98 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
98 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
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From meo@stiatl.UUCP Wed Oct 12 13:24:15 1988
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Path: utastro!cs.utexas.edu!wasatch!mailrus!uflorida!gatech!kong!emory!stiatl!meo
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From: meo@stiatl.UUCP (Miles O'Neal)
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Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.arts.sf-lovers,comp.misc
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Subject: Stranger Than Fiction?
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Message-ID: <643@stiatl.UUCP>
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Date: 12 Oct 88 18:24:15 GMT
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Distribution: na
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Organization: Sales Technologies Inc., Atlanta, GA
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Lines: 84
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STAR TREK V - The EMAIL Message
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(or More Trouble Than Tribbles)
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The following was gleaned from a ship's log adrift in space near the
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new nebula LANpoop, named for the Starship LANpoop, which disappeared
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at about the same time the nebula appeared in the Atlanta Cluster in the
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Georgia galaxy, Sector 3, Quadrant 7.
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"Stardate 3.1.415.927, Admiral George P. Burdell, MIS Starship LANpoop.
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"We recently ran out of space on our F: drive (a networked DOS partition
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on STIATL (our unix isolation ward hardware), which is networked to some
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VAXen via TCP/IP). We realized we were silly to tie ourselves to 1 drive with
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limited potential, and soon schemed to create a truly virtual F: drive from
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our available resources. Steve Lyle, our Systems Administrator, 1st class,
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carried out the operation, without consulting the Captain of the Starship
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LANpoop."
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Captain: "Status report, Mr. Spock?"
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Spock: "I'm querying the new NetManager, now, Captain."
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Sulu: "Captain! All dialup ports frozen solid!"
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Captain: "Mr. Scott! Whats happening down there?"
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Scott: "I dunna ae tellee burra syncing ona e disks, forsooth?"
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Captain: "Huh???"
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Chekov: "Sir, I believe he said, "I dunna ae tellee burra syncing ona e
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disks, forsooth?""
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Captain: "Say what?"
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Spock: "Sir, I believe he said the disks are full, and backfeeding bits
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onto the BI bus. I've got the NetManager query response coming in now."
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Admiral: (smiling) "Mr. Chekov, may I remind you that baiting an officer is a
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dangerous game?"
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Sulu: (whispered) "It's better than no game at all."
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NetManager: "VAX01 : %SYS-F-NODISKSPACE" (pause)
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"VAX02 : %SYS-F-NODISKSPACE" (pause)
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"VAX03 : %SYS-F-NODISKSPACE" (pause)
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"VAX04 : %SYS-F-NODISKSPACE" (pause)
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Captain: "Spock! What could have happened?"
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Spock: "Insufficient data, Captain, but the ship's disk log seems to indicate
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that the F: drive has broken out of the UNIX isolation ward and grown to
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an incredible size. It must have eaten all of our spare disk to do this."
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Sulu: "Captain, we've got inbound WATS customers on TTYs 1, 5, and 7. All of
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them say their respective Commtasks are dying, and they have gone to
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Condition Red. LANfleet command is on the LA120 with an urgent message to
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help them."
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Captain: "Spock?"
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Spock: "Not without more resources, Ron."
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Captain: "Mr. Scott!!! I need more disk! Giga factor 2!"
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Scott: "Huh???"
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Spock: "Allow me, Captain. Mr. Scott, thah captain sesd heanz seasd na ha
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mure spece onha deesk ana hea musthef 2 gig or mure."
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Captain: (head in hands, quietly) "Why did I ever leave the Equifax?"
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Scott: "I canna dewit! We hefna thah moolah allocayhted theys fiscahlyeer!"
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Captain: "Huh???"
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Chekov: "I believe he said..."
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Captain: "Myester Sulooh shuhht hyim oop! Iya ken heeyear tha noiz mahself!"
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Spock: "Sir, I believe he said we can't afford it."
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Captain: "Beam me to finance, Mr. Scott."
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Spock: "Wait, captain. Not yet. Dr. McCoy and Lt. Anderson have been training
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a new F: drive expert over in PD. Corporal Lyle, I think. Maybe he can help."
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NetManager: "...VAX318 : %SYS-F-NODISKSPACE" (pause)
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"VAX319 : %SYS-F-NODISKSPACE" (pause)
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"VAX320 : %SYS-F-NODISKSPACE" (pause)
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Captain: "Mr. Spock! Can you shut that thing..."
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Spock: "Wait!"
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NetManager: "STIATL - urgent msg for lyle: F: drive full"
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Spock: "Fascinating. Here's the trouble. The STIATL drive filled up, and a
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virtual F:olator kicked in, allowing the other drives on the net to
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consume themselves. Even the Warp drive is full. All the dilithium
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crystals got archived to tape to make room for DOS programs."
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Captain: "DOS!!! I thought we pawned those off on the Klingons. We did!
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I remember. The MS plague wiped them out!"
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Spock: "Yes, sir, but DOS are like tribbles, but MUCH less friendly, and
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MUCH more dangerous."
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Captain: "This is the Captain! Prepare to abandon ship! Mr. Spock, activate
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self-destruct sequence..."
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The recorded conversation is followed by a noise suspiciosly similar to that
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made by a mongo EMP applied to the recorder circuits of a Starship's log.
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The investigation is proceeding apace.
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Disclaimer: You know how it goes, I'm sure.
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