105 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
105 lines
5.1 KiB
Plaintext
|
Golf Rules
|
|||
|
|
(With parenthetical commentary by a course owner.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, nor-
|
|||
|
|
mally one club and two balls. (No bag or cart? That tees
|
|||
|
|
me off. I don't even get a Caddy, I suppose. I'd prefer
|
|||
|
|
pink.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
|
|||
|
|
(And does the owner approve of this duffer par nix-cellen-
|
|||
|
|
ce?)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the
|
|||
|
|
hole and keep the balls out of the hole. (Although it is
|
|||
|
|
perfectly all right to dangle the balls over the hole.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
|
|||
|
|
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before
|
|||
|
|
play begins. (And if the proposed shaft does not meet the
|
|||
|
|
course owner's specifications for stiffness, course owner is
|
|||
|
|
free to try a few strokes and check player's balls for
|
|||
|
|
spring and resilience.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to
|
|||
|
|
avoid damage to the hole. (Although there is nothing to
|
|||
|
|
stop them from experimenting with heretofore untried
|
|||
|
|
lengths, either.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as neces-
|
|||
|
|
sary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is
|
|||
|
|
complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied
|
|||
|
|
permission to play the course again. (Players who complete
|
|||
|
|
play without executing a satisfactory number of strokes may
|
|||
|
|
try again if the owner is willing; however, practicing on
|
|||
|
|
another course with reportedly satisfactory results does not
|
|||
|
|
entitle a player to automatic return privileges on the
|
|||
|
|
owner's course.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immedi-
|
|||
|
|
ately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player
|
|||
|
|
will normally take time to admire the entire course, with
|
|||
|
|
special attention to well formed bunkers. (Rolling hills,
|
|||
|
|
well-trimmed foliage and properly watered fairways are also
|
|||
|
|
worthy of compliment, and the owner will be listening for
|
|||
|
|
acknowledgement of such.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
|
|||
|
|
played or are currently playing to the owner of the course
|
|||
|
|
being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage
|
|||
|
|
players' equipment for this reason. (SAY no MORE!)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their
|
|||
|
|
own protection and that of the owner. (Owners have been
|
|||
|
|
known to lend rain gear to unequipped players, but this is
|
|||
|
|
considered bad form, and may result in the player not being
|
|||
|
|
invited to the owner's tournament again.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been
|
|||
|
|
scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played
|
|||
|
|
for the first time. Previous players have been known to
|
|||
|
|
become irritated if they discover someone else playing on
|
|||
|
|
what they consider to be a private course. (Nonetheless,
|
|||
|
|
course owner has final say, and may be inclined to invite
|
|||
|
|
more than one player for purposes of pleasure and profit.
|
|||
|
|
Let the player beware.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at
|
|||
|
|
all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the
|
|||
|
|
course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised
|
|||
|
|
to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced
|
|||
|
|
players will find alternative means of play when this is the
|
|||
|
|
case. (The TRULY advanced player will behave like a gentle-
|
|||
|
|
man and affect not to notice the condition of the course,
|
|||
|
|
remarking that it appears to be kept at its usual high
|
|||
|
|
standards, and may even learn to use the altered conditions
|
|||
|
|
to his benefit and playing pleasure.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
12. The course owner is responsible for the manicuring and
|
|||
|
|
pruning of any bush around the hole to allow for improved
|
|||
|
|
viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.
|
|||
|
|
(Unless it is known that a particular player's predilections
|
|||
|
|
tend otherwise.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission
|
|||
|
|
before attempting to play the back nine. (There are no
|
|||
|
|
exceptions to this rule.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be pre-
|
|||
|
|
pared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at
|
|||
|
|
the course owner's request. (Be advised that this is rare,
|
|||
|
|
however. Course owners, as a rule, take great pleasure in
|
|||
|
|
players who luxuriate on their greens and can appreciate a
|
|||
|
|
well-tended course at length.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting,
|
|||
|
|
to play the same hole several times in one match. (Make
|
|||
|
|
sure the owner has no objection to the use of extra clubs,
|
|||
|
|
however.)
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
16. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best
|
|||
|
|
player. (Fortunately, most course owners tend to be fairly
|
|||
|
|
delicate in these matters, preferring a discreet silence to
|
|||
|
|
harsh honesty, which dovetails very nicely with the players'
|
|||
|
|
tendency to lie outrageously on their score cards.)
|
|||
|
|
|