128 lines
4.0 KiB
Groff
128 lines
4.0 KiB
Groff
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-*-PROJECTS PHOR THE BORED ANARCHIST-*-
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BY: PROWLER
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SECTION I. (>ROADKIL CAN BE PHUN<)
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ROADKILL IS POSSIBLY THE MOST USE-
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FUL THING IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE. CON-
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SIDER IT'S PROPERTIES: IT SMELLS BAD,
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IT LOOKS BAD, IT CAN BE EASILY CONCEAL-
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ED (THAT IS UNLESS IT'S A ROADKILL
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HORSE OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT!).
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1. STUFF ROADKILL IN MAILBOXES, CAR'S
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GLOVE COMPARTMENTS, GENIE MACHINES,
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NIGHT DEPOSIT SLOTS, OR ANY OTHER
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CONVENIENT OPENING.
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2. GIFT WRAP SOME ROADKILL AND SEND IT
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TO YOUR FAVORITE PERSON. BE SURE TO
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GIFTWRAP IT IN SOMETHING WITH FLOW-
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ERS OR HEARTS ON IT.
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3. LEAVE SMALL ROADKILL STREWN ABOUT IN
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YOUR LOCAL MICKEY D'S (MCDONALDS)OR
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WHATEVER RESTAURANT YOU DON'T LIKE.
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4. WRAP ROADKILL IN FREEZER PAPER, AND
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SECRET IT INTO SOMEONES FREEZER
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MARKED "ROAST", OR "BURGERS".
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5. PUT ROADKILL IN SOMEONE'S WELL, OR
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CISTERN.
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6. COMBINE DIFFERENT TYPES OF ROADKILL
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TO MAKE YOUR OWN NEW CREATURE. TAKE
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IT TO YOUR SCHOOL, AND LEAVE IT SOME
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PLACE WHERE IT IS SURE TO BE FOUND.
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---------------------------------------
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SECTION II (>POOLS<)
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HAVING A SWIMMING POOL IS POSSIBLY
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THE BIGGEST WAY TO ASK TO BE ATTACKED
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BY EVERY SELF-RESPECTING ANARCHIST
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AROUND.
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1. PISS, SHIT OR PUKE IN THE POOL.
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2. LEAVE SOME EXTREMELY LARGE ROADKILL
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FLOATING IN THE POOL. I DON'T MEAN
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GROUNDHOG, I MEAN BIG, LIKE A HORSE
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DONKEY, OR COW.
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3. POUR DIFFERENT COLORS OF DYE IN THE
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POOL.
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4. PHUCK AROUND WITH THE THERMOSTAT.
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5. PUT ROADKILL IN THE POOL'S FILTERS,
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THIS WILL CAUSE THE ENTIRE POOL TO
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SMELL AWFUL.
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6. INVITE EVERYONE OVER TO YOUR POOL
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PARTY AT THE VICTIM'S HOUSE,
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PREFERABLY ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON.
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---------------------------------------
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SECTION III (>LATENIGHT PHUN<)
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DON'T YOU JUST LOVE TO SNEAK AROUD
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AT NIGHT WHEN EVERYONE IS ASLEEP? YOU
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CAN DO ALMOST ANYTHING AND NOONE WILL
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KNOW ABOUT IT UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING.
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1. PLAY MAILBOX, WHERE THE GUY WHO
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MANGLES OR STEALS THE MOST MAILBOXES
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WINS THEM ALL.
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2. DO KIDDIE HALLOWEEN STUFF: SOAP
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WINDOWS, THROW EGGS, ETC...
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3. GET A BB GUN AND SHOOT THAT DAMN DOG
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THAT ALWAYS BARKS AT YOU. BE SURE TO
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SHOOT IT ABOUT 30 TIMES, TO INSURE
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MAXIMUM EFFECT.
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4. TURN ON EVERYONE'S OUTDOOR FAUCETS.
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WHEN THEY GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING,
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THEIR YARD WILL BE A SWAMP.
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5. BREAK INTO YOUR PHAVORITE SCHOOL.
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SEE WHAT THERE IS TO STEAL. IF YOU
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CANT FIND ANYTHING, TRASH THE PLACE!
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6. HAVE A CONTEST TO SEE WHO CAN STEAL
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THE MOST INTERESTING ROAD SIGNS,
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LIKE COX ROAD, DIX LANE, ETC...
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---------------------------------------
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SECTION IV (>POP MACHINES<)
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HAVEN'T YOU EVER WONDERED HOW HOW A
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POP MACHINE WORKS? THEY CAN BE REAL FUN
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WHEN YOU'RE BORED.
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1. REMOVE SOME OF THE PUSH BUTTONS, AND
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PLAY WITH THE STUFF BEHIND THEM. YOU
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WILL FIND THAT COINS DROP.
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2. PUT A BIG BOMB UP IN WHERE THE POP
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CANS GO.
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3. GET SOME OF YOUR PHRIENDS, AND A
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TRUCK. STEAL THE SONOFABITCH, 99% OF
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THE TIME, NOONE WILL STOP YOU.
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4. JUST MANGLE IT TO THE POINT WHERE IT
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IS NO LONGER ANY GOOD FOR ANYTHING
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EXCEPT SCRAP METAL.
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5. GLUE ONE OF THE BUTTONS DOWN WITH
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SUPER GLUE, NEXT TIME SOMEONE PUTS
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IN MONEY, IT WILL GIVE THEM THAT.
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6. CRAZY GLUE ALL THE BUTTONS UP SO
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THAT SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO USE A
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SLEDGE HAMMER TO PRESS IT.
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---------------------------------------
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SECTION V (>CARS<)
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CARS CAN BE FUN, IF YOU'RE NOT THE
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OWNER OF THE VICTIMISED VEHICLE.
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1. PUT SOME GRAVEL BEHIND THE HUBCAPS,
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IF THE VICTIM IS NOT TOO MECHANICLY
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INCLINED, THEY WILL THINK THEIR CAR
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IS PHALLING APART.
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2. CUT ALL THE WIRES (DASH, SEATS, ETC)
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IN THE ENTIRE CAR.
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3. PUT MOTHBALLS IN THE GAS TANK. THIS
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WILL CAUSE THE VICTIM'S CAR TO SUDD-
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ENLY HIT SPEEDS ABOVE MACH 12.
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4. GIVE IT A ONCE OVER: PAINT REMOVER
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ON THE HOOD, SLASHED TIRES, DENTED
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PANELS, SMASHED LIGHTS, ETC...
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5. PUT CRAZY GLUE IN ALL |