210 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
210 lines
12 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
|||
|
|
THE HIDDEN OBVIOUS #18!!!!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Here is a file from the newest member of the THO team, Exodus. He's a
|
|||
|
|
little warped, but that's why we like him :)
|
|||
|
|
-Pip
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Harve & Marve:Goto Limbo
|
|||
|
|
========================== By Exodus
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Once upon a time there were two goblins named Harve and
|
|||
|
|
Marve.They usually thought of different things to get into and ways to
|
|||
|
|
get into trouble.They live in a pile of hay in a big old barn in New
|
|||
|
|
York City.
|
|||
|
|
It was in the middle of the summer and they were both laying
|
|||
|
|
around in their haystack."I tell you mate,I'm bored",said Marve."Me
|
|||
|
|
too",replied Harve."Want to go for a walk?,I mean there is nothing else
|
|||
|
|
to do around here",suggested Harve."Yeah I can't find that damn needle
|
|||
|
|
in here at all,let's go",said Marve.
|
|||
|
|
So the two goblins were off,just walking around the big old city
|
|||
|
|
of New York."You know what we should do",said Marve."What?",questioned
|
|||
|
|
Harve."We should sometime buy a air conditioner for our haystack",said
|
|||
|
|
Marve."Good idea,hey I wonder if Dovetail is home?",asked Harve."Nope
|
|||
|
|
she's not,probably at the beach working on that tan of hers",said Marve.
|
|||
|
|
They were walking right past a dark alley,when Harve saw it.A
|
|||
|
|
innocent looking stray cat.It was then that Harve made one of the
|
|||
|
|
greatest mistakes of his life,he said a phrase that should never be said
|
|||
|
|
in public,with so many people around."Hey nice pussy",he said,pointing
|
|||
|
|
to the cat.
|
|||
|
|
Unfortunately a little old-lady just happened to be passing as
|
|||
|
|
he said this."What!?!,ruffians!",said the old-lady."Hey Harve watch your
|
|||
|
|
mouth,your gonna get us into trouble",warned Marve."I'm sorry mam,I
|
|||
|
|
meant the cat not you",said Harve to the old lady."I'm tired of being
|
|||
|
|
harassed",she yelled.She then pulled out a shotgun out of her
|
|||
|
|
pocket-book."You guys better run",she smiled."Oh great,see what you got
|
|||
|
|
us into",said Marve."Hey I'm sorry,I didn't mean it",replied Harve.
|
|||
|
|
They then promptly ran away from the old lady as fast as their
|
|||
|
|
little legs would carry them.For what seemed like hours the lady chased
|
|||
|
|
them all over the city,shooting at them every minute she could."Good
|
|||
|
|
thing she has cataracts",laughed Harve,"She can't see a bloody thing!".A
|
|||
|
|
shot then just whipped past Harve's head slighty grazing him."Please
|
|||
|
|
just shut-up,I gotta think of a way outa this",yelled Marve.
|
|||
|
|
They kept running,running,running,running,and one more for good
|
|||
|
|
measure,and running.They saw a huge tall building across the street,"Hey
|
|||
|
|
lets get over there for more cover",said Marve."I'm for it",said Harve.
|
|||
|
|
Both of them ran right across the street,not even looking for any other
|
|||
|
|
cars coming,causing half a dozen accidents in the process."Well I doubt
|
|||
|
|
she'll find us over here",said Harve.
|
|||
|
|
Both goblins thought they were safe there,but they forgot to
|
|||
|
|
look up.A piano was hanging vicariously by a rope about 20 feet above
|
|||
|
|
their heads.With a loud SNAP it fell right onto their
|
|||
|
|
heads....flattening them flatter then a pancake.........
|
|||
|
|
"Ohhhhhh,ouououououch,ugggggggg,where am I?"."My head is killing
|
|||
|
|
me,my hands,my body,my peni.......,Good that one is still there"."The
|
|||
|
|
pain will subside my sons",called a booming voice.Slowly Harve and Marve
|
|||
|
|
opened their eyes,to see a huge lobster staring them in the face.The
|
|||
|
|
place around them was completely white,like a fog of nothingness.
