228 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
228 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
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### ###
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### ###
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### #### ### ### ### ####
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### ### ##### ### ###
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### ### ### ### ###
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### ### ##### ### ###
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########## ### ### ##########
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### ###
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### ###
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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####### ## ## ####### # # ####### #### #######
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ##
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#### ## ## #### # # ####### ## #######
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ##
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## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ###### #######
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[ In The Western World ] [ By Laurence Overmire ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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By Laurence Overmire
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In the Western World
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You will be judged.
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For good or for evil, to win or to lose
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One or the other
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There is no other
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In everything you do
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We black and white you with our tongues
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Lash you to the stake of our
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Burning inadequacies
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Guilt that must be flogged
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Flames rising
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To star our sleepless nights
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Feed the demons who sit across
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The Dinner Table
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Making nonsensical conversations
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We like to call "quality time."
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Don't think you can escape
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Be bigger than a sea that
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Covers the bones of a mythic Atlantis
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We carry the ark of a covenant
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With a damning God
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Jealous Creator of all men (and sometimes
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Women) in His own image
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Flawed, sinful, needing to be
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Saved from His own unholy
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Desires.
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In the Western World
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You will be judged.
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Daily.
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By every man, woman and child.
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For good or for evil.
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Winners and losers.
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That's who we are.
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Skulldoggerel
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Slam my black ass
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You white suckermothers
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Screw me with your laser lips
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Unjob me till my face turns blue
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Make my living hell your heaven and
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Moon me with your starry skies.
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Then when you got me where you want me
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Hit me hard, down and dirty
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With that big, broad smile of your
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Christian love.
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Do it like you mean it, brother.
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Then maybe I'll forgive you
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When I get down off of this cross.
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"Good Morning, Class"
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Today's topic is
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"Building a Human Body."
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When creating anything, of course,
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It's important to have lots of raw materials to choose from.
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Let's see what we have here.
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Ah, yes,
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Saturated fats, fatty acids,
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Packaged chemically altered dehydrated food stuffs,
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Processed sugars, assorted oils,
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A few waxy vegetables,
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Lots of animal products and chemical fillers.
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Wonderful.
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So let's build this body from the ground up starting with the feet.
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How about cereal feet, sugar sweet Cocoa Crunchy feet?
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Good.
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Now we need some ankles and calves on those feet<65>
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Let's use veal.
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Veal Oscar calves attached to
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Sausage knees.
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Now we need something substantial for the thighs<68>
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Triple-scoop hot fudge sundaes with candied cherries, sprinklies and
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salted nuts with Whipped cream.
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Oooh, that's thunderous!
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Uh oh, now this area here, the loins<6E>
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Well, we'd really rather not make the loins.
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They always have to be covered up anyway.
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So let's just pretend they're not there.
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Now, the buttocks is loads of fun to make!
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It's a good place to put all these pork rinds, bacon drippings, ham
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hocks,
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And Aunt Millie's Old-Fashioned Peanut Butter Fudge.
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There, now that's what I call a butt!
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Okay, moving up to the waistline<6E>
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Let's use this 10-topping double-cheese stuffed-crust pizza and
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jumbo-sized soda pop.
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That's good for a start.
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Trowel please.
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Thank you.
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Now let's lay on some potato chips, french fries, mashed potatoes with
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lots of gravy,
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Careful, don't spill,
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Some candy bars, pretzels,
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And let's not forget this ice-cold twelve-pack of beer.
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Good, good, good.
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The torso's next.
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We need meat, lots of meat
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T-Bone, porterhouse, sirloin<69>
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"This little piggy had roast beef, chicken wings and barbecue ribs!"
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Isn't this fun!
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There!
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Oh, while we're up in this area,
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We need a heart of some kind.
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Dairy products are always good:
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Fresh creamery butter, milk, cheese,
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And for health reasons
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Let's use lots of this salad dressing with a dash of lettuce.
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Splendid!
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Okay, the arms.
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Spaghetti and tacos ought to do the trick.
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Now finally, class,
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We must top off our specimen with what?
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You guessed it, a head.
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That's why we saved all this hamburger.
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We can scoop it and shape it any way we want.
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Look how handsome our specimen is.
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And we can pour on lots of ketchup and mustard
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And piping hot chili sauce.
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See, what a colorful character we have.
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All done! We now present, our Human Body!
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Why don't we give him a name?
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Yes, you in the first row?
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Hamburger Head, that's good.
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Pardon me? A brain?
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Yes, it's true that a normal human body would have a brain.
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But we really don't have anything suitable to build one with.
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But you know what?
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Won't life be much simpler for our Hamburger Head if he doesn't have to
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think?
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Oops, time's up.
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Class dismissed.
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A Rainbow Has Blue in It
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She had to live in a world with lots of bright colors
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Yellows and oranges and rosy pinks
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Where everyone smiled and said,
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"Hello, how are you today?"
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"Just fine, thank you. And you?"
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"Oh, couldn't be better."
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In her world, it never rained.
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There weren't even any clouds.
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Winter was banned, and summer was always moderately cool.
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People didn't sweat or smell or say
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Bad words.
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Life was just peachy.
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On the day of her funeral, there was a terrible thunderstorm.
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Several tornadoes touched down and blew away
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The pink and yellow flowers
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And a big tree was ripped out by the roots
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And fell right on top of her casket.
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But then the sun came out.
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Birds were singing.
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And people say they even heard her son and daughter
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Laugh out loud
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For the first time in years.
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Dowdy Won't Doody
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She looks radiant today
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What is it
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I mean
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Let's be honest she's had the
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Dowdy, frumpy look for quite awhile
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But
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What is it that's different
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A new hairdo? new lipstick?
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It couldn't be a face-lift, could it?
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No.
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But I don't get it. She looks terrific!
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What do you think it is?
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I think they call it self-esteem.
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---
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Laurence's biography: http://www.uXu.org/overmire.htm
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #519 Underground eXperts United 1999 uXu #519
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http://www.uXu.org/
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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