling from Monroe College," said Wanda.
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"I'm at the faculty building in my office."
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There was a pause.
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"Professor Burns!" said Wanda.
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"Who's this?" asked Professor Burns.
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"Wanda Adams."
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"Why did you call me?"
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"I didn't. My phone rang. I thought you called me," said Wanda.
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"I didn't."
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Another pause.
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"You have my thesis, don't you??" asked Wanda.
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"Yess, but I haven't read it. I only got it yesterday."
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"Right. I didn't expect you would have. All right good-bye."
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"Good-Bye," said the professor.
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John and Alan called Wanda back, connecting her this time to a pizza parlor.
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"Hello," said Wanda.
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"Hello," said an employee at the pizza parlor.
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"Yes?"
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"Do you want to order?" asked the voice.
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"Order what?" asked Wanda. "Who do you want to speak to?"
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"Nobody. You called here. We're a pizza parlor."
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"You called ME," said Wnada.
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"No, I didn't. You called me. The phone rang."
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"So did mine," said Wanda.
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"Lady, we're a pizza parlor. We don't call people to see if they want to make an
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order."
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"Forget it. Good-Bye." Wanda hung up.
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This time John and Alan connected Wanda to the college switchboard.
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"Who is this?" asked Wanda in perplexed tones.
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"Monroe College switchboard. Can I help you?" said a woman.
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"Why did you call me?" asked Wanda.
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"Madam, you called me. Can I help you."
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"But my phone just rang. Why did you call?"
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"Madam, the college switchboard does not make outgoing calls."
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After connecting Wanda to Alcoholics Anonymous. John and Alan called her
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directly.
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"This is the telephone company calling," said Alan. "We understand that you're
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having some problems with your line."
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"Thank GOD! Yes," said Wanda, relieved.
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"We're also told that you're playing some sort of prank on persons in your
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calling area. Would you please stop this immediately?"
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"I'm not playing any prank, I keep getting calls from people who say they're not
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calling me."
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"All right, whatever. We're going to do some work on the line in your area. For
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a few minutes the wires will be exposed to the lineman on the job. So, if your
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phone rings, please don't pick it up, since that could cause the lineman to be
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electrocuted."
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"All right," said Wanda reluctantly.
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Then, as you no doubt have guessed, John and Alan called her back. (See "Reach
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Out and Torture Someone II or The Wichita Lineman Is Dead on the Line.") After
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failing to respond on several occasions, Wanda finally gave in and picked up the
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phone.
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"Aaaaiieeeeeee!" screeched Alan, in a highly realistic impersonation of a
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lineman being electrocuted.
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Wanda screamed and dropped the phone. After a few minutes, they called Wanda
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back.
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"This is the telephone comapny," said Alan. "Did you answer the phone?"
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"Yes," said Wanda weakly, "I thought--"
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"The lineman we told you about has been severely electrocuted."
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"Oh, no."
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"Oh, yes. We and lawyers will be in touch with you soon, you can be sure." Alan
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hung up.
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Next they connected Wanda with the REAL phone company.
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"Hello," said Wanda, tiring rapidly.
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"Hello," said a man at the phone company.
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"Who is this?" asked Wanda.
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"It's the phone company."
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"I'm so glad you called back. What's going on?"
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"Ma'am we didn't call you. You called us."
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"No, I didn't. My phone just rang. Aren't you calling about my broken phone?"
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"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we have no way of knowing a phone is broken unless a
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customer calls us."
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"But you just called me about the fellow being electrocuted."
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"I'm afraid we didn't," said the man, convinced he had some loony on the
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phone--which was not far from the truth.
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When that conversation ended, John and Alan connected Wanda back to the pizza
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parlor, a crisis hotline and finally back to her professor Burns.
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"Hello," said the professor.
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"Hello," said Wanda.
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"Adams, what is it now?"
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"Professor Burns--"
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"Wanda, I have not had time to grade your thesis, so you needn't call me."
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"But I didn't call you. My phone rang. Something crazy is going on."
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"Get some sleep, Adams."
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"Professor, I didn't call you."
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"Okay. Good-Bye."
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Finally Wanda was connected back to the phone company. In the midst of that
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conversation, though, Alan let go a burst of laughter which in an instant
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identifed him to his target.
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"Alan!" Wanda screamed.