|
|||
|
|
"Damn!,where are we?",asked Harve."You are now in Limbo,you have
|
|||
|
|
died",said the lobster."And who are you?",asked Marve."My full name is
|
|||
|
|
Eatyourdamnseafoodnowyoubloodybastard",said the lobster."But you my call
|
|||
|
|
me by my nickname,Mr. Lobster",said the huge crustacean."God is my
|
|||
|
|
brother",replied Mr. Lobster."You are in Limbo,waiting for further
|
|||
|
|
judgement,have fun it may be a while,probably a few million years at the
|
|||
|
|
very least",said Mr. Lobster."Hmmm,let's see our entertainment isn't as
|
|||
|
|
good as Heaven's,but it's definitely better than Hell's,I might add",the
|
|||
|
|
lobster chuckled."While your here check out our movie
|
|||
|
|
theater,cafe,park,sports arena,and a favorite of mine,our very own whore
|
|||
|
|
house,one that even the angels of heaven are known to go to"."Well,I
|
|||
|
|
must be going,tartar",and with that the huge lobster disappeared into
|
|||
|
|
nothingness.
|
|||
|
|
"Well,looks like we've actually died,I can't believe it",sobbed
|
|||
|
|
Harve."Hey quit your crying,we'll find a way out of here,trust me I know
|
|||
|
|
what I'm doing",said Marve.They heard movement off to their
|
|||
|
|
left,"Quiet,someones coming over here",said Harve.
|
|||
|
|
The figure was dressed all in robes and bore a striking
|
|||
|
|
resemblance to the Pope."Hail,oh mighty Pope",said Harve."What?,I'm not
|
|||
|
|
the Pope,I'm Sir Charles the Serial Killer",said the figure."But you can
|
|||
|
|
call me Charley,if you like.I've single-handedly murdered 1.5*10<31>
|
|||
|
|
people,all by myself too".".5?",questioned Marve."Well,yes one of them
|
|||
|
|
didn't have any legs",replied Charley."Wow,so you did this with only one
|
|||
|
|
hand?",asked Harve."Yep",nodded Charley,"I've even wrote a book on
|
|||
|
|
it,501 Ways to Successfully Kill Someone with One Hand"."Wasn't that
|
|||
|
|
book on the New York Times bestseller list?",asked Marve."It was on the
|
|||
|
|
list for 3 straight years",beamed Charley."Why are you in the Pope's
|
|||
|
|
outfit?",questioned Harve,pointing to Charley's odd taste of
|
|||
|
|
clothing."Well boys,the taylors in Limbo don't know how to dress
|
|||
|
|
anyone,the other day I was wearing a cheer-leaders mini-skirt,it was
|
|||
|
|
most embarrassing",blushed Charley.
|
|||
|
|
"Well,boys were are you headed?",said Charley."Were off to get a
|
|||
|
|
air conditioner for our haystack",said Marve."Hmmmm,I hear the best ones
|
|||
|
|
are in Hell itself,the Devil likes to keep cool down there you
|
|||
|
|
know"."Well,mind if I join you in your adventures?,my judgement probably
|
|||
|
|
won't be for another million years",said Charley."Sure,it would be an
|
|||
|
|
honor to have you for company",said Harve."I know I special backdoor to
|
|||
|
|
hell,follow me",said Charley.
