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*****NUMBERS 171 TO 175***********BY DANIEL BOWEN (tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu)*****
"Backed-up Toxic Custard"
//\\//\\ /\\// \\ // //\\//
\/ // \\ // //
\/ o x i c // u s t a r d \\ /\ // o r k s h o p //\\ i l e s
\/ \\ \\ /\ // //
\/Number 171\\//\\2/11/93 \\//\\//by Daniel Bowen//
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 4
DATABASE
Developed in the early 1800's, by Rodney Database of Darlington,
the database is a marvellously efficient way of putting large
amounts of information into one central repository, never to be
seen again. The design of the database is now an art form in
itself, and will usually include:
- just a dash of normalisation
- a whole bunch of useless information
- a whole bunch of fairly important information that no-one will
ever actually ask to see
- a whole bunch of very important information which will get
unexpectedly lost when a hardware fault occurs (eg someone
presses the wrong button) and the whole of your disk gets
wiped / paper files get burnt / tape gets melted down into a
large pudding, thrown out, buried in landfill and split in
two during an earthquake
DEATH
Death is the ending of life. But do we really know what death
involves? No, of course not, that's a stupid question. Only a
completely brainless nerk with an intellect the size of an atom
would ask a question like that. But in fact, I have recently
experienced a near-death experience, when I went to Ballarat. On an
Easter weekend. During an opera festival. (Okay, so it wasn't
recently except maybe in a universal cosmic historically vague
sense).
DEVIL
A popular character in mythology, commonly blamed by Christians for
everything from plagues to burnt toast. Of course, if the devil
ever actually appeared, it would scare these people shitless.
DEWEY, MELVIL (1851-1931)
American librarian who invented the Dewey Decimal system for
categorising books in libraries. Unfortunately, he died long before
the widespread use of computers, meaning that all the zillions of
books on this subject have to be squashed into 001.64
DEBUSSY, CLAUDE ACHILLE (1862-1918)
French composer/performer. His confrontational politics and total
scorn for the status quo led many to believe that this pioneering
hardcore performer was the only punk act to be on a par with the
Sex Pistols. Debussy's frenetic rave-ups offer little more than a
cluttered cacophony of speed and noise.
DICKHEAD
A close relative of the penis brain, dickheads can be found in all
the major centres of the universe, doing really irritating and
stupid things. The term "Dickhead" was coined by explorer Sir Jimmy
Criquet, who had visited the island of Dikhedos, just off Greece.
There lives a race of people who spend their entire days getting in
people's way on footpaths, driving in tram lanes, writing articles
for the Melbourne Agenda, raising money for the IRA and/or Ulster
Freedom Fighters, voting in support of French Farmers, evicting
people one week late with rent, etc etc etc.
DICTIONARY
A book, generally in alphabetical order, which lists the
definitions of a number of words. It is often postulated that
persons who are unfamiliar with the spellings of words should refer
to dictionaries. This is of course bullshit, 'cos if you don't know
how the word's spelt, how are you going to find it? The people that
make this sort of suggestion are probably child-molesting Osmond
fans who enjoy anal sex with kangaroos in the corridors of mental
hospitals...
I'm sorry. But it's been bothering me lately.
DISCOUNT
The art of making shoppers feel happier about having just bought
something by letting them know that they didn't get as badly
ripped-off as they would have if they'd bought it when the discount
didn't apply.
DONATION
Often promoted as the best way of getting rid of your money while
feeling good about it, donation in fact has the opposite effect.
The vast majority feel awkward as they hand over the money,
clumsily trying to avoid the $50 note in their pocket.
A much better way to get rid of money while feeling good is to
go out and by a whoppingly expensive consumer appliance.
