294 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
294 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
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NOTE: This file has been modified per request. Originals are available in the
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archives and in a hidden directory. - Jason Scott
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------------------[ w0ol #6: the annual collage issue ]--------------------
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hello, this is nettle, and i bring you the annual collage issue of w0ol,
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this w0ol is composed of several peices of "writing" in a grueling
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attempt to release another w0ol on time.. please expect these annually
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(annually meaning "whenever i cant write anything") ok, we will start off
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with something i wrote for dto upon mogel's request, it sucks but i guess
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that showed when he didnt accept it, here we go
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---------------[ eye love squids ]-----------------------------------------
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wow really? here is a story about one!
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--------------[ y00 4r3 s0 d4mn3d 3lyt3 ]----------------------------------
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it was a happy day for Trank, as she jetted through the warm tropical
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water, he liked to swim by all the small fish, sometimes grabbing a few
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with one of his powerful eight arms, mostly that was how he got his food
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but occasionally there were barracudda around, which was a great problem
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for Trank. As he swivled one of his large eyes about looking for good
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prey, he noticed the glimmer of a barracudda, as Trank attempted to turn
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away from it she couldnt help but notice it mimic her movements, she
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began to phear it. As the barracudda approached her at great speed she
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had little choice but to do the nasty: ink the water, she squeezed hard
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with her ink-bladder-muscles and caused a great deal of the dark
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substance to be excreted, the barracuda had no chance of finding her now,
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she thought, as she swam away happily. Trank began to happily head
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deeper into the warm waters towar a reef. There she found the body, she
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had seen scuba divers before, but this one behaved strangely, at first
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she thought it must be trying to catch her, because it didnt move at all,
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then she noticed that it didnt have the large back of a scuba diver, so
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she started a head to toe investagation. As she looked at the face she
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noticed it was quite light colored and a bit of the skin was peeling off,
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she moved down the neck to the torso and then hips, legs, and ankles,
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around the ankles were some large steel links which formed a tight 8,
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with one leg in each of the holes, attached to the middle of this Trank
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observed a large mettalic object. As if from nowhere a small crab
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jettsoned itsself from the torso of the apparent scuba diver, upon
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Trank's examination the crab was holding nothing but a small peice of
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carrion. Several more crabs began appearing on the body, some small,
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some huge, mostly just taking bits of meat from the body. Trank wondered
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how the diver could endure such torture for so long, after what seemed
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like hours of pondering Trank left for her wise friend, Mr Moray. She
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swam the way to his cave very quickly, but this was something she very
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much desired enlightenment on so she didnt mind the hurry. When she
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reached Mr Moray's cove she knocked a few times on the coral, he then
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appeared.
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Trank: there is a scuba diver, he isnt moving, why?
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Moray: ii woooouuulddd haaaveeee toooo seeeeee hiiiiiiimmm
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Trank: ok, follow me.
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Trank and Mr Moray then swam off towards the body, when they got there Mr
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Moray did some examining and sat back as if in deep thought. Finally
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Trank piped up.
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Trank: whats wrong?
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Moray: HES DEAD YOU F00L!%!&*%!&$#^!%#*
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Moray: HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT?!&!*^#@! YOU TAKE ME OUT OF MY CAVE
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JUST TO SEE SOME DEAD SHMUCK!(#^!(#&@!??
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Trank: d--de---dead?
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Moray: sorry, yes, he is dead
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Trank: oh, how thoughtful
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Moray: he was drowned, he couldnt breathe water
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Trank: oh
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Moray: only lamers cant breathe water, this man is a lamer.
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Trank: well, uhm, i guess im going now.
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Moray: bye.
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Trank then swam off for quite awhile, trying to outrun the pain she felt
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because of Mr Moray's attack of her stupididty. She could almost. No,
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she'd never even thought of that. Yes, she had to. No, Yes, No, Yes.
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Their meaning blended together in her mind, she began to swim off towards
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shore like a zombie. When she reached shore she threw herself into a
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wave, the wave was large and pushed her far up onto the hot sands of the
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beach, as she began to fade away she heard something approaching...
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Bob: hey wow, a squid!^@ dude, we gotta take it!
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Dave: no way, its dying
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Bob: well put it in the water
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Dave: dont you see?!@ only lamers cant breathe air!@ this squid is a
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lamer!&^% it must be destroyed!^*
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Trank felt the foot descending on her, she felt it move from side to
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side, bits of sand went into her open wounds as she moved her last muscle.
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Ink went everywhere.
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------------------------[ uh, i can see why he rejected it ]----------------
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really? so can i. it sucks. ok, now on to a piece of school work which i
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am supposed to do today, it is now rougly 4:30 in the morning, today at
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school i have to present this
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you dont know how k-rad you have to be to stay up till 5am every night.
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-------------------[ pretty damned k-rad id supposed ]---------------------
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this is an award, shh in the back.