|
|||
|
|
Charley navigated them carefully around Limbo.6 hours later they
|
|||
|
|
approached a small storm door in the middle of the whiteness."Is this
|
|||
|
|
it?",Harve pointed to the door."Yep,it is",said Charley."Now if I could
|
|||
|
|
just...",he moved over to the door,"Damn!,it's locked",said Charley."Hey
|
|||
|
|
isn't there a password or something?",asked Marve."Good idea,let's just
|
|||
|
|
see if I can remember it",said Charley.They waited for about 4
|
|||
|
|
hours,"Hey everybody I remebered it!",yelled Charley."Well say it
|
|||
|
|
then",pleaded Harve."Okay here it goes,let's hope I don't forget it
|
|||
|
|
later",said Charley.With a inhale of air,he arched his back,and
|
|||
|
|
confidently said,"Enter".The door opened with a loud cracking
|
|||
|
|
noise."Hurraaayyyy,were gonna finally maybe,possibly get our air
|
|||
|
|
conditioner now",said Harve."Oh Harve,why don't you just go to
|
|||
|
|
Hell!",said Marve.
|
|||
|
|
"Sure,I'd love too",replied Harve,and with that he jumped right
|
|||
|
|
into the redness behind the door."Let's go!",yelled Marve,while him and
|
|||
|
|
Charley dove into the redness.Within minutes after falling for about 2
|
|||
|
|
hours they hit the ground.The immediate stench of rotten flesh and stale
|
|||
|
|
popcorn assaulted them.
|
|||
|
|
"Yep,were now in Hell",confirmed Charley."Damn,that smell,it's
|
|||
|
|
aweful",said Marve."Aw,I kind of like it,it reminds me of what I had for
|
|||
|
|
breakfast",said Harve."Just shut-up",Marve and Charley yelled at
|
|||
|
|
Harve."Come'on follow me,I think I know where the devil's hangout is
|
|||
|
|
around here",said Charley.
|
|||
|
|
After a few hours of walking,they all were getting very
|
|||
|
|
tired."Don't they have any mass-transportation in Hell?",asked
|
|||
|
|
Marve."Afraid not,that's why they call it Hell",said Charley."Okay
|
|||
|
|
around this bend and we should see the devil's house in sight",stated
|
|||
|
|
Charley.
|
|||
|
|
They all quietly and quickly and carefully and abruptly
|
|||
|
|
moved around the bend.There straight ahead of them was the devil's
|
|||
|
|
hang-out."Hey it's the White House",said Harve."Except the devil in
|
|||
|
|
there is the real one",said Marve."Well guys let's go,time's
|
|||
|
|
awasting...NOT",said Charley.
|
|||
|
|
The group approached the front door,"Now how do we open this
|
|||
|
|
one?",asked Marve."Another password,I believe,damn it might take me
|
|||
|
|
awhile to think of it",said Charley.Five hours later..."I got
|
|||
|
|
it!!",exclaimed Charley."Here it goes,Open!",he yelled.The door opened
|
|||
|
|
with a loud jingle."Ha can you beat that,the devil put bells on the
|
|||
|
|
outside of his front door,how nice of him",said Harve."Hell's bells he
|
|||
|
|
calls them I think",said Charley.
|
|||
|
|
Harve and Marve followed Charley closely as he made his way
|
|||
|
|
through the halls of the devil's hang-out."We'll be there soon",assured
|
|||
|
|
Charley."I hope so,that smell of stale popcorn is making me hungry",said
|
|||
|
|
Harve.They soon entered a large nice cool room,with the sound of a large
|
|||
|
|
air conditioner running in the background."Come'on this is it!",yelled
|
|||
|
|
Marve and they all ran over to the beautiful air conditioner in the
|
|||
|
|
wall."Wow it's a Power-Cool 9000,made by Inferno Inc.,hey and get this
|
|||
|
|
it's insured for ten million years",said Marve."Good just what we
|
|||
|
|
need",said Harve.Marve pulled a crow-bar out of his pants and both
|
|||
|
|
goblins and Charley had the air conditioner out of the wall in no
|
|||
|
|
time."This will keep our haystack cold all summer long",said Marve in
|
|||
|
|
relief.
|
|||
|
|
All of the sudden they heard footsteps off to there immediate
|
|||
|
|
left."Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa,did you think I would let you take my most
|
|||
|
|
prized possession",laughed the devil."No,but I figured we would give it
|
|||
|
|
a shot anyway",shrugged Harve."By the way do you have any of that
|
|||
|
|
popcorn around here?",asked Harve."Sorry but I already ate it all last
|
|||
|
|
night",said the Devil.
