1154 lines
68 KiB
Plaintext
1154 lines
68 KiB
Plaintext
![]() |
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
* T A Y L O R O L O G Y *
|
||
|
* A Continuing Exploration of the Life and Death of William Desmond Taylor *
|
||
|
* *
|
||
|
* Issue 27 -- March 1995 Editor: Bruce Long bruce@asu.edu *
|
||
|
* TAYLOROLOGY may be freely distributed *
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
CONTENTS OF THIS ISSUE:
|
||
|
Juanita Hansen, Part II
|
||
|
Wallace Smith: February 24, 1922
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
What is TAYLOROLOGY?
|
||
|
TAYLOROLOGY is a newsletter focusing on the life and death of William Desmond
|
||
|
Taylor, a top Paramount film director in early Hollywood who was shot to
|
||
|
death on February 1, 1922. His unsolved murder was one of Hollywood's major
|
||
|
scandals. This newsletter will deal with: (a) The facts of Taylor's life;
|
||
|
(b) The facts and rumors of Taylor's murder; (c) The impact of the Taylor
|
||
|
murder on Hollywood and the nation; (d) Taylor's associates and the Hollywood
|
||
|
silent film industry in which Taylor worked. Primary emphasis will be given
|
||
|
toward reprinting, referencing and analyzing source material, and sifting it
|
||
|
for accuracy.
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
|
||
|
Juanita Hansen, Part II
|
||
|
|
||
|
Here is the conclusion of silent film star Juanita Hansen's compelling
|
||
|
account of her battle against drug addiction, originally published in 1923.
|
||
|
|
||
|
April 5 - April 12, 1923
|
||
|
Juanita Hansen
|
||
|
NEW YORK AMERICAN
|
||
|
Part 8
|
||
|
|
||
|
BLACKMAIL!
|
||
|
Now, I was to find out the full meaning of the word blackmail.
|
||
|
Experience was my bitter teacher.
|
||
|
A few days after my precipitate break with the grasping peddler--my only
|
||
|
dope "connection" in New York--Uncle Sam's mail brought a letter to my
|
||
|
apartment. I did not recognize the scrawling handwriting.
|
||
|
I opened it. As I remember, it read (and I am rendering it grammatical):
|
||
|
"I cannot understand why you have not been to see me. I am holding candy
|
||
|
for you? See (C) what I mean?" (Note--"C," of course, stood for cocaine.)
|
||
|
The note continued;
|
||
|
"I expect to hear from you."
|
||
|
This curious communication was signed "T."
|
||
|
A few days ago I had received another of these epistles. I had paid no
|
||
|
heed to the first. The second read:
|
||
|
"You probably have forgotten your indebtedness of $150 to me. I wish to
|
||
|
hear from you and am still holding the package. T."
|
||
|
Probably two days later came a third communication:
|
||
|
"Why haven't you phoned me? Why haven't you been to see me? What do you
|
||
|
intend to do about this money? I need it and intend to get it! You cannot
|
||
|
leave me like this. You know that I depended on you. this is the last time
|
||
|
I'm going to write this kind of letter.
|
||
|
"Send me some money. T."
|
||
|
Of course I owed this man nothing. His demand was a trumped up ruse to
|
||
|
get me in his power again. The next letter showed this. This communication
|
||
|
capped the climax for me.
|
||
|
"You have not called me and I have written several times. Do you intend
|
||
|
to pay me or not? Or do you want me to see your manager? I want my money!
|
||
|
Guess you don't want your whole studio to know."
|
||
|
Now he was in the open.
|
||
|
Blackmail!
|
||
|
That very night I got Mr. T. on the telephone. I intended to call his
|
||
|
bluff, though in my heart of hearts I was afraid. I knew he couldn't stand
|
||
|
investigation. I knew he wouldn't do anything himself. But he could cause me
|
||
|
a lot of trouble by sending anonymous letters to my studio. So I called his
|
||
|
bluff. On the phone I said:
|
||
|
"You may not think anything of your life but I think something of mine.
|
||
|
Now, if you want to end behind the bars, you just keep up writing these
|
||
|
letters and I'll put you there!"
|
||
|
A cringing note crept into his voice. I think now for the first time he
|
||
|
realized his once Easy Mark would and could fight. I told him:
|
||
|
"I don't want ever to see you and I don't want you ever to communicate
|
||
|
with me again."
|
||
|
I hung up. I never heard from him again. I heard of him, however. This
|
||
|
same man is the peddler I told you of, now spending his time in the Federal
|
||
|
Penitentiary in Atlanta, Ga.
|
||
|
During this period I had established a new agreement.
|
||
|
The quarrel with Mr. T. had set my head reeling. The day I walked out of
|
||
|
his office I knew the cocaine was slowly devouring the very best that was in
|
||
|
me. I MUST give it up; I WOULD give it up. That was my one thought when I
|
||
|
walked raging from the peddler's apartment.
|
||
|
My repeated efforts to cut down had always failed. Somehow I just
|
||
|
couldn't do without it.
|
||
|
When I left T.'s apartment I wondered where I would make another dope
|
||
|
deal.
|
||
|
I went home and complained to my maid and my secretary of not feeling
|
||
|
well. My secretary well knew by this time that I was using narcotics. She
|
||
|
wanted me to see a doctor. I had lost faith in doctors. I had resolved never
|
||
|
to consult one again, and I told her so. She said:
|
||
|
"Juanita, you had just as well tell me yourself, because I know what you
|
||
|
are doing. You know that only love prompts me when I tell you that you must
|
||
|
see a doctor. You can't go on in this way; you just can't! I have been to
|
||
|
see a doctor, and he can help you. Won't you let me take you to him?"
|
||
|
It was the first time any one associated with me, outside the fraternity
|
||
|
itself, had spoken to me about narcotics. This was a subject I never wished
|
||
|
to discuss. It was my secret and I always intended it should be.
|
||
|
But somehow that particular night I was willing to listen to advice.
|
||
|
I sort of felt I needed someone to take the reins out of my hands. Yes, I
|
||
|
would try to believe in a doctor once more.
|
||
|
This doctor I hoped would be different.
|
||
|
That same night my secretary and I drove down to see the doctor. He is
|
||
|
one of New York's best known physicians.
|
||
|
I was rather reluctant in telling him everything, but you know you must
|
||
|
tell your doctor everything if you wish him to help you. When I told him the
|
||
|
maximum amount I took every day--twenty grains of morphine and an eighth of an
|
||
|
ounce of cocaine--he fairly gasped.
|
||
|
"IMPOSSIBLE!"
|
||
|
Then he questioned regarding where I was getting my stuff, whether it was
|
||
|
pure or not, and all the usual questions physicians ask. I told him I had
|
||
|
lost my cocaine "connection," but I had half an ounce of morphine. Very
|
||
|
emphatically I told him:
|
||
|
"I must have cocaine! I must have cocaine!"
|
||
|
Then the impossible happened. At least I had always thought it
|
||
|
impossible. My doctor said he would see that I got my precious dope!
|
||
|
Eureka!
|
||
|
If I must have my dope, he would see that I got the pure narcotic--no
|
||
|
more of this doctored-up peddler's stuff.
|
||
|
At last, "luck" was with me!
|
||
|
Actually thinking myself in luck shows how morally cross-eyed dope can
|
||
|
make you.
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
Part 9
|
||
|
|
||
|
The doctor kept his word all right.
|
||
|
I got my cocaine.
|
||
|
The doctor introduced me to a man. Who he was or what he was I was never
|
||
|
able to find out. But I was content to get pure cocaine at last "without
|
||
|
asking any questions." This cocaine bore the label of one of our largest
|
||
|
wholesale drug companies.
|
||
|
I purchased for the first time pure morphine and pure cocaine. Indeed,
|
||
|
it was wonderful for me to get the pure narcotic, but I paid an awful price.
|
||
|
By this I mean it almost caused my death. For I took an overdose.
|
||
|
One cannot tell by looking at the narcotic whether it is fifty, seventy-
|
||
|
five or one hundred per cent pure. It all looks the same. The narcotic that
|
||
|
crosses our borders, undoubtedly, when first brought into this country is
|
||
|
pure. But by the time it has changed hands, perhaps twenty times before
|
||
|
finally reaching the addict consumer, what other ingredients the narcotic
|
||
|
contains God alone only knows.
|
||
|
Take, for example, a man purchasing twenty ounces. Out of the twenty,
|
||
|
why should he not make twenty-five? This process is very simple, if the
|
||
|
original narcotic is in powder form. This is especially true of heroin, which
|
||
|
is usually in powder form.
|
||
|
Perhaps of the twenty-five ounces the wholesaler will sell ten to another
|
||
|
peddler, probably a wholesaler on a smaller scale. Now, this small wholesaler
|
||
|
decides he will make fifteen ounces out of ten by adding sugar or milk or one
|
||
|
of fifteen other ingredients having the same appearance as the drug.