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The pranksters fled to their rooms. (They were working out of the student
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newspaper office.) Five minutes later, John recieved a call. It was Alan.
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"John," came the plantive whisper.
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"Alan?"
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"Yes."
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"Why are you whispering?"
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"I'm in my closet."
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"Why?"
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"Because Wanda is outside my room pounding on the door and won't stop."
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"Oh," said John. "Well, you can do one of two things. One,
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tell her it's part of a psychology experiment on stress. Two, tell her the
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truth."
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Alan ended up lying. Wanda never spoke to him for the rest of the semester. John
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told the truth and was forgiven--or partly forgiven.
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Another Tap
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-----------
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So, you have an enemy who talks behind your back, eh? Or, maybe you just would
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like to "listen" in on your friend's conversations? Well, if you have 2 phone
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lines and call waiting on one of them, you are in luck. (Only one problem: your
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friend must also have call waiting!)
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Procedure:
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[1] Call up your friend with the phone you want to listen with. When he
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answers call waiting (he's already on the phone, and you are the 2nd caller),
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then you either sit there or say: sorry, I have the wrong #.
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[2] Next, you wait until he goes back to the other line (puts you on hold).
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[3] Then, pick up your other line and call ->YOUR<- call waiting.
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[4] Answer call waiting
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[5] Then go back to him. (Answer, and then click back.. Click ->2<- times
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Answer, and go back..)
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[6] Hang up your second line
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[7] You are now on the line!
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[8] Listen and be Q U I E T ! He can hear you!
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Techniques I use to prevent noise or confusion:
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If you have call forwarding, turn it on and forward calls somewhere before you
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start listening. If a call comes through on your call waiting circuit, the
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people talking (your buddie and his pal) will not hear anything, but after you
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answer call waiting and come back, they will hear the other call hang up (two
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clicks).
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If you don't have call forwarding, I suggest you get it if you are going to make
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a habit of this, because it will become a major pain in the ass. When your call
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waiting rings, you are removed from the "listening" conversation and placed back
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on his hold circuit. In order to get back on, you must answer the phone and wait
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for your party (when you answer the phone, tell the guy you are in a hurry and
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you have to go or you'll call him back later or something) to hang up. When he
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or she hangs up, you will be back on the conversation. Then, one of your pals
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will say: What was that? (because of the clicks).. So, try to use call
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forwarding if you can.
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Remember: Have fun, and don't abuse it. I am not sure about it, because I just
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discovered it. It is illegal (what isn't these days) because it is "invading
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privacy". I don't know if the phone company just did not realize there was a
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flaw in it, or that was planned for line testing, I am not sure. Have fun!
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Practical Joke Pentathalon
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A group of Boston pranksters included five different pranks in this one stunt
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practiced against one of the perpetrators' roommates during her freshman year.
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As Cyndi Lauper would say, "Girls just want to have fun."
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The ingredients for this prank were:
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A large piece of plastic
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Copious amounts of Jell-O
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Marshmallow Fluff
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A hideously ugly, hairy mask
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Scotch tape
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About ten pennies.
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While Lynn peacefully slept, her roommate Donna quietly left the room. Waiting
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outside were her fellow "floor mates" with the tools and accessories. First, one
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person quietly entered the room and turned the main electrical switch in the
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closet off--effectively cutting off all power in the room. The cord connecting
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the handset to the rest of the phone was removed, and the dial tone button was
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taped down. Marshmallow Fluff was smeared on the mouth-piece and earpiece. Out
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in the hallway, a pile of Jell-O was dumped on the plastic and dragged quietly
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into the room and placed by the target's bed. Next, one of the collaborators
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donned the ugly mask and slipped into the bed Donna had vacated, while the
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others stood outside the door and "pennied" the two inside the room. (As old as
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short-sheeting a bed, "pennying a room" involves squeezing pennies between a
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door and it's frame. By creating enough pressure, the door cannot be opened from
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the inside.) The prank was then set in motion. From next door, one of the team
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called Lynn's room, while the others listened outside.
