665 lines
38 KiB
Plaintext
665 lines
38 KiB
Plaintext
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SUBJECT: ENCOUNTER JOURNAL "EXCERPTS" FILE: UFO2690
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Taken from consecutive messages in Sandy Barbre's "Contact" Echo from
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Dan Brown concerning personal experiences - July 31, 1991
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Encounter Journal "Excerpts" Dan Brown
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To follow are multiple messages which are excerpts from my personal
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journal. They do not represent the entirity of my experiences, and many
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things have been left out for varoious reasons. Those reasons include,
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but are not limited to; privacy, and not being of importance at
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present.
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Why am I doing this?
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Glad you asked! <Grin>...
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A good friend of mine, John Powell, offered me some good advice
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pertaining to keeping my experiences to myself until I was ready to
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freely discuss them, and felt comfortable with my experiences... After
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all, they are my experiences and I'm the one that has to live with
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them.
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Now, the following lengthy dissertation, as I've mentioned, is not a
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complete journal of what I've experienced, and at this point in time,
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it's not completely acurate. I have learned a few things about my
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experiences, and have added new ones, clarified old ones, and been
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overly astonished with certain abilities and disabilities in dealing
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with the things that have happened in my personal life.
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I'm putting out these journal excerpts mainly as a way of dealing
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with my life and to reach a further understanding of my experiences.
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The things in my excerpts are not in anyway astonishing, so please
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don't expect to read about space ships in the night, or exchanges of
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information with other worldly beings... It's just your typical wierd
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stuff, and I need to let it go so that I can move onward!
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I do have a tendency to ramble on, so please bare with me. I've left
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some of the more obscure ramblings in tact, so if I get too off the
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wall, and leave you confused... Sorry... It's my nature... <Grin>...
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Any comments or suggestions are happily welcome... flames > nul
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Get a bag of Doritos out (preferably cool ranch) and a tall glass of
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Pepsi I'm about to get longwinded again!
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Encounter Journal Dan Brown
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I have been sitting here trying to ascertain how it is that I find
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myself actually making entries into a journal of this nature The idea
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of possible personal experience involving alien contact or abduction or
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whatever this may be, is far beyond my capability to reason. I have no
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full conscious memory of having encountered anything that represents
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something other than Human kind as I know it, but my mind continues,
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with great persistence, to tell me that something has happened to me
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along the way.
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Previous to a few weeks before starting this journal, I had not been
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overly interested in the "UFO/Other/Visitor" phenomenon, or for that
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matter, in abduction cases. Although I am not ignorant of the
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phenomenon, I did not actively follow it. UFO stories had their place
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in my life in much the same way as the telling of ghost stories did on
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those starry nights while camping far from the safety of civilization
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and home.
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So again I ask myself how was it that I came to this point that I
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have even considered it a viable necessity to keep a journal? I did not
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amass information from research and literature to deduce a sound
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logical hypothesis on this phenomenon. What brought this about was
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something simple. On my computer, I run an electronic bulletin board
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system. Another systems operator in my area announced that he was
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starting up a local conference via our network. The topic was to be
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alien encounters and sighting and he was asking other operators if they
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would consider carrying this conference on their systems. I agreed to
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carry it. It seemed interesting, but I wasn't actually going to
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participate in the conference.
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As messages start being written in this conference, I glanced through
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some of them, and the moderator of the conference mentioned something
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about a period in his life where he had missing time. I had never
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actually thought about anything of this nature, so I read the message.
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I couldn't actually relate to the situation he had described. Later, he
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had posted a few more messages and wanted the participants in the
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conference to keep an open mind about the topic, and to try to remember
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if any strange events had taken place during their lives. If anything
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came to mind that was of any relation to the conference, he would like
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to hear about it. I didn't think too much about his request, so I
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didn't bother to join in. Later that week, I unexpectedly started
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remembering things from my past that literally scared me. I had not
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thought about my experiences in quite a long time. Some of them had
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terrified me to no end, and I wasn't in any hurry to bring those
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memories into my conscious thoughts.
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After having those memories become present in my mind, I went back to
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look more closely at the conference messages, and found one that was
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written by the conference moderator noting techniques to help get
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information from the subconscious to the conscious as directed by one
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Dr. Edith Fiore. This technique involved the use of a simple pendulum,
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that with practice, would allow your subconscious mind to let the
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answer to simple yes and no questions to come through.
