2099 lines
61 KiB
Plaintext
2099 lines
61 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<20><> <20> <20> <20> <20> Ŀ
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> <20><> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><> <20><>
|
|||
|
|
<20> electronic literary 'zine <20>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
*<2A><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>*
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20>Ĵ volume six <20><><EFBFBD> <20>
|
|||
|
|
*<2A><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>*
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
stop plagiarism - let out your soul
|
|||
|
|
Copyright 10/95
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20><>compiled & edited by Twilight<68><74> <20>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
In memory of Gordon Lepley IV (1972-1995)
|
|||
|
|
...the creative soul...may it ever fly free...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Table of Contents <20>
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
1. Antiphon - Steve Regis
|
|||
|
|
2. Before You Were Born - Toad the Wet Sprocket
|
|||
|
|
3. Bitter And Shaken - Julie Marquardt
|
|||
|
|
4. Bleed On Me - Mike Dayoub
|
|||
|
|
5. Dying In Your Absence - Twilight
|
|||
|
|
6. First Time - Calvin Sayles
|
|||
|
|
7. Fistfuls - Gena Schwam
|
|||
|
|
8. Frantic Zone - Nicole Couch
|
|||
|
|
9. Hiding Out On Halloween: Videos To Ease The Guilt - Drew Feinberg
|
|||
|
|
10. I Am Trash Too - Carolyn Hitt
|
|||
|
|
11. I'd Watch You Above In Crinoline - Scott Cudmore
|
|||
|
|
12. In The Blue Light - Jane Siberry
|
|||
|
|
13. Inside - Twilight
|
|||
|
|
14. Inspiration - Mark Hallman
|
|||
|
|
15. Last Waves - Gena Schwam
|
|||
|
|
16. Loved Ya To Pieces - Michelle Meldrum and Nicole Couch
|
|||
|
|
17. Lovegone - Marco Morales
|
|||
|
|
18. Motherlove - Marco Morales
|
|||
|
|
19. My Maple Tree Holds Green... - Therese Leigh Stamm
|
|||
|
|
20. My Misery - Phantom Blue
|
|||
|
|
21. Naked My Maple No Longer Shelters Me... - Therese Leigh Stamm
|
|||
|
|
22. Pale Blue Eyes - Velvet Underground, modified by Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
23. Scream - Gena Schwam
|
|||
|
|
24. Shivers - Dana Hurd
|
|||
|
|
25. Summoning - Twilight
|
|||
|
|
26. Temptress - April M. Ardito
|
|||
|
|
27. The Betrayal - Marco Morales
|
|||
|
|
28. The Bird - Zowie Mills
|
|||
|
|
29. The Burning - Janet Kuypers
|
|||
|
|
30. The Cheval Glass And The Fountain - Jenniffer L. Lesh
|
|||
|
|
31. The Insane People That Are Notably Sane - Kylie Johnson
|
|||
|
|
32. Thinking Of The Dead Child - Maree Jaeger
|
|||
|
|
33. Through The Faces - Marisa VanDyke
|
|||
|
|
34. Untitled - Angie Cooper
|
|||
|
|
35. Untitled - Leanne Kruse
|
|||
|
|
36. Untitled - Libby McGroom
|
|||
|
|
37. Vows - Mike Randall
|
|||
|
|
38. Wasted Moments - Angela Dawn Soutar
|
|||
|
|
39. You're Free - Michelle Meldrum and Nicole Couch
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Including Quotes From:
|
|||
|
|
Robb Buchanan, Linda Carroll, Rosemary Carroll, Kurt Cobain, Amanda de
|
|||
|
|
Cadenet, Dinosaur Jr., Courtney Love, Thurston Moore, Friedric Nietzsche,
|
|||
|
|
Phantom Blue, Lisa Robinson, Kevin Sessums, and Twilight
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Antiphon
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Steve Regis
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
In such a night as this
|
|||
|
|
/bred from the wrong genes
|
|||
|
|
in such a night
|
|||
|
|
/seeded within the wrong delta
|
|||
|
|
/breeched via the wrong birth
|
|||
|
|
will countless letters be inscribed
|
|||
|
|
to those
|
|||
|
|
/born into the wrong family
|
|||
|
|
who
|
|||
|
|
/walked down the street the wrong time
|
|||
|
|
/stopped at the wrong moment
|
|||
|
|
by some outrageous fortune
|
|||
|
|
/boarded on the wrong plane
|
|||
|
|
/swirled through the wrong fog
|
|||
|
|
will have found their lives
|
|||
|
|
/caught upon the wrong war
|
|||
|
|
/joined to the wrong race
|
|||
|
|
their only lives
|
|||
|
|
/furrowed in the wrong colour
|
|||
|
|
to have been
|
|||
|
|
/touched by the wrong gods
|
|||
|
|
terminated.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Before You Were Born
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Toad the Wet Sprocket
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
How can it happen that every time
|
|||
|
|
You ask us this question the answer seems like a lie
|
|||
|
|
You know what we're saying and you know what it means
|
|||
|
|
But it never gets through to where you need
|
|||
|
|
Before you were born someone kicked in the door
|
|||
|
|
There's no place for you here, stay back where you belong
|
|||
|
|
Before you were born someone kicked in the door
|
|||
|
|
You are not wanted here, stay back where you belong
|
|||
|
|
God damn the people who left you in pain
|
|||
|
|
God damn the father without face, without name
|
|||
|
|
God damn the lovers who never showed up
|
|||
|
|
And God damn the wounds that show how deep a word can cut
|
|||
|
|
Before you were born someone kicked in the door
|
|||
|
|
There's no place for you here, stay back where you belong
|
|||
|
|
Before you were born someone kicked in the door
|
|||
|
|
You are not wanted here, stay back where you belong
|
|||
|
|
And how can it happen now that you know the cause
|
|||
|
|
That nothing is changing and everything's wrong
|
|||
|
|
But pain is the healing and the tears sting like alcohol
|
|||
|
|
Just keep on there breathing
|
|||
|
|
We'll help you down the long, long road back home
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Once upon a time, you were the first of your generation. Ignore everything
|
|||
|
|
else that went on before you." <20> Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bitter And Shaken
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Julie Marquardt
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Remember -
|
|||
|
|
the instant you swore you'd never forget...
|
|||
|
|
the moment when you first met.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
when in his eyes -
|
|||
|
|
you saw no lies -
|
|||
|
|
(only ties)
|
|||
|
|
little did you realize...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
you had been taken.
|
|||
|
|
sadly mistaken.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
and when you discovered
|
|||
|
|
that second lover -
|
|||
|
|
you parted ways.
|
|||
|
|
lonely strays.
|
|||
|
|
forever.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
and now it seems -
|
|||
|
|
he is in your dreams...
|
|||
|
|
always.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
when you're awaken
|
|||
|
|
bitter - and - shaken
|
|||
|
|
the sheets twisted beneath you
|
|||
|
|
HE IS THERE -
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
HE IS THERE...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
inside you.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
beside you.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
like glue.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
with each night that passes
|
|||
|
|
ever so slow,
|
|||
|
|
you grow to know -
|
|||
|
|
you WILL never forget -
|
|||
|
|
the instant you REGRET...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
the moment
|
|||
|
|
when you first met.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies."
|
|||
|
|
<20> Friedrich Nietzsche
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bleed On Me
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Mike Dayoub
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
paint my thighs, stripe my ribs
|
|||
|
|
coat us brown with sticky flies
|
|||
|
|
surge this moon river, urgent child of tides
|
|||
|
|
this scarlet need
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
to bleed
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Hole. The name connotes a hunger - for sickness, for oblivion, for indecent
|
|||
|
|
fantasies, for the sheer catharsis of it all. At its very core is where
|
|||
|
|
language and logic break down. Where anger floods in and harmony dies.
|
|||
|
|
Hole is where the extremes of abjection, obsession, trauma, atrocity - and,
|
|||
|
|
most importantly, humanity - collide." <20> Hole's 1991 biography
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Dying In Your Absence
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Twilight
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
the rigid cold of the metal chair
|
|||
|
|
shoots up my spine
|
|||
|
|
the cloud of grey loneliness
|
|||
|
|
suffocates, blankets, chokes me
|
|||
|
|
a hole pierces right through
|
|||
|
|
my now empty heart
|
|||
|
|
for inside, you have died
|
|||
|
|
you have left me.
|
|||
|
|
i mourn you, i mourn my loss
|
|||
|
|
but yet, you breathe still
|
|||
|
|
you just have forgotten me.
|
|||
|
|
too busy, wrapped up in your own life
|
|||
|
|
while i, constricted by mine
|
|||
|
|
still made the time for you,
|
|||
|
|
my love, my one source
|
|||
|
|
of pure happiness and consolation.
|
|||
|
|
who would have ever thought
|
|||
|
|
that my comfort
|
|||
|
|
would become my despair...
|
|||
|
|
i fear that you will lose me,
|
|||
|
|
i do not trust my aching heart
|
|||
|
|
for as it found yours in its time of need
|
|||
|
|
it may find another...
|
|||
|
|
another in this pool of neglect
|
|||
|
|
in this riptide of gripping sadness
|
|||
|
|
that plagues me in your absence
|
|||
|
|
that is so prolonged...
|
|||
|
|
will you not come to me
|
|||
|
|
will you not let me know how much
|
|||
|
|
i am loved...
|
|||
|
|
in not only meaningless words
|
|||
|
|
that soothe only temporarily
|
|||
|
|
as the real pain endures...inside.
|
|||
|
|
if one cannot make time...
|
|||
|
|
then what is the point
|
|||
|
|
in loving at all?
|
|||
|
|
come to me, live inside of me
|
|||
|
|
show me that you care
|
|||
|
|
for i surely will die as well
|
|||
|
|
enduring this death of you.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
First Time
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Calvin Sayles
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
gentle lights lift us
|
|||
|
|
featherlight, aloft, we bathe.