|
||
|
Now this lesser wholesaler, let's say, will divide these fifteen ounces
|
||
|
among three or perhaps four peddlers. Take, for example, one peddler who
|
||
|
purchases three ounces. Of three ounces surely he can make at least four.
|
||
|
Perhaps you think I am exaggerating when I tell you that each transaction not
|
||
|
only means a considerable profit, but the temptation to fool the next
|
||
|
purchaser is something that is very hard to resist.
|
||
|
So you can readily understand by the time this original narcotic, labeled
|
||
|
"pure," has changed hands at least half a dozen times, it reaches the addict
|
||
|
far from pure.
|
||
|
As I stated above, one cannot tell by the tone or the looks of the thing
|
||
|
itself what it contains. Only the taking of the narcotic will prove that.
|
||
|
Years ago, when you were able to purchase narcotics at any corner drug
|
||
|
store for the asking, I am sure that overdoses and deaths caused by narcotics
|
||
|
were not nearly so frequent. For example:
|
||
|
An addict becomes accustomed, or perhaps even forms a habit, of taking a
|
||
|
certain quantity, which he places in a spoon in the little water to "cook," if
|
||
|
he takes it hypodermically; or if he takes it through his nostrils, he forms
|
||
|
the habit of taking a certain amount on the end of a nail file or a pen-knife.
|
||
|
You can readily understand, if the addict has been taking a narcotic that
|
||
|
is 60 per cent pure and finds he needs a certain amount for his dose, it is
|
||
|
very easy for him to take an overdose--if he is fortunate enough to get a pure
|
||
|
narcotic, 100 per cent pure. No dealer or peddler ever tells you the narcotic
|
||
|
he sells is anything but 100 per cent pure. Mr. Peddler will always tell you
|
||
|
that he handles the finest stuff that can be purchased, and Mr. Addict always
|
||
|
takes his word for it.
|
||
|
In the first part of this article I spoke of taking an overdose myself.
|
||
|
This was due to the quality of the cocaine I was "fortunate" enough to secure
|
||
|
through the doctor above mentioned. He himself had told me he would see that
|
||
|
I got pure cocaine, and he most assuredly kept his word!
|
||
|
One afternoon, about four o'clock, I was preparing to go to Atlantic City
|
||
|
to attend a house party. My maid had packed my bag, and my car had been sent
|
||
|
over from the garage. Perhaps four or five people were in my apartment at the
|
||
|
time--two prominent film players, a well-known portrait painter and a very
|
||
|
prominent author were among those present.
|
||
|
They may all have had their suspicions that I was using narcotics, but I
|
||
|
have told you this was a secret I always tried hard to hide. None of my
|
||
|
guests ever used narcotics, so far as I know. From the day I became an addict
|
||
|
I had sworn never to attend parties with addicts or associate socially with
|
||
|
any one who used drugs.
|
||
|
If I had to use narcotics, I would use them alone.
|
||
|
Was this a sin or a virtue? I wonder!
|
||
|
At least, I am grateful I never have forged another link binding a new
|
||
|
victim to the devil's chain, which usually is a result of "parties."
|
||
|
This particular afternoon I speak of, when I took my first overdose,
|
||
|
I was dressed for motoring--my bag was packed, my car was waiting. But before
|
||
|
making my departure I excused myself and entered the bathroom. I prepared a
|
||
|
"shot" with the usual amount of cocaine that I had been accustomed to taking
|
||
|
of "Mr. Peddler's stuff," never giving a thought to the fact the doctor had
|
||
|
warned me that this cocaine was pure.
|
||
|
The result:
|
||
|
Within a very few minutes, I was "out." I fell on the floor of the
|
||
|
bathroom unconscious. I remained unconscious for twenty minutes.
|
||
|
My guests became alarmed at my long absence and one of the girls entered
|
||
|
the bathroom to ascertain what was detaining me. I was unconscious, with the
|
||
|
hypodermic syringe still in one hand. Of course, I do not remember all that
|
||
|
happened.
|
||
|
But they summoned my secretary and my maid and called a doctor--not my
|
||
|
physician, but the hotel doctor. He was bending over me when I finally was
|
||
|
aroused from my stupor.
|
||
|
I cannot find words to express my humiliation when I realized what had
|
||
|
happened and that those present in my apartment at the time all knew MY
|
||
|
SECRET.
|
||
|
My mind was in a whirl. It seemed I had come to the end of things.
|
||
|
I DID NOT GO TO ATLANTIC CITY.
|
||
|
My guests were kind enough and thoughtful enough to save me a great deal
|
||
|
of embarrassment by leaving me alone. After they had left, to myself I
|
||
|
thought this must be the end of everything. Now the whole world would know my
|
||
|
secret! WHAT WAS THE USE OF GOING ON?
|
||
|
I could not give up narcotics, and I couldn't live or work without them.
|
||
|
I am sure I regretted that I ever came to that day.
|
||
|
For two days I remained home abed. I refused to answer the phone or see
|
||
|
any one that called. But on Monday morning I was off to the studio to carry
|
||
|
on my work.
|
||
|
At this particular time I speak of I had lost considerable weight.
|
||
|
I only weighed 115 pounds.
|
||
|
Every day at the studio for the next two months I was a woman alive, yet
|
||
|
a woman dead! I had become a mere automaton, just going through the motions.
|
||
|
How I ever carried on my work I have often wondered, merely kept alive by
|
||
|
the stimulant I was taking. Do not think that my doctor approved of this, for
|
||
|
he thought it was criminal that any woman should be compelled to work in the
|
||
|
condition that I was in at that time. All my life revolved around MY WORK.
|
||
|
I must FINISH THE PRODUCTION!
|
||
|
I fought time and time again against purposely taking an overdose, for I
|
||
|
was tired of it all; but I believed so firmly and I knew I would have to work
|
||
|
out this curse of narcotics, if not on this plane of existence, it would be on
|
||
|
another. Death, of my own volition, would not help me.
|
||
|
Life to me was simply work, studio, home, studio again, an endless round.
|
||
|
Then, one evening, in his office, my doctor said:
|
||
|
"Juanita, you will not live another month at the rate you are going! If
|
||
|
you wish to live, you will have to give up this cocaine."
|
||
|
I laughed in his face. I needed cocaine to keep me awake, and I needed
|
||
|
morphine to put me to sleep, and I surely couldn't work when I was asleep and
|
||
|
the "PRETENDER'S HEALTH," which cocaine gave me, enabled me to WORK.
|
||
|
The same doctor urged me, begged me to leave the studio and go to a
|
||
|
sanitarium where he could give me a cure with the proper care and attention,
|
||
|
otherwise my life was limited to one month!
|
||
|
ONE MONTH TO LIVE! That was my death sentence.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Part 10
|
||
|
|
||
|
The doctor had pronounced his sentence.
|
||
|
One month in which to live.!
|
||
|
I had been given my sentence, but I would prove that it would never be
|
||
|
carried out. Live only another month? Well, I would show them all!
|
||
|
I had three months still in which to finish my contract. I must finish
|
||
|
the production.
|
||
|
To do this would take two months. The doctor was very kind to me and I
|
||
|
might even say patient. For I really became unreasonable. I knew that it was
|
||
|
an impossibility to attempt a cure under the conditions that confronted me.
|
||
|
Every day I seemed to be growing weaker. The change was now very
|
||
|
noticeable. My cheeks were very sunken and I had lost a great deal more
|
||
|
weight. I weighed probably 105 pounds.
|
||
|
I will never forget the day I finished the production--three weeks before
|
||
|
my contract expired with this Eastern firm. The very day I finished my last
|
||
|
scene, all trunks had been packed, my apartment I had given up, and with my
|
||
|
doctor, secretary and a friend, I left for up-State.
|
||
|
Once more I attempted a cure!
|
||
|
We drove for probably two hours in a limousine. This was in December,
|
||
|
1920. Our destination was a sanitarium located on the hills overlooking the
|
||
|
Hudson.
|
||
|
We were received by Dr. X, rather an elderly man, who seemed very kind
|
||
|
but very stern. I afterwards found out that this doctor's word was law. He
|
||
|
was the captain, the sole commanding officer of this sanitarium.
|
||
|
I was immediately shown to a little suite upstairs. My day nurse
|
||
|
undressed and put me to bed. This was the beginning of the cure for morphine
|
||
|
addiction.
|
||
|
I must explain here that one month previous to this I had voluntarily
|
||
|
given up cocaine.
|
||
|
My doctor had urged me so many times and begged me so many times to give
|
||
|
up cocaine. He tried to convince me that it was possible to give up this
|
||
|
particular narcotic if I was strong enough in will and desire. Believe me, he
|
||
|
did not convince me in a day.
|
||
|
Cocaine is not a necessity. Morphine becomes part of you. No person
|
||
|
with any intelligence on the subject of narcotics will ever advise one to lay
|
||
|
aside morphine or heroin instantaneously. But cocaine is entirely different.
|
||
|
With determination and strong will power, cocaine can be given up very easily.