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The phone rang. Lynn got up to answer it--stepping into the warm, slimy,
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slippery Jell-O . . . screamed . . . went to answer the phone . . . picked up
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the phone, smearing her face with marshmallow fluff . . . the phone continued to
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ring, since the dial tone button was taped down . . . Cursing, Lynn went to the
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wall and turned on the light switch . . . the room remained dark . . . she
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called her roommate to get some help . . . no responce . . . leaning over her
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roommate's bed she hollered . . . but, alas, rising from the bed was the hideous
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masked face, reflected in the dorm-room window . . . With a shriek Lynn bolted
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to the door, which wouldn't open . . . more shrieking and hollering . . . until
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the masked monster removed her disguise and asked, "Was it somthing I said?"
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More Shaving Cream
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------------------
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You are the victim of a cheap, unprovoked practical joke. Moments ago you were a
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law-abiding citizen with a respect for other persons and the law. But now you
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want swift revenge. But your tormentor is hiding behind a sturdy locked door.
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There is little you can do at the moment unless there is a small gap between the
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bottom of his door and the floor. Well, no problem. Simply take a large manilla
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envelope and fill it with shaving cream. Place the open end of the envelope
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under the door. Jump on the envelope near it's end, and you will propel a steady
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stream of foam across your enemy's room. If this irritating person is laughing
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him or herself to sleep, you may wish to substitute whipped cream or topping,
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which, unlike shaving cream, will start to turn rancid by morning!
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Stool Pigeon
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An editor for a publishing company has set the tone for his department using
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this prank as an introduction to new employees. Our editor Jim approached a
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young man the first day he arrived at the company and said, "Hello, I'm Ted
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johnston from personnel. Glad to have you here. Sorry to have missed you earlier
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at your first personnel meeting. Welcome to (NAME OF COMPANY). I don't know if
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anyone's told you, but you will be getting a company physical--a full once
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over--and we'll need some stool samples as a preliminary today to rush over to
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the lab so that they can schedule your appointment. So I'll leave these paper
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cups with you and this paper bag. When you're finished, take the samples down
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to the personnel office and put then on Mrs. Peacock's (the personnel manager)
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desk when you're ready." Jim swears this has worked.
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Generic Title
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-------------
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For someone u hate...Take a ciggarette lighter and put it under the handle of
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his car door for about 5 min, then hide around a corner and wait for a minute,
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until he comes, listen, when you hear the LOUD "SHIT!!" it worked!
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The Come-Home-to-No-Home Trick
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------------------------------
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Do I exist????
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One of the lesser-known but classic practical jokes is the room-vanishing act.
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While at college, Fred decided to spend the weekend visiting his girlfriend at a
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school in the next state. That saturday his neighors in the dorm obtained a key
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to his room and removed the door from it's hinges. Plaster-board was put in it's
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place, the edges were sealed with putty and the entire wall in the hallway was
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given a fresh coat of paint. Any trace of a room having been there had vanished.
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When Fred returned he spent hours walking up and down the hall wondering what
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had happened to his room. The effect of this elaborate but remarkable prank is
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disorienting, especially if played on philosophy students who, after going from
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floor to floor trying to figure out where exactly they are, will ask themselves,
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"Do I really exist????"
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A Tight Squeeze
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Owners of Volkswagens and other small cars have often found themselves able to
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squeeze into parking spaces owners of larger cars cannot. This ability is
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tested, however, when the small car is parked in a lot with a car on each side.
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And several friends with some strength actually lift the car and turn it
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sideways so that the front and back of the car face the doors of the cars on
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each side. This prank is extremely effective for dissuading someone from driving
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after he or she has had several cocktails, provided of course that this is not
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the sort of person who will gladly plow into the adjoining cars to get out of
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the space.
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Reach out and Torture Someone II
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--------------------------------
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This practical joke is not only amusing, it is also a test of an individual's
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moral fiber. Call an acquaintance and say, "Hello, I'm from the telephone
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company, and we are experiencing some serious short-circuting in the lines that
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may disrupt the entire system in your area. Some repairmen are going to start
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working on the problem in a few minutes. We must ask you though not to pick up
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the phone if it should ring, because, if you do, you'll complete the circuit and
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electrocute the lineman." After hanging up, call the person back. If they show a
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good conscience and resist picking up, call them again in a minute or two.
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Continued refusal to pick up the phone indicates that this person is a model
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citizen and fine human being. This result occurs one in a hundred times. The
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more common case is for the person to ignore your warning and pick up the phone
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when it rings. When they do, shout into the reciever, "Aaaiiieeeeeee!" as if a
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few thousand volts were passing through your body. Beware of any persons who
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respond to your electrocution with the word "Suffer!"
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