|
|||
|
|
smiling, spinning, circling,
|
|||
|
|
humming, black-dizzy, anxious fainting
|
|||
|
|
surrendering to the darkness.
|
|||
|
|
crossing over
|
|||
|
|
no touching, yet bonded...
|
|||
|
|
a desperate and pleasing ache.
|
|||
|
|
dance with me,
|
|||
|
|
high in the cool night air
|
|||
|
|
while points of light encircle us.
|
|||
|
|
explosions, phosphorous green,
|
|||
|
|
eruptions, burning cinders of red
|
|||
|
|
ice blue flame, so pure, only the mind can see.
|
|||
|
|
white shimmering radiance.
|
|||
|
|
engulf me now...and I will engulf you
|
|||
|
|
swallow me, and I will you
|
|||
|
|
drown in me...drown me
|
|||
|
|
whispering, whispering
|
|||
|
|
drown in me
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Simone de Baauvoir in _The Second Sex_ wrote about this thing called sexual
|
|||
|
|
valuation, meaning you are who you fuck. You cannot get back a man that
|
|||
|
|
way, but a man can get back at a woman by sexually devaluating her."
|
|||
|
|
<20> Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Fistfuls
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Gena Schwam
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Throwing fistfuls of dried leaves
|
|||
|
|
at your window
|
|||
|
|
they can't break the glass
|
|||
|
|
but i like to watch the
|
|||
|
|
orange reds and yellow greens
|
|||
|
|
dance around in the air
|
|||
|
|
a party outside your window
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
the glass makes a whistling sound
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
i'm clenching fistfuls of chestnuts
|
|||
|
|
just found 'em today
|
|||
|
|
on the sidewalk
|
|||
|
|
irregular brown blotches
|
|||
|
|
so similar to your eyes
|
|||
|
|
hard and cold
|
|||
|
|
pinching my skin
|
|||
|
|
i throw them at your glass
|
|||
|
|
breaking
|
|||
|
|
shattering the window
|
|||
|
|
how brittle for
|
|||
|
|
the musky air of October
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
now i've got fistfuls of blood
|
|||
|
|
from where my nails
|
|||
|
|
pressed too hard into the
|
|||
|
|
soft flesh of my palms
|
|||
|
|
i can't throw it at you
|
|||
|
|
like the leaves and the nuts
|
|||
|
|
but i can smear my red heat
|
|||
|
|
on your shattered window pain
|
|||
|
|
a signature
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
a last reminder
|
|||
|
|
tiny red half-moon shapes
|
|||
|
|
but you're not home again
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
" 'Meow', she moans, mimicking a cat. 'Meow'.
|
|||
|
|
'That's what the kitty says. And what does a doggy say?' Love asks.
|
|||
|
|
'Woof, woof, woof!' Frances Bean barks.
|
|||
|
|
'And what does a ducky say?'
|
|||
|
|
'Quack, quack, quack!'
|
|||
|
|
'And what does Frances Bean say?' I ask.
|
|||
|
|
The child lifts her head from her mother's pillowed chest, then raises her
|
|||
|
|
hands in the air like claws. Suddenly she begins to growl in a voice as
|
|||
|
|
terrifyingly grizzled as any angry, grunge-encrusted rocker's. 'Arrrgggrr!'
|
|||
|
|
she lets loose.
|
|||
|
|
Love pretends to be scared and hides her face in her hands.
|
|||
|
|
Frances Bean laughs at her mother's fright and growls again.
|
|||
|
|
'Arrrgggrrr!'
|
|||
|
|
Love hides her face.
|
|||
|
|
'Arrrgggrrr!'
|
|||
|
|
Surprising Frances Bean, Love ferociously begins to growl right back.
|
|||
|
|
'Arrrgggrrr!' she goes, mimicking her daughter's inherent Kurt-like cry.
|
|||
|
|
'Arrrgggrrr!'
|
|||
|
|
Frances Bean stops her laughter.
|
|||
|
|
'Don't scream. Don't scream, Mommy.'
|
|||
|
|
Love stops her cry.
|
|||
|
|
The child places her tiny hands on her mother's cheeks. 'We be gentle.'"
|
|||
|
|
<20> Kevin Sessums
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Frantic Zone
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Nicole Couch
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Skylight's dim
|
|||
|
|
Sonic's freight
|
|||
|
|
Uncontrollable misfit
|
|||
|
|
Contractable fate
|
|||
|
|
The seduction began
|
|||
|
|
Realized too late
|
|||
|
|
Easy to see
|
|||
|
|
There's no escape
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
A regression of time
|
|||
|
|
An intrinsic state
|
|||
|
|
Been sabotaged
|
|||
|
|
With too many weights
|
|||
|
|
A solid approach
|
|||
|
|
To the tailored plans
|
|||
|
|
To hold on to
|
|||
|
|
The ultimate game
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
In the frantic zone
|
|||
|
|
Taking hostage by insanity
|
|||
|
|
In the frantic zone
|
|||
|
|
Intangible security
|
|||
|
|
Look around
|
|||
|
|
It's not so hard to believe
|
|||
|
|
Hear the sounds
|
|||
|
|
The answer is so hard to see
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The showage of
|
|||
|
|
Starts with sanitude
|
|||
|
|
The masterminds
|
|||
|
|
All break rules
|
|||
|
|
The seduction began
|
|||
|
|
Realized too late
|
|||
|
|
It's easy to see
|
|||
|
|
There's no escape
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
In the frantic zone
|
|||
|
|
Taking hostage by insanity
|
|||
|
|
In the frantic zone
|
|||
|
|
Intangible security
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"My feeling is that, while we should have the deepest respect for reality,
|
|||
|
|
we should not let it control our lives."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hiding Out On Halloween: Videos To Ease The Guilt
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Drew Feinberg
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Halloween is almost upon us, coming quicker than Hugh Grant in a BMW. As
|
|||
|
|
Meg Tilly so brilliantly asked in the cinematic disaster known as Body
|
|||
|
|
Snatchers, "Where ya gonna go? Where ya gonna run? Where ya gonna hide?"
|
|||
|
|
Eloquently, she voices the dilemma of millions of Americans every
|
|||
|
|
October 31. I've done them all, with less than optimum results. Let's
|
|||
|
|
run through the options, shall we?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Okay, first there's trick-or-treating. Being a greedy bastard and
|
|||
|
|
visiting every house within a 20 mile radius, hitting them up for the
|
|||
|
|
goods, is socially acceptable as child, but, three years ago, when I was
|
|||
|
|
dressed as Zsa Zsa Gabor and asked all of my neighbors to "Give me some
|
|||
|
|
candy, DAHLING, or I'll give you a slap," the results were less than
|
|||
|
|
desirable. From what I can remember I got assorted candy bars, candy
|
|||
|
|
corns, rocks, kitchenware, lollipops, and a jack o'lantern, still lit -
|
|||
|
|
THROWN at me, with great velocity. I can't even spell the names people
|
|||
|
|
called me, and I was told to do things to myself that aren't even
|
|||
|
|
physically possible, lord knows I've tried. One grandmotherly looking
|
|||
|
|
woman was actually kind to me, and gave me some popcorn. My faith in
|
|||
|
|
mankind had been restored, that is, until I heard the muffled call to her
|
|||
|
|
husband "Come see this poor slow boy. It's lovely to see the mentally
|
|||
|
|
challenged out and about." At the tender age of 23, I retired from trick-
|
|||
|
|
or-treating forever.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The next year I opted to stay home, watch some scary movies, and give
|
|||
|
|
wondrous candy to the the legit trick-or-treaters. The candy aisle at the
|
|||
|
|
supermarket was pure pandemonium. I might as well have been looking for
|
|||
|
|
the last green Power Ranger on Christmas Eve. I didn't want to be one of
|
|||
|
|
those houses that gave out nickels, fruit, hard bubble gum, cream soda
|
|||
|
|
Dum-Dums that stuck to the paper, black licorice, those awful dark
|
|||
|
|
chocolate Hershey's Miniatures, or Smarties. Honestly, do people ever BUY
|
|||
|
|
Smarties for themselves? I made a quick scan of what was available, and
|
|||
|
|
I saw some variety packs of assorted good chocolate stuff that the
|
|||
|
|
others had apparently not seen. I made a mad dash to get two packs. I
|
|||
|
|
popped 'em in my cart and very confidently strolled to the checkout
|
|||
|
|
counter. The line was huge, and I noticed the elderly woman behind me had
|
|||
|
|
nothing in her cart but a box of Metamucil, so I let her go in front of
|
|||
|
|
me. I started to sing along with the muzak..."Precious and few are the
|
|||
|
|
moment we two can shaaaaaaare..." CRASH! I looked to my side and saw
|
|||
|
|
this huge pyramid of canned beets topple over. "Hope that wasn't my
|
|||
|
|
singing," I thought to myself, then turned back. Quicker than I could say
|
|||
|
|
"The cast of Wings should be sterilized," my treasures were GONE! I was
|
|||
|
|
completely bewildered. I was shocked when I looked in the cart ahead of
|
|||
|
|
me. The woman I had sacrificed selflessly for had two bags of assorted
|
|||
|
|
chocolates along with her Metamucil. I tried to conceal my anger and
|
|||
|
|
kindly said to the woman "Excuse me, I think those are my Halloween
|
|||
|
|
candies there." I believe she mouthed the words "Bite me." I walked
|
|||
|
|
right up to her cart and reached in and picked up what was rightfully
|
|||
|
|
mine. That's when she started bawling hysterically, which caused the
|
|||
|
|
entire supermarket to glare in my direction. I was frozen like Jennifer
|
|||
|
|
Tilly would be if you aimed a flashlight at her eyes. I was never so
|
|||
|
|
furious AND so humiliated; I just stood there with my hand in the
|
|||
|
|
metaphorical cookie jar. I slowly backed out of the store, and still
|
|||
|
|
candyless, I decided to go to a convenience store, where I bought 50
|
|||
|
|
Chunky bars. A mixture of chocolate nuts and raisins makes my stomach
|
|||
|
|
turn, but hey, I didn't have to eat 'em. I had enough Chunky bars to
|
|||
|
|
feed a small South American country, or Marlon Brando. I sat down and
|
|||
|
|
started to watch Halloween. Before the opening credits were
|
|||
|
|
finished, the doorbell rang. "Trick Or Treat," I was greeted by a child
|
|||
|
|
and his mother. "Here ya go, fella," I smiled as I handed him a Chunky.
