118 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
118 lines
5.3 KiB
Plaintext
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### ###
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### ###
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### #### ### ### ### ####
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### ### ##### ### ###
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### ### ### ### ###
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### ### ##### ### ###
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########## ### ### ##########
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### ###
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### ###
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Underground eXperts United
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Presents...
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####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### #######
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## ##
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#### ## ## #### # # ## ## ####### #######
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## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ##
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## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### #######
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[ Feline Superiority ] [ By The GNN ]
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____________________________________________________________________
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____________________________________________________________________
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FELINE SUPERIORITY
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by THE GNN/DualCrew/uXu
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"Listen fellow! You feed me, and I will not kill you. Got it?"
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(Garfield, as "The Claw")
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"Cats are more intelligent than humans!"
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This controversial quote belongs to Dr August Balle who in his recent
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articles in the world-spread magazine "Shrinks Today" claims that our cosy
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and furry friends own a greater deal of brainpower than the human race.
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After a long and cute description of his own cat "Sid Freud" he explains
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why he got this idea:
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"One day, just after I had fed Sid I began to study the pictures on the
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cat-food can. It was at that particular moment I noticed that the text on
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the can attracted ME and not Sid himself. 'Tastes wonderful', 'buy it' and
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'a new improved flavor' are not written to impress cats. They are written
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to impress me! Why? The answer is simple - but yet true: Cats do not
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trust commercials! When did you see your cat stop by the TV and study
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the false promises that are presented to us every day, every fifteen
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minutes? Never, I say! Therefore cats have a greater deal of
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understanding, they do not believe in soft words and cheap tricks from
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smiling babes! Cats would never ever attend to a beach-party only to
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taste a chewing gum!"
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August Balle then includes a statistic chart over how many cats that
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gamble, play cards or bet on horses. The number is zero, except for the
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"mutilated communist" Ivan, a black cat that works for a russian circus.
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August Balle comments:
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"So, what conclusions could be drawn from this? 1) Cats understand that
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the chances of winning are very small. Therefore they do not even bother
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to gamble! 2) Cats have fully understood the meaning of "money is not
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everything". 3) Cats spend more time with their personal hygiene than
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sitting in front of a TV only to get humiliated by some smart-ass who
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screams 'You lose!' over and over again."
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There is also a comment to the recent election, from the cats point of
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view (of course still written by Balle).
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"Here we all sit and get stuffed with strange arguments about taxes,
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taxes, taxes, niggers and Iraq from various smiling self-loving
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monkey-brains! What do we do? Laugh? No, we run and VOTE for them! This
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sick behavior is not shared with our small friends. They simply roll over
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on the sofa and sleeps the Disneyland-like TV shows away instead of trying
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to understand something that cannot be understood by a normal animal
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without any mental illness!"
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Later on Balle says:
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"I want to see a cat in the White house! A cat that will show his teeth
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to the public and roar: 'Read my tail! No more dogs! No more stinking
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Fido that shits on public places and rips children apart with their
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sharp teeth!"
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The organization KAM (Kill All Men) reacted very strongly against Dr
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August Balle, when he claims that cats do not have the need for "vigilant"
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feminist clubs.
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"Female cats know their place. If a male cat wants to have sex, they do
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not complain. Two male cats does not begin to 'analyze' and 'discuss' the
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reason why they both want to own the left part of the garden. They solve
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their problems with violence, a truly good way and without the fear from
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that some female cat disturbs them with words like 'childish'. Male cats
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do not need to play intellectual. They do not have to enter shabby bars
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and quote Sartre to get laid. Whatever they need, they take it! Of
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course, with the help from human stupidity, some cats are not able to have
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sex since their balls have been removed and thus turned them into boring
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vegetables."
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Balle ends his article with a fresh philosophy:
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"Nietzsche is known for his 'God is dead' theory. This is wrong. God is
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simply a sleeping cat who does not bother to rule over humans. This
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statement may sound strange to you normal people, but when I discuss it
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with Sid, he agrees completely with silence."
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///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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Miaow! Dig your teeth into the hand that feeds you!
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Sharpen your claws on this sofa: SEDES DIABOLI +46-586-FISHBOWL
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A grand on the tortoise to win.
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