|
||
|
One evening, after I had finished my work, about 6 o'clock, I went down
|
||
|
to see my physician. I remember we had a long talk that night. I was in the
|
||
|
mood to talk, rather unusual for me.
|
||
|
Narcotics had taken such a strong hold on me that it seemed useless for
|
||
|
me to try and give it up. So when my doctor attempted for the ninth time to
|
||
|
persuade me to give up cocaine, I guess he was too surprised when I said
|
||
|
suddenly:
|
||
|
"What makes you believe it is possible for me to give up cocaine? My
|
||
|
repeated efforts have failed. It is impossible!"
|
||
|
His answer was quite convincing:
|
||
|
"Young lady, if you sincerely wish to break away from the destructive
|
||
|
power of cocaine, I will show you how. It all rests with you."
|
||
|
He outlined the following plan. I was to make up my mind completely that
|
||
|
I was through with cocaine--get that into my consciousness--firmly believe it.
|
||
|
I was to give him, that very night, every grain of cocaine I had.
|
||
|
If I would agree to do this, he would be within my call the entire next
|
||
|
day. I was to keep up with my morphine, however. He did not urge me to
|
||
|
attempt giving that up while working.
|
||
|
I agreed to this plan. We made a bargain. The next morning I got out of
|
||
|
bed, knowing that I had no cocaine and remembering my promise of the night
|
||
|
before, I said to myself:
|
||
|
"Juanita, you haven't any cocaine. You are through with it."
|
||
|
The plan I had entered into was a success.
|
||
|
I dressed myself for the first time in months without the aid of cocaine!
|
||
|
I went to the studio! I worked all day.
|
||
|
I can't say I had no desire for it, but I worked so hard I didn't have
|
||
|
much time to think it over. That night I reported to the doctor. He was
|
||
|
delighted.
|
||
|
This was the end of cocaine, for the time being. For three weeks I
|
||
|
continued to work, very, very hard, and I never touched cocaine!
|
||
|
The doctor was right in this instance.
|
||
|
Now, at last, I had reached the sanitarium for my morphine cure. To be
|
||
|
cured of taking twenty grains a day.
|
||
|
The cure: Reduction.
|
||
|
I wish to make the statement right here:
|
||
|
There is no successful reduction cure.
|
||
|
I do not know of one successful cure accomplished by this plan. I do say
|
||
|
that you can reduce considerably the amount of narcotics you may be accustomed
|
||
|
to taking, but you cannot take the drug entirely away by the reduction
|
||
|
process.
|
||
|
However, it cost me $2,500 to find this out!
|
||
|
The doctor I had brought with me from New York talked with the doctor in
|
||
|
charge of the sanitarium for perhaps an hour. He then came upstairs to see
|
||
|
me. I had brought the doctor with me from New York because I had confidence
|
||
|
in him. He had agreed to stay with me at least three or four days, until I
|
||
|
really was well on the way to my hoped-for cure.
|
||
|
This hope was blasted. After his talk with the doctor downstairs, he
|
||
|
came up to tell me that he had decided to go back to New York, that Dr. X
|
||
|
would have sole charge. When I asked why, he answered:
|
||
|
"I feel Dr. X is as capable as I in handling your case."
|
||
|
To my mind, neither of them knew very much about narcotic cases. Yet the
|
||
|
"cure" was to cost $2,500.
|
||
|
I remained three weeks in this sanitarium. The first week I was in bed
|
||
|
all the time. The second week I was able to sit up, perhaps an hour a day.
|
||
|
The last week, I rapidly regained my strength and was allowed to take short
|
||
|
walks. During the first week at the sanitarium, I asked Dr. X what sort of a
|
||
|
cure they intended to give me. But that was his secret.
|
||
|
I was given many pills and medicine, which was supposed to be part of the
|
||
|
cure. I think most of the medicine consisted of harmless, sugar-coated pills.
|
||
|
Dr. X promised me, however, I would be taking pure water within three weeks in
|
||
|
my hypodermic.
|
||
|
One day he sent a note up to my room, stating:
|
||
|
"You have been taking aqua pura for seventy-two hours."
|
||
|
The previous seventy-two hours I had been receiving my hypodermics every
|
||
|
few hours on scheduled time. In fact, if my nurse was a little negligent,
|
||
|
I reminded her of the fact that it was time to have a shot. Now, it can be
|
||
|
readily seen, that one's state of mind has a great deal to do with this.
|
||
|
Imagine, asking for my hypodermics of aqua pura!
|
||
|
Aqua pura for seventy-two hours, and I thought I was getting narcotics.
|
||
|
True, I had been weaned from narcotics for seventy-two hours. But merely
|
||
|
taking the narcotic away does not mean that a cure has been effected.
|
||
|
Now I will tell you why this "cure" was a failure. The pains in my
|
||
|
stomach kept up constantly. The pains in my limbs were so intense that all
|
||
|
the massaging that two nurses could give me did not relieve. Of course, my
|
||
|
appetite was much better, but I rested very poorly at night.
|
||
|
I had gained quite a little in weight, and my general appearance was
|
||
|
considerably better.
|
||
|
I left the sanitarium free from narcotics but not free from the terrible
|
||
|
curse that narcotic addiction of two years had stamped upon my whole physical
|
||
|
organism.
|
||
|
I was not cured.
|
||
|
I came back to New York. I made final arrangements to leave for
|
||
|
California; but, before doing so, I went out looking for a "connection." With
|
||
|
the assistance of the "pretender's health," I would be able to stand the long
|
||
|
journey ahead of me.
|
||
|
I was going home. That was all I could think of--home and mother.
|
||
|
No matter in what condition, nor how, cure or no cure, I was going home.
|
||
|
If narcotics could help me get there, then I would use narcotics.
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
Part 11
|
||
|
|
||
|
As I told you in an earlier article, I had made up my mind to go home.
|
||
|
Two days in New York, after the REDUCTION "CURE" I have described, and I was
|
||
|
on a westbound train.
|
||
|
However, It was only with the aid of narcotics that I was able to carry
|
||
|
out my plan.
|
||
|
Do you think the drugs were easy to get? Remember, I had lost my drugs
|
||
|
purveyor. The doctor would not help me. He really thought I was cured. I
|
||
|
didn't dare ask him. I have often wondered if this doctor really believed he
|
||
|
cured me.
|
||
|
My "cure" was actually a failure!
|
||
|
I needed more than the doctor's word to prove that I was cured. The
|
||
|
pains in my limbs and the gnawing pain in my stomach told me another story.
|
||
|
My dope need remained.
|
||
|
One false step; and I was right back on the stuff.
|
||
|
I could not resist the temptation to say good-by to a girl member of the
|
||
|
"fraternity" of drug users. She was happy at the sight of my, I was so
|
||
|
improved. But when I told her of the long journey, and that I seemed to have
|
||
|
a continual craving, she said:
|
||
|
"Better take a little stuff. I've got some. It's an awful long trip."
|
||
|
I was not strong enough to resist her friendly proffer. When I boarded
|
||
|
the train, I was fortified with a little "bindle" of heroin and a little
|
||
|
"bindle" of cocaine! How I enjoyed the journey!
|
||
|
California at last!
|
||
|
My mother and daddy were there to meet me. It was a guilty little girl
|
||
|
that embraced her mother so lovingly in the bustling Los Angeles station.
|
||
|
Never before in my life had I been so happy to see anyone as I was to see my
|
||
|
mother that day.
|
||
|
You readers who are innocent or ignorant of the effects narcotics have on
|
||
|
the eyes, countenance and general appearance would never have been able to
|
||
|
tell I had gone back to the stuff. But my mother I cannot fool.
|
||
|
She, too, was very happy to see me. I noticed a very sad look in her
|
||
|
eyes. She said nothing--but in her eyes I could read everything.
|
||
|
Not even with my mother would I ever discuss the subject of narcotics.
|
||
|
I told you in a previous article that it probably would take several
|
||
|
weeks to acquire a real narcotic habit; but this is not true of an addict who
|
||
|
has been temporarily "cured." It took me five days to reach California.
|
||
|
FIVE DAYS--ANOTHER HABIT.
|
||
|
Again the Devil had pulled me back and once more I was linked to his
|
||
|
chain!
|
||
|
At this time I weighed about 115 pounds.
|
||
|
My mother and daddy had just driven down from San Francisco. They were
|
||
|
looking for a home. In the meantime I lived at the Alexandria Hotel. As much
|
||
|
as I wanted to live with my mother and daddy, I was afraid. I had something
|
||
|
to hide. Their temporarily unsuccessful efforts to find a home came as a
|
||
|
relief to me.
|
||
|
I wanted to be ALONE! A trait you will find in nearly all addicts. It
|
||
|
isn't that you're afraid of people.
|
||
|
It's just that you don't want them to know.
|
||
|
My family did not locate for three months. Then they took a pretty home,
|
||
|
a beautiful little bungalow. They asked me to come home and live. Oh, how
|
||
|
much I wanted to!