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I knew, or at least assumed, that this could not really be considered
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a clinical technique, but I felt compelled to try. After practicing
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with the pendulum for a few days, I was able to get it to respond, in
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the prescribed manner, to yes and no questions with ease.
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I began to formulate a set of questions that I would ask myself about
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my memories, and their relationship with possible "Other than human"
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encounters I may or may not have had. Being a skeptic by nature, I felt
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extremely ridiculous in doing this, but I proceeded with the experiment
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nonetheless. If I had the foresight through all this, I would have
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recorded my list of questions, and their responses, but alas, I didn't
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seriously think that this would progress as far as it did. I can only
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recount what I can remember, and what has made profound impressions
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upon my way of thinking, my life, and its possible implications.
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At first, using the pendulum, I asked myself general questions such
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as is my "Name", "Do I live in California," etc... I moved through
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questions that I knew to be true, and those that I knew were false. In
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each case, I received the appropriate response. I practiced in this
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manner for another two days, then decided that I was at least semi-
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proficient with the pendulum, and moved on to harder questions.
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o Note: I must clearly acknowledge that I am not in any way a
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clinical professional, nor am I a professional observer. I do,
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however, suffer from agoraphobia which does tend to force me into a
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position of being very observant of my surroundings and mental and
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emotional states.
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I made sure to incorporate questions that would offer a specific
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response around questions that might be sensitive or peculiar. This was
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done for the sake of having something to ground my responses with as
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one might do with polygraph examinations. For example, when I planned
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on asking a question such as "Did I sense there was someone present in
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the room" and I received "Yes" as an answer, I would ask a question
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that would gain a negative response such as, "Do I live in Nebraska,"
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then I would repeat the first question and note the response. Also,
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this technique would help give something to gauge my emotional
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responses against, and offer some report of how I was mentally dealing
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with the line of responses received. All questions were prefaced with
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the understanding that all answers were "To the best of my knowledge"
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including the questions themselves.
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Proceeding with my venture into the past, I singled out a specific
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experience that occurred at around the age of six years old. Keeping
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simple and concise I moved into an arena that was extremely difficult
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for me. This particular episode is detailed later in this journal.
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I asked myself, using the pendulum, if I remembered the experience in
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question. The let the questions move in their own direction, basing
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each question on those previously asked, but keeping as close to my
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line of questions as possible.
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Do I remember the experience? Yes
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Was I dreaming? No
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Was I awake and aware? Yes
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Did I feel a presence in the room? Yes
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More than one presence? Yes
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Did I feel it was my parents? No
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Did I feel it was one of my parents? No
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Do I remember something placed on the
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right side of my mouth? Yes
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Was this a dream? No
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And so on . . .
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I tried to be as objective as possible, but it was not easy, as I'm
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sure this journal will prove.
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In my memories of the event, I remembered something being place in my
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mouth. I had always remembered it being something like a probe, but I'm
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still not sure if this was the case. I asked questions about the
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episode. I did not get the answer I expected.
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Was something placed into my mouth? Yes
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Was this something like a probe? ?
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Do I remember something like a
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culture being taken? ?
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I stopped when I got to this area of questioning. I repeated these
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last few questions several times.
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o The technique with the pendulum had been fairly dependable up to
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this point, but when asking the questions about the "probe" and
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"culture," I got no response. My mind was rather hesitant about
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asking these questions. Such questions would clearly open into an
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area that my conscious mind did not want to deal with. Consciously,
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I would consider this a violation of my person. As a child, I may
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not have understood this reasoning, but as an adult can see it's
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possibilities and ramifications as something that is not pleasant
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and not something that I want to experience in my life.
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At first I thought that I was being silly sitting here with this
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homemade pendulum asking silly questions, and getting non-answers. I
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must simply be in the throngs of lunacy to be doing such things. This
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was, to me, proof that I had no real experience, and that I should just
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ignore what must just be a confused response to new stimuli, and chalk
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it up to a bad case of "Ghost story" jitters. After all, this was just
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a dream I had been concerning myself with, nothing real to be bothered
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about, and certainly not congruent with reality as I knew it.
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The next day it occurred to me that I had either asked the question
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incorrectly, or I had another question that I hadn't asked at all
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pertaining to the probe experience. "If something wasn't being taken
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out of my mouth, was something being put in?" This had never crossed my
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mind.
