144 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
144 lines
4.0 KiB
Plaintext
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MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX
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1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is
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to leave her with no hard feelings.
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2. Nothing improves with age.
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3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it,
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because it'll never be quite the same again.
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4. Sex has no calories.
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5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount
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of trouble.
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6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
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7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think
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you've got.
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8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
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9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to
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get or how long it is going to last.
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10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
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11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
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12. Virginity can be cured.
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13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops
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listening to him.
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14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
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15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the
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same ones she can't stand years later.
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16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
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17. It is always the wrong time of month.
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18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
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19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
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20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you
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won't either.
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21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for
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crop failure.
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22. The younger the better.
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23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
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24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that
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caused the trouble in the garden.
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25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
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27. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot
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of frogs.
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28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse
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than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
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29. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
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30. Love is a hole in the heart.
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31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone
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into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on
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the moon.
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32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
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33. Do it only with the best.
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34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned
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four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
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35. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
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36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine
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women.
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37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at
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all.
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39. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
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40. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
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41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
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42. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
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43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the
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women he couldn't.
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44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the
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stick.
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45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
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46. Never say no.
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47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
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48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
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49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
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50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
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51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
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52. Love comes in spurts.
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53. The world does not revolve on an axis.
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54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other
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eight are unimportant.
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55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
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56. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
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57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they
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fall in love.
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58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
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59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
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60. "This won't hurt, I promise."
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