DULL
Yes it is, isn't it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"LOSING MY CONNECTION" REM / "STATEMENT"
Oh disk, is smaller
Smaller than you and you are not me
The backups I will go to
The distance between tapes
Oh no I've filled the disk
I filled it up
That's me in the system
That's me at the login
Losing my connection
Trying to stay logged in
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've grepped too much
Couldn't grep enough
I thought that I heard deleting
I thought that I heard you say
I think I thought the files were safe
Every print-out of every waking hour
I'm dumping all my data
Trying to keep my files on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded LAN... LAN
Oh no I saved too much
I saved it all
Consider this
Consider this bug of the century
Consider this the bug
That brought DOS to its knees
What if all these data dumps come spewing out
And now I've printed too much
I thought that I heard you printing
I thought that I heard you swear
I think I thought I saw you print
That was just a ream
That was just a ream
That's me at the printer
That's me in the print queue
Losing all my source code
Trying to keep coding
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've saved too much
I haven't saved enough
I thought that I heard you PRUNEing
I thought that I saw me save
I think I thought I saw the files
But that was just a dream
File, line, byte, die
That was just a dream
Just a dream, dream
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And that's all until next week, when we return with
"Winners of the 80's". We'll be profiling Ivor
Fleming, who, while pissed on New Years Eve 1985,
bet all his money and his house that the Space
Shuttle would blow up in 1986.
If you'd like to get your mitts on back-issues
of the Toxic Custard Workshop Files, just reply to
this message, or send email to tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1993 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| Any opinions expressed here have
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| resulted from accidental stimuli
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| in my brain, and are not necessarily
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| those of Telecom Australia.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Ecstatic Toxic Custard"
______ ___ ______________ ____________ __ ______ ______
/ \ / __\ \ / \ _______/ | |___ |___ |
/ \ / / \ / \ \_____ | | | |___| |
/___ ___\ / / \ / \ ___/ | | | | ___|
| | / \____ \ /\ / \ \ | | | | |___
|__|oxic /______/ustard \/ \/orkshop \__\iles |__| |__|______|
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 5
EAT
Eating is often advised for the hungry, and can often alleviate the
problems caused by starvation. Many theorists and scientists have
proposed that eating generally be limited to food. Civil
libertarians have naturally attacked this as an infringement of the
rights of the citizens to do really stupid things. In fact the
Stupid Now! movement has held demonstrations in many major cities.
Last week's demonstration here in Melbourne was estimated by Stupid
Now! to be a crowd of twelve, although police estimated only two or
three people attended. When confronted with the discrepancy, Stupid
Now! admitted that they had counted an old lady with her shopping
cart who had stopped to watch the street theatre, two kids running
along the pavement parallel to the march, and a guy waiting for a
bus. But they still maintained at least eight people had marched in
"unity and oneness with the entire strength of the human voice".
Yeah. What has this got to do with eating? Not much.
ECONOMICS
Economics is the study of the movements of imaginary monetary
values around the place. The financial world of the 1990s relies on
the whims of a bunch of stock-market analysts who enjoy bumping the
dollar up and down for a laugh. No really, it's true. Last week one
of them pressed the wrong button and bankrupted a moderately sized
African country!
But actually, the study of economics is all about supply and
demand, import, export, GDP, GDT, GMT, and all that stuff. And then
of course there's microeconomics, which is when you don't have very
much money.
EDISON, THOMAS ALVA (1847-1931)
American inventor. Apparently he was expelled from school for being
retarded. I wonder if the descendants of whoever made that decision
have erased this person from their family tree out of embarrassment?
Edison took out more than 1000 patents during his life,
including the gramophone, the light bulb, and the megaphone.
Amongst his lesser known inventions were the electrical powered
nose cleaner, the inverse heat sensor wok, and the unfortunately
flawed hand stapler. Mind you, three duds out of 1000 ain't bad.
EGG
An egg is an oval-shaped object commonly found in saucepans being
boiled. And perhaps one of the most asked questions of the whole of
humankind is "How does one time the boiling of one's egg?" Well,
okay, it's probably not usually that pretentious. But it does
remain an important and unanswered question, something which is not
going to be solved by reading some pathetic little electronic
journal churned out by some guy in Australia who thinks he's still
at university.