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Whenever I had though about my "Dream" at age six, it was always
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accompanied with memories of something like a culture being taken from
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my mouth. Never before had I considered to ask myself such an obvious
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question. Why should I have? It was apparently just a bad "dream."
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On the rare occasion when I have told others about this "dream," I
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was always told that it sounded more logical that something was being
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put in my mouth rather than what I suspected. On these occasions, I did
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not hear what was said. Not that I just misunderstood, but their words
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were replaced, in my mind, with other words so that I effectively did
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not hear their words. I can only assume that my mind did not want to
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hear this and chose, rather, to block out such explanations. After the
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thought finally occurred to me, I mentioned my "brain storm" to these
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people and was abruptly told that this was something they had already
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told me.
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o I must note that, other than my wife, I have only told two people
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about this experience. I did not randomly choose these two people
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to relate my tale to, but waited and watched to feel sure I would
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not be ridiculed when I brought this up in the conversation.
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Incidentally, after discussing this, one of the two people related
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some interesting experiences of their own, which came very close to
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some things that I had not mentioned previously.
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o I have told little to my wife about my situation. I have let her in
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on the basics, but have resigned myself to keeping the emotions
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away from our discussions. I do not want her to become fearful
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about my sanity, or my situation. Her response to this has been
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that this "all sounds about right . . ." I was not actually ready
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for such a reply. She has supported me during all this, and seems
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to accept the inevitability that this sort of thing is normal, and
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that it happens every day. I have yet to ask if she feels she has
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been involved in some sort of similar experience.
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I waited until the following day before proceeding with my line of
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questioning. I had to deal with my fear of finding out what had
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happened to me. Whether or not using the pendulum was a valid technique
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no longer made a difference. It was an anchor to reality. I was not,
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nor am I now, sure I like this possible new reality but it is mine, and
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as such, I must live accordingly.
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Proceeding onward, I asked if something was being administered to me
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orally rather than a culture being taken, and the answer was in the
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affirmative. I have no idea of how I would know if something was being
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put into my mouth if a probe was being used. It would seem to me that
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both techniques using a similar instrument would be almost impossible
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to deliberate.
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After thinking on this for sometime, I came up with the thought that
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it is possible for the human brain to keep track of biological
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integrity whether it be a natural occurrence of enzyme action, or
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external induction. To be honest, this happened so long ago that even
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thought I remember the incident clearly, some aspects are a bit hazy. I
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would not testify, based on what I remember, that a "probe" was used
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during this episode. Sometimes it seems as though something was poured
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or dropped into my mouth, and then other times I think it was a probe.
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I can't be certain which. I do know, however, that I do believe that
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something has happened to me, and that it does not fall into the
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category of normally accepted reality.
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This is what brought me to the point where I became involved in
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seeking answers to questions that I sincerely wished would have never
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surfaced.
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I realize that I'm being long winded, but long windedness is one of
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my ways of getting these things out where they can be dealt with.
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Unfortunately, being given to long windedness, I tend to sacrifice the
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even flow, and contextual continuity when writing. . .
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Let me move onward. . .
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Here are some accounts of episodes that, to the best of my ability, I
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have remember which have occurred since the age of two. Some may be
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related, and some may be just strange events. I'll include what I can
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recall. . .
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THE INCIDENT WITH THE EASTER BUNNY:
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At around the age of two or three, my parents and I were living in a
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house on South Powell street in Columbus Ohio. On the occasion of this
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event, I was sitting up in the lower bunk of my bunk bed. It was early
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morning, and my bedroom door was open. My mother was in the habit of
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opening my door each night before she retired for the evening. I do not
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remember waking up that morning, I just remember being in the lower
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bunk, and looking out into the hallway (Assumed time would be
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approximately between 6:00 to 7:00 am. since the light of dawn was
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making it easy to see, and my parents were not up yet.) I am not sure
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what it was that I saw, my mind could not really understand it. It was
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something living and moving. In my mind, I assumed it must be the
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Easter Bunny since Easter was not far away. (I would presume that this
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would make around mid to late March to early April.) I watched this
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thing move down the hall away from my bedroom. It turned and looked at
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me briefly, gave sort of a wave, and then disappeared. I remember it
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walking down the hallway, and then it wasn't there any longer. It was
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not easy to look at it. It didn't seem to be solid, and fluctuated
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between what I suppose I superimposed in my mind of a picture of the
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Easter Bunny, and something that was kind of a white and illuminated. I
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remember the picture of the bunny more clearly than the other. (I must
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point out that I do not actually clearly remember seeing the part that
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was illuminated. It is simply an impression.)