|
||
|
But I didn't dare. Then one day a surprise greeted me when I entered the
|
||
|
house. I was told my entire family had discussed me and my secret. Whether I
|
||
|
had attempted cures they did not know, but they told me they were going to
|
||
|
"take the reins." My mother broke down and cried and pleaded:
|
||
|
"My little girl must stop this thing."
|
||
|
It almost broke my heart to hear my mother sob out my secret. I was too
|
||
|
bewildered to answer. My mother did not understand then as she does today.
|
||
|
She knew about as much about narcotics as I did the first night I went to a
|
||
|
"party." She knew absolutely nothing.
|
||
|
Still, it was only natural that she should think I could give up
|
||
|
narcotics just for the asking. She did not understand.
|
||
|
I moved home that very day. But I had my "bindles" with me. I had no
|
||
|
difficulty in finding a new purveyor in Los Angeles.
|
||
|
For three or four days I lived at home. They tried very hard to make me
|
||
|
happy. But I was heartbroken. The one I most loved in all the world was with
|
||
|
me, but she must never see me take narcotics. And she never has!
|
||
|
All of my intimate family, those who lived in my mother's home, were
|
||
|
interested in Christian Science. Science was not unknown to me.
|
||
|
In the surroundings of my mother's lovely home, and with all the love she
|
||
|
showered on me, I could not refuse to be treated when my mother requested it.
|
||
|
My mother did not act hastily.
|
||
|
For a few days she just sort of paved the way. I can be coaxed into
|
||
|
walking many miles, my mother has often said. But I can't be forced a foot.
|
||
|
She told me about a practitioner she had been to see. Would I see him that
|
||
|
afternoon and tell him everything and let him try to help me?
|
||
|
Of course, I would. I would make one more attempt.
|
||
|
It was a very kind, wonderful man who called that afternoon. He was to
|
||
|
be my practitioner--the one who patiently watched and worked day and night
|
||
|
with me for more than three months.
|
||
|
"Greater love hath no man than that he lay down his life for his friend."
|
||
|
And for three long months, this man, my practitioner, laid down his life
|
||
|
for me. I mean by this that he lived so unselfishly, with no thought of
|
||
|
himself or of his desires or joy--"he laid down his life" that I might live.
|
||
|
For, surely, my life for three months was held by a tiny thread.
|
||
|
Surrounded by the love of my people, nurses and practitioner, three
|
||
|
months I spent in another attempt to break the chain.
|
||
|
For three months I fought with just my belief in a Supreme Intelligent
|
||
|
Mind.
|
||
|
For three months I suffered like my dear friend, Wally Reid. He gave up
|
||
|
his life, but I feel he died a victor. [1]
|
||
|
I am alive and I am telling my story, that I might warn you.
|
||
|
That I did not sacrifice life itself I attribute to the faith and love
|
||
|
and patience of my Science practitioner and nurse. To please my dear mother,
|
||
|
I would make another attempt--
|
||
|
With my handbag and a few personal belongings, I entered a very pretty
|
||
|
little bungalow that radiated love. It was a little white bungalow, with
|
||
|
pleasing green lawn and cute little veranda, on the outskirts of Los Angeles
|
||
|
half way to the beach.
|
||
|
I had said good-by to my mother at noon. My practitioner did not wish to
|
||
|
have my mother go with me to the "Science Home" as it was called. I was
|
||
|
received by such a dear, sweet woman. the atmosphere was adorable. I felt
|
||
|
confident that at last I had found the place I had been looking for.
|
||
|
If ever I was to break the Devil's chain, here was the place!
|
||
|
This place was not at all like the other hospitals or sanitariums I had
|
||
|
been in. It was just a little home, prettily furnished.
|
||
|
Once more I must fight, fight, fight.
|
||
|
I did. I fought. With all the determination of one who was on the verge
|
||
|
of despair, I FOUGHT.
|
||
|
Before I entered my pretty little bedroom, furnished in ivory, with
|
||
|
little yellow and white curtains and yellow and white pillows, my practitioner
|
||
|
stopped me and said:
|
||
|
"Now you may give me all the narcotics you have."
|
||
|
I obeyed. I gave him, reluctantly, what little morphine I had. Also a
|
||
|
syringe and a couple of hypodermic needles. Then he said:
|
||
|
"You will never see these again. Make up your mind, Juanita, you are
|
||
|
through with narcotics."
|
||
|
I entered my room and went to bed. He had given me the Science
|
||
|
Quarterly. I had my Bible and my textbook. He had told me to read my lesson
|
||
|
and talked to me kindly. I was not afraid.
|
||
|
I got through the first day all right. I slept quite well the first
|
||
|
night. However, the second day is written in my memory book so strongly I
|
||
|
shall never forget the torture, the agony, the horrible nerve strain.
|
||
|
Again it seemed to me I had just reached the end of things.
|
||
|
When would this thing stop? Why should I live? I wanted to die.
|
||
|
I shouted. I screamed. The treatment was not human!
|
||
|
I wanted to arouse the world. In this neighborhood where all seemed
|
||
|
peaceful, I wanted everyone to know a human soul was being tortured. I tried
|
||
|
to fight my way out. I succeeded finally in getting out of the house. Three
|
||
|
persons could not hold me.
|
||
|
I ran down the hill. A few hundred yards. I collapsed. I fainted.
|
||
|
They carried me back. Carefully, kindly, they put me in bed, alone in the
|
||
|
room. I was conscious--yet not conscious.
|
||
|
I heard voices in the next room. How I managed to get out of bed and
|
||
|
walk in there I know not. It took all my will, all my strength (where it came
|
||
|
from, God knows) but I walked into the next room, faced my practitioner and
|
||
|
nurse and exclaimed:
|
||
|
"I want to get out of this place!"
|
||
|
My practitioner said:
|
||
|
"Oh, Juanita, be patient just a little while. It is always darkest just
|
||
|
before dawn. The Devil puts up the biggest bluff in the world, when he knows
|
||
|
he's about to be beaten. If you could just find something to be grateful
|
||
|
for!"
|
||
|
My reply was an outpouring against Fate.
|
||
|
With that I turned and made my way back to my bedroom.
|
||
|
Then a strange feeling came over me. I looked out through the window.
|
||
|
The sun was shining brightly on the flowers, little yellow poppies, and the
|
||
|
pretty lawn. Up in the tall eucalyptus trees I could hear the birds sing.
|
||
|
Then something seemed to catch hold of me. I felt ashamed of my previous
|
||
|
impatience. How I begged God to forgive me!
|
||
|
PRAYER.
|
||
|
TRUST.
|
||
|
I could hear the birds sing. And I could see the pretty flowers in the
|
||
|
garden.
|
||
|
I rushed into the presence of my practitioner and exclaimed:
|
||
|
"Oh, I have found something to be grateful for; Forgive me for what I
|
||
|
said. For God is good."
|
||
|
Two hours and then--
|
||
|
PEACE.
|
||
|
GOD'S PEACE.
|
||
|
Two days and my craving was gone.
|
||
|
But the pains were there to stay. Words can never describe the torture--
|
||
|
for truly it was torture. For three long weeks I never had a moment free from
|
||
|
pain! Sleepless nights, all of them. I had gotten so thin, my nurse said I
|
||
|
did not weigh more than ninety-six pounds. Thirty-nine pounds below normal!
|
||
|
During this time no one was allowed to see me--not even my own mother.
|
||
|
One week I remained in bed. For one week I sat up a few hours each day.
|
||
|
The third week I was able to walk about 300 yards at a time.
|
||
|
I had seen my mother perhaps three or four times during this period.
|
||
|
I got homesick. I wanted to be with my mother. The days were so long in
|
||
|
regaining my strength. I felt I never would be strong again. Only a thread
|
||
|
held me to earth. My last days I wanted to spend with my mother.
|
||
|
It required a great deal of persuasion, but I accomplished my desire.
|
||
|
I overcame my practitioner's objections finally and one evening my daddy
|
||
|
called for me and drove me home.
|
||
|
HOME AND MOTHER!
|
||
|
For a week I remained at home. Surrounded only by love and by those who
|
||
|
were trying to help me work out my terrible problem scientifically. But my
|
||
|
pains, strangely, seemed to gain a more vicious grip upon me. I tried to hide
|
||
|
the true facts of my condition.
|
||
|
I could not sleep, but I would lie very quiet in my bed fearful lest my
|
||
|
dear mother should discover my secret. I didn't want to be sent back to the
|
||
|
home. I tried to fool everybody. I succeeded for a time.
|
||
|
One night my mother heard me groan in torment. The next day she told my
|
||
|
practitioner all about it. That night I was back in the Home to learn another
|
||
|
lesson.
|
||
|
Another week found me well on the road to recovery. I was slowly
|
||
|
regaining my strength. But the days were long--so long!
|
||
|
Three months in all I spent in the Science Home, and I STEPPED OUT WELL.
|
||
|
No craving! No pain! Drinking from a spiritual well that has nourished me
|
||
|
ever since.
|
||
|
Once more I stepped out into the world to take my place. I felt strong
|
||
|
this time, full of ambition, and determined to rectify all I had destroyed.
|
||
|
BUT I PLAYED IN THE SUNSHINE SUCH A LITTLE WHILE!
