249 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
249 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
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### #### ### ### ### ####
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########## ### ### ##########
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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[ The Internet Word Reference Book - Chapter I ] [ By The Chief ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%%&%&%&%&%&
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&% The Internet Word Reference Book &%
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%& Chapter I %&
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&% by The Chief &%
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%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%%&%&%&%&%%&%&%&%&
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You may think that you know where the numerous and different Internet-
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related words, well the whole Internet vocabulary in fact, comes from,
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right? From the very start, the very beginning, when the second (you have to
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have two, you know) computer on the was hooked up to the Internet, when
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people started to wonder about what to call different things, applications
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and actions? These things clearly needed names. When they tore their hair in
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agony, roamed through great halls with walls covered by monstrous metal
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dragons, for a hint, just a word, anything, that could describe what they
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were doing?
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Do you know where these words came from? You might think you do, but it
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is more probable that you do not. Here is the first chapter in the new
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edition of the Internet Word Reference Book, and because this book is pretty
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big, we start out with one of the most common used words Internet users use
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today, only to be back with more commonly used words in the next chapters to
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come. When the book is complete, the revised edition will be a collection of
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all these words, sorted alphabetically, to make it easier to look up words
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you are interested in.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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E-mail, EMail, email Origin: Military court, Illinois, USA
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Most people today believe that _email_ means 'electronic mail', and
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even though this is a correct definition, this was definitely not the
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meaning of the word from the beginning.
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Dr. Michael Simms and Dr. Joergen Rhodes, two doctors at two military
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linked companies, with one computer each on the pre-historic two computer
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Internet debated over what they would say to the other party when one of
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them had left a message for the other on the computer. This debate did not
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take place over the Internet, as the doctors did not want to take a chance,
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and give this clear action a name that the other party did not approve of
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by mistake. Both doctors had to agree on the correct word to be used, or
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the other would unplug his computer in anger, stating that the first one had
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gone behind his back in order to get to call himself 'inventor' of the word,
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or as some might say, to have coined the term, and hence, there would be no
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Internet. So they used the telephone for this debate.
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At first they agreed to simply say:
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- Hey Doctor X, I have left a message on your computer!
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They applied the theory in practice, but soon found out that they became
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extremely annoyed when they could not find a message lying somewhere on the
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big metal dragon that was the computer. There simply was no message _on_ the
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computer. So after several attempts, and even more puzzling and pretty
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lengthy searches for messages in laboratories, they gave up. Another
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solution had to be found.
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Dr. Joergen Rhodes suggested that if one doctor had sent a message to
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the other, the first doctor would simply not tell the other anything at
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all, and the other doctor would find out sooner or later! Dr. Michael Simms
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agreed that this was clearly the best solution to the problem, so they
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decided to try it out, and they went happily back to what it was they
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were doing at the time.
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One particular wednesday evening, Dr. Rhodes called Dr. Simms to tell
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him something important about a message he had sent on the computer earlier
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that day. Dr. Simms answered his phone as usual:
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- "Hello?"
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"Yes, this is Dr. Rhodes. Listen..."
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- "Hello there! How are things going at your end? I was just about to
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make myself a hot cup of coffee when..."
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"We do not have time for small talk, Rhodes! I sent... hmm..."
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Dr. Rhodes bit his tongue. He had almost forgot that they weren't supposed
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to say anything when they had sent a message, and decided to try the thesis
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there and then.
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"Have you turned on your computer today?" Rhodes asked, very proud of
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himself for thinking of this brilliant way of avoiding the problem.
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- "Yes, yes I have.. Aha!" Simms knew what Rhodes was trying to tell him.
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"Well, I have to tell you something about..."
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- "No, no, don't you go and spoil our theory now!" Simms said, put the
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phone down and went over to the computer to check his messages.
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Several years later, at exactly 6 o'clock in the morning, military judge
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Bob Slowinsky read through the morning paper while drinking his hot cup of
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coffee. Something he did every day of the year, seven days a week. He sipped
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his coffee and turned the page. A book review on page eleven caught his eye
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and he started to read what it said. He was an honest man, with a serious
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interest in books, something one expects from most judges, but not that
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experienced when it came to computers. That was something only the science
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people, those doctors, played with all day and night, he thought.
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His wife, Esmeralda, on her way to the bathroom suddenly heard thundering
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laughter downstairs. She went down to the kitchen wondering what was going
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on.
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"Ha ha ha!" the judge rumbled, almost falling off his chair.
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- "Bob darling, what's so funny?"
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"Ha ha ha!" the judge continued, almost spilling out his coffee.
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- "Bob!", Esmeralda screamed.
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"Ha ha .. Oh! I'm sorry darling, but this book review is so funny!"