|
|||
|
|
"Prepare to die scum!",the Devil said to Charley,as he pulled
|
|||
|
|
out his nightsaber from it's sheath."Greetings,Sir Charley,it has been
|
|||
|
|
long indeed since we last fought,are you still one with the powers of
|
|||
|
|
the Light Side?",asked the Devil."Yes I am!",barked Charley,as he drew
|
|||
|
|
his own nightsaber from the folds of his robe.The air was crackling and
|
|||
|
|
popping as both the Devil and Charley swung their blades at each other.
|
|||
|
|
"Oh boy!,a fight",exclaimed Harve."Now I wish I really had some
|
|||
|
|
popcorn",he said.
|
|||
|
|
The Devil and Charley fought for hours each countering each
|
|||
|
|
other with similar blows and slashes."Of course you realize you are my
|
|||
|
|
SON",said the Devil."NOOOOOO,it can't be!",cried Charley."Well that
|
|||
|
|
son of a bitch",said Marve."No that's son of a devil",corrected Harve.
|
|||
|
|
"Who's my mother",demanded Charley."That doesn't matter
|
|||
|
|
now",said the Devil."Who's my MOTHER!",yelled Charley,and his attacks
|
|||
|
|
became more frequent,and harder to hit."Your dexterity is too
|
|||
|
|
low",laughed the Devil."Really?,mines 21",said Charley confidently."Ha
|
|||
|
|
mines 23!,I beat you Na NA na ne na",taunted the Devil."Tell me about my
|
|||
|
|
mommy,or I'll finish you off here and now",demanded
|
|||
|
|
Charley."Okay,okay,let the truth be known,I'm impetent",said the
|
|||
|
|
Devil."Ha",laughed Charley."Your mother was artificially
|
|||
|
|
inceminated",said the Devil.
|
|||
|
|
"What? she was artificially urinated?",asked Harve."No no no
|
|||
|
|
no",replied Marve."This fight may take a LONG time guys",said
|
|||
|
|
Charley."Here take this",he threw a very old parchment at them."It's a
|
|||
|
|
map to a door that will lead you to another door out of hell and into
|
|||
|
|
the real world",said Charley."Thanx man",said Marve."Yeah your like our
|
|||
|
|
favorite serial-killer now",said Harve."No prob",said Charley,"Just
|
|||
|
|
trying to be of service".
|
|||
|
|
Harve and Marve quickly made there way through Hell,till they
|
|||
|
|
found another storm door."Damn,this air conditioner is getting
|
|||
|
|
heavy",proclaimed Harve."Wait a few minutes I gotta try to figure out
|
|||
|
|
the right password",said Marve.Hours later "Damn I can't figure it
|
|||
|
|
out!,I'm stumped",said Marve as he slumped to the ground in
|
|||
|
|
disappointment."What seems to be the problem?",asked Harve,"the door is
|
|||
|
|
already unlocked"."What!?!,why didn't you say that in the first
|
|||
|
|
place?",demanded Marve."I was thinking about the popcorn",answered
|
|||
|
|
Harve.
|
|||
|
|
They both opened the door and walked through.To their surprise
|
|||
|
|
they ended up back in their haystack."Ahhhh,safe at last",both said at
|
|||
|
|
the same time.A little while later they had the air conditioner
|
|||
|
|
installed and both just sat there relaxing in their cooled
|
|||
|
|
home..........
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
How would you like to be a writer for THO? Call up the Asylum at
|
|||
|
|
9o8-914-9318 (NUP : I LOVE FEDS) and leave mail to Pip the Angry Youth.
|
|||
|
|
You can also get in contact with us by leaving Pip the Angry Youth mail
|
|||
|
|
on GODnet at the address 143/143:1.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Peace,
|
|||
|
|
Pip the Angry Youth
|