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
Part 12
|
||
|
|
||
|
To play in the sunshine!
|
||
|
I was free!
|
||
|
I felt so well fortified, so strong.
|
||
|
I thought I had thwarted the Devil. But I was mistaken. My antagonist
|
||
|
was still stronger than I. He set about to resume his work. He caught me
|
||
|
asleep one day. He caught me off my guard.
|
||
|
How he worked his fiendish will I will narrate presently.
|
||
|
In the meanwhile, I was happy. I played and laughed and enjoyed the
|
||
|
sunshine, free from narcotics. My one loyal playmate in these happy hours was
|
||
|
a little pinto pony, "Freckles."
|
||
|
Dear Freckles! Long, intimate rides over the mountain roads about Los
|
||
|
Angeles. Our daily routine in the quest of permanent health; eight miles on
|
||
|
the Melrose dirt road, along the ridge of Hollywood Mountain, twenty-five
|
||
|
miles a day, Freckles and I.
|
||
|
We were free of the "Devil's Toys." We were free. Free! Freckles was
|
||
|
my one and only playmate and he believed in me.
|
||
|
THEN TO WORK AGAIN!
|
||
|
A production. Finished in three weeks.
|
||
|
A vaudeville offer. One week of rehearsals. I was off for the East to
|
||
|
open my tour.
|
||
|
Minneapolis.
|
||
|
This was my first vaudeville trip. My entire tour proved a great deal
|
||
|
more successful than I had anticipated.
|
||
|
But this success meant hard work and plenty of it.
|
||
|
Of course, I was very happy to be able to work again. I felt so strong.
|
||
|
But--
|
||
|
I did not allow for overwork. I ask you to judge for yourself. Up every
|
||
|
morning, dressed and ready to be photographed at nine-thirty for local
|
||
|
publicity. Reporters to interview, and many, many people waiting for me at
|
||
|
the theatre.
|
||
|
A matinee every afternoon. Two performances every night.
|
||
|
Home at midnight at my hotel. Supper, dictation of important letters to
|
||
|
my secretary, to sleep perhaps by 2 o'clock.
|
||
|
One week in Minneapolis, another full week in Winnipeg.
|
||
|
THE DEVIL SET HIS TRAP AGAIN.
|
||
|
Dinners, luncheons, banquets, an endless round of amusement, in which I
|
||
|
played the principal part. I MUST AMUSE.
|
||
|
My life was lived in a hurry again. Dress, undress, make-up, off with
|
||
|
the make-up!
|
||
|
By the end of my second week, the Devil was at work again. He offered me
|
||
|
a little more of the "Pretender's Health." Again I quaffed the cup of
|
||
|
temptation. Nerves went taut again.
|
||
|
Exhaustion!
|
||
|
It was then that I set about to find a member of the "fraternity," a new
|
||
|
purveyor of drugs.
|
||
|
I thought myself cured. But this was a false idea.
|
||
|
It is true I had given up the narcotic. But how about the poison that
|
||
|
still remained in my system? That had not been extracted. I had been trying
|
||
|
to work out my life scientifically. But I fell asleep, as I told you.
|
||
|
THE DEVIL CAUGHT ME UNAWARES.
|
||
|
I do not offer this as an alibi. For if I had been strong in my science
|
||
|
I would have been fortified. The Devil would not have been able to overpower
|
||
|
me.
|
||
|
I should have been on my guard. I knew better. Still--
|
||
|
I went looking for a purveyor.
|
||
|
Here I was, on foreign soil. How? Where? The old problem. But I had
|
||
|
made up my mind to get it; and I did.
|
||
|
In the corner drug store around from the theatre; a cigar clerk. One
|
||
|
glance and I gook a chance. In the vernacular of the "fraternity":
|
||
|
"Could you give me an address?"
|
||
|
"Of whom?"
|
||
|
"A purveyor."
|
||
|
"Of what?"
|
||
|
"Cocaine, of course."
|
||
|
I guess he knew by my manner and the firm way in which I requested it
|
||
|
that I knew what I was talking about. But that was not all. He recognized
|
||
|
me. He asked me several other little questions, and said he would meet me at
|
||
|
the theatre if he could come back stage in about fifteen minutes.
|
||
|
He kept his word. He was there.
|
||
|
ONE TASTE OF WHAT I PURCHASED AND--
|
||
|
Of course I promised myself that I would buy myself this one "bindle,"
|
||
|
and that would be all.
|
||
|
Fooling myself again. Playing with fire! And deliberately playing with
|
||
|
it!
|
||
|
That one purchase in Winnipeg led to another and then others. Many of
|
||
|
them.
|
||
|
The Devil lost no time.
|
||
|
From Winnepeg, in far Canada, to San Diego, Cal., I found a peddler in
|
||
|
every town.
|
||
|
THIS IS THE TRUTH.
|
||
|
The shameful truth.
|
||
|
In fourteen weeks I played in perhaps twenty-five towns. A peddler in
|
||
|
every one.
|
||
|
I flatly make the statement: I found a purveyor in every town, without
|
||
|
the aid of an introduction or an address.
|
||
|
DISGRACEFUL.
|
||
|
How about our laws and those who should enforce them? Where were they?
|
||
|
I needed their interference then--
|
||
|
Still I was allowed to play with "the Devil's toys."
|
||
|
Allowed--perhaps not exactly by the law.
|
||
|
BUT THE LAW DID NOT STOP ME!
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
Part 13
|
||
|
|
||
|
FOURTEEN WEEKS IN VAUDEVILLE!
|
||
|
My contract was finished--almost the finish of me also.
|
||
|
In spite of the Devil's playthings, the tour was a success. This
|
||
|
prompted offers to play other vaudeville circuits. But fourteen weeks of
|
||
|
vaudeville was quite enough for me.
|
||
|
Again my one thought was home and mother.
|
||
|
Tired and worn out, sick at heart, exhausted, I returned to Los Angeles.
|
||
|
WHY SHOULD I BE BOUND TO THIS CURSED CHAIN?
|
||
|
I was tired of it all, of everything. What was the use? Many hours I
|
||
|
spent in thought over this problem.
|
||
|
WOULD I NEVER BE CURED?
|
||
|
When I returned to Los Angeles, it was but a few days before the
|
||
|
Christmas holidays, 1921. I spent the holidays with my mother. But they were
|
||
|
not "holidays" for me. I tried to bring Christmas joy to the people I loved;
|
||
|
but there was no joy in my life at that time.
|
||
|
Pretense, only pretense again! What would be the end?
|
||
|
But two weeks of rest, California sunshine and my mother's love in spite
|
||
|
of my recently renewed habit, and I gained in weight. I had an offer then of
|
||
|
a film production in San Francisco.
|
||
|
After I had finished this production, I returned home for a few days;
|
||
|
then back to San Francisco.
|
||
|
I had been in San Francisco only a few days when I read in the papers of
|
||
|
the William Desmond Taylor murder in Hollywood. Pages were devoted to this
|
||
|
terrible crime, and the Narcotic Ring was connected with it in a way that has
|
||
|
never been explained.
|
||
|
I read these articles day after day. Reporters were pressing me for
|
||
|
interviews regarding people involved, merely because I was from Hollywood.
|
||
|
But I had nothing to say. It was during these days that I was most
|
||
|
despondent.
|
||
|
I WAS AFRAID!
|
||
|
I was out on the beach alone one day, when I firmly made up my mind that
|
||
|
I would best this thing once and for all.
|
||
|
AND I WOULD DO IT ALONE.
|
||
|
I would not confide in a doctor. I had considerable knowledge of
|
||
|
Christian Science. I would go away to the mountains, alone, and work out my
|
||
|
problem as best I could, without the aid of anyone.
|
||
|
I WOULD NEVER COME BACK UNTIL I WAS CURED!
|
||
|
Without a word to anyone, other than that I was going to some hot
|
||
|
springs, I quietly packed my trunk, stored my other belongings, and set out
|
||
|
for--Hot Springs.
|
||
|
At that time I was using only cocaine. But a maximum amount.
|
||
|
I registered under my own name, which caused me much trouble. I didn't think
|
||
|
to change my name. The result was that I was annoyed constantly by curious
|
||
|
people who questioned me continually regarding HOLLYWOOD.
|
||
|
The work I had gone there to do was postponed, for I would have had to be
|
||
|
alone to do that. I have told you in previous articles that cocaine is not a
|
||
|
necessity. If you are strong enough in will power you can break away from it.
|
||
|
I mean that cocaine is unlike heroin or morphine. These two become part
|
||
|
of you. I was weak, and I knew it; and I was ashamed.
|
||
|
I remained at this Hot Springs only a week. One night and two days I
|
||
|
spent pacing the floor of my room, trying to find a way out. I liked the Hot
|
||
|
Springs all right. The surrounding country was beautiful. But to win my
|
||
|
battle I had to be alone, and privacy was impossible there.
