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<0A> <20>
<0A> The Story Of Some Poor, Unfortunate Guy Who Bought A Cordless Phone - RBCP <20>
<0A> <20>
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<0A> Written On January 15, 1995 Last Revision on January 15, 1995 <20>
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If you've read PLA010.TXT on scanner frequencies, you probably noticed that
little list of cordless phone frequencies. The following is the chain of
events that happened a few days ago when I was bored and scanning the local
cordless phone channels. All of this happened in beautiful, smelly East Alton,
Illinois, home of nothing really all that great. I'm just up here for a week,
visiting my parents. (And you guys thought I'd never come back.)
First of all, let me give you an idea of who the victim was (or is). His name
is Dean Allsman but his good buddies call him Dino. It turns out that Dino
lives in a one story house across the alley from me and I have a clear view of
the back of his house and yard from my window. He lives with his wife, Shana,
who he likes to be a total dickhead to. He sounds about 24 years old.
From listening to Dino for about two minutes I sort of got this mental picture
of him and when I later got him to go out in his yard and looked at him through
a pair of binoculars, I found out that I was right. Dino is the type of guy who
wears scuzzy torn up clothing, smokes about two packs of Marlboros a day, has
greasy, stringy hair down to his shoulders, always wears a dirty cap and says,
"Fuck", "Shit" and "Goddammit!" more than most people. Dino is also not that
bright and likes to go fishin' alot. He's pretty slow and it was very easy to
piss him off. He liked to play a big, tough guy on the phone with us, but then
we'd hear him call his wife at work and he'd sound like he was about ready to
cry.
So here's what happened. I was sitting here watching T.V. and scanning phones.
Suddenly I hear a dialtone and someone pushing touch tones. The signal is
comming in really clear which means that he's close by. The phone rings and a
girl answers, "xxxxx, May I help you?" I pick up my phone, dial 411 and ask
for the phone number to xxxxx and write it down. Meanwhile, Dino is yelling at
his wife something about not having anything to eat in the house, something is
wrong with the T.V., he makes a "joke" about beating her and continues to
bitch. So I call the business that his wife, Shana, is working at. When she
answers, I say, "Better be careful, I think he's lying to you. He might
actually beat you tonight."
She clicks over, "Dino, the weirdest thing just happened to me. Some guy..."
And she explains what happened. They try to figure it out and finally decide
that some guy they know named Matt is responsible. So I decide to clear things
up for them by calling back and saying, "No, I'm not Matt" to Shana. She clicks
back over.
Shana: "Dino, hang up, somebody's listening to our conversation! It was that
guy and he said that he's not Matt."
Dino: "Huh?"
Shana: Explains a little more slowly what happened.
Dino: "Hey, if there's some dickhead out there listening, why don't you call
ME, you chickenshit bastard! 258-xxxx, you little fuck."
I decide this is going to be fun so I call up my faithful PLA co-worker Zak,
who has the luxury of three-way calling and explain the situation to him. So
we call up Dino and give him a piece of our minds.
Dino: "Listen here, you little pricks, I'll give you $100 dollars if you come
over here and show your faces instead of hiding behind your fuckin'
phones."
Zak: "Would that be cash or food stamps, sir?"
Dino: "Hey, fuck you! Come on over here. Show your face!"
RBCP: "If we come over will you give us a beer?"
Dino: "Yeah, I'll give you a beer. Come over and we can all drink a beer."
RBC
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