|
|||
|
|
The child glowed; the mother frowned. "Michael is ALLERGIC to nuts.
|
|||
|
|
Don't you have anything else?" she inquired. "Umm...n-n-no..." I
|
|||
|
|
stammered. The mother ripped the treat from her son's hand and handed it
|
|||
|
|
back to me, setting Michael into a temper tantrum. "I'm really sorry," I
|
|||
|
|
managed to say. "Thank you, thank you VERY much, it was his first
|
|||
|
|
Halloween and you ruined it for him. Aren't you proud of yourself?" she
|
|||
|
|
sneered as she stormed off. I sighed, shrugged, and went back to my
|
|||
|
|
movie. Five minutes later, more doorbell. Two teenage girls dressed
|
|||
|
|
up - looked like the girls from Clueless, gum chewing and all. "Like,
|
|||
|
|
trick or treat." I handed them two Chunky bars, which appalled them.
|
|||
|
|
Clueless #1: "Like HELLO, do you KNOW how many grams of fat are in a
|
|||
|
|
Chunky? Only like a MILLION!" and handed it back to me. Clueless
|
|||
|
|
#2: "Geez Louise, don't you have any like Snackwells or fat-free potato
|
|||
|
|
chips?" and deposited El Chunky back in my hand. And so it went all
|
|||
|
|
night. Kids whining about chocolate, kids complaining about raisins, kids
|
|||
|
|
bitching about options; in 4 hours I got through about 15 minutes of my
|
|||
|
|
movie. And got stuck with 45 Chunky bars. Hey, you want a Chunky?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Last year I tried another great Halloween option - the costume party. I
|
|||
|
|
bopped on down to "Costumes R Us" to rent one, which was oh-so-wise to do
|
|||
|
|
on Halloween day. Sparse selection? The place was emptier than Jenny
|
|||
|
|
McCarthy's skull. Let me tell you, all eyes were focused when I stumbled
|
|||
|
|
in the door as a huge orange box of Tide. I felt about as mobile as
|
|||
|
|
Gilbert Grape's mother. I scanned the room and saw assorted Beavises,
|
|||
|
|
Ticks, Shannon Dohertys, Newt Gingriches, and one big orange blob. I
|
|||
|
|
went straight to the punch bowl and then mingled about. Everybody bored
|
|||
|
|
me, and they all seemed to be staring at the monstrosity that was my
|
|||
|
|
costume. Then I saw her, the woman I would spend forever with, the woman
|
|||
|
|
who wouldn't bitch at me for drinking milk out of the carton. She was a
|
|||
|
|
twin of Mia Wallace (a.k.a. Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction), and she looked
|
|||
|
|
me straight in the eye, walked up to me, and what followed was a few hours
|
|||
|
|
of engaging conversation; this and my never-empty punch cup kept me in
|
|||
|
|
seventh heaven. In the middle of debating which was more torture,
|
|||
|
|
watching the OJ trial or watching a Mickey Rourke movie, she blurted out
|
|||
|
|
"Do you always talk so much before you a kiss a girl?" That was all the
|
|||
|
|
invitation I needed. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed. It was just
|
|||
|
|
like the movies...the world started to spin in a little circle, like in a
|
|||
|
|
DePalma film, except it made me dizzy, and I suddenly realized it wasn't
|
|||
|
|
the kiss, but the heavy imbibing at the punch bowl. I lost my balance,
|
|||
|
|
which is not a smooth thing mid-kiss. The huge Tide box caused me to
|
|||
|
|
stumble and I held my love tight, knowing she would be my rock and prevent
|
|||
|
|
my imminent falling, but my feet became entwined with hers and I fell
|
|||
|
|
forward, taking Mia Wallace with me. I could see her expression of horror;
|
|||
|
|
the girl I so wanted to impress was being crushed by Mr. Tide himself. I
|
|||
|
|
believe the words that she used were "Jesus, I can't feel my legs!" I
|
|||
|
|
struggled and squirmed, as Batman and Thor managed to pull me off of her,
|
|||
|
|
but by then it was too late. Physically, Mrs. Wallace was fine, but she
|
|||
|
|
was none too pleased with my squashing her, inadvertent as it was. In
|
|||
|
|
fact, everybody at the party just sort of glared and pointed at me until I
|
|||
|
|
left in utter shame. No more Halloween parties for ME, thank you very
|
|||
|
|
much.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Don't walk down the same unpaved road as I did. Learn from my mistakes,
|
|||
|
|
my friend. This Halloween, hide out with some friends, turn off on the
|
|||
|
|
lights and rent some movies. Try a couple of these; you'll thank me
|
|||
|
|
later. Halloween, Nightmare On Elm Street, Frankenhooker, Carrie, The
|
|||
|
|
Shining, Evil Dead 2, Dead Alive, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The
|
|||
|
|
Exorcist, and Re-Animator. When the doorbell rings, don't answer it.
|
|||
|
|
There's no shame. In fact, I've found that detaching the doorbell all
|
|||
|
|
together makes things much more pleasant. And if you turn the volume up
|
|||
|
|
really loud, you can't even hear those little fists knocking.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
Drew Feinberg is twenty-something and resides in East Meadow, NY where he
|
|||
|
|
is currently a full-time philosopher. He enjoys watching movies and then
|
|||
|
|
bitching about them, joining crusades he knows he cannot win, and singing
|
|||
|
|
TV theme songs to anybody within earshot, especially the "Facts Of Life."
|
|||
|
|
Drew and his partner-in-crime, Jen, are starting their 'zine "Marvin
|
|||
|
|
Nash's Ear" in the very-near future so they can rant as long as they like
|
|||
|
|
to make the world smile and/or think, preferably both. For a free
|
|||
|
|
subscription, just send a request and the name of your favorite childhood
|
|||
|
|
board game to afeinber@panix.com
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I Am Trash Too
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Carolyn Hitt
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
rage to be delivered from the slippery catacombs of your innocence and
|
|||
|
|
your youth thinking i am a god but I am simple though you would make me a
|
|||
|
|
novel a painting a work of art I am trash too i am trash too i am trash
|
|||
|
|
too and maybe if you peeled the honey glazed wax from your eyes you would
|
|||
|
|
see that i am trash too and i though a granite slab may seem am but
|
|||
|
|
mortal in my confusion so don't tempt me with the virgin bulge in your
|
|||
|
|
leather because what's to say i won't bite my fangs are sharp and pierce
|
|||
|
|
without recognition and you won't know what sucked the life out of you
|
|||
|
|
til you are lying there helpless like raw chicken on the concrete the
|
|||
|
|
shards of me slicing at what you thought you owned - so don't fuck with
|
|||
|
|
what you don't know
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"The woman in me is the killer in you." <20> Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I'd Watch You Above In Crinoline
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Scott Cudmore
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I'd watch you above in crinoline
|
|||
|
|
Upon the border of white beach and wave
|
|||
|
|
Arboreal, you'd sway on the interface
|
|||
|
|
Of endless ocean under endless sun.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I'd wash you over in off-white gingham
|
|||
|
|
To your hair afix a pewter pin
|
|||
|
|
Remove the sand of yet one more day
|
|||
|
|
And shower you in kisses.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
In The Blue Light
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Jane Siberry
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I was on a train
|
|||
|
|
Somewhere in Spain
|
|||
|
|
Sometime in the night
|
|||
|
|
I drew up my knees
|
|||
|
|
In second class
|
|||
|
|
And watched in the blue light
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Strangers beside me
|
|||
|
|
Strangers across from me
|
|||
|
|
They've closed their eyes
|
|||
|
|
So far away from home
|
|||
|
|
The empty stations echo
|
|||
|
|
As we go dreaming by
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I miss you like crazy
|
|||
|
|
I wish that you were here
|
|||
|
|
Holding me
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
So many times
|
|||
|
|
I see something
|
|||
|
|
I want to show you
|
|||
|
|
Like the crazy man
|
|||
|
|
Crying on his violin
|
|||
|
|
I game him two drachmas for you
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
And every city square
|
|||
|
|
Pigeons everywhere
|
|||
|
|
Fountains and painters
|
|||
|
|
I sit upon the step
|
|||
|
|
My chin upon my knees
|
|||
|
|
I watch lovers go by
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I miss you like crazy
|
|||
|
|
I wish that you were here
|
|||
|
|
Holding me
|
|||
|
|
Because you give me peace
|
|||
|
|
You give me hope
|
|||
|
|
I love you
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Of course - there are other men
|
|||
|
|
Sharing in the sways and bends
|
|||
|
|
Of Paris and Rome
|
|||
|
|
And though I do not know
|
|||
|
|
Exactly what the difference is
|
|||
|
|
I never asked them home
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
It made me realize
|
|||
|
|
How beautiful and strange
|
|||
|
|
Is the bird of love
|
|||
|
|
It flies so differently
|
|||
|
|
Cries so differently
|
|||
|
|
From the bird of whatever the other
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I miss you like crazy
|
|||
|
|
I wish that you were here
|
|||
|
|
Holding me
|
|||
|
|
Because you give me peace
|
|||
|
|
You give me hope
|
|||
|
|
I love you
|
|||
|
|
Do I give you something too
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I was on a train
|
|||
|
|
Somewhere in Spain
|
|||
|
|
Sometime in the night
|
|||
|
|
I drew up my knees
|
|||
|
|
In second class
|
|||
|
|
And watched in the blue light
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"In some paradoxical way, the reason why Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain
|
|||
|
|
connected so much was that he was the female version of her and she was the
|
|||
|
|
male version of him." <20> Kevin Sessums
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Inside
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Twilight
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
echoing, the silence
|
|||
|
|
ricochet against concrete walls
|
|||
|
|
resounding emptiness
|
|||
|
|
void of nothingness
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
alone in the crowd
|
|||
|
|
red haze infests eyes
|
|||
|
|
prickly skin of armor
|
|||
|
|
stay away
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
false love won't seep in
|
|||
|
|
for long
|
|||
|
|
no need, self-sufficient
|
|||
|
|
go away, begone
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
hurt
|
|||
|
|
bludgeoning innards
|
|||
|
|
turmoil trapped within
|
|||
|
|
no escape
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
hate the ones i love
|
|||
|
|
ghost of a face
|
|||
|
|
i don't exist
|
|||
|
|
i don't care
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
but i do.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"When she was in second grade in Eugene, Oregon, she was having a lot of
|
|||
|
|
nightmares. I had no idea what to do. I took her to a psychiatrist just
|
|||
|
|
to try to find some way to bring her some solace. The psychiatrist said
|
|||
|
|
part of the problem with her was that she needed to join Girl Scouts. She
|
|||
|
|
needed to be in normal kid activities. I dutifully went to a Brownies
|
|||
|
|
meeting with her...I could tell it was really hard for her to be in this
|
|||
|
|
room with all these kids. The person who was the Brownies leader suggested
|
|||
|
|
they have an art show. She asked all the kids to draw something. The
|
|||
|
|
things that Courtney drew were always startling. She didn't draw sunsets
|
|||
|
|
and apple trees. She would draw sort of...*wounded figures*. I can still
|
|||
|
|
see her that day - her little face so intense with those crayons. At the
|
|||
|
|
end of that, the teacher told the troop that they were going to see what
|
|||
|
|
drawing they liked the most by holding them up one by one and everyone
|
|||
|
|
applauding. I knew that this would be terrible for her. When it got to
|
|||
|
|
hers, she just grabbed it and ran over to me, and we left. At that time,
|
|||
|
|
when a child was exhibiting the kind of pain Courtney was exhibiting - a
|
|||
|
|
lot of nightmares and a lot of crying and hating school and hating
|
|||
|
|
*everything* - the treatment was pretty much to try and make that child
|
|||
|
|
what they called 'normalized' rather than saying, What kind of creature is
|
|||
|
|
this, and how can we make her be O.K. with who she is? That whole belief
|
|||
|
|
system was really awful for her." <20> Linda Carroll, mother of Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Inspiration
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Mark Hallman
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
You withdrew your tongue
|
|||
|
|
to plead, "Why aren't you moaning?