ELASTIC
Long known for its stretchy qualities, elastic is related to
rubber, which, should it manage to hold this joke together, can be
used to mould various shapes. One of the recent movie hits used
this to good effect, with giant rubber dinosaurs terrorising a
bunch of rubber actors in an amusement park after breaking out of
their elastic enclosures. "Elastic Park", that one was. Didn't
really work, did it? Filled up eight lines though.
ELECTRICITY
Electricity is a marvellous discovery, enabling mankind to harness
its power to generate huge fuel bills.
ELTON, JOHN
John Elton was born Harry Webb, and burst onto the music scene in
1963 after being "discovered" praying in the Cavern Pub, in
Liverpool. His first major hit came in 1965 with "High Generation",
in which he encouraged listeners to "blade away", a prediction of
the rollerblade craze of the early 1990s. Elton's lyrics coupled
with paint magnate Bernie Taubman's music continued to produce hits
into the 1990s. By this time, however, the two had decided to give
up on music, becoming caretakers, and the final album of their
songs was a tribute by other artists, entitled "Two Brooms".
END
No, the end is down the bottom. The end can be defined as the final
moments of existence of something. There is a healthy employment to
be made in the prediction of the end of the world, especially at
the moment, as the millennium freaks gear up for the big 2 triple
zero. Stand-by for the raining frogs, boiling acid, Dante poems,
etc.
ENTITY
A word far too cosmic sounding to be involved in systems analysis.
EXTRA
Well, that's like... extra, innit. More than what would have been
if there hadn't been extra, if you see what I mean.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I was looking through the biographical dictionary looking for
material, and it struck me what cool names people used to have, eg:
John The Fearless, Peter The Cruel. Why can't people nowadays have
names that describe their personalities or jobs...
"Who comes hither, friend or foe?"
"Tis I, Eric the Analyst!"
"And who be this with thee, O Eric?"
"Tis Kevin the Prat! We come in search of thy sales
receipt ledger specifications!"
"Then enter, friends! But beware of Daniel the Not Very Good
Writer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's the end of another Toxic Custard. Some of
the back-issues are available by ftp. Send email
to tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for details
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1993 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| Any opinions expressed here have
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| resulted from freak activity in
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| my brain, and are not necessarily
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| those of Telecom Australia.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"F'd Toxic Custard"
FIF N 1 3WRITT B WENFI E E WRI
TTENBY NIEL WENFIF ENTHOF V BER1993WRITT BYDANIEL WENFIFT NTH
OFNOVE ER19 WRITTE YDANIE O EENTHOF VEMBER19 WRI DAN
IELBOW FIFT NTHOFN EM R1 3 ITTENBYDANIE OWENFIFT NTHOFNO MBE
R1993W TTEN L E HOFNOVEMBER1 3WRITTEN D ENF
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 6
FACE
The mass of skin, teeth and other parts that form the front section
of the head. Faces can be arranged in any number of combinations,
for differing reactions, such as horror, nausea, and laughter.
Facial hair can be allowed to grow, principally by men who:
- want to look like folk-singers
- make up for the lack of hair on the rest of their head
- just can't be bothered shaving.
The increasingly popular "goatee" beard still looks really silly to
me, I'm afraid. The remainder of the face is generally made up of
two eyes, a mouth, and a nose. Someone should tell the people who
make Lego.
FALL
To drop in altitude rapidly. Audible responses to sudden falling
should be made as follows:
IN THE FIELD OF RESPONSE
----------------- ----------------------------------------
Mountain climbing Oh shit, I'm going to die
Aeronautics Oh shit, we're all going to die
Stockmarket Oh shit, we're all going to have heavily
reduced equity
FAT
Research has now shown that Fat is actually an alien life-form
that travels the galaxy, looking for other beings to attach itself
to. Fat beings first arrived on Earth in the late 1960s, attracted
by signals sent into space by the Graceland Observatory in the US.
Fat beings are now found in most areas of the world, but mostly
attached to Maggie Tabberrer. There are theories that the
dispersion of Fat beings from one's body may be achieved by
performing diet and exercise rituals, but this is pure speculation.
