152 lines
8.5 KiB
Plaintext
152 lines
8.5 KiB
Plaintext
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Whovians take note:
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-------------------
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////////Barney badass's b-files////////
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B-file #4:A couple of problems,or
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Whofile# 1
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****Note****
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The following file was written with a certain reader in mind;The whoite. That
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is,an afficionado of that gallifr- eyan do-gooder,the doctor. Those of you who
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are not familiar with the timelord of which i speak,are bound to get pre- cious
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little from this file,so i recco- mmend you use your online time for some other
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endavor,like wondering why you live in such a vaccuum that you don't know who
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the doctor is. Or,rather,that the doctor is who. Oh,never mind. To the
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enlightened,i implore you,read/ print on!
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Fellow who-ites; Perhaps you have noticed the title to this file : A couple
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of problems. What might i mean by this? Well,being a regular viewer/
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convention hound for 4 years now,i have noticed a phenomenon that reoccurs oc-
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casionally with the doctor's companions --the female ones, i mean. This file is
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an essay on--bongos on the bridge;Mam- maries in the main control;Cleavage in
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the console room...Yes, i mean:
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Tits in the TARDIS.
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Why are they there? Do they add or detract from the essence of the doc- tor's
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escapades? Do we mind their pres- ence? Or,rather,presences? Perhaps we can
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get some answers by examining the history of this phenomenon. Or,rather, these
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phenomenae...
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Susan,barbara,polly,zoe,vicki,liz, jo,sarah,leela,romana,nyassa,tegan,and
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now,peri. These ladies are the possible subjects of examination that we can use
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in our brief study. These are,of course the female assistants that i have seen
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in action...There may be others that i have forgotten,but we can suffice quite
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niceley with these lasses.
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Now-to identify the origins of up- per body protruberances into the space/
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time continuum,we shall go back,back in time (Relatively,of course) to the doc-
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tor's first incarnation,the late william hartnell. What do we find here?
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Susan,the doctor's 'granddaughter'-- a young girl,not at all bodily exposed in
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any way shape or form. Well,what did we expect? Would you go running around
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scantily clad in a time capsule with your grandad? Which leaves us barbara.
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Not much here,just the usual screaming whenever some globular mass slithers
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by..No titlillation,if you'll excuse the term...
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We find this situation largeley the same all the way through the reign of the
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finest doctor (Patrick troughton), also; (It's my file,i can make opinion- ated
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statements if i want to) zoe,vicki et. Al,-and even thru the majority of the
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third regeneration of our renegade gallifreyan (Jon pertwee),things in the realm
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of sexing up the dimensionally transcendental are pretty tame...And then
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came--sarah jane.
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Not that i mean that sarah was a brazen exhibitionist or anything,but she was
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definitely the first of the doctor's companions to exhibit the fact that she was
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a modern woman,complete with ..Er,accessories? The producers of the show at the
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time wanted this to happen,since they figured the interplay between a specimen
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of 'liberated fe- male' and the rather conservative char- acterization of
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pertwee's doctor would be pretty interesting. After all,it was the '70's.
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Then,after that jaunt to metebelis 3,exit pertwee,and enter the doctor who got
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the closest to troughton's fantast- ic-ness,tom baker. In many senses,all hell
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broke loose. The new doctor was,in a word,nuts,and we got the feeling that
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anything could happen. But while all the scripts centered on baker being out
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going and the prime attraction,sarah, novel femininity or not was put in the
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background along with harry,all the way until 'hand of fear',when she left.
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Next thing you know,cowabunga! En- ter--leela! Leela the savage warrior,
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leela the tribal leader,leela the..The --scantily clad!! Never have we seen
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more flesh in the endless battle again- st cosmic evil that the doctor faces.
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Jumping aroung with her dagger in one hand,a janus thorn in another,and her
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solidly defined cleavage leading the way,leela was truly a sight to behold. But
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eventually,loincloth and all,she fell for some timelord geek on gallif- rey and
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stuck around on the doctor's home planet with k-9 mk i. Oh well,no more
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ignoring the occasional boring plot by leering anymore,right?