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After it left, I only remember laying back down on my bed thinking
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that I must have been being a good boy or else the Easter Bunny would
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not have let me see him. I wanted to get out of bed, but I was not
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allowed to get up until my parents woke.
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One thing that puzzles me now that I think back on this incident, is
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that I was not at all frightened. All I can remember of my thoughts
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from that experience is that I saw something I did not understand, and
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in trying to make sense of it, I gave it identification as the Easter
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bunny.
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o Awhile after the incident with the Easter Bunny, my parents were
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separated. I was not really aware of this, since my mother just
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told me that we were going to go "visit" some friends for awhile. I
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have considered that proceeding episodes might be related in some
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way to this separation with manifested feelings of anxiety, fear,
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and guilt, but I really believe that I dealt with those feelings in
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ways not related, or entering into the territorial boundaries of
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what I recount concerning the topic at hand.
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THE WITCH IN BLACK:
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At the middle of September, we were living with a lady and her three
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daughters in an area of Columbus I was not familiar with. We stayed
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there until, I believe, the first part January.
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In the early part of October, shortly after my third birthday, I was
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sleeping in a room which I shared with my mother. It was very early in
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the morning when I realized that I was wide awake. (I was almost always
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the first one to wake up.) I noticed the presence of someone else in
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the room besides me and my mother. Whatever it was, it was standing
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near the head of the cot I slept in, and as I became aware of where it
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was, I turned my head to see what was there. Being a chicken by nature,
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I shut my eyes and turned away at the first glimpse. What I do recall
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seeing was something dressed in black, not like a shadow, but in black
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clothing, and my impression was that whoever I saw did not look normal.
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I hid my self under my covers, and remained there until I felt whoever
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it was leave. I listened for any sound or evidence of movement, but did
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not hear anything. No door opened or closed, no window was opened. I
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could feel it near me for a short time, then it left. I ventured a
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look, and it was no longer in the room.
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Being close to Halloween, I assumed it must be a witch, and I didn't
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want to tangle with any witches. . .
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NIGHT PICNIC AT THE BEACH:
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o Since I'm not sure of the date sequence of this episode, I will
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interject it here for the sake of convenience.
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In 1959, my mother and I moved to Jacksonville Florida to stay with
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my uncle Ron. He lived in a new housing area which was, at that time,
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named "Sandalwood". About nine months to a year later, my mother was
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introduced to a fellow serviceman of my uncle stationed at the May Port
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Naval station. They were soon married and bought a house in the same
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housing area, but on the far side, where recent construction was just
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being completed.
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When my step-father was in port, we would frequently go out for night
|
||
|
time picnics at the beach. On one particular occasion, we set out for
|
||
|
the evening. Driving out to a secluded stretch of road running along
|
||
|
the coast, we could not find any spot that pleased my step-father, so
|
||
|
he decided that since we had driven quite a way already, the best thing
|
||
|
to do was to turn around, and just find any decent place to pull off,
|
||
|
and have our picnic there.
|
||
|
|
||
|
We drove back the way we had come, and I entertained myself by
|
||
|
watching the stars in the evening sky as we went along. After awhile, I
|
||
|
noticed that neither my mother or step-father were speaking, which to
|
||
|
me, was not the ordinary course of events that usually took place when
|
||
|
we were out for the evening. I popped up from the back seat, and asked
|
||
|
when we were going to stop and have our picnic, to which I was given
|
||
|
the answer that we had already stopped, had our picnic, and were now
|
||
|
returning home. I had no recollection of stopping anywhere, nor had I
|
||
|
remembered eating anything. I only remembered driving down the road,
|
||
|
and watching the stars.
|
||
|
|
||
|
When we arrived home, my mother took our picnic things out of the
|
||
|
trunk and took them into the house. As I watched, she proceeded to put
|
||
|
the entire, un-eaten, contents of the our picnic supplies back into the
|
||
|
refrigerator. After doing this, my parents retired for the evening
|
||
|
without giving any explanation, or thinking that one was necessary.
|
||
|
|
||
|
During all of this, I just watched without questioning their actions.