|
|||
|
|
"What am I doing wrong?"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Because," I answered,
|
|||
|
|
"you're making my head
|
|||
|
|
write poetry"
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Courtney is very strong-willed and *not* afraid. I tend to be like that,
|
|||
|
|
too, but that can work to your detriment, because people think you're just
|
|||
|
|
loud and obnoxious when it's just having a point of view...People are
|
|||
|
|
intimidated by a woman who has an opinion...Rocksters spend a lot of time
|
|||
|
|
debating whether she's a junkie, or she's a bad mom, or did Kurt write her
|
|||
|
|
last album. Gossip focuses on the negative. But that fuels her. The more
|
|||
|
|
you hate her, or slag her off, that inspires her. She takes all that stuff
|
|||
|
|
and puts it into her work." <20> Amanda de Cadenet
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Last Waves
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Gena Schwam
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
It seems they're dead
|
|||
|
|
lifeless squalls
|
|||
|
|
no more thrashing whitecaps
|
|||
|
|
like whipped cream
|
|||
|
|
capping the great blue waters
|
|||
|
|
so vast and tumultuous
|
|||
|
|
the waves are gone
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
squalid pools lie everywhere
|
|||
|
|
the ocean is still
|
|||
|
|
the blue-green screaming hushed
|
|||
|
|
looks like velvet
|
|||
|
|
a cloth covering for the
|
|||
|
|
muddy crust
|
|||
|
|
dead sand piled up high
|
|||
|
|
debris settles across the floor
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
the waves have stopped
|
|||
|
|
standing water
|
|||
|
|
like piles of liquid filth
|
|||
|
|
you can't even walk anymore
|
|||
|
|
the water has died
|
|||
|
|
the fish now float
|
|||
|
|
everywhere bloated scaly bodies
|
|||
|
|
insipid mist on the horizon
|
|||
|
|
where used to be seaspray
|
|||
|
|
damp humid fishy air
|
|||
|
|
has replaced the glory of
|
|||
|
|
the waves
|
|||
|
|
the colossal rainbows
|
|||
|
|
the foamy mist
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
i stood and watched them die
|
|||
|
|
on the cliffs
|
|||
|
|
the last wave crashed at my heels
|
|||
|
|
saturating me
|
|||
|
|
i am the witness
|
|||
|
|
the only one
|
|||
|
|
the blood-lined mist curled
|
|||
|
|
around me
|
|||
|
|
sealing me in the present
|
|||
|
|
trapping me in the sorrow
|
|||
|
|
i was too a fish
|
|||
|
|
lacking oxygen
|
|||
|
|
gasping helplessly as
|
|||
|
|
the waves ended
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"The earth is not inherted from our ancestors; it is borrowed from our
|
|||
|
|
children."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Loved Ya To Pieces
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Michelle Meldrum and Nicole Couch
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Such a lovely day
|
|||
|
|
The sun was shining down on cell thirty-seven
|
|||
|
|
God, turn this water into whiskey sour
|
|||
|
|
Pay you back if I get to heaven
|
|||
|
|
No one to love or need, think I'm lonely
|
|||
|
|
Judge wouldn't pardon me, he only gave me
|
|||
|
|
A life long lease in a house that's ugly,
|
|||
|
|
And a maid that's big and mean
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Loved ya to pieces more than life
|
|||
|
|
Loved ya to pieces, cut like a knife
|
|||
|
|
Preacher spoke and grown men cried,
|
|||
|
|
Rest in pieces from your sweet little wife
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
It was my last cigarette
|
|||
|
|
And I was looking back on you
|
|||
|
|
You were so damn sweet, lying in my sister's,
|
|||
|
|
Lying in my sister's bed
|
|||
|
|
Turn the other cheek, that's what they told me
|
|||
|
|
Lasted for a week, then they sold me
|
|||
|
|
A six-inch blade with your name written on it,
|
|||
|
|
A gift from me to you
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Loved ya to pieces more than life
|
|||
|
|
Loved ya to pieces, cut like a knife
|
|||
|
|
Preacher spoke and grown men cried,
|
|||
|
|
Rest in pieces
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Now I might sound a little bitter, baby
|
|||
|
|
But you know what I'm talkin' about
|
|||
|
|
You know it's cold inside, cold inside
|
|||
|
|
Yeah, I loved you too much
|
|||
|
|
Couldn't stand to see you
|
|||
|
|
Touching someone else
|
|||
|
|
Why not me
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Loved ya to pieces more than life
|
|||
|
|
Loved ya to pieces, cut like a knife
|
|||
|
|
Preacher spoke and grown men cried,
|
|||
|
|
Rest in pieces
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Loved ya to pieces more than life
|
|||
|
|
Loved ya to pieces, cut like a knife
|
|||
|
|
Preacher spoke and grown men cried,
|
|||
|
|
Rest in pieces from your sweet little wife
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?"
|
|||
|
|
<20> Friedrich Nietzsche
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Lovegone
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Marco Morales
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I see your face just above the waves
|
|||
|
|
I hear your voice whispering away
|
|||
|
|
I wish you would come to stay
|
|||
|
|
but you're not here, and I'm alone again...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I see your shadow overcast by the moon
|
|||
|
|
you feel so close I could almost touch...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Alone, breathing in the dark
|
|||
|
|
empty eyes greet me every night
|
|||
|
|
volatile words born up in mid-flight
|
|||
|
|
beautiful shapes with empty arms hold me tight.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
When you're not here, my world isn't such.
|
|||
|
|
king of misery and beggar of love
|
|||
|
|
my chaos goes up in flames of alcohol
|
|||
|
|
as daybreak shines upon my restless soul.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I may not be right, my heart could lie
|
|||
|
|
time could play cruel games on us
|
|||
|
|
life is not life, and the future may die
|
|||
|
|
but I know our shadows were not meant to part.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I was wrong.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Motherlove
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Marco Morales
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Torn apart by the wrong of a child
|
|||
|
|
who, disobedient, left the house
|
|||
|
|
in dubious company, with older lads
|
|||
|
|
dirty, rotten in their smoke and drugs
|
|||
|
|
cries the mother, to see her child depart
|
|||
|
|
so innocent, so sweet, so far.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
She awaits in sorrow, in the dark
|
|||
|
|
on a solitary chair in an empty house
|
|||
|
|
void of laughter, pregnant with silence
|
|||
|
|
looking blearily at the wall, white, stark.
|
|||
|
|
pondering what woeful wrongdoings
|
|||
|
|
might her stolen sibling act.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Sadly, the unforgiving hours drag,
|
|||
|
|
while by the minute, she falls apart
|
|||
|
|
in the spinning room of her heart.
|
|||
|
|
Impotent, letting out a quiet cry
|
|||
|
|
her tears burn her blinded eyes,
|
|||
|
|
'til her blood runs thick, sad, dry.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
On a blue tiled floor she lies,
|
|||
|
|
lost in frilled remembrance of the past
|
|||
|
|
when her suckling toddler
|
|||
|
|
a breast greedily grabbed,
|
|||
|
|
when falling, taking refuge in her hand
|
|||
|
|
as he walked for the first time.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Then, after many years and a day
|
|||
|
|
in a sudden, angry sway
|
|||
|
|
the cherubin became a young man
|
|||
|
|
drawn to concrete jungles, rage,
|
|||
|
|
rejection of the love of a mother
|
|||
|
|
because he was older in age.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Without a kind letter or parting goodbyes
|
|||
|
|
he left, with a pack of prowling fiends.
|
|||
|
|
He shaved his head, lived his sins
|
|||
|
|
while burning, unwatched, her mother's eyes.
|
|||
|
|
Now she mourns, now she weeps
|
|||
|
|
her cries blue, infinite as the skies.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
With echoing noises, pots and pans
|
|||
|
|
forced from the cupboard, with a hand
|
|||
|
|
she wipes her tears, prepares dinner
|
|||
|
|
opens his bed, sees herself thinner
|
|||
|
|
and motherly, with the heartfelt hope
|
|||
|
|
that her son will, soon, come back home.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"As Negative Approach said back in the day, 'Why be something that you're
|
|||
|
|
not?'" <20> Thurston Moore
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My Maple Tree Holds Green...
