87 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
87 lines
3.5 KiB
Plaintext
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From crist@cs.unc.edu Tue Aug 1 16:55:22 1989
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From: crist@cs.unc.edu (David Crist)
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Subject: Truths About Women
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(This an original text that I just happen to spout spontaniously at about 3:00am
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the other night. Hope you like it. -- David Crist)
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____________________________________________________
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DAVID'S TRUTHS ABOUT WOMEN
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In this world, there are two sets of women: women that you would love to be
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with, and women that would love to be with you. THERE IS NO UNION OF THESE
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TWO SETS.
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Any woman that you become extremely attracted to will tell you that you are
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the best friend that a woman could ever have.
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Being told that you are nice is:
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the equivalent to her saying, "I wish that you were my brother."
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a curse.
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her way of saying that "I hope we can just be friends.
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A Slut is a woman that will sleep with anyone. A Bitch is a woman that will
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sleep with anyone but you. All women are Bitches.
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Only beautiful women who are engaged or engaged to be engaged or married or
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your mother's best friend will think that you are a wonderful person that any
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woman would die for.
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These same women will be completely dumbfounded at the revelation that you
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don't go out with a hundred women a week. Much less one.
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When a woman says "No!" she really means "Yes!" -- except, of course, when she
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means "NO!"
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Unless you make over a million dollars a year, you must completely ignore and
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demean a woman to gain here affection. If you completely disregard her
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existence, she'll die for you.
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The degree of subtlety used by a woman is inversely proportional to how
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attracted you are to her. If you are absolutely in love with everything about
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her, her hints will amount to, "I really like your roommates new shoes." If
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you have no attraction to her what-so-ever, she will ask you to come spend a
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week with her in the Bahamas.
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A woman will confide in you that she slept with your best friend and that he
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treated her like dirt afterwards. She will go on-and-on for hours, until she
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builds up enough nerve to ask him out again.
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Every woman that you meet that you are instantly attracted to will be:
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Married,
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heavily dating the same guy for the 3rd year,
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a lesbian
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my brother's ex-girlfriend.
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A "Taken" woman will tell you that you are a great-looking guy, but that looks
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don't matter anyway and that she'd go out with you if she wasn't already
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dating someone.
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"Taken" women are the only women capable of understanding your wonderful sense
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of humor, you amazing musical talent, your tremendous sensitivity, and
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gracious generosity.
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A Woman will talk to you about a certain guy that they think is a real jerk,
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wondering what any Woman would see in him, and then ask you to set them up.
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Women will absolutely drive you crazy and seemingly make no sense.
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Women will confuse you and make you distraught.
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Women are the most wonderful things in the entire world. They are the most
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precious element that the world could ever know. Everything from the way
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they look to the way they talk to the way the move, walk, sigh, gesture,
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dance, smile, laugh, cuddle, squeeze, tease, hug, caress, smell, taste -- is
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fantastic.
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________________________________
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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If you MUST reply to a rejection, include a description of your joke
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because there is 0 chance I will remember which one it was.
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