FARTBOROUGH, LORD (1783-1827)
English statesman. He lived all his life at Fartborough Hall, in
Essex. Fartborough is best remembered for his resounding posterior
evacuations, from which the most obvious word is coined. Their
resonation with the brickwork of Fartborough Hall eventually caused
its collapse, burying Lord Fartborough at last with his revolting
odour.
FINE
Term used by weathermen when they don't really know what it's going
to be like. Of course, if the rest of us made as many mistakes in
our jobs as weathermen do in theirs, the entire world would be a
disaster area. "Well guv, I expect if we use this plastic pretend
bolt to hold up this building, the structure will be FINE with
possible later collapse on Thursday."
FIRE
Red and/or yellow hot thing. Don't touch.
FIVE
The fifth number, except for computer people, who always seem to
count from zero. The number five was first conquered in the sixth
century BC by Pythagorus, who was taking time off on his theorem to
enter a counting competition. He came first, breaking the world
counting record of the time, and subsequently appeared in the
Ginthorus Book Of Records.
FREUD, SIGMUND (1856-1939)
Austrian gynaecologist and founder of psychoanalysis. And a
down-right pervvy.
FRICK, MR
The most unfortunate name for a school teacher in the universe.
FUCK
You've just been waiting for this definition, haven't you. Here is
how to use the word 'fuck' in almost any conversation.
NORMAL EXPRESSION FUCKING EXPRESSION
--------------------- ------------------
I am surprised Well, fuck me
Please go away quickly Fuck off
My condition is one of fatigue I'm fucked
You seem to have made an error of judgement You fucked up
Stop engaging in frivolous activities Stop fucking about
He is a person of below average intellect What a dumb fucker
That option is not a suitable choice Fuck that
I have not made significant progress I've done fuck all
PHOENIX
This shouldn't be in here. It just sounds like it starts with an F.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A quick moment of reflection. .noitcelfer fo tnemom kciuq A
Have you ever wondered why we're here? What are we doing? And where
are we going? If you have, and God knows, most of us feel pretty
existential at times, then why not consider a trip to the Most Holy
Church Warehouse Of The Prophet Fred.
Fred is not just your average priest. He can and will provide a
full range of ecumenical services at BELOW COST! Direct from the Lord
to you!(*)
All this week, if you quote this ad, you'll receive seven sins
for the price of five! And a free tenth commandment with every nine!
Trade in your old Testament on a shiny new one! These miracles can't
last, so ride your camel, walk on water, however you get here, just
rush down to the Most Holy Church Warehouse Of The Prophet Fred.
MOST HOLY CHURCH WAREHOUSE
OF THE PROPHET FRED
"Beware ye the Bargain Basement of Beelzebub"
(*) via Fred
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unfortunately, that was another Toxic
Custard. And even worse, there'll be
another one next week. But worst of all,
you can get back-issues! Oh God no! Send
email to tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for details
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1993 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| Any opinions expressed here have
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| resulted from random keystrokes into
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| a keyboard, and are not necessarily
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| those of Telecom Australia.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Assassinated Toxic Custard"
_ _ _ _
/|\ / |_> | \ \ /\ / / Number 174, already?!
|oxic | ustard | \ook | |epository / / \/ by Daniel Bowen
| \_ |_/ |_/ \ / / 22nd November 1993
----------------------------------------------- Hey, keep that insect
away from my chocolate!
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 7
GARDEN
The garden is where all the nasty bugs and insects that you see on
those wildlife documentaries are. A succession of features on
spiders, ants, bees and wasps, all filmed using really expensive
lenses, have left me scared shitless of the slightest bit of
greenery. I've even been giving the plastic Christmas tree some
funny looks. Are those sparkly things meant to be on it? Tinsel,
eh? What genus is that?
I'm not sure why David Attenborough et al are convinced that we
need to see a giant 17 inch Huntsman crawling across our screen to
devour another garden inhabitant. Lucky we haven't got a bigger
telly. And why do those programmes always concentrate on only two
events in the species' day? Humping and eating. Don't they get to
do anything else? Imagine what would happen in a documentary about
humans. All we get to see is your average human eating Maccas,
doing the mating dance in the nightclub, followed by the quick
grope back at his place. It wouldn't exactly cover the full gamut
of human existence, would it?