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Therese Leigh Stamm
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
my maple tree holds green
|
|||
|
|
close to its heart
|
|||
|
|
clutches it there
|
|||
|
|
to try to keep it longer
|
|||
|
|
while hot color implacably
|
|||
|
|
touches leaves hundred by hundred
|
|||
|
|
faster each crisp day
|
|||
|
|
tips turned crimson like
|
|||
|
|
a young girl's painted fingers
|
|||
|
|
here and there a flagrant cluster
|
|||
|
|
bleeds lipstick red
|
|||
|
|
in gold
|
|||
|
|
profusion.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
i think it dreams
|
|||
|
|
and dreads
|
|||
|
|
knowing winter is coming on
|
|||
|
|
remembering outer branches stripped naked
|
|||
|
|
diamond bright fused with ice and
|
|||
|
|
aches knowing
|
|||
|
|
no futile hope.
|
|||
|
|
(how many times has it known death)
|
|||
|
|
it gives a little more to the cold
|
|||
|
|
each night. remembering.
|
|||
|
|
how little time it will hold any green
|
|||
|
|
and how its core will hold onto
|
|||
|
|
pain after the killing frost
|
|||
|
|
remembering
|
|||
|
|
the summer that was lost.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My Misery
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Phantom Blue
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
God only knows that sometimes
|
|||
|
|
It's hard to even fake a smile
|
|||
|
|
It gets so old looking at these city lights
|
|||
|
|
So dark and lonely, but I'll be all right
|
|||
|
|
I'm praying
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My misery,
|
|||
|
|
Bring it down, come and take it from me
|
|||
|
|
My misery
|
|||
|
|
Love is careless in just who it might see
|
|||
|
|
My misery
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
So far away
|
|||
|
|
Closer than those who are surrounding me
|
|||
|
|
Something's reaching, something unseen
|
|||
|
|
Keeps coming over me and calling my name
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My misery
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Courtney is not containable. She was never containable...My deepest fear
|
|||
|
|
about her is that what always made her life so torturous - this kind of
|
|||
|
|
psychic pain - is what is making her famous, and that ultimately has got
|
|||
|
|
to be *so* wounding. Her fame is not about being beautiful and brilliant,
|
|||
|
|
which she is. It's about speaking in the voice of the anguish of the
|
|||
|
|
world." <20> Linda Carroll, mother of Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Naked My Maple No Longer Shelters Me...
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Therese Leigh Stamm
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
naked my maple no longer shelters me
|
|||
|
|
from the eyes of the neighbors across the parking lot.
|
|||
|
|
all summer curtained in green
|
|||
|
|
i had no need to pull the shades or draw the drapes.
|
|||
|
|
now overnight stripped of foliage
|
|||
|
|
i am exposed to the world and
|
|||
|
|
no longer can lie uncovered on my bed
|
|||
|
|
basking in sunlight that streams
|
|||
|
|
east of verdant shadows onto my sheets
|
|||
|
|
caught in a baroque cluster of dangling crystals
|
|||
|
|
refracted on my walls in a flutter of rainbows.
|
|||
|
|
i console my tree - but you are still beautiful
|
|||
|
|
naked branches in crisp line
|
|||
|
|
reaching cleave the sky just as bones
|
|||
|
|
stripped of flesh have beauty
|
|||
|
|
piercing unlike the tender applecheeks of youth
|
|||
|
|
with all that is easy torn away
|
|||
|
|
so what remains of bones
|
|||
|
|
stark empty branches
|
|||
|
|
shape of true beauty one can hold
|
|||
|
|
run a finger along the underlying structure
|
|||
|
|
hardness of joint snap of twig
|
|||
|
|
think - mystery of cell and cell wall
|
|||
|
|
electricity to make the fluid flow
|
|||
|
|
urge the surge of sunlight driven sap in spring
|
|||
|
|
and know the quiet waiting
|
|||
|
|
the patience of winter.
|
|||
|
|
my maple tree flows now in dark lines
|
|||
|
|
silhouetted against the white sky
|
|||
|
|
a delicate extension upward
|
|||
|
|
fragile and elegant
|
|||
|
|
a graceful fall of branches
|
|||
|
|
bends with its own weight
|
|||
|
|
curves toward the glass of my window.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"[Frances Bean Cobain is] so preternaturally *adult*. My daughter, Katie,
|
|||
|
|
is about two years older than Frances. At Christmastime, Danny and I took
|
|||
|
|
Katie and Frances to see 'A Christmas Carol'. We came home, and the kids
|
|||
|
|
were playing and they got in a fight, as kids do. My daughter tends to be
|
|||
|
|
a...well, 'brat' is one word that other people have used. Anyway, she
|
|||
|
|
said, 'Frances, I *hate* you!' She threw down a doll and stormed out of the
|
|||
|
|
room. The normal reaction is for the kid who is left stading there to start
|
|||
|
|
crying, especially if your mom or your nanny isn't there. Frances *did not
|
|||
|
|
bat an eye*." <20> Rosemary Carroll, Courtney Love's lawyer and wife of
|
|||
|
|
Warner's Danny Goldberg
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Pale Blue Eyes
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Velvet Underground, modified by Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Sometimes
|
|||
|
|
Sometimes I get so sad
|
|||
|
|
Sometimes I feel almost heavenly but
|
|||
|
|
Baby I mostly feel mad
|
|||
|
|
Yeah, baby, you just make me mad
|
|||
|
|
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
|
|||
|
|
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
It was good what we did yesterday
|
|||
|
|
And I'd do it again
|
|||
|
|
The fact that you're single
|
|||
|
|
Nearly proves that you're my best friend
|
|||
|
|
Well, I will never fuck anyone else again
|
|||
|
|
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
|
|||
|
|
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Thought of you as my mountain top
|
|||
|
|
I thought of you as my peak
|
|||
|
|
Thought of you as everything that I couldn't keep
|
|||
|
|
Yeah, that I had but I couldn't keep
|
|||
|
|
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
|
|||
|
|
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Used to blow inside of me
|
|||
|
|
Yeah you used to blow my heart
|
|||
|
|
I never had nothing anywhere so the end is where I start
|
|||
|
|
[...]
|
|||
|
|
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
|
|||
|
|
Linger on, your pale blue eyes
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"She gave the perfect strain to my heart." <20> Kurt Cobain
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Scream
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Gena Schwam
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The last breath has left me
|
|||
|
|
empty
|
|||
|
|
my diaphragm caving in
|
|||
|
|
the soulless night cracking
|
|||
|
|
above me into
|
|||
|
|
rain
|
|||
|
|
endless and shameless
|
|||
|
|
bleating whispers
|
|||
|
|
pleading with the sky
|
|||
|
|
not to break
|
|||
|
|
not to rain
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
my carcass will decay
|
|||
|
|
my beauty will cease,
|
|||
|
|
fleeing from the taut dried
|
|||
|
|
flesh that once pulsated
|
|||
|
|
in rhythm with my heart
|
|||
|
|
my cheeks rose and fell
|
|||
|
|
imperceptibly
|
|||
|
|
they have fallen
|
|||
|
|
finally
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
so i lie here
|
|||
|
|
not a woman anymore
|
|||
|
|
a corporeal female body
|
|||
|
|
in the slush
|
|||
|
|
in the rain
|
|||
|
|
my eyes match the sky
|
|||
|
|
drained and wet
|
|||
|
|
dripping all it has left
|
|||
|
|
pouring out all the tears
|
|||
|
|
one final time
|
|||
|
|
a sigh into the bliss
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
no more dreams
|
|||
|
|
an alternate reality
|
|||
|
|
here beneath the hidden moon
|
|||
|
|
my hair grows no longer
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"I feel the pain of everyone, and then I feel nothing." <20> Dinosaur Jr.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Shivers
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Dana Hurd
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
this i want
|
|||
|
|
expand in me
|
|||
|
|
leave me gasping
|
|||
|
|
shivering
|
|||
|
|
sweating out
|
|||
|
|
the demons
|
|||
|
|
ripping at my stomach
|
|||
|
|
and stealing my mind
|
|||
|
|
this I need
|
|||
|
|
explosions in me
|
|||
|
|
riptides
|
|||
|
|
carrying my sanity
|
|||
|
|
please
|
|||
|
|
grasp at me
|
|||
|
|
catch me
|
|||
|
|
haunt me
|
|||
|
|
this is what I crave
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"I'm afraid to criticise her as I know she'll get upset and debate me and I
|
|||
|
|
have no quest for that - I talk about her more than anything else in these
|
|||
|
|
posts because she is special. She knows I have hopeful and loving feelings
|
|||
|
|
towards her even though I think she has an impossible and continuing
|
|||
|
|
destructo vibe. Drugs make her (and just about anyone I've known)
|
|||
|
|
confused/confusing and lousy to be around. Her existence and consciousness
|
|||
|
|
since Kurt's suicide is so extremely traumatized that I will never fathom her
|
|||
|
|
self-impression. I can only hope she can get away from body-politic as
|
|||
|
|
body-mutilation. She knows I know she's beautiful, but chemical obliteration
|
|||
|
|
clouds the reward and the romance. She likes music for the musician - who is
|
|||
|
|
the hero (who she can be). And she wants Buddhism - which is the worshipper
|
|||
|
|
worshipped. She can have all this without being crushed by inner and
|
|||
|
|
societal conflict. I see her happy, forgiven and pure. She's gonna have to
|
|||
|
|
believe in herself this way for the good of her own being and for that of
|
|||
|
|
Frances." <20> Thurston Moore, regarding Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Summoning
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Twilight
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Throwing myself down,
|
|||
|
|
Flung upon the ground -
|
|||
|
|
The Earth embraces me
|
|||
|
|
As my elbows dig trenches
|
|||
|
|
Into the dirt so soft...