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-------------[ award ]-----------------------------------------------------
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people say nobody works anymore, people say that nobody tried, people say
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that nobody even cares, well today they are proven wrong by the youth of
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america. hello, my name is [EDITED OUT], but thats not important, we are
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here to ocelebrate Stacy's acheivments in our special and very selective
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group of goat murderers. Stacy is a very hard working young woman with a
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firey passion for goat murdering, when she kills goats you know she has
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prepared for hours for the occasion, she never shows up with dull knives,
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she never makes a large mess, and she always removes the carcasses. Not
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only has Stacy demonstrated great leadership in such things as the goat
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slaughtering contest, but she also has many other qualifications. Being
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a goat murderer is not easy, and Stacy has tried very hard, she has
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broken many records including the Goat Massacre record where she broke
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the record of 45 goats by a massive 20, not only were these goats clearly
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dead, but they were killed with ease and style. Stacy also helped us
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very much in a self-sacraficing manner when Bob was rammed in the face by
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an unruly goat at our last festivle, she even dropped from a race to
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bring him to a local hospital. In giving this goat rib, which came from
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the goat she first slayed, by stabbing it in the eye with a scissor, to
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Stacy, id like to say that she is a role model to all of us, and not only
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a great goat slayer but one damned good leader.
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---------------------[ that was uh, lame. ]--------------------------------
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oh yeah? well lets see you write something bigger then a bread box. and i
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also defy you to uh.. dial 911 and spit on the payphone. hmm, what else
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do we have to do...uh...hmmmm holon
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<tap> <tap> <tap>
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-mumbling-
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----------------[ irc is k-rad ]-------------------------------------------
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<tao> sigh.
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<crank> um. hi, w0ol SUCKS. stop offering it.
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<JTKirk> don't tell that to the sheep
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-------[ uh, i agree ]-----------------------------------------------------
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oh yeah? eat this..uh...MOTD@!
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----------------------[ m07d ]---------------------------------------------
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/\ /\ /\ /\ /\
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\ \ / / / /\ \ / /\ \ \ \ /\
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\ \/\/ / \ \/ / \ \/ / \ \/ /
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\/\/ \/ \/ \/
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-------------[ w0ol: youll get no fancy logo from me!@ ]---------
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------------------------------[ isnt that almost funny ]-------------------
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yeah it is, ok, hmmmm, well ive written 131 amazingly calorie packed
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lines and its time for me to, uh, to run dental floss through my retena
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until it shatters onto my desk, im also a client.
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------------------------[ ugh. ascii ]------------------------------------
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hmm
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let me draw you a glass of water
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|~~~~~~~~|
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| . ' ` |
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| . ` |
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| ` ` ' |
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\______/
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eww, dirty, yuck, now ill draw the person who drank outa that
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.`~'~'~'~.
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| X X |
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| .. |
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| ----_- |
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`- U -'
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`----'
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HAH!@!# im so damned funny, its obstrepourous. w0ol!@
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hmmmmmmmm ill draw you a cute little flower
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.-----.
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! !
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`! !'
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! !
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`! !'
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! !
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`!'
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***
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shit @@@@@
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***
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fuck the flower, its an exclamtion point!
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nature is impossible to draw, take this acorn
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.---'----.
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`.------.'
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`. .'
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`..'
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ok well that came out OK but still, try drawing a sloth or something,
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youd have me cutting my fingers off..
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hmmmm, well, i need something of great quality to make up for what i just
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cut and pasted from all over the place, so ill draw you, uh, my left eye
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.-.
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`-' at 100m
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ha ha you cant see any details!@#!
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hmm
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.--. .-------. .-------. .----------.
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|$$| |$$$$$$$| |$$$$$$$| |$$$$$$$$$$|
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|$$| |$$|==~~' |$$|==~~' `---.$$.---'
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|$$| |$$$$$| |$$$$$| |$$|
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|$$.----. |$$|=='-. |$$|=='-. |$$|
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|$$$$$$$| |$$$$$$$| |$$$$$$$| |$$|
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`-------' `-------' `-------' `--'
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w0ol: so damned leet we gotta enclose it to avoid a 'leet-spillage
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ever notice how all thoes k-leet hax0rs have really lame names? not to
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make them kill me or anything, but think of it, whats the first thing a
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lamer does on the scene? get a lame niq, like "Death Knight" or
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something, which are also used by k-rad people, its quite confusing
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oh hmm... do du.. w0ol to you.. ok.. in the end id like to show you some
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words not to use:
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LOL
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ROTFL
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AOL
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COMPUSERVE
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IAMLAME
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AOLRULES
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IMHO
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etc.
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in closing id like to say
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------------------------[ snip ]--------------------------------------------
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---------------------------+ eDiToR CoMmEnT +----------------------------------
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dude that sucked, im sincerely sorry for this issue, it would have been
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MUCH better but 2 things prevented that: 'writers' block, and the
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numbers/letters 4:00am to 4:45am.
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---------------------------------+ InDeX +------------------------------------
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this is so you can find them:
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#1: w0ol comes from sheep! (nettle)
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#2: the electric santa (nettle)
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#3: gourmet food, gourmet boredom (nettle)
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#4: toast some pixie stix in the hour that doesnt exist (nettle)
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#5: no comprende? (nettle)
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#6: the annual colage issue (nettle)
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wow
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-------------------------------+ people of w0ol +------------------------------
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nettle
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(thats all right now.. so write sumfin!#)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ email addresses _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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nettle:
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nettle@novasys.com
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nettle@nevermind.lag.novasys.com
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nettle@nexxus.novasys.com
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thats it..
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-----------------------+ useless archives +----------------------------------
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ftp:
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nevermind.lag.novasys.com : /pub/w0ol
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landslide.openix.com : /ftp/phorce/w0ol
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morse code:
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the top of springfield avenu, ill have a flashing light there encoding
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w0ol 24/7.
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if you would like to contact w0ol send email to
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w0ol@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you want to have a letter displaayed
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in one of our issues as a question/comment type thing, email
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w0ol-2@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you would like me to murder your
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parents email parent@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, thank you.
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