GAS
What liquid turns into if you boil it. The basis for Kernigan's
Third Law. Kernigan's Five Laws of children's science TV programmes
are as follows:
1) Dried ice is interesting
2) An egg can fit through a milkbottle
3) Steam looks good and is cheap to make
4) Mirrors never fail to delight
5) Magnets the compass maketh
GENERATION, OLDER
The people that don't understand you.
GENERATION, YOUNGER
The people that you don't understand.
GENITALS
The bits of the body that are used specifically for rude purposes.
They come in varying shapes and sizes, and are used in varying
ways. Please don't expect a detailed biological examination of
these most enormously complex body parts, or even a cheap joke
about the size of penises.
However, as a tribute to the late, great, Mario Innuendo, from
here, we will substitute the word "the" with the word "penis" in
capital letters for the remainder of this TCWF. Nah, on second
thoughts...
GERM
Another of those tiny tiny organisms that you can't see, and often
wonder if they haven't just been made up by scientists to hold
together the fabric of society. Rumour has it that germs were
simply designed to get you to wash your hands after going to the
lav, to keep soap manufacturers in business.
GLASS
Container which shatters at the most inconvenient and unexpected
moments. Glasses are known to have properties that cause them to
throw themselves out of people's hands. Glasses are also specially
designed not to bounce. On anything.
GOAT
A horned beast, known to cross troll-infested bridges in packs of
three. Goats are unable to eat flowers, lest they explode. The
goats, I mean. It'd be pretty silly if flowers exploded. Then they
couldn't have florists. They'd become explosists. "Anywhere in the
world, send a message to show you hate. Intexploder."
GOLDFISH
Small orange coloured fish designed to fit easily into cat's claws.
GOOD
The opposite of bad. Just down the road from nice. Around the
corner from great. A world away from nasty. And simply not related
to flowerpot.
GRASSY KNOLL
It's so lucky that someone happened to be filming when JFK got
shot. Ever since then, they've made sure that there is a camera
trained on the President 24 hours a day. Which is why we always see
Bill Clinton jogging, eating McDonalds, etc. About the only thing
we don't get to see him doing is having a crap in the White House
Out House.
GREATBIGOSAURUS
Last of the great dinosaurs, the Greatbigosaurus became extinct
just last week, when it got run down by a film-crew on its way to
film a Traffic Accident Commission commercial. Well, come on, if
you were 65 million years old, you'd be a little slow crossing the
street too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another Custard is come and gone
So now it's time to soldier on
Stop reading for another week
Else you'll look like a complete geek
Old Custards they are still around
But not to be found on the ground
There's plenty more for you to see
All you do is f t p
Want to know where to ftp to?
Then just mail tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1993 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| Any opinions expressed here
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| have resulted from atmospheric
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| disturbance, and are not necessarily
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| those of Telecom Australia.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hated Toxic Custard"
--------> ------> --> --> -------> --> ------> -------> ToxicCu
--> --> --> --> --> --> --> --> stardWor
--> --> --> --> --> -----> --> --> -----> kshopFile
--> --> --> --> --> --> --> --> --> s175,29thN
--> ------> ----------> --> --> --> ------> ovember1993
TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA - VOLUME 8
HAGGIS
A Scottish dish made of the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep,
chopped up with suet, onions, oatmeal etc, seasoned and boiled in a
sheep's stomach-bag or substitute. I think I'm going to be sick.
Have you ever considered the argument that vomit is a lifeform
in itself, subject to the same foibles as the rest of lifekind?
Pretty stupid idea, huh? Well, I thought so too, until I was
convinced by a most holy and devout man, shouting very loudly in
the street one day. He told me that vomit was food that was reborn.
He gave me a leaflet about it, and - do you know - it changed my
life. Suddenly, I could look at vomit the way I had never looked at
vomit before. It became part of me. I could talk to it, express
myself to it, and before long, take it for picnics in the forest.