|
|||
|
|
Packed, yet still...comforting
|
|||
|
|
Pillows of protection.
|
|||
|
|
Into my mouth,
|
|||
|
|
I taste the rusty scent -
|
|||
|
|
Pouring down my throat,
|
|||
|
|
Choking my gasps
|
|||
|
|
As teardrops fall all about
|
|||
|
|
To form tiny droplets of shiny, new mud
|
|||
|
|
In my now tangled swarm of tresses.
|
|||
|
|
Shoveling underneath my fingernails,
|
|||
|
|
I scratch until they bleed -
|
|||
|
|
Furrowing rows into the soil -
|
|||
|
|
Like a rake.
|
|||
|
|
Trying to become one
|
|||
|
|
With that of a lost soul,
|
|||
|
|
Someone taken away so abruptly from me...
|
|||
|
|
Crying helplessly -
|
|||
|
|
Come back...
|
|||
|
|
Torn up and tattered -
|
|||
|
|
I can't go on without you...
|
|||
|
|
Upon this grave -
|
|||
|
|
Oh, please God, PLEASE...
|
|||
|
|
Of yours.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Time. That's all there is. *Time*." <20> Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Temptress
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> April M. Ardito
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
if tonight
|
|||
|
|
you were to grab my hand
|
|||
|
|
shower me with declarations
|
|||
|
|
of love and devotion
|
|||
|
|
promise me the world
|
|||
|
|
i'd only turn away
|
|||
|
|
hating this power
|
|||
|
|
you've forced on me
|
|||
|
|
wishing i could do something
|
|||
|
|
to make you take it all back
|
|||
|
|
but knowing
|
|||
|
|
i would never be able
|
|||
|
|
to break your heart
|
|||
|
|
i want to love you
|
|||
|
|
but i could never be
|
|||
|
|
what you need
|
|||
|
|
still i tempt fate
|
|||
|
|
teasing
|
|||
|
|
loving the feel of your body
|
|||
|
|
pressed against mine
|
|||
|
|
needing you
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"I like a little evil; sometimes it makes me feel." <20> Phantom Blue
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Betrayal
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Marco Morales
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I - The Fall
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Her soft hands and sweetness blinded my soul, how was I to know?
|
|||
|
|
As I fell I touched the sun, and its burning, twisting flames
|
|||
|
|
devoured my love in a ravenous rave of wrenching glow.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My mind burnt and buried, wriggling worms wreck body and being
|
|||
|
|
Ripping skin, reducing organs to a rotting wound
|
|||
|
|
while the cemetery's black earth, cold, cruel, cranks my lifeless limbs.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The stone-grey skin, pierced by skewing roots weaves into decay
|
|||
|
|
to feed blind trees, deeply rooted into hellbound graveyards.
|
|||
|
|
Flaming screams, churning my throat, burning coal through my innards,
|
|||
|
|
push tears of fire through a tight grimace, sending my soul astray.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
How can anything hurt so much? I crave physical pain
|
|||
|
|
to liberate the mind from the broken pieces I am.
|
|||
|
|
No freeing death nor comforting oblivion from pain's dart,
|
|||
|
|
condemned to coexist with love, that hot claw clenching my heart.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
II - Undead
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
A thousand million worms feast in my intestines,
|
|||
|
|
their acid vomit dissolving a shredded cry.
|
|||
|
|
Love is the door to suffering; a deceiving reception
|
|||
|
|
to the dark, murderous hell of separation.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Is the initial pleasure worth the torments of the soul?
|
|||
|
|
An instant of sublime heightening, fond affection of someone dear
|
|||
|
|
and a lifetime of dreaded sorrow and harsh, lone fear.
|
|||
|
|
Undead by numbness to reality, abandoned to the unknown.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
History repeats itself as young lovers burn up in flames
|
|||
|
|
blinded by the folds of love which nurtures their feelings,
|
|||
|
|
mocks affection and posesses the soul like a spider, weaving
|
|||
|
|
the destruction of the poets, plotting, creeping.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
III - Solitude
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
And the worst torment - solitude. Loneliness, as extense
|
|||
|
|
as the Pacific seas, where there is nothing but blue.
|
|||
|
|
Alone, like the hangman's tree in the open field, rotten through
|
|||
|
|
against the rage of the weather, unbeloved, misunderstood.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The solitude of the lone wolf, sick and old, left behind to die
|
|||
|
|
is like the lonely grievance of a thousand men, quietly drinking,
|
|||
|
|
anonymously hanging onto the bottle, absently singing
|
|||
|
|
voicing the emptyness of their hearts in a howling cry.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
IV - Abandonment
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Would death help me forget, then come sweet and swift,
|
|||
|
|
lift me off this thoughtless world, and rock me to sleep.
|
|||
|
|
I yearn for dreamless nights and absent days
|
|||
|
|
to die at dawn and repose at night.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Let the blood come gushing out, my life slowly consuming away.
|
|||
|
|
I want to smoke away, to disintegrate, and forget,
|
|||
|
|
like a candle, suddenly blown away.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
What else is left in this pompous heart? Great monuments to knowledge,
|
|||
|
|
hidden treasures and mighty deeds.
|
|||
|
|
What is the use, when there is no reason to live?
|
|||
|
|
Without you. I merely exist.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Death would forgive me, the pain ease.
|
|||
|
|
but I am unforgiven, unaccounted, undead. Cannot repose in peace.
|
|||
|
|
Damned to lurk the surface of this earth tormented, mutilated, pierced,
|
|||
|
|
eyes torn out of their housing when lovers kiss.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I still remember how it used to be...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
V - Regrets
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
HOWL! SCREAM! CRY OUT! Let me die, let me out!
|
|||
|
|
Is it so much to ask? Will no one hear my shout?
|
|||
|
|
I don't eat, I don't smile. Life is just a buffoon's act. Watch me laugh!
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Angela, Angela, Angela! 'Tis your name in fire branded on my heart.
|
|||
|
|
For every letter, a thousand sufferings,
|
|||
|
|
for every thought, a million tears of blood.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Angela...
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
That word capable of inflicting the most excruciating pain.
|
|||
|
|
The word that brings lost memories, desperation and anguish
|
|||
|
|
And yet, it was my choice to love you.
|
|||
|
|
What a fool!! Didn't I know the price to pay?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Did I not know this black day
|
|||
|
|
would finally come, to take you away.
|
|||
|
|
I only want to forget,
|
|||
|
|
and dull the pain.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"And one never knows if letting someone in beyond the barrier, beyond the
|
|||
|
|
mask that we all pose to the world, letting them see who and what you
|
|||
|
|
really are, is worth what that one soul can do with this knowledge of all
|
|||
|
|
your happiness & hardships..." <20> Robb Buchanan
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Bird
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Zowie Mills
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
She swoops low, mangled destiny, deliverer of death,
|
|||
|
|
and gathers me up in her unloving arms to soar again.
|
|||
|
|
Off to the clouds of despair, and to places
|
|||
|
|
untouched by kindness, and unknown to lover's dreams.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
In this twisted solace of this my final summit I look out
|
|||
|
|
over a domain cast down, trodden under the feet of Her,
|
|||
|
|
She who so quickly turns away love as if it were a gentle,
|
|||
|
|
but unwanted rain. Advances over, daunted, my gaze drops.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Times of passion and love return, if only in mind,
|
|||
|
|
and deliver their mocking messages of pain and darkness.
|
|||
|
|
I look up into the bird's eyes, and what do I see?
|
|||
|
|
The cold, steel-hard gaze as she looks at her prey of me.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My heart yearns both for release from her talon, as much as
|
|||
|
|
to feel the warmth of her breast. Indecision is my plague,
|
|||
|
|
inaction my dominion. Frozen in this abyss, I neither struggle
|
|||
|
|
nor advance.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
And what becomes of the prey? Perhaps Dianna would tell,
|
|||
|
|
were she here to guide me, as the to-be slain,
|
|||
|
|
the still-walking dead, am I.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Burning
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Janet Kuypers
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I take the final swig of vodka
|
|||
|
|
feel it burn its way down my throat
|
|||
|
|
hiss at it scorching my tongue
|
|||
|
|
and reach for the bottle to pour myself another.
|
|||
|
|
I think of how my tonsils scream
|
|||
|
|
every time I let the alcohol rape me.
|
|||
|
|
Then I look down at my hands -
|
|||
|
|
shaking - holding the glass of poison -
|
|||
|
|
and think of how these were the hands
|
|||
|
|
that should have pushed you away from me.
|
|||
|
|
But didn't. And I keep wondering
|
|||
|
|
why I took your hell, took your poison.
|
|||
|
|
I remember how you burned your way
|
|||
|
|
through me. You corrupted me
|
|||
|
|
from the inside out, and I kept coming back.