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- "A book review.. a funny book review?" she said with a doubtful look
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on her face.
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"Ha ha .. Yes! Do you remember that crazy doctor, a few years ago? The
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one at the base?"
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- "Yes, I think so.", she said. "The one you sent to jail?"
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"Ha ha .. That's the one! Yes! Who completely erased our only, unique
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and complete database with top secret information about the Russian
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anti-air missile system, but claimed that it was the computer that had
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catched a cold or something, like a living human being! Do you remember?"
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- Yes, yes, I remember that you laughed a lot about it."
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"Ha ha .. Yes.. yes. Well, you know what? Here's _another_ one of those
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crazy doctors, and he has even written a book about it! Computers! Sick!
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Sick Computers! Ha ha ha!" the judge thundered, and turned the page.
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In the now infamous book, "EMail - Viruses & Bombs" by Dr. Michael Rhodes,
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there are of course no references or footnotes stating the fact that Dr.
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Michael Simms coined the term while being dragged out of the court.
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***> The correct description of the word "EMail" is: 'Evil Mail'.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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E-mail, EMail, email Extra Notes Origin: Norway, Europe
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Some people, especially those living in a very cold and very small
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northern Norwegian town, claim that it was in fact a local resident,
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Email Johansen, who coined the term. Now this was way back at the end
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of the 13th century, and certainly, this can probably be proved to be
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either true or false. Sometime in the future. If we could find someone
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who cared. Anyway, the story these Norwegians tell is as follows:
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Email Johansen was a lonely man. He had been living on his own since he
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was twelve years old. That was when his parents went away on a holiday trip
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to Jamaica, and decided to stay there. About fifty years later, Email
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started to get really lonely, and as it was always so cold outside, he did
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not feel like going down to the local pub, or the supermarket. He did not
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have to worry about food, as his parents had left him a sack of rice and
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some beans. He did not have to worry about water, as it was always enough
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snow outside to keep him happy. So he went along doing what he was doing.
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Of course, Email started to get extremely lonely about twenty years later,
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and decided to try to do something about it. He thought about going down
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to the pub, but it was too cold outside. He thought about maybe going down
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to the supermarket, but the cold weather made it impossible to go further
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down the highway than about five meters. Five meters, he suddenly thought
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to himself, that is exactly how far it is from the door to my mailbox and
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back again.. maybe I can do something with this piece of information?
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Email started to think. Five meters. Mailbox. Cold outside. Pub. No,
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he had to concentrate on the problem at hand. Five meters. Mailbox.
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Five me.. Eureka! He had found a solution to his loneliness! Finally,
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he knew what had to be done, and so he started to write. Letters.
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Four, five, ten, twenty. Email did not stop until he had written over
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two hundred letters (though he did spend some time with his PlayStation
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now and then. Though mostly on wednesday evenings).
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When the letters were ready to be sent away, he put on every piece of
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clothing he owned, opened the door, and walked the two and a half meters
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to the mailbox. Well there, he put all two hundred letters into it, and
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walked back the two and a half meters to his house.
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Well inside, he took the clothes off again. Puffing and shaking away
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the cold and evil weather that had managed to dig into his bones, in
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front of the warm and friendly fire in the open fireplace.
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A week later he put on all his clothes again, opened the door, and walked
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the two and a half meters to the mailbox. Well there, he opened it, and was
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so happy to find about two hundred letters inside that he grabbed them
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immediately, and ran the two and a half meters back inside.
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Two hundred letters! It will take me at least a _month_ to read through
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every single letter, he thought to himself, but was very happy about the
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fact that his plan had worked! He sat down and started to read immediately.
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Every letter was very nice and clearly written with the utmost care. He
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read about fantastic discoveries, countries far away, big parties and
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long nights under star filled skies.
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When he had read the last letter, he was very happy. But he soon started
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to worry about how much time he had spent reading the letters, and that
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these people must have been waiting for replies for some time. So he
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started to write replies to each letter at once, and when they were ready
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he put on all his clothes, walked to the mailbox, put the letters in it,
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and walked back to his house.
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And just like before, a week later he went back outside to the mailbox
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and found two hundred letters inside!
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When the police found Email Johansen drowned in letters twelve years later,
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they were not surprised that each and every letter was addressed to Mr.
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Johansen. But they were surprised to see that none of the letters had stamps.
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Something they were no longer surprised about when they noticed that on the
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back of each and every letter, the address of sender was identical to the
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address on the front.
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Watch out for Chapter 2 of The Internet Word Reference Book
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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uXu #354 Underground eXperts United 1996 uXu #354
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Call ALTERNATIVE NATION -> +32-53-789669
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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