62 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
62 lines
2.5 KiB
Plaintext
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RAW
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Nicki Clarke
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Mirror mirror mirror - i misrecognise this body, i see a monkey face and fat
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thighs, i want to carve and slice and discard chunks of bleeding flesh. But
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sometimes i catch sight of myself unexpectedly as i walk past a window and i
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am struck by what a scarecrow i look - my chest bones showing and my clothes
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hanging, refusing to hide the frailty of my frame. Yet my eyes are shining
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and they say i'm looking good, they say i'm looking happy and that's kinda
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true, but i'm also longing for the comfort and protection of my flesh, tho i
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get a thrill seeing my jeans all loose around the waist and my legs look good
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in fishnet and HEY
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thin is better, thin is popular, thin gets the boys in
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every time. RIGHT?
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How i love being a woman coos the Warner's ad, but i hate being exploited is
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the graffiti and yeah i love and hate this body of mine. I'm starving myself,
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watching my breasts and hips disappear - you know i understand the hatred of
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this body, this sexualised body, this packaged consumerproductbody that
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exists for someone else's enjoyment, someone else's eye. Not mine.
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I do not know my body. Sometimes i am struck by my beauty and am surprised,
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and at other times by my ugliness and just want to scream and cry and
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throw myself against the walls and hurt myself, rip my skin away, claw and
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peel this outer coating that people see and i feel THIS IS NOT ME, i scream
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it with every pore Look look look at ME not my body.
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We become the refuse of this society because we're not buying amy.
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LOOK AT ME. If i oozed blood and pus all over you would you see? Just what
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do i have to do? To what extremes must we go? How far must we mutilate
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ourselves in order for you to STOP stop seeling us via your products?
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i don't want it
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i won't buy it
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i am not a mannequin
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i am not a sex aid so don't masturbate over me, don't look to me to
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find your gratification cos even if i wanted to i don't know how to give you
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what you want.
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When will this pain stop? i can't sit passively waiting - i roar and i
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scream
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FUCK
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YOUR
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ECONOMY
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FUCK
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YOUR
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MARKET
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where you're buying and selling our spirits. i'm not trading mine. i have
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precious little in this world and you just can't have it. Haven't you
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stolen enough from me, from the people i love?
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And the drugs and the death and the oblivion
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i am not a show and tell girl unless you want to see it RAW
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Nicki Clarke 1996
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