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
THE NIGHT VISITS:
|
||
|
|
||
|
During the early part of 1961, I began having events take place on a
|
||
|
nightly basis which spanned, as best as my memory can ascertain, a
|
||
|
period of one month.
|
||
|
|
||
|
At some point during each night, I would wake up to the feeling that
|
||
|
something was being placed on the right side of my mouth. The object
|
||
|
was cold, and had a texture similar to glass, or metal. Directly after
|
||
|
this, I would feel a probe being placed into my mouth, and moved around
|
||
|
as though a culture was being taken. I do not remember the texture of
|
||
|
the probe itself, other than the impression that it was thin. I do not
|
||
|
remember any sensation of temperature connected with the probe.
|
||
|
|
||
|
From my point of awareness, and wakefulness, these episodes seem to
|
||
|
have only taken about ten to fifteen minutes. If more was involved, I
|
||
|
have no current knowledge of it.
|
||
|
|
||
|
During each visit, I would wake up terrified, afraid to move out of
|
||
|
fear that I would be hurt. My heart was racing excitedly out of fear. I
|
||
|
surmised that since I was being still, and nothing had hurt me thus
|
||
|
far, more of the same immobility was in order. On later "visits", I
|
||
|
tried to move, but was unable to control any motor functions other than
|
||
|
those involuntary functions such as heart reat, breathing, etc. with
|
||
|
the exception of one time. At one point during the probing, I was able
|
||
|
to open my eyes slightly. When I did this, I saw something like a white
|
||
|
sleeve, and part of what looked like a hand close to my face. The hand
|
||
|
moved toward my face, and I quickly shut my eyes.
|
||
|
|
||
|
On multiple occasions, after having one of these nightly visits, I
|
||
|
managed to get out of bed, and would check to see if my mother was
|
||
|
doing these things to me. On each occasion, I would find her in her
|
||
|
room, sound asleep, with no signs of stirring.
|
||
|
|
||
|
At one point, as one of these visits ended, and I felt the presence
|
||
|
leaving, I struggled to get my eyes open, and as I did, I looked toward
|
||
|
my bedroom door. It was moving from and open position to a closed
|
||
|
position as though someone had pulled on the handle, then let the door
|
||
|
close on its own. I got up as quickly as my body would allow, and went
|
||
|
to see if my mother had been in my room. Again, she was sound asleep. I
|
||
|
then cautiously looked around the house, checking outside through the
|
||
|
windows. I saw no signs of any movement, no cars, no lights other than
|
||
|
porch lights from neighbors a block down.
|
||
|
|
||
|
In the following weeks after the nightly visits ended, I began having
|
||
|
a strange sensation come over me for short periods of time, becoming
|
||
|
more increasingly in frequency and duration until July 4th, 1963. This
|
||
|
sensation is that of feeling extremely "spacy", or as though I'm seeing
|
||
|
life through someone elses eyes, or though I'm watching everything as
|
||
|
if it were all on television. (My apologies for my lack of proper
|
||
|
descriptive examples.) I have heard that this sensation is much like
|
||
|
the effect of hallucinagenic drugs on the human nervous system. This
|
||
|
sensation has been with me since 1964 without any sign of lessening.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Shortly after the sensation became permanent, I began having problems
|
||
|
with my left ear. I acquired a nasty ear infection which resulted in a
|
||
|
rupture that left a good portion of my bed covered in blood, and placed
|
||
|
me in a coma for three days. I don't remember anything that would
|
||
|
connect this with my previous experiences other than that I seem to
|
||
|
feel that it is somehow related.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Another situation that began directly after the night visits ended is
|
||
|
the recurring akinesiatic experience. I have no other term to which to
|
||
|
refer, so please pardon my usage if it proves to be incorrect. My
|
||
|
definition in this context pertains to the inability of movement, and
|
||
|
lack of all motor function control with exception of minor eye control
|
||
|
in some instances. Generally, as the akinesia overtakes me, I can move
|
||
|
somewhat for a few seconds, then I become completely immobile.
|
||
|
|
||
|
In almost all instances when I am overcome with akinesia, I am alone.
|
||
|
On the few occasions when I've been in bed and my wife is there asleep,
|
||
|
I have been unable to wake her. With the exception of my wife, I have
|
||
|
never experienced akinesia when anyone else was present.
|
||
|
|
||
|
MISSING TIME ON THE FREEWAY:
|
||
|
|
||
|
I am unable to recall the date, or even the year when this situation
|
||
|
took place. I believe to the best of my assumptive ability that the
|
||
|
episode took place in 1984 or 1985.
|
||
|
|
||
|
I was returning late one night from visiting friends that lived in a
|
||
|
nearby town. I was driving home alone, and the traffic was very sparse
|
||
|
to non existent. I remember being at about half way home (at about 25
|
||
|
miles) and the next moment, I was about 100 yards from my turn off from
|
||
|
the freeway. I was completely confused when I realized where I was, and
|
||
|
thought I had managed to get myself to Los Angeles. There were still no
|
||
|
cars on the freeway with me, and I was still in the same lane I was in
|
||
|
25 miles back. I have no idea what happened during that 25 mile drive.
|
||
|
I got home as quickly as I could, and went directly to bed.