|
||
|
Then I formed a plan; deliberately I chose another path. Cocaine was
|
||
|
ruining my health. I could not eat. I could not sleep. I was getting so
|
||
|
thin, and I knew very well how I looked.
|
||
|
The plan I formed was a dangerous one. But I would go through with it.
|
||
|
I packed my things, took a bus to the railroad station. The train was an hour
|
||
|
late. I was nervous. I was nearly crazy. I had made up my mind to take
|
||
|
morphine. I knew it would quiet me.
|
||
|
I had an hour to spare. I had found a peddler in every town from one end
|
||
|
of the country to the other. Why not try my luck here in this little village?
|
||
|
It was what is commonly termed a one-horse town.
|
||
|
YET, AS USUAL, THE DEVIL LED THE WAY!
|
||
|
Out of a population of 500 people I picked the right man. How?
|
||
|
I learned there were two doctors in town. I never will forget how I stood on
|
||
|
the corner by the general store, debating over which one I should go and see.
|
||
|
But I found the right one!
|
||
|
The doctor was out. He had a nurse, though. She admitted me. I had
|
||
|
time to look over his stock. I couldn't resist the temptation. I never have
|
||
|
stolen a thing in my life--except a tube of morphine from that village doctor.
|
||
|
I had just tucked the little vial of morphine away in my bag when the
|
||
|
doctor came in. With a little persuasion. the doctor gave me another vial.
|
||
|
I really felt guilty, but I didn't dare tell him the truth.
|
||
|
Then I went to San Francisco. I remained only one day. Just long enough
|
||
|
to look up Mr. Peddler, procure an ounce of morphine and find the name of
|
||
|
another Hot Springs. During my journey, I had formed another plan which I
|
||
|
proceeded to carry out.
|
||
|
I destroyed every identification mark on my clothing and baggage and set
|
||
|
out for another Hot Springs near Chico, Cal.
|
||
|
I took another name. And I was let alone.
|
||
|
Now to carry out the rest of the plan!
|
||
|
I had morphine, and inside of two weeks I was taking six grains a day.
|
||
|
But I was sleeping well every night, eating three meals a day, exercising,
|
||
|
taking long walks. And the hot baths helped me to gain a great deal in
|
||
|
weight.
|
||
|
When I had returned to San Francisco, to get more drugs and a new Hot
|
||
|
Springs location, I had not forgotten the promise I had made to myself:
|
||
|
"I would never come back until I was cured."
|
||
|
Now I was bound to morphine. I would have to beat that, too. I looked
|
||
|
much better, I felt much better; but, in reality, I was bound tighter to the
|
||
|
narcotic chain that I had been two weeks previous on cocaine.
|
||
|
NOW FOR THE CURE!
|
||
|
Reduction first, of course! A doctor will never tell you the cure he is
|
||
|
giving you. But in those days alone in the mountains, I had plenty of time to
|
||
|
figure out what really constituted a reduction cure. I realized it would be a
|
||
|
slow process of reduction; but it must be systematic.
|
||
|
THE PLAN.
|
||
|
I was taking six grains a day. I placed sixty grains in a large-necked
|
||
|
bottle.
|
||
|
I had figured out that this reduction must be systematic. I must take a
|
||
|
shot every two or three hours, whether I needed it or not. I also had figured
|
||
|
out that I probably would be awake sixteen hours a day. So, to this same
|
||
|
bottle into which I had put the morphine, I added eighty hypodermic syringes
|
||
|
of water--carefully measured.
|
||
|
Another part of the plan: Every time I took a syringe full of water out
|
||
|
of the large-necked bottle I put back a half syringe of plain water. If I
|
||
|
have made my plan clear to you, you can see that I was slowly reducing the
|
||
|
amount of the narcotic, because I was diluting it with water every time I took
|
||
|
a shot.
|
||
|
At the end of two months, I had cut down my shots from a total of six
|
||
|
grains a day to one quarter of a grain!
|
||
|
Tomorrow I will tell you of the terrific fight I had to break away from
|
||
|
that final little quarter grain.
|
||
|
One little tiny quarter grain bound me STILL to the Devil's chain.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Part 14
|
||
|
|
||
|
For one month I fought the hardest battle I have ever known--fought to
|
||
|
break the tiny but powerful little thread that held me to the chain of
|
||
|
narcotics.
|
||
|
One tiny quarter grain of morphine a day!
|
||
|
Could this be possible? I often asked myself. Why was I not strong
|
||
|
enough to break away once and for all? I had cut down from six grains a day
|
||
|
to a quarter of a grain. Yet, in reality, I was still a victim, no matter
|
||
|
whether the link be large or small! I was still bound.
|
||
|
For one month I put up this fight. I walked every day--sometimes fifteen
|
||
|
miles. I was up every morning at 6, to bed not later than 9:30, and to all
|
||
|
appearances I was cured.
|
||
|
I ALONE KNEW THE REAL TRUTH. I WAS NOT FREE.
|
||
|
This is what tortured my soul and at times made me feel that I was going
|
||
|
mad.
|
||
|
Then I met a man who was to help me believe once more in doctors. This
|
||
|
man had at one time been an addict. He had been cured by a doctor in Oakland
|
||
|
four years before I met him. The moment I looked into his face I knew he was
|
||
|
speaking the truth. The 'indefinable something' told him that I was battling
|
||
|
to free myself from drug addiction.
|
||
|
Twenty-four hours later I was in this doctor's sanitarium in Oakland.
|
||
|
Twenty-four hours more and I was off. I WAS FREE OF THE NARCOTIC CHAIN.
|
||
|
What was the secret this doctor alone held? Here he had done the work in
|
||
|
twenty-four hours that I had been fighting for three months to accomplish.
|
||
|
THE CURE--THE ONLY REAL CURE I HAD EVER KNOWN!
|
||
|
To this doctor and his marvelous cure, his kindness and patience with me,
|
||
|
I attribute my success in finally severing the very last link that bound me to
|
||
|
this cursed narcotic chain.
|
||
|
Just what this cure consists of, what all the little pills and the
|
||
|
medicine are for, I do not know. But I do know that twenty-four hours after I
|
||
|
placed myself under his care the desire for narcotics was completely gone.
|
||
|
This cure, unlike so many others is absolutely painless.
|
||
|
Why was this cure so absolutely painless? This doctor knew not only how
|
||
|
to cure the addiction and kill the desire, but also how to extract the poison
|
||
|
that remained in my system after three years of drugs.
|
||
|
This meant a rigid diet. One week with a ravenous appetite. With just a
|
||
|
little tea or broth and one cracker every day to satisfy it. How I used to
|
||
|
beg the doctor for just one more little cracker, but I NEVER ONCE ASKED THE
|
||
|
DOCTOR FOR ANY NARCOTICS.
|
||
|
When I sought to explain how much I appreciated what he had done for me
|
||
|
in the fortnight I was in his sanitarium the doctor would say:
|
||
|
"The success of this cure lies with you. You are the first one that I
|
||
|
would really call 100 per cent cured. Your own desire to break away from this
|
||
|
curse is responsible for everything.
|
||
|
"So many addicts come to me for my cure! How much I want to help them!
|
||
|
But I become discouraged at times. Very few have come voluntarily and out of
|
||
|
these very few have tried to help themselves. You have been in the mountains
|
||
|
doing all you could for yourself.
|
||
|
"You stood upon your own resources as long as you could. You fought on
|
||
|
until there was but one tiny barrier between yourself and your cure. Then you
|
||
|
came here to me. You have gone over the top beautifully. I merely helped
|
||
|
you.
|
||
|
"Most of the addicts that come here are forced either by relatives or by
|
||
|
the law. I cure them, yes. I take away the narcotics. I try to urge each
|
||
|
and every one to be careful on leaving here.
|
||
|
"Of this I warn you, Juanita. Be careful of your associates. Do not get
|
||
|
near anyone who uses narcotics. Forget them."
|
||
|
The many talks that I had with the doctor helped me to fortify myself.
|
||
|
I was able to cope with the situation when I left the sanitarium. The doctor
|
||
|
used to say:
|
||
|
"Tomorrow, Juanita, tomorrow you will be stronger and maybe you can go
|
||
|
into the garden for a little while."
|
||
|
But the "tomorrows" always seemed so far away and one day a little
|
||
|
thought occurred to me. I set it down in my diary:
|
||
|
|
||
|
TOMORROW.
|
||
|
Within four small walls is a shadow
|
||
|
Of me, I am all alone.
|
||
|
Waiting for tomorrow--
|
||
|
I wonder if you will come.
|
||
|
|
||
|
To be free to play in the sunshine
|
||
|
For only a little spell.
|
||
|
I would gladly come back to the darkness
|
||
|
Of this poor little lonely cell.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Finally "TOMORROW" came! The door opened and I was free to play in the
|
||
|
sunshine.
|
||
|
I was free, absolutely free, from the narcotic chain.
|
||
|
Now home to mother! I caught the first train going South. I did not
|
||
|
wire my mother. I wanted to surprise her, and I surely did. I think mother
|
||
|
was the happiest woman in the world when she saw me. One look into my eyes
|
||
|
and my mother knew the truth.
|
||
|
Great tears of thankfulness rolled down her cheeks. I stayed home for
|
||
|
three weeks and played as I never played before. How happy I was in the
|
||
|
sunshine!
|
||
|
Free! Free at last!
|
||
|
The desire for narcotics had left me. I had served my sentence. At last
|
||
|
I had severed the last link.
