textfiles/music/PINKFLOYD/pf_orac1.txt

Date: Wed, 5 Jun 91 17:24:52 -0700
From: thlayli@ucscb.UCSC.EDU (lord thlayli merriadoc valentine of kalakiryande)
To: eclipse@reef.cis.ufl.edu
Subject: is this list still up?

This is a test to find out if this list is still up, and if perhaps
I've been deleted from it for some odd reason.


--- 314-06 ---------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: jonmon@cadence.com

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> O mighty lord Oracle, who is so bloody hugely magnificent that he/she
> makes Jehovah look like a toilet cleaner in comparison...
>
> Do you like Pink Floyd? If so, what's your favourite album? If not, who
> do you like?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Do I like Pink Floyd?!?  Are you kidding!  To me, all human music
} sounds like someone hammering nails into an aluminum can.  If you were
} to listen to my music, it would melt your brain.  Seriously, do you
} think I would have a personal aesthetic opinion on Pink Floyd?  You
} might as well ask, "do you like the sound of two rocks banging
} together?"  The closest humans have ever come to even slightly
} acceptable music is "Hotel California" by the Eagles.  It's the only
} song I can listen to without gnawing my fingers off.
}
} My favorite album is "Death Song of Larsus."  This is no ordinary
} album; it is an Epic achievement.  Let me tell you how it was made.
} Larsus was a bastard child of Zeus and one of the Muses.  (It is still
} not clear which Muse.)  Larsus was a good singer, a VERY good singer.
} He could sing lichen off of rocks.  He could sing rain of of the sky
} and then sing it back into the clouds.  He could sing a man to
} suicidal depression and then to insane joy within the same minute.
} When Larsus sang, the Earth reverberated in harmony.
}
} Well, in an interesting twist of fate, Hera (Zeus's wife) fell in love
} Larsus.  Now Hera can be a wee bit intimidating.  So, when Larsus was
} running for his life from Hera, he accidentally entered the bedroom of
} Athena (Zeus's daughter).  In order to keep Athena quiet, Larsus sang
} her a quiet little love song, and Athena immediately fell in love with
} him.  Let me tell you, these gods have a complicated sex life.  Of
} course, Larsus did not love Athena or Hera, he loved one of the muses,
} Euterpe, who just happened to be a half sister of his mother.  Of
} course, Larsus did not know this since his parentage had always been
} kept secret.  Also, when Larsus was younger, he was told by a seer
} that "the love of a sister would kill him."  Larsus did not know that
} Athena was his sister, but Athena was very good friends with Rondera
} (a very minor diety), and Larsus had been led to believe that
} Rondera's father, Tandera, was also his father.  Tandera would
} occasionally "play ball" with Hera, much to the embarrassment of
} Rondera.  But back to the story.  Athena dragged Larsus before Zeus to
} tell Zeus that they were going to get married.  Zeus, who had been
} trying to marry off Athena for years, gave his approval.  Of course,
} Zeus had long since forgotten who Larsus really was.  Larsus
} complained bitterly that he loved Euterpe instead.  As Larsus said
} this, Hera walked in and became very angry.  In terror Larsus cried
} out for aid from Tandera.  Tandera heard the call and came running.
} When Tandera entered the room and saw that Hera was furious, he kept
} quiet.  Rondera heard all of the commotion and came running also.
} Rondera decided to use this opportunity to get her father, and she
} told Zeus that Hera had been "doing the nasty" with Tandera.  At this,
} Zeus became very angry.  In terror Larsus cried out for aid from
} Euterpe.  When Euterpe entered the room, she lost all composure.  She
} told Hera about the true heritage of Larsus.  Hera turned on Zeus and
} demanded an explanation.  Zeus calmly explained that it was all
} Larsus's fault, and everybody believed him.  After all, Zeus is the
} top god for a reason.  Hera decided to kill Larsus by suspending him
} with a rope over a lake filled with hungry sharks.  The rope would
} slowly fray for a year until finally Larsus dropped into the lake.
} To make a long story short, Larsus tried to save himself by singing
} a very exciting song at the lake.  (My album has this song.)  The song
} encapsulated all of the drama and anguish that he had endured in his
} short life.  The lake became so excited that it boiled, and all
} of the sharks were killed.  At the moment, the rope broke and Larsus
} fell into the lake.  He was immediately turned into a tasty stew.  The
} moral of the story is "you can't bake your lake and meet it too."
}
} Now don't bother me with your silly Pink Floyd.