106 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
106 lines
3.1 KiB
Plaintext
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Hotline! (4)
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(c) 1987
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James Zachary
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There are times that the telephone will ring in vain at the water
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and sewer department, because there is no one there to answer it.
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The bartender at the local pub wanders over to the slumping
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figure by the window.
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"Looks like you need a beer! Rough day at work?"
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Better make it a straight bourbon, a rough day at work makes me
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paranoid about amber liquids that foam.
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"Where do ya work?"
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At a sewage plant.
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"RIGHT! One bourbon coming up!"
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(A comely young lady wearing tight jeans and a 'Save the
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Armadillo' sweatshirt walks over.)
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"May I have a word with you?"
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No.
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"Awww, come on now, I just want to talk."
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Lady, if this is about your plugged sewer, rusty drinking water
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or your house flooding last September, call our main office
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tomorrow during working hours.
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"Oh no, I don't live around here. I want to ask if you are
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willing to observe 'Meatless Monday' with us?"
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Please go away.
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"Do you know about 'Meatless Monday' and what it means to the
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world?"
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It must have something to do with either 'Gay Rights' or the
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'Celibate Society' movements. I'm the wrong person to talk to...
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please have a nice evening.
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"OH NO! 'Meatless Monday' is a worldwide event planned to
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demonstrate the cruelty of eating the flesh of other living
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animals. We propose all people become vegetarians."
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I really don't want to be a vegetable.
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"Vegetarian. Mankind does not have the right, nor the real need,
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to slaughter living creatures for food. Meat protein and fat is
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slowly killing you. Were you aware of that?"
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Sure beats getting knifed on the subway.
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"The more people we can get to observe 'Meatless Monday', the
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more animals will be saved from vicious slaughter."
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Vicious slaughter?
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"YES! Do you realize how cruelly animals are killed before
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butchering? Most are just bludgeoned into unconsciousness and
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are then quartered alive!"
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I wondered where the 'quarter-pounder' came from.
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"This is serious! There are no standards set for the humane
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killing of animals and we want all people to boycott meat
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products for one day, as a demonstration of unity."
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Sure, lady. I'll try not to eat anything until it has quit
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wiggling.
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"Are you involved in any ecological or conservation programs?"
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Oh, yes Ma'am. I too believe all living creatures must be
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protected. I am a member of the 'Save the Mosquito Committee'.
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I am the recruitment officer.
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"You are not serious! Just what does the recruitment officer
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do?"
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I find people willing to stand naked in the swamp to act as
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feeding stations. Interested?
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"NO! Don't change the subject. Our group wants to convince as
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many people as possible to be vegetarians, but we realize that
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many will insist on eating animal flesh. We would settle on a
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standard that would require a humane method of killing them."
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That's easy. You can volunteer to talk to the animals.
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"I don't understand what good that would do."
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They would then simply die of boredom.
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