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
Part 15
|
||
|
|
||
|
Cured!
|
||
|
Seven months had passed. All desire for narcotics had left me. Why
|
||
|
shouldn't I believe that I was cured?
|
||
|
I was being rewarded at last. My contracts, as I told you in a previous
|
||
|
article. were nearly arranged. How happy I was. My struggle of two years was
|
||
|
over!
|
||
|
And then--
|
||
|
Fate, perhaps, played her part. Again the world turned upside down. For
|
||
|
a narcotic commissioner in New York didn't believe I was cured. Why?
|
||
|
It is my one desire to encourage all narcotic addicts, urge them to give
|
||
|
up this curse. For such it is. And to assure them there is a reward. I
|
||
|
expect the assistance though of all narcotic boards. They must help me--not
|
||
|
destroy the work I am trying to do.
|
||
|
My arrest nearly broke my heart. It almost crushed everything I believed
|
||
|
was good. Would it not have been a little more human, a little more Samaritan-
|
||
|
like, to have come to me, and quietly asked:
|
||
|
"I am not quite sure of you, Miss Hansen. I have read of your 'cure.'
|
||
|
But I want to make sure. Will you come to my office for an examination before
|
||
|
a medical board?"
|
||
|
Had I been approached this way, I would gladly have gone to the
|
||
|
Commissioner's office. My examination would have proved that I was cured. No
|
||
|
publicity. No experience with cells and detectives. I might have been spared
|
||
|
all this.
|
||
|
NO!
|
||
|
The men who enforce the narcotic law don't believe in handling things
|
||
|
that way. IS IT NOT HIGH TIME TO START A NEW SYSTEM?
|
||
|
Let us all be a little more human. Addicts, commissioners and
|
||
|
detectives. AND THEN WE SHALL STOP IT!
|
||
|
Having my name heralded from one end of the country to the other did not
|
||
|
encourage and help me. Instead it left me absolutely helpless. Hopeless.
|
||
|
AFRAID. Always afraid of the law. The arm that should protect and love me
|
||
|
struck a blow that made me wonder whether it was worth while to keep up the
|
||
|
fight against narcotics.
|
||
|
But, right is right and wrong is wrong. And I am on my way up the ladder
|
||
|
again. THERE IS A REWARD! I am cured. I KNOW IT! And I am no longer
|
||
|
afraid, because truth has power and I am telling you the truth.
|
||
|
We read every day in the papers of the evil of drugs. In Washington they
|
||
|
are awakening to the evil. Even the President has time to take recognition of
|
||
|
the fact. Why not you?
|
||
|
How about the hundreds of thousands of addicts in this country alone?
|
||
|
What about them? Can we leave them to die? No. This is not stopping it.
|
||
|
Cure the addicts in this country; then stop your source of supply. How?
|
||
|
Here is a little plan I have thought out:
|
||
|
Let the entire control of the narcotic problem rest in the hands of the
|
||
|
Federal Government. In the past the problem has been handled like a
|
||
|
kindergarten class. But we must grow up.
|
||
|
Let the Government handle all cures. Let the Government conscript only
|
||
|
doctors who are specialists in the treatment of narcotic addiction. Wipe out
|
||
|
all fake "cures" and fake doctors.
|
||
|
Let the Government build and operate sanitariums in all parts of the
|
||
|
country. Let the Government have sole control.
|
||
|
Organize a great medical corps to fight this problem, just as was done in
|
||
|
the last war. We won that war by organization. Now let us declare war on
|
||
|
drugs and all who exploit this deadly curse.
|
||
|
Let us all combine forces. Work together like we did a few years ago.
|
||
|
We were like one then--press, pulpit, people.
|
||
|
Wipe this thing out! Stamp it out! Once and for all!
|
||
|
Knit these tiny little ineffective threads into one vast rope that will
|
||
|
crush the life out of DOPE.
|
||
|
In Washington alone this thing can be handled. Some day soon, I pray.
|
||
|
I should love to see newspapers and "twenty-four sheet" posters shout at you
|
||
|
from every corner:
|
||
|
"Addicts, we warn you! We urge you to step forward voluntarily. Come to
|
||
|
us. We are the law. Do not be afraid. We want to help you. We want to
|
||
|
protect you. Confide in us. We will not herald your secret. No matter
|
||
|
whether you be pauper or millionaire. WE WILL CURE YOU! WE INTEND TO STOP
|
||
|
NARCOTIC ADDICTION! But--
|
||
|
"BEWARE! We give you only six months to do this. Only six months. Come
|
||
|
voluntarily, and we will free you from the chain. If you do not voluntarily
|
||
|
come forward, we will find you. Cure, you, yes. But you must pay the
|
||
|
penalty. TEN YEARS' IMPRISONMENT."
|
||
|
WE SHALL STOP IT!
|
||
|
Absolute Government control, fearless and impartial enforcement, fair
|
||
|
warning, inflexible punishment!
|
||
|
Cure your addicts first, then limit your source of supply.
|
||
|
Then, and only then, can you hope to break this chain, link by link.
|
||
|
Dope will be dead!
|
||
|
To break up this chain is one thing. But to keep other little links from
|
||
|
forging is quite another.
|
||
|
Every educational force and medium in the country, teachers, schools,
|
||
|
periodicals, screen, ministers, all must unite. Warn every child in the
|
||
|
country, just as you warn them to keep away from fire. Not only love them,
|
||
|
but protect them.
|
||
|
"Let not your heart be troubled; do not be afraid."
|
||
|
Face this thing today!
|
||
|
Today I am pronounced cured--one of the few known to medical science.
|
||
|
But only my death, at the will of God, will prove it so. [2]
|
||
|
(The End)
|
||
|
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
|
||
|
Wallace Smith: February 24, 1923
|
||
|
|
||
|
The following is another of Wallace Smith's sensationalizing dispatches on
|
||
|
the Taylor case.
|
||
|
February 24, 1922
|
||
|
Wallace Smith
|
||
|
CHICAGO AMERICAN
|
||
|
Mabel Normand, who called on William Desmond Taylor just before he was
|
||
|
shot to death, was reported "gravely ill" today by physicians attending her
|
||
|
at her home in Altadena.
|
||
|
So serious was her condition considered that extra guards were placed
|
||
|
about the estate to fend off visitors. She is said to be suffering a severe
|
||
|
attack of influenza, augmented by her nervous collapse since the killing of
|
||
|
the director.
|
||
|
Instead of showing improvement, it was stated, Miss Normand lost
|
||
|
strength during the night.
|
||
|
Two nurses are in constant attendance on the noted comedienne, and only
|
||
|
her physicians are allowed to see her.
|
||
|
Telephone inquiries at the home of Miss Normand brought this brief
|
||
|
statement:
|
||
|
"Miss Normand's condition is grave. She is critically ill."
|
||
|
It was reported she has been partially paralyzed and that her
|
||
|
temperature shows a tendency to the subnormal.
|
||
|
An earlier statement by Dr. J. M. Wilson of Pasadena, one of the
|
||
|
attending physicians, said:
|
||
|
"Miss Normand is critically ill. She is at the peak of a severe attack
|
||
|
of influenza, aggravated by a most serious nervous breakdown. She has two
|
||
|
nurses in constant attendance and all visitors are being kept from her.
|
||
|
Everything is being done to keep her quiet, though her nervous condition,
|
||
|
which preceded the influenza attack, is such as to make it hard to quiet
|
||
|
her."
|
||
|
Some days ago she was taken secretly from her home in Los Angeles to the
|
||
|
Altadena residence. At that time it was announced that she merely needed a
|
||
|
rest.
|
||
|
Three days ago it was announced by her management that she intended to
|
||
|
renew work in the studios on the production interrupted by the Taylor
|
||
|
tragedy.
|
||
|
The news of her new collapse came, therefore, as a shock and a surprise.
|
||
|
It will be recalled that Miss Normand, shortly after the slaying was
|
||
|
discovered, returned to the Taylor home and demanded her letters to Taylor.
|
||
|
At his funeral she fainted at the side of the coffin. Her photography,
|
||
|
bearing the inscription "to my dearest" was found in the locket Taylor wore
|
||
|
over his heart. As the world waited for reports from the bedside of the
|
||
|
stricken comedienne, District Attorney Woolwine sent detectives rushing by
|
||
|
motor to check up the story that Taylor was slain by drug peddlers when he
|
||
|
sought to shield a woman from their slavery.