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
UFO SIGHTING:
|
||
|
|
||
|
In 1984, while walking back from the local mini-mart with my friend
|
||
|
Gene, I happened to look up into the night sky and I say three
|
||
|
triangular shaped objects at just above the cloud ceiling. They
|
||
|
appeared to have a luminescence that looked to me to be much like a
|
||
|
flourescent coloring. The objects were in a delta formation, directly
|
||
|
above my, and slightly to the right moving in a south to north
|
||
|
direction. They appeared to move at the same pace as I was walking. I
|
||
|
watched them for about 30 seconds and though that I should get Gene's
|
||
|
attention and have him take a look. As I did this, they took off to the
|
||
|
north at a great speed. With the darkness, and the cloud ceiling, I was
|
||
|
unable to calculate the distance, or size of the objects. There were no
|
||
|
running lights of any kind, and no sound that I could perceive. That
|
||
|
was the extent of my personal UFO related sightings.
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
A LATER REFLECTION:
|
||
|
|
||
|
After talking a closer look and examiming my memories of this event,
|
||
|
I do feel that perhaps that what I was seeing was not three crafts, but
|
||
|
rather, a single craft. My first inclination of three ships was
|
||
|
primarily due to the three distinctive light sources. At first, I
|
||
|
assumed that three light "sources" automatically meant three "Craft".
|
||
|
After thinking long and hard about this, and considering the way the
|
||
|
three light sources never deviated in their distance and position from
|
||
|
each other, I must say that I feel this was one rather large triangular
|
||
|
craft. I may very well be wrong, but this is the only way that I can is
|
||
|
correlate the information I have.
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
AUTOHYPNOSIS:
|
||
|
|
||
|
At one point, I decided to try autohypnosis to see if I could uncover
|
||
|
some possible information to determine if I had actually experienced a
|
||
|
UFO related encounter. Since my experience of the night visits at age
|
||
|
six seem to be most predominant, I chose to start there.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Proceeding through the induction, and preliminary steps, I found that
|
||
|
I had successfully brought myself to an acceptable state of suggestion.
|
||
|
My primary desire was to take myself back to the night where my first
|
||
|
memory of the episodes took place. Through suggestion, I tried to have
|
||
|
myself start at the point where I was just falling asleep, but couldn't
|
||
|
do so. Instead, I found myself standing outside the house we lived in
|
||
|
at the time, looking up at my bedroom window. Rather than it being
|
||
|
evening, it was mid afternoon. I tried once again to place myself at
|
||
|
the point where I was just falling asleep, and again, I found myself
|
||
|
outside the house looking at my bedroom window. I tried a third time
|
||
|
with the same results. Seeing that I was not going to be able to
|
||
|
proceed in the manner I had desired, I let myself start outside the
|
||
|
house, looking at the window. After starring at the window and seeing
|
||
|
the vividness of my memories, I moved to make my way into the house.
|
||
|
|
||
|
o In real time, I'd often stood outside my bedroom window looking up
|
||
|
to see if anyone could see in.
|
||
|
|
||
|
I recalled memories of things I hadn't thought of for years, and
|
||
|
others that I hadn't remembered until then. I made my way into the
|
||
|
house, and down the hall to my old bedroom. There were many things that
|
||
|
caught my eye of rememberance, but I will leave those out of this
|
||
|
dialog for the sake of getting more to the point. I stood in my room
|
||
|
seeing it just as it was. I enjoyed myself to no end, but knew I had
|
||
|
gone to the trouble of doing this to see what was possibly hidden in my
|
||
|
subconscious.
|
||
|
|
||
|
I managed to bring myself to the time I had fallen asleep. At this
|
||
|
point I decided to begin maintaining myself in the role of an observer.
