104 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
104 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
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.:::::. .::::::::.
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...:::::::::... ::::::::::::
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..:::::::::::::::::.. ::::: ::::
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.::: ::::::: :::. :::::. :
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:: ::::: :: :::::::.
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: ::: : :::::::::.
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::: ::::::::
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::: :::::
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::::: : ::::
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::::: oxic :::......:::: hock
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.:::::::. :::::::::::
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::::::::::: :::::::::
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presents
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People You Meet In Elevators
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by Gross Genitalia
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Toxic File #42
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Centre of Eternity 615.552.5747 HQ of Toxic Shock and The Esoteric Society
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[TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS]
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Well hell I'll go to set a record. Seems Toxic hasn't been very active,
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and I pray I can do better than my last 3 or 4 files. Kinda something to do
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while bored. But think of the less obvious. Do you often take for granted
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the people you meet in elevators? Of course, hey they're people too...
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Don't you often get this creepy feeling when you're in the elevator with
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a group of people...that you're BETTER than they are? Yeah, you think to
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yourself "Yeah bastards, quit staring at me you losers cause I'm the only
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person on here with a life" and then <DING> it's your floor off you go and
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never give a second thought to it. Stop and think, I imagine they feel the
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same about you as you do about them. Wouldn't ya like to crawl into their
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minds and see what THEY'RE thinking?
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A fun thing to do to fuck with these people, before you even meet them,
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is to hold the elevator on the top floor for five minutes then let loose
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and ride down to the floor of the angry bastard(s). It's a lovely, welcoming
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feeling to have the door slide open and gaze into a crowd of onlooking,
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mad-as-hell, heathenistic people waiting somewhat patiently to ride in a box
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the moves in only two directions. Recently I did this, got to the floor,
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stood among these people in the elevator (all of who were looking at me very
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angrily), held the door open button, looked out expectantly, then got off,
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only after punching the buttons for ten other floors.
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Later in the day we all lined the walls of the elevator and rode to
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different floors to greet people. We rode to the third floor and when the
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door opened and the dude started to step in we all said, in unison,
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"Welcome to our happy elevator!" The dude looked very startled and turned
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to use the stairs. On another floor a woman got on and we all said "Hi,
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and what is your name?" with big goofy grins on our faces. Lady hit door
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open and got back off.
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Seems older people are more prone to strike up conversations. You are
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in a completely pissed mood because the pool has already closed up for
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the night. Some old bastard gets on.
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"Hello young man."
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[Hello Gramps. Fuck off.]
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"What floor are you staying on?"
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[The basement. With your wife.]
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"We're here for a Square-Dancing Convention."
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[I asked.]
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"What are you here for?"
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[The 1001 Ways to Fuck Dead Animals Conference.]
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No elevator trip is complete without punching every floor button before
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you exit. And one needs exercise when on a vacation trip, so he must press
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the up and down buttons on every floor while using the stairwell while
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moving from floor to floor. When you get on you will have some very pissed
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people to meet. "Hi, having a fabulous time are you?" "FUCK OFF KID!"
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It's funny how we never give thought to such trivial things, such as
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elevators. It's not often that you become friends with someone just by
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seeing them on an elevator -- until you're STUCK on one with them. That
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happened to me about two years ago. On with some guy in his forties. He
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seemed pretty decent except he had the raunchiest looking greasy hair I've
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ever seen on anyone except my 9th grade math teacher. Glad to get away from
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that man. I tried not to talk to the dude too much but he simply wouldn't
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shut up.
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"When I was a kid your age..."
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[Yeah, back in 1902...]
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"...we could go to the picture show for 10 cents."
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[It's called the MOVIES you fuckhead.]
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"Coke was about that much..."
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[Carbonated or white and powdery?]
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"Life was so much simpler."
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[Did I ask for your fucking life history?]
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Seems like you always meet losers and degenerates on elevators, not
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hot babes with huge tits. Senior citizens, tourists, little bratty kids,
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NOT round-asses, finely tanned chicks.
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I guess real people take the stairs.
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[TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS]
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(c)1990 Toxic Shock The Followers of Fetus
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[have seemingly disappeared]
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