|
||
|
As the investigation swept forward it appeared that "Harry the Chink"
|
||
|
Fields, he of the picturesque pen name and the unsavory record, might be
|
||
|
drawing his story of Taylor's death straight from the bamboo pipe in which
|
||
|
opium dreams are "cooked." [3]
|
||
|
But he has lashed the hunt for the mysterious assassin of the eccentric
|
||
|
director into the swiftest gait it has struck since the find of Taylor's body
|
||
|
in the house in Alvarado St.
|
||
|
"Harry the Chink" has turned this hunt to a trail at the end of which,
|
||
|
the most active officials declare, they will find the solution of the
|
||
|
sensational mystery.
|
||
|
He has brought terror to the dope smuggling gangs skulking in the
|
||
|
shadows of the tragedy as well as to the salves of the drug ring.
|
||
|
Out of the activity that has followed the yarn of "Harry the Chink" the
|
||
|
Los Angeles officials were satisfied they would at least find the killer,
|
||
|
whether it was Wong Lee, the notorious dope peddler with his old-fashioned
|
||
|
pearl handled revolver, or the woman who was Taylor's last love.
|
||
|
The prime theory today was that Taylor's life was ended when he
|
||
|
attempted to stand between this woman and the blackmailing gang that has
|
||
|
wrung a considerable fortune from her through her slavery of the drug and the
|
||
|
indiscretions it inspired.
|
||
|
This theory first was outlined in The Chicago Evening American
|
||
|
dispatches.
|
||
|
Every detective returning from raids in drowsy, dangerous Chinatown and
|
||
|
from more polite "trips of investigation" brought back startling tales of the
|
||
|
grip which the drug ring had taken at the throats of some of the men and
|
||
|
women.
|
||
|
State agents and federal officials joined in the search being made by
|
||
|
the sheriff's men, special investigators and police officials.
|
||
|
It was from the United States district attorney's office that it was
|
||
|
learned that Taylor had appealed for help more than a year ago to stop the
|
||
|
activities of the dope ring. Taylor was interested in the woman he loved --
|
||
|
the woman who had fought to cure herself of the habit, and who today is still
|
||
|
in slavery to drugs.
|
||
|
Taylor's fight may be won with the price of his life.
|
||
|
Before this there seemed no way of halting the dread traffic. Despite
|
||
|
the activities of all agencies, from the bronzed men who seek to trap
|
||
|
smugglers at the Mexican border and along the coasts to those who spied on
|
||
|
the peddlers and those who purchased the hour's pleasure at the cost of
|
||
|
broken bodies and shattered minds, the traffic went on.
|
||
|
Among some of the detectives, it is known, there is a feeling that the
|
||
|
woman named in Taylor's slaying should be taken into custody and given "a
|
||
|
real talking to." She has been questioned but, according to the detectives,
|
||
|
it was just a sort of polite tea party in which higher officials allowed her
|
||
|
to tell her smiling alibi complaint of a severe cold, and let it go at that.
|
||
|
"If it was anybody else but her, she would have been taken as soon as
|
||
|
Taylor's body was found," declared one of the men close to one of the highest
|
||
|
officials investigating the case. "They say they have no power to take her
|
||
|
into custody, but look what they did to Madalynne Obenchain in the Kennedy
|
||
|
case.
|
||
|
"This woman would talk plenty if she was treated as she should be.
|
||
|
Everything we have found out so far shows that she is the logical one to know
|
||
|
about the crime. She's full of hop right now. If they put her in a cell,
|
||
|
and keep the heroin she uses away from her a day or so, she'd be ready to
|
||
|
tell everything she knows. [4]
|
||
|
"But she's been too strong so far. She is prominent and she has big
|
||
|
friends. We have to wait for more information."
|
||
|
This is the woman who is known to have received a shipment of heroin ten
|
||
|
weeks ago and by paying a tremendous sum, a supply of the drug sufficient to
|
||
|
last three months.
|
||
|
Her name was among the first on the list recently turned over to
|
||
|
investigators containing the names of film stars who dealt with dope
|
||
|
peddlers.
|
||
|
The investigation of the federal, state and county officials, revealed
|
||
|
the astounding fact that at least half of the dope peddlers are women, young,
|
||
|
well dressed, and personable. They have either by their position or by
|
||
|
insinuating themselves through friends at "parties" won their way into the
|
||
|
confidence of the victims of the drug slayer.
|
||
|
Their work is one of constant temptation. They "make it easy" for the
|
||
|
victims -- easy to destroy beauty, body and brains. Their work, too, is
|
||
|
"reclaiming" the drug slaves who make the heart breaking attempt to smash the
|
||
|
shackles that bind them in thrall to the blackmailing smugglers.
|
||
|
Taylor's efforts to fight the drug ring, and especially that group who
|
||
|
had victimized the woman he loved, was told by United States Deputy District
|
||
|
Attorney Thomas Green. Over a year ago, he declared, a man came to him and
|
||
|
arranged in interview with Taylor.
|
||
|
After talking with Taylor about the invasion by the dope peddlers, the
|
||
|
attorney turned the matter over to an expert in the narcotic department. An
|
||
|
operative was assigned to the place where Taylor worked and there he gathered
|
||
|
information upon which a number of raids were based.
|
||
|
This, in itself, according to those experienced with the ways of the
|
||
|
drug ring, would have been sufficient to have sealed Taylor's death warrant,
|
||
|
even if he had not, as it is now theorized, stepped between the ring and the
|
||
|
victim whose slavery meant much gold.
|
||
|
Another angle of the investigation which assumed great importance today
|
||
|
was the fact that on the evening of the killing the woman Taylor loved had
|
||
|
put in a desperate long distance telephone call to some one in a San
|
||
|
Francisco hotel.
|
||
|
"I'm in trouble," she cried over the phone. "I need help."
|
||
|
That "help" was forthcoming was evidenced by the shelter that was placed
|
||
|
around the woman next day. Guards kept away those who sought to question her
|
||
|
and advisers were handy at every point to guide her in her conduct with the
|
||
|
investigators and officials.
|
||
|
The guard is still maintained. The woman's collapse, at first looked
|
||
|
upon as rather a naive dodge, now is looked upon as genuine. If she did not
|
||
|
kill Taylor, it is said, she fears that the exposure of her drug slavery will
|
||
|
mean her ruin before the public.
|
||
|
The detectives sought, among others, a man known mostly as "Johnny," who
|
||
|
is said to have been the dope agent for this woman. They would not say
|
||
|
whether he was the "Johnny" Clarke mentioned in Fields' "confession."
|
||
|
Undersheriff Eugene Biscailuz was in direct charge of the investigation
|
||
|
of Fields' story and, frankly, a big skeptical about it. Undersheriff
|
||
|
Biscailuz has from the first suspected the woman in the case. But the "dope"
|
||
|
theory was one closely allied with the activities of the woman.
|
||
|
One of the first points of doubt in Fields' story to attract those
|
||
|
familiar with the ways of the Oriental in crime was the fact that Fields
|
||
|
insisted the Chinese, Wong Lee, had gone on the trip of death with two white
|
||
|
men and a white woman. The Chinese, according to these veterans, never "do a
|
||
|
gun job" or any other crime of major proportions with those of another race.
|
||
|
Then some one thought of applying the test of simple arithmetic and
|
||
|
train schedules to Fields' story. He says he left Los Angeles on late on
|
||
|
February 2. He was arrested in Buffalo on February 6. He says he traveled
|
||
|
by way of Seattle and Chicago. Such a schedule is utterly impossible, using
|
||
|
railroad trains for the trip.
|
||
|
Altogether Fields' story seemed to be fading confusedly into the fumes
|
||
|
of the poppy. Whence, likely as not, it came.
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
NOTES:
|
||
|
[1] A few months before this series was written, film star Wallace Reid had
|
||
|
died of illness related to his drug addiction.
|
||
|
[2] Unfortunately, Juanita Hansen relapsed later in the decade. After an
|
||
|
accident in which she was severely burned with scalding water and was in
|
||
|
severe pain, doctors administered morphine to relieve her suffering and she
|
||
|
became hooked again. Her final cure came later. For more details on her
|
||
|
tragic story see CONTINUED NEXT WEEK by Kalton Lahue.
|
||
|
[3] As stated last issue, Harry Fields was not Chinese, and it is not known
|
||
|
why this derogatory nickname was applied to him. It is included here only for
|
||
|
historical purposes, to reprint Smith's article as it originally appeared.
|
||
|
[4] Again these references are supposedly to Mabel Normand.
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|
||
|
For more information about Taylor, see
|
||
|
WILLIAM DESMOND TAYLOR: A DOSSIER (Scarecrow Press, 1991)
|
||
|
Back issues of Taylorology are available via Gopher or FTP at
|
||
|
etext.archive.umich.edu
|
||
|
in the directory pub/Zines/Taylorology
|
||
|
*****************************************************************************
|