137 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
137 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
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PART Twenty OF 15 PRINCIPIA ENTROPIUS
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____________________________________
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Subject: Spam Jake Day
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SPAM JAKE DAY -- A Summary
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--------------------------
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By Reverend Brother Lee Harvey Oswald Smith, KSC WMD SPAM
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Episkopos, John Friedrich Cabal, Discordian Society
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1) WHAT IS A JAKE? (AND WHERE CAN I GET SOME?)
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----------------------------------------------
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A Jake is defined as part of Operation Mindfuck. Basically, it involves
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a lot of people collaborating to send a lot of weird stuff to some
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bureaucrat/official/someone somewhere, asking for some information/help/
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whatever, preferably in an obscure or unusual way. The letters are timed to
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arrive on the same day, and to make the bureaucrat/official/etc. think
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that either he is the target of a global conspiracy of lunatics or the
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general public are much more imaginative than he has previously thought.
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2) WHAT IS THIS SPAM JAKE?
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--------------------------
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The plan: on Spam Jake Day (the twenty-third of May, 1994), a lot of
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mail will arrive at the headquarters of Hormel Foods, the manufacturer
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of Spam, from all over the world. This will be from various Discordian,
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SubGenius and other weird religious groups; on official letterhead
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(which looks rather weird), and from people with long, bizarre religious
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titles. Each letter will claim that the sender's own group is the
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original Church of Spam (with appropriate embellishments), and
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requesting official endorsement from Hormel Foods as such.
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3) HOW DO I GET INVOLVED?
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-------------------------
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If you wish to be involved in this global mindfuck, all you have to do
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is write such a letter, in the name of your religion/conspiracy (if you
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don't have one, found one), adding any embellishments you may wish to
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add and send it to:
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Hormel Foods
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Corporate Offices
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1 Hormel Drive
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Austin, MN 55912
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Send the letter before Spam Jake Day, if possible timing it so that it
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arrives on Spam Jake Day. The rest is fnord up to you.
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[JR: Note to Johnny Vee: I didn't put that fnord in there.]
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4) WHAT WILL THIS ACHIEVE?
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--------------------------
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With luck, somebody at Hormel will find their desk inundated with
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curious missives from all sorts of strange groups from all over the
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world asking for official sanction for some esoteric activity involving
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Spam, or, in the parlance, "weird shit". Unable to dismiss this as a small,
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localised prank they will be very much puzzled by this and possibly
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shall attain illumination from the shock. Candidates for official
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approval may receive interesting replies; furthermore, the media may pick
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up on this, distorting it and adding further chaos to the equation.
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In any case, the ripples of this should be felt far and wide, if enough
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people get involved.
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5) WHY SHOULD I GET INVOLVED?
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-----------------------------
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Because if you don't, ye shall verily be transformed into a
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Precious Mao Button and distributed to the Poor in the Region of Thud.
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Or not.
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--
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Reverend Brother Pope Lee Harvey Oswald Smith, KSC WMD SPAM
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Episkopos, John Friedrich Cabal; High Epopt of the Secret and Terrible Rite
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Chairperson dei gratia, Flat Earth Society -"In your heart, you know it's
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flat" President-for-life, Don't Let Lieutenant Wilkes Breed Society Society
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Think about about -><- Stop casting porosity -><- Keep the lasagna flying
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===================================================================
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Sub umbra Alarum tuaram, Jehova.
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---Fama Fraternitatis,
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----Allgemeine und general reformation,
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1514
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-------------------------------------
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Froot loops is not Religous, Religion IS froot Loops.
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---------------------------------------------------
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Sylabus of The Collegiate Froot Lopus University
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Tetrapyloctomy Department
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Location: Unknown
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A School of Comparative Irrelevance, Where useless of Impossible courses
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are given. The Schools aim, is to turn out scholars capable of endlessly
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increasing the number of unneccesary subjects.
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The Tetrapyloctomy Depts purpouse is to Inculcate a sense of irrelevance.
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The Adynata or Impposibilia Dept purpouse is Urban planning for Gypsies.
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Courses are offered in:
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Morse Syntax
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The History of Antartic Agriculture
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The History of Easter Island Painting
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Contempary Sumerian Literature,
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Montessori Grading,
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Assyrio-Babylonian Philately,
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The Technology of the Wheel in pre-Columbian Empires,
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The Phonetics of the Silent Film
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Crowd Psychology in the Sahara.
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-Furthermore:
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The essence of the discipline is the comprehension of the underlying
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reason for a things absurdity.
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The Oxymoronic Department: dealing in Matters of self-contradiction.
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Courses include:
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Tradition in Revolution,
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Democratic Oligarchy,
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Parmenidean Dynamics,
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Shermanite Miracles-proving something happened, that cannot happen.
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Heraclitan Statics,
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Spartan Sybaratics,
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Tautological Dialectics,
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Boolean Eristic.
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Grammar of Solecisms.
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Send now for the Prospectus, and Aquire a Scholarship, and a set
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of valuable Wind-chimes!
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