|
|||
|
|
I let you infect me, and now you've
|
|||
|
|
burned a hole through me. I hated it.
|
|||
|
|
Now I have to rid myself of you,
|
|||
|
|
and my escape is flowing between the
|
|||
|
|
ice cubes in the glass nestled in my palm.
|
|||
|
|
But I have to drink more. The burning
|
|||
|
|
doesn't last as long as you do.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
Janet Kuypers, Chicago, is the editor/publisher of the literary/art magazine
|
|||
|
|
"children, churches and daddies". She has had two books published, _hope
|
|||
|
|
chest in the attic_ and _the window_, is a graphic designer by day, and also
|
|||
|
|
sings with a band.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Bio sketch:
|
|||
|
|
Employment: Art/Production Editor for a publishing company in Chicago
|
|||
|
|
Education: bachelor in News/Ed. Journalism (Communictions), with a minor in
|
|||
|
|
photography, from the University of Illinois, Urbana/Champaign
|
|||
|
|
Publication Credits: published over 600 for writing and over 150 for artwork.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"What Courtney has in her she *came* with. The reason that I'm a therapist
|
|||
|
|
is that I began taking her to therapists by the time she was two, and could
|
|||
|
|
really find so little help and empathy for both of us in the people I went
|
|||
|
|
to. She was in *so much pain*. And that manifested itself ever since she
|
|||
|
|
was a little girl in ways in which I had no clue how to deal with. I had
|
|||
|
|
no idea of any way to help her except just to love her and hold her. When
|
|||
|
|
I started taking her to therapists, one of the awful things that happened
|
|||
|
|
was they began to pathologize her, which is what psychology has done with
|
|||
|
|
what they don't understand. I think that Courtney came with a tremendous
|
|||
|
|
sense of pain in her...She's not that different than she was when she was
|
|||
|
|
two years old...Yet there are times, even as a small child, she would be
|
|||
|
|
really, deeply touched by something. And when that would happen it was as
|
|||
|
|
though every part of her went soft for a little while - including her heart.
|
|||
|
|
Even then she was touched by oppression and pain. It was a part of her
|
|||
|
|
that I think was genuinely touched by Kurt. They were very alike. I don't
|
|||
|
|
know if this is true, because I didn't know Kurt when he was only two, but
|
|||
|
|
I suspect that Kurt was pretty different until he was about 9 or 10. I
|
|||
|
|
don't think Courtney was. I think she has carried this grief longer, and
|
|||
|
|
maybe that's why she's a survivor, because she came with it and she had to
|
|||
|
|
learn how to survive with it from the beginning...Strangely enough, she
|
|||
|
|
was an absolutely, unimaginably calm and happy baby. She hardly cried."
|
|||
|
|
<20> Linda Carroll, mother of Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Cheval Glass And The Fountain
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Jenniffer L. Lesh
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The old cheval mirror was tired
|
|||
|
|
of its life. _I'm always
|
|||
|
|
everyone but myself_, it thought,
|
|||
|
|
and walked away from the boudoir.
|
|||
|
|
It wandered through the house and felt
|
|||
|
|
architectural elements move fleetingly
|
|||
|
|
across its surface - crown molding,
|
|||
|
|
sconces, corbels, wainscoting.
|
|||
|
|
Being the echo of this large house,
|
|||
|
|
however solid its contents,
|
|||
|
|
wasn't enough.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The mirror walked outside and filled
|
|||
|
|
to overflowing with the riches
|
|||
|
|
of a garden. Roses bloomed
|
|||
|
|
in its path and said, _You are too kind
|
|||
|
|
in your compliments_.
|
|||
|
|
Then it met with a woman
|
|||
|
|
stooping by the fountain
|
|||
|
|
who put a withered hand to her face
|
|||
|
|
and fled, crying _You are too harsh!
|
|||
|
|
I hate you!_
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The mirror shuddered silverly
|
|||
|
|
and tilted back, clouds skating
|
|||
|
|
across the empty heavens of its gaze.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
_I am nothing more than an eye
|
|||
|
|
without a mind behind it_, it murmured.
|
|||
|
|
Waters gurgled assent in the fountain
|
|||
|
|
and the mirror turned towards the sound
|
|||
|
|
and found itself wrinkling
|
|||
|
|
and smoothing on a happy surface.
|
|||
|
|
The mirror moved closer
|
|||
|
|
and then paused.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Even today,
|
|||
|
|
it stands sentinel there,
|
|||
|
|
reflecting itself infinitely
|
|||
|
|
against this reciprocal welcome,
|
|||
|
|
fascinated beyond belief.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The Insane People That Are Notably Sane
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Kylie Johnson
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Shadowed white night
|
|||
|
|
Stark naked you stand
|
|||
|
|
Looking at the land
|
|||
|
|
Eyes obscure from all reality
|
|||
|
|
Stains on your face
|
|||
|
|
Show us not a race
|
|||
|
|
Nor all your grace
|
|||
|
|
But I know
|
|||
|
|
What you are searching for
|
|||
|
|
And how you are alone
|
|||
|
|
And how you fear us
|
|||
|
|
They don't listen
|
|||
|
|
I do, so listen
|
|||
|
|
Listen to me too.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Shadowed white night
|
|||
|
|
Life is all too short
|
|||
|
|
And you need support
|
|||
|
|
With me you will survive
|
|||
|
|
Ne'er perish under this day
|
|||
|
|
Keep memories at bay
|
|||
|
|
Forever I shall stay
|
|||
|
|
Because I know
|
|||
|
|
What you are searching for
|
|||
|
|
And how you are alone
|
|||
|
|
And how you fear us
|
|||
|
|
They don't care
|
|||
|
|
I do, so tell
|
|||
|
|
Tell me if I speak truths.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
If you believe me
|
|||
|
|
Then let is show
|
|||
|
|
Sparkle and glow
|
|||
|
|
Show me yourself
|
|||
|
|
Help me to unveil you
|
|||
|
|
For you show the strength
|
|||
|
|
Of more people than those that live.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Shadowed white night
|
|||
|
|
Pictures all aglow but bare
|
|||
|
|
Of things so beautiful and rare
|
|||
|
|
Like things we imagine much
|
|||
|
|
A fantasy world as such
|
|||
|
|
Full of life and love
|
|||
|
|
Pure as a twilight dove
|
|||
|
|
All alive in your mind and mine.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Because I know
|
|||
|
|
What you are searching for
|
|||
|
|
And how you are alone
|
|||
|
|
And how you fear us
|
|||
|
|
But you are my saviour
|
|||
|
|
For I am your shadow
|
|||
|
|
And with you I shall go.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Thinking Of The Dead Child
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Maree Jaeger
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The mother
|
|||
|
|
the father
|
|||
|
|
the dead child
|
|||
|
|
and the child
|
|||
|
|
sit together
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
and the father
|
|||
|
|
(thinking of the dead child)
|
|||
|
|
butters his bread
|
|||
|
|
and says to the child
|
|||
|
|
look at the huge boat sailing
|
|||
|
|
out to sea
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
The mother
|
|||
|
|
thinking of the dead child
|
|||
|
|
(always thinking of the dead child)
|
|||
|
|
nods and smiles
|
|||
|
|
and stares at the boat
|
|||
|
|
sailing out to sea
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
and the child
|
|||
|
|
(thinking of the dead child)
|
|||
|
|
looks at the father
|
|||
|
|
buttering his bread
|
|||
|
|
looks at the mother
|
|||
|
|
nodding, smiling, staring, out to sea
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
and softly half to himself -
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I wonder if boats
|
|||
|
|
really go anywhere?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I wonder if boats
|
|||
|
|
really go anywhere?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"The American public really does have a death wish for me. They want me to
|
|||
|
|
die. I'm not going to die." <20> Courtney Love
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Through The Faces
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Marisa VanDyke
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I am here, at the circus
|
|||
|
|
you are there, in the crowd
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I may be only 4 feet tall in your world
|
|||
|
|
of many places traveled, many girls romanced
|
|||
|
|
but this feeling is drawing me to you
|
|||
|
|
through all the faces
|
|||
|
|
and I'm walking the tight rope
|
|||
|
|
balancing myself only on empty air
|
|||
|
|
to get to you, before you leave
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
all past lovers, forgotten friends
|
|||
|
|
are reaching out thier hands
|
|||
|
|
yet I seek your help only
|
|||
|
|
through all the faces
|
|||
|
|
of love, fame, or money
|
|||
|
|
all I see is you
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
and the gypsy woman tells me
|
|||
|
|
to remove my suit of armour
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
so I stand vulnerable
|
|||
|
|
waiting to recieve a blow
|
|||
|
|
but strong arms rescue me
|
|||
|
|
and it is you
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"What's the season of love if you can't have everything
|
|||
|
|
What's the reason of love if you can lose everything
|
|||
|
|
What's the meaning of love, it's a crime if anything
|
|||
|
|
What's the meaning of love, it's grand..." <20> Kurt Cobain
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Untitled
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Angie Cooper
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Love has taught me well
|
|||
|
|
How to forgive---but not forget
|
|||
|
|
How to smile---but more to frown
|
|||
|
|
How to laugh---but more to cry
|
|||
|
|
How to share---but more to hide
|
|||
|
|
How to treasure---but more to abhor
|
|||
|
|
How to communicate---but more to sulk
|
|||
|
|
Honesty
|
|||
|
|
Trust
|
|||
|
|
Commitment
|
|||
|
|
Togetherness
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Why do I let such painful memories haunt my existance and force me to hide
|
|||
|
|
deep within my tough shell?
|
|||
|
|
Well-protected and well-isolated
|
|||
|
|
I shall never give in
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Not without a fight
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Seems all it was
|
|||
|
|
---fights
|
|||
|
|
Can you remember any particular week that passed in which hurting words
|
|||
|
|
were not a part?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Me neither
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Seems a shame two friends and lovers ended this way
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
At least the way I am
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
You
|
|||
|
|
You have learned to love again
|
|||
|
|
Or are you hiding yourself behind a false sense of security?