And the vomit would talk back. It would read me poems. It would
sing songs about regurgitation. And it would tell me jokes. Very
bad jokes. It would tell me jokes with incredibly bad punch lines.
And I eventually came to a conclusion. That vomit is sick.
HAIL
Like rain, but harder. Meteorologists have conducted studies about
the weather patterns relating to hail, and the likely occurrence of
it, and have concluded that it is most likely to hail when you are
walking down the street without even an umbrella for protection.
HAMMER
A tool for hurting fingers. Hammers are generally made of a
specially magnetised metal that is naturally attracted to skin.
HANDKERCHIEF
A piece of cloth designed specifically to be filled with snot.
Which must rather irritate it. I mean, I'm sure that you'd be
pretty pissed off if you had only come into existence to be wiped
on people's noses. I know I'd be annoyed if people left bogies on
me. Which is why hankies are fighting back: They endeavour not to
be in your pocket when you are suffering a sneezing attack.
HAREOKE
Japanese tradition. The practice of singing a song very badly in
front of lots of people, then killing yourself out of embarrassment.
HARVEY SMITH
The gesture made by the more careless visiting American presidents
to Australians. (Honest.)
HATE
To dislike something immensely. If you would are interested in
hate, and would like to take it up as a hobby, contact the Hate
Everything League. They hold regular meetings at Hate Hall, where
members read odes to Barry Manilow, sing songs about Volvo Drivers,
rip Cobol source-code print-outs to shreds, and burn effigies of
software company support line operators.
HISTORY
Look, there's no point dwelling on the past, okay? What's done is
done. It's much better left forgotten. No-one wants to know about
adolescent foolishness these days, do they? Just leads to
embarrassment in later life. After all, the damage wasn't all that
bad, and the RSPCA said they wouldn't press charges. So just forget
it. (And actually, I reckon the hippopotamus kinda liked it.)
HOLY
Something containing a lot of holes, such as the Bible.
I'M
going to get struck down for that one, aren't I? Or at the very
least, lose both the remaining Christian subscribers.
HONESTY
Honesty cannot be undervalued. And while I'm on the subject of
honesty, have I told you about an exciting business opportunity
that could make you thousands of dollars without hard work or
expensive capital investment? Yes, bank robbery is an exciting new
idea, and you could be one of the first to buy an exclusive
franchise in your area. For just $30,000, we'll provide a fully
detailed instruction manual on how to do a bank robbery. Ring today
and we'll include two luxury pure wool dry-cleanable balaclavas,
perfect for those anonymous jobs when you just don't want to be
identified on the News.
HORSE
I begin to seriously doubt the viability of a dictionary that
defines "horse" as "a soft-hoofed ungulate." A horse is actually
any four legged creature in a Western movie. Except a cow.
The horse's major contribution to mankind has been shit. Such
was the level of horse shit production late last century that
measures were taken to centralise its disposal. For the last
hundred years, all the horse shit in Australia has been taken to
one place for burial: Dubbo, the shithole of Australia.
HUMAN
The human being either evolved from the biologically very similar
ape, or was created along with the rest of the world in a six-day
creative spurt by an anonymous god.
The human body is a wonderful thing. Well, most of them are.
Humans have one mouth and a limited number of genitals, which is
probably just as well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toxic Custard is all tired now, and
won't be seen until next week. But in
the meantime, you can enjoy Toxic
Custard back-issues, should your brain
be inclined to do so. Just email
tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu for details
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Copyright (c) 1993 Daniel Bowen
--
Daniel Bowen, NTC Systems------| Any opinions expressed here are the
Telecom Australia, Melbourne---| result of alien life-forms in my
dbowen@vcomtelc.telecom.com.au-| brain, and are not necessarily
TCWF stuff: tcwf@gnu.ai.mit.edu| those of Telecom Australia.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the Toxic Custard Workshop Files by Daniel Bowen, Melbourne, Australia
Copyright (c) 1993, 1994 Daniel Bowen. May be freely distributed
without profit provided this notice remains intact.
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