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Well,yes and no. Enter the lady romanadvoratnolundar. Romana for short.
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(Frankly i wouldn't have minded'fred'). Neither of the incarnations (Mary tamm/
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lalla ward) got as decadent (But don't you love it) as leela did in terms of
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lack of coverage,but as far as i'm con- cerned,they didn't have to,especially
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romana1,mary tamm. She was quite attr- active indeed and,according to manner
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befitting a timelady,she wasn't blatant about it. Perhaps a direct opposite to
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leela in order to balance things out? Well,i suppose we'll never know now,
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unless,of course we want to zip back into e-space....Anyone out there know how
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to calculate negative co-ordinates?
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So,anyway,exit romana,and enter nyssa,and shortly thereafter,tegan. Hm. It
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wasn't until the whocon in'82 that i realized just how ravishing nyssa real- ly
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was. She (Sarah sutton) was there, along with that galactic asshole,the master
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(Anthony ainley),and i tell you, i couldn't keep my eyes off of that little
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british lovely. Unfortunately, the producers felt the asinine need to keep that
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awesome english frame under the same damn costume she wore from 'keeper of
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traaken' for practically 2 whole seasons. Silly. Especially when the only
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other relief you might have had was that bloody austrailian mouth on legs,tegan.
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Her perpetual panicking kept on even thru the exit of the long- ets-running
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baker,and the entry of the 5th doctor,the amusingly docile peter davison.
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Finally,around 'arc of infinity', dear,dear nyssa changes her clothes and
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shows off a bit more of her wonderful shape. True,she wasn't the best actress
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to cross the screen,but....That...Face.
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But all good things must come to an end,and when it did,it really happened
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with a bang. In 'terminus',nyssa's last adventure,she practically strips while
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in the throes of some sickness. Geez, why couldn't she be sick more often?
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And,on top of all this,tegan is running around screaming in a inordinately tight
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leather skirt. Seems the formula of stellar cheap thrills is back, and back in
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force,back in 1980's style... Truly interesting,no?
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Well,thankfully for the ears of the entire staff of the bbc,tegan left the
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doctor and turlough after the ap- pallingly bad 'resurrection of the dal-
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eks',apparently because all the killing had gotten tn her. Personally i think
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she was just emabarrased at having to act in such a shit episode--but i digr-
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ess....
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So now with tegan gone,who do we have for our hormones to admire? No-
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body,that's who. Just that schizzed-out redheaded turlough who spent a lot of
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his time talking to a shot glass......
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Worry no more--enter peri! And, rassilon on a stick,does she ever enter!!
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All i can say is--20 years make an incerdible world of difference!! For the
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first time (To my knowledge), the sacred interiors of the tardis have seen ---a
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bikini! And omigawd,if it was filled any better by the incredibly stacked
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essence of nicola bryant as perpugilliam brown,doctor who's status as a 'kiddie
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show' in england would go up in flames faster than a propane barbecue. To put
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it bluntly,my dear Jwhovians,these are the tits royale. T&a is again inherent
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in the tardis,and on the grandest scale yet. The 10 minutes of footage of peri
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in the process of being practically nude in 'planet of fire' blow away all of
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leela's,shall we say,finest moments-combined.
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And now,perhaps the tamest doctor, davison,has regenerated into the 6th and
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latest incarnation,colin baker. Who knows (No pun intended) how the doc- tor's
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approach to timelord middle age will affect the increasingly lurid and wonderful
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parade of female travelling companions? I certainly hope not badly. I
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mean,let's face it,who-ers--really good episodes are hard to come by,and it sure
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as e-space is nice to have someone absorb your interest,if on an, albeit,more
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earthy level,while the story flows past you in a half-asleep haze...
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Is the sexing-up necessary? Is it a plus? Is it fun? You decide...I'm going
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to go watch my tape of 'Planet of Fire'..........Oh,yeah,Peri!
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///////////////////////////////////////
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/Barney badass's b-files /
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/ B-file#4: /
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/ A couple of problems/
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/ 1/8/85 /
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///////////////////////////////////////
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More whofiles coming!
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Copywrong (C) Barney Badass/surfware
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