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Me
|
|||
|
|
I have not allowed myself that freedom which you possess,
|
|||
|
|
which would ignite my heart and soul, once more to give the happiness once
|
|||
|
|
rendered me
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Seems like every time I get the chance, a false set of circumstances
|
|||
|
|
arises which shadows the reality of it all
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I cannot let go
|
|||
|
|
I cannot let go
|
|||
|
|
My tenacious claws grab for true love
|
|||
|
|
But cling and lock to the wasted time I have allowed myself for falling in
|
|||
|
|
love again
|
|||
|
|
I cannot let go of the emptiness of my heart
|
|||
|
|
Without you
|
|||
|
|
By my side
|
|||
|
|
holding me
|
|||
|
|
comforting me
|
|||
|
|
I cannot let go of the memories which haunt me
|
|||
|
|
yes, haunt me
|
|||
|
|
Scare me to death
|
|||
|
|
Will I ever be able to cast that demon aside who is so delicately perched
|
|||
|
|
upon my heart and in my soul?
|
|||
|
|
That love bird gone awry
|
|||
|
|
I cannot let go of the fact that you are the only man I have ever loved
|
|||
|
|
and the fact that I have not stopped loving you
|
|||
|
|
I cannot let go
|
|||
|
|
I cannot let go
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Cast your fears aside and come inside
|
|||
|
|
Let me shelter you
|
|||
|
|
Protect you
|
|||
|
|
I will not harm you as I have been harmed
|
|||
|
|
Cast your fears into that pit of despair and open your heart
|
|||
|
|
to the true you
|
|||
|
|
Answer its questions
|
|||
|
|
Hear it call for TRUE love
|
|||
|
|
Hear it call my name
|
|||
|
|
Come to me
|
|||
|
|
Come to me
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Come
|
|||
|
|
in
|
|||
|
|
me
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Let me feel your strength and warmth
|
|||
|
|
inside
|
|||
|
|
of
|
|||
|
|
me
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Kiss after kiss
|
|||
|
|
Lick after lick
|
|||
|
|
Stroke after stroke
|
|||
|
|
Thrust after thrust
|
|||
|
|
Moan after moan
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
As we lay there naked
|
|||
|
|
bodies intertwined
|
|||
|
|
Let me
|
|||
|
|
feel
|
|||
|
|
the love you have for me
|
|||
|
|
again
|
|||
|
|
again
|
|||
|
|
again
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Comfort me
|
|||
|
|
Love me
|
|||
|
|
Hold me
|
|||
|
|
Never let me go
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Teach me
|
|||
|
|
Teach me love again
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Teach me well.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"As you dig into drawers while someone is away, being overly suspicious
|
|||
|
|
and untrusting, trying to find some evidence of unfaithfulness, stop and
|
|||
|
|
reflect for a minute. Are you wrongfully accusing and/or snooping for no
|
|||
|
|
real reason? Then perhaps you are projecting your own character of
|
|||
|
|
infidelity onto this person, and the actual person you might need to trust
|
|||
|
|
in first...is yourself." <20> Twilight
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Untitled
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Leanne Kruse
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Memories slicing my mind open
|
|||
|
|
revealing the cancerous thoughts
|
|||
|
|
that permeate my unconsious.
|
|||
|
|
These thoughts twist and mutilate
|
|||
|
|
my logic, clouding my vision
|
|||
|
|
and attacking my need for life.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Darkness is where I cower,
|
|||
|
|
I hide from poisonous emotions,
|
|||
|
|
emotions that will tear me from reality
|
|||
|
|
and throw me to the demon.
|
|||
|
|
His mouth wide open, revealing
|
|||
|
|
a cancerous tongue that longs
|
|||
|
|
to lick my blackened heart.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
My legs are split open so u
|
|||
|
|
can use and abuse what was never
|
|||
|
|
really mine.
|
|||
|
|
MUTILATE ME! KNIFE ME! STRETCH ME!
|
|||
|
|
Don't worry, I won't feel the pain
|
|||
|
|
because pain is something I am now
|
|||
|
|
immune to.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
C'MON DEMON LOVER, FUCK ME DEEP INSIDE
|
|||
|
|
WITH YOUR PHALLIC KNIFE!!
|
|||
|
|
Engrave my heart, carve my soul and mind,
|
|||
|
|
leave me here, sickened, twisted and cold.
|
|||
|
|
I'll walk away enveloped in darkness
|
|||
|
|
ready to face my next demon
|
|||
|
|
who I will fuck, twist and mutilate.
|
|||
|
|
Then I will be the one with my mouth wide
|
|||
|
|
and open, waiting to lick someone's blackened heart.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Courtney has that element of danger. You never know what she's going to do
|
|||
|
|
next. We're not used to seeing that in a woman. We're used to seeing that
|
|||
|
|
from Jim Morrison, or Iggy Pop, or from Johnny Rotten in the early days of
|
|||
|
|
the Sex Pistols. She's a rock star in the sort of unpredictable, volatile
|
|||
|
|
way that people voyeuristically expect." <20> Syndicated columnist Lisa
|
|||
|
|
Robinson, seeing Courtney Love, ironically, as the latest in a long line
|
|||
|
|
of male rockers
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Untitled
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Libby McGroom
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I came out to see you
|
|||
|
|
but you were not there
|
|||
|
|
Someone else was in your place
|
|||
|
|
same eyes, same lips, same hair
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
At first it struck me funny
|
|||
|
|
This stranger by my side!
|
|||
|
|
But he held such loath and hatred
|
|||
|
|
He stripped away my pride
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Where's the man I love?" I asked
|
|||
|
|
"What have you done with him?"
|
|||
|
|
But he just stared a dead man's stare
|
|||
|
|
and gave a ghastly grin
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Then I looked into his eyes
|
|||
|
|
and caught a glimpse of you
|
|||
|
|
Somewhere in this stranger's soul
|
|||
|
|
was the man that I once knew
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Vows
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Mike Randall
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
before you left
|
|||
|
|
you should've taken those flowers
|
|||
|
|
shadows race over the roof
|
|||
|
|
and leaves choke and fall
|
|||
|
|
littering your earth
|
|||
|
|
shake now
|
|||
|
|
and all my rooms are empty
|
|||
|
|
bare walls
|
|||
|
|
that click with your heels
|
|||
|
|
watching nothing but the dust
|
|||
|
|
collect where, well you used to know
|
|||
|
|
and you forgot the faucet.
|
|||
|
|
still drips anyway
|
|||
|
|
outside the trees stand naked
|
|||
|
|
shake now
|
|||
|
|
because when that door closed
|
|||
|
|
so did i
|
|||
|
|
and now i'm left with one less thing
|
|||
|
|
without sounds and smiles
|
|||
|
|
without scents and feelings
|
|||
|
|
color...and now i'm shaking
|
|||
|
|
and nothing's left
|
|||
|
|
except the ghost of a child
|
|||
|
|
playing a toy piano
|
|||
|
|
in the corner.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Wasted Moments
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Angela Dawn Soutar
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Sand slips through his fingers
|
|||
|
|
as the waves crash to the shore
|
|||
|
|
and birds soar overhead.
|
|||
|
|
Yet, it all goes unnoticed
|
|||
|
|
He sees only the brilliant images
|
|||
|
|
flashing incessantly in his mind
|
|||
|
|
He yearns for the past,
|
|||
|
|
for the way things used to be.
|
|||
|
|
But he can't go back.
|
|||
|
|
So instead, he sits
|
|||
|
|
in the midst of life,
|
|||
|
|
not realizing
|
|||
|
|
that every moment passing by
|
|||
|
|
is becoming yet another
|
|||
|
|
wasted moment.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Life is for entertainment purposes only. All other use voids warranty."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
You're Free
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD> Michelle Meldrum and Nicole Couch
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
I found you
|
|||
|
|
I know where you're at
|
|||
|
|
I'm so tired of sleeping
|
|||
|
|
Through these nights, lonely nights
|
|||
|
|
Close my eyes sometimes
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Go now, you're free
|
|||
|
|
Walk away from me
|
|||
|
|
Go now, you're free
|
|||
|
|
I was so blind
|
|||
|
|
Slow mind
|
|||
|
|
Go now
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Hearts breaking, shattered in two
|
|||
|
|
You kept on pushing through
|
|||
|
|
You heard me crying lately
|
|||
|
|
Bought what you said, yeah yeah
|
|||
|
|
All those lies you told me,
|
|||
|
|
Have gone to your head -
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Go now, you're free
|
|||
|
|
Walk away from me
|
|||
|
|
Go now, you're free
|
|||
|
|
I was so blind
|
|||
|
|
Slow mind
|
|||
|
|
Go now
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Is this how it's ending?
|
|||
|
|
That's all there was to say
|
|||
|
|
Backed in a corner, give it a break
|
|||
|
|
Not made of mercy
|
|||
|
|
You get what you give
|
|||
|
|
Misunderstanding how much I'd take
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Go now, you're free,
|
|||
|
|
Walk away from me
|
|||
|
|
Go now, you're free,
|
|||
|
|
I was so blind
|
|||
|
|
Slow mind
|
|||
|
|
Go now
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
"Smile...no one understands you."
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<20><>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20><>
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20> <20><> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><> <20><>
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20> <20> <20> <20><> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
<20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20> <20>
|
|||
|
|
<20>
|
|||
|
|
<20>
|
|||
|
|
<20>
|
|||
|
|
<20> <20>twi<77>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
Legalize.
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|
|||
|
|
Submit your original literary works for Spilled Ink, [volume seven], to
|
|||
|
|
Twilight via Internet e-mail:
|
|||
|
|
twilight@mail.utexas.edu
|
|||
|
|
<EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD><EFBFBD>
|