|
||
|
I watched as I fell asleep, and allowed time t o progress toward the
|
||
|
incident in question. At this point, I was unable to see myself laying
|
||
|
in my bed, or to see the room anymore. I was no longer in the position
|
||
|
of the observer, but actually beginning to relive the experience all
|
||
|
over. I became a bit frightful about this, but I was determined to go
|
||
|
through with this, and bring back all of the information I could.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Toward the end of the autohypnosis, I began to move directly to the
|
||
|
point where I first became aware that something was happening to me. I
|
||
|
tried to move further into the memory, but I was abruptly stopped by a
|
||
|
pair of ugly, large black eyes, and the word "NO!". . .
|
||
|
|
||
|
This scared the pants off me, but I would persist in my endeavor. I
|
||
|
tried the same thing twice more, and ran up against those eyes, and the
|
||
|
word "NO!". I decided that I had pushed my luck far enough, and
|
||
|
brought myself out of the hypnotic state.
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
PERSONAL BIO:
|
||
|
|
||
|
Do to the "spacy" feeling I have had for nearly thirty years, I did
|
||
|
seek out medical, and psychological help. In all cases, I was found to
|
||
|
be in good health, and suffering from no mental illnesses. I underwent
|
||
|
various medical and psychological testing. These tests included CAT
|
||
|
scans, EEGs, testing for temporal lobe epilepsy. The only negative
|
||
|
findings that were brought out were that I was suffering from
|
||
|
Polycythemia Vera (a blood disorder,) and that I had carpel tunnel
|
||
|
syndrome.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Since the age of six, I have been agorophobic, and pretty much stay
|
||
|
to myself. I am very hesitant to open up to people unless I feel I can
|
||
|
trust them. I wouldn't say I'm paranoid, but I do tend to extremely
|
||
|
cautious of my surroundings, and who is near me. I have very few close
|
||
|
friends, but those friends are ones that I can trust.
|
||
|
|
||
|
The most overwhelming hurdles for me to overcome are, and have always
|
||
|
been, my sense of non-identity and anxiety. Constantly, I live with the
|
||
|
feeling of violation, and at the same time, longing for a return of
|
||
|
those that have caused me to feel this way. Part of my life is lived in
|
||
|
secret, and that in itself causes me more stress than most anything
|
||
|
else.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Fortunately, with the help of two friends, L. Morgan, and J. Powell,
|
||
|
I have managed to learn to deal with this unusual state of strangeness
|
||
|
in my life. Although I have come to grips with what may be happening
|
||
|
to me, I cannot say that I have sorted through and understood all of
|
||
|
the realities and implications involved. I am still searching for
|
||
|
those illusive answers. In time I may come to know for sure what has
|
||
|
been happening to me, but till then, I must endure and persevere.
|
||
|
|
||
|
I had wanted to find some quote from literature to use as a way to
|
||
|
communicate my emotional response to what I have been going through. I
|
||
|
wanted to use the quote as an epilogue to this communication. Alas, I
|
||
|
could find nothing in the bounds of my meager library that bear the
|
||
|
import of my feelings. Of the few quotes I found, I was not satisfied
|
||
|
with their congruency. I did find something that I had personally
|
||
|
written a few years back that came as close as anything else I had
|
||
|
come across. I would like to close with that quote here. . .
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
The coldness of the evening air moves swiftly across your face
|
||
|
Like the unwanted touch
|
||
|
of loneliness.
|
||
|
|
||
|
The skies of winter approach, bring the heartless cries of farewell
|
||
|
To the passing of autumn, now ringing,
|
||
|
And left echoing in your ears.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Alone you stand.
|
||
|
|
||
|
All that have gone before speak in hollow tones
|
||
|
As if to guide your path.
|
||
|
Their words,
|
||
|
Still sharp in your mind, cannot bring comfort.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Alone you stand, and
|
||
|
Alone you must bear your quest.
|
||
|
|
||
|
---
|
||
|
|
||
|
I hope that I have found, in this echo, the strength to stand alone,
|
||
|
and to stand with friends...
|
||
|
|
||
|
Take care,
|
||
|
|
||
|
Dan
|
||
|
|
||
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
|
||
|
Dan can be contacted at the below address:
|
||
|
|
||
|
D.E.Brown
|
||
|
1710 1/2 "X" Street (Lower)
|
||
|
Sacramento, CA 95818
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
**********************************************
|
||
|
* THE U.F.O. BBS - http://www.ufobbs.com/ufo *
|
||
|
**********************************************
|