274 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
274 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
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--------------------( w0ol #10: big smelly dogs are my heroes and stuff)-----
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y'know, i always did love big smelly dogs. they love me too. y'know what i
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mean? 'cuz one day i was jus' walkin' along, and this big'ol dog started
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barkin' at me, and i shouted something at it like "DAMN YOU BIG ASS DOG!#
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WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?#!"
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then the owner of the dog came and and said something like "WHAT THE FUCK
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IS WRONG WITH *YOU*, FEWLIO?!##! MY DOG HAS DONE YOU NO HARM#!#!#!"
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and i said something like "BITCH YOUR BITCH DOG OVER THERE BARKED AT ME AND
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I WANT MY MONEY BACK!##!%%#!"
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and she said something like "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU DIDN'T
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GIVE ME ANY MONEY!#%*(&%#!(*)&%#"
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and so i whipped out my gun and shot the dog in the leg. i felt a little
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guilty about that, but it was the owner's fault. for being such a bitch.
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and so she got all upset, and then she was afraid of me 'cuz i had a gun
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and i was IN POWER NOW#!%%!# so i reloaded and said "i'm gonna go ballistick
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on your kneecaps if you don't give me my money back."
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and she said "shit, man, i don't know what your talking about. i know
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ballistick is some lamur who now is creed and writes for some bad 'zine, but
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you ain't given me any money, how da shit am i 'posed to give it back?"
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so i shot the sorry bitch. 'cuz she wouldn't give me any money.
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----------------------( hoe )------------------------------------------------
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that's a great zine
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------------------------------------( no, the lady was a hoe )---------------
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yeah, she even tried to sell herself to me for money.
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bitch.
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----( carrots )--------------------------------------------------------------
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%%%%%%
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\carr/
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\ot/ -- that's a bad picture of a carrot
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\/
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--------------------------------( ode to carrots, by me )--------------------
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carrots, carrots
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how i love them so
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i think they're eleet
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and they know...
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...that carrots, carrots
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they're good for your heart
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they make you see better
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they make you smart
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carrots, carrots
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jumping up and down
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they can smile
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they can frown
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carrots, carrots
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large and big
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i took a carrot
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and made it into a wig
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carrots, carrots
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wonderful toys
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i use it and stick it up the anuses
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of small boys
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parrots, parrots
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they squawk
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---------------------( hehe. humor in the last one. )-----------------------
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yeah, that was pretty funny, wasn't it?
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----( mmmm. )----------------------------------------------------------------
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time for the fishawack story
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i hope that fishawack will be fun
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i hope that the dialchix will love me
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i hope that i'll look cool compared to them
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i hope that i'm not too much of a dork
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i hope that i'll get free sex
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i hope that i'll get free food
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i hope that i'll get free affection
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i hope that people will know who i am
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i hope that epsilon process will say "your my hero"
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i hope that smooth will show up and bow to me
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i hope that ann+rosie+the other aim crew that i used to know a long time ago
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will love me and stuff and they'll like me in real life and that
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they're all cool people and that we'll have fun
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--------------( that wasn't a story, idiot, it was a poem, kinda )-----------
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yeah, well FUCK YOU, DIVIDER.
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----------------------------------( wax houses )-----------------------------
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time for bad ascii art
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here's a roll of toothpaste.
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____
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|::::|
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____|----|____
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| tooth |
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| paste |
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| (don't forget|
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| to brush your|
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| teeth) |
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|______________|
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|(c) dental co.|
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|______________|
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here's, uhh... a cassette
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___________________________
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| w0ol-on-tape #10 |
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| _ _ |
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| (_) _______ (_) |
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| |$$$__$$| |
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| (c) w0ol recording co. |
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|_____________________________|
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here's a big letter "w"
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www www
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WwW W WwW
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WwW WwW WwW
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WwW WwWwW WwW
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WwWwW WwWwW
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WwW WwW
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W W 0ol
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that was really easy to make.
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--( eleet diz )--------------------------------------------------------------
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i've been doing lots of dizzes recently. i like them, 'cuz i think they're
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funny.
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+------------------------------------+
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| y0lk #94: spinsane's story |
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+------------------------------------+
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| :::::: |
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| |x x| you can go blind from |
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| | b | jacking off too much. |
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| | ___| / believe me. it's all |
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| \ U/ chronicled in y0lk |
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| __||__ #94: my story. (well, |
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| | spin | it's not, but you can |
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| ||sane|| infer it..) |
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| |____| |
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+------------------------------------+
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+------------------------------------------+
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| y0lk #93: a joltcola y0lk |
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+------------------------------------------+
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| xx |
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| || look. i am but a simple |
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| / \ bottle, yet i wrote for |
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| |::::| y0lk. are you not |
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| |jolt| / impressed? you should be. |
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| |cola| which is why you should |
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| |::::| vote for me for new jersey |
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| |____| governor. line c, column 3. |
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+------------------------------------------+
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dick says:
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my social security #
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,;;, / is 567-68-0515.
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G oO D
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: + \ - i am not a crook.
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\_gg|
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/|_|\ \ read y0lk.
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`-\_/-'
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________________________________
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| bighurt returns to y0lk. |
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| !#!#%#!%!##!@ |
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| | bighurt | |
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| i'm back, | -[o][o]- | |
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| guys!# -- | // | |
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| / | o | |
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| / |___________| |
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| guys?! | | |
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|________________________________|
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----( wow. i think i put too many dizzes in there. )------------------------
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yeah, i did, i think.
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---------------------------------------( wrap it up )------------------------
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well that's all for this issue of w0ol. thanx for reading#!#!
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---------------------------+ eDiToR CoMmEnT +----------------------------------
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oh my god, do we have another writer? really? teehee!@ i just wet myself!#
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---------------------------------+ InDeX +------------------------------------
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this is so you can find them:
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#1: w0ol comes from sheep! (nettle)
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#2: the electric santa (nettle)
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#3: gourmet food, gourmet boredom (nettle)
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#4: toast some pixie stix in the hour that doesnt exist (nettle)
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#5: no comprende? (nettle)
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#6: the annual collage issue (nettle)
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#7: w0ol, a joke in every issue!@ (nettle)
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#8: we force you into unbearable positions (nettle)
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#9: a in-depth look at why my life sucks (nettle)
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#10: big smelly dogs are my heroes and stuff (phorce)
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wow
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-------------------------------+ people of w0ol +------------------------------
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nettle
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(i am a giant helicopter)
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ascii man
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(who is he!@?)
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phorce
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(k-rad elito)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ email addresses _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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nettle:
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nettle@novasys.com
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nettle@nevermind.lag.novasys.com
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nettle@nexxus.novasys.com
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phorce:
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phorce@openix.com
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thats it..
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-----------------------+ useless archives +----------------------------------
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ftp:
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nevermind.lag.novasys.com : /pub/w0ol
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landslide.openix.com : /ftp/phorce/w0ol
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morse code:
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the top of springfield avenu, ill have a flashing light there encoding
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w0ol 24/7.
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if you would like to contact w0ol send email to
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w0ol@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you want to have a letter displaayed
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in one of our issues as a question/comment type thing, email
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w0ol-2@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you would like me to murder your
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parents email parent@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, thank you.
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