716 lines
32 KiB
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716 lines
32 KiB
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THE PURPLE THUNDERBOLT OF SPODE VOL 1,#10
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================================================================
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"Kenyon's Very Own Non Alien Run REPLIES TO: STEVENSJ
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Electronic Magazine" INTERNET: "Stevensj@VAX001.Kenyon.edu"
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* PPPPPP U U RRRRRR PPPPPP SSSSSS
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*** P P U U R R P P S
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***** P P U U R R P P S
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******* PPPPPP U U RRRRRR PPPPPP SSSSS
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********* P U U R R P S
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*********** P U U R RR P S
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***** P UUUUU R R P SSSSSS
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***** ********************************
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***** ************************************
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*****
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*****
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* **** *
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*** *** ***
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**** * *****
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************************************
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****************************************
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************************************
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**** ***** *****
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*** ***** ***
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* ***** *
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*****
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*****
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*****
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*****
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*****
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***********
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*********
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*******
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*****
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***
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*
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________________________________________________________________
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SOMETHING WHICH MIGHT, IN THE CORRECT FRAME OF MIND, LOOK SORT OF
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LIKE A TABLE OF CONTENTS
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Introduction: PARTY INVITATION! SUBMIT TO THE "GOLDEN 11TH"!
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APOLOGY TIME!
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News: Mistaken Identities! Madonna's New Video! Introducing:
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E_U_N_U_C_H_S, the operating system for no one in particular!
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MORE!
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OTISian Rants: AN OTISian X-MASS! How to Become a Broadcaster on NPR! A
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decidedly Erudite Publication asks for YOUR help!
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Other Rants: Chewing gum habits! Yeast Massacres! What Erisians
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go on about after dinner! "Can you Say 'Millivanilli'"? The
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Coveted Last Word! More!
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----------------------------------------------------------------
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INTRODUCTION
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("I've got this hammer and you have your knee caps. Well, I
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guess we're all set, then."-- OTISian Preacher Tim Howland, from
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his book "Gentle Persuasion")
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Like Christmas lights, department stores sales, mistle toe,
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and columnist's calls for New Year's resolutions, this issue of
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Purps is a little early this holiday season. First of all, we're
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deeply sorry (Hail Brow!), but we do have an explanation (Hail
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Soap!). I will be on vacation for three weeks starting around
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the 20th and, hence (quite planned, trust me), I will be nowhere
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near a terminal connected to the internet. So, I thought I'd
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give you all the X-Mass issue early. Besides, we here a Kenyon
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are right in the middle of an academic "crunch", and a little
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levity might not be such a bad thing (HAIL Spode!).
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For those of you who are receiving this via Quartz or one of
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our other numerous (and growing, Hail OTIS!) posting areas,
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PLEASE notice the new address at the top of the issue. Mail to
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the old decnet address WILL NO LONGER GET THROUGH. This is why
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you haven't heard from me in a while. It's not (only? :)) that I
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hate you.
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A CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS!: As I said in the last issue, Purps
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would love submissions from you all for the golden 11th issue.
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I'd like a lot of "viewer mail" in this one. Write and let us
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know what you think of the 'zine. Pro and con...
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LASTLY: EVERYONE READING THIS IS HEREBY FORMALLY INVITED TO
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THE GREATEST OTISian CELEBRATION OF THE YEAR: THE POPE'S B-DAY
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PARTY!
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That's right, true believers, everybody reading this message
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is now invited to an all out birthday bash for Pope Geoffe I of
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the IGHF, expect an entire night of fun, frolic, and out in out
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riotous OTISian celebration. I can't tell you much more than
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that since it's been a tradition of mine to let my friends
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surprise me in the most interesting way possible (with *Athem*
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certain limitations) on my B-Day; two years ago they blindfolded
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me, led me around in the snow for 45 minutes listening to Monty
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Python's "I Like Traffic Lights", and then presented me with my
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official OTISian robes. (Honest, Mom, they're the best friends a
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guy could want). However, expect an exceedingly good time, and
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maybe a live band...
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WHEN: Sat. the 10th of Feb.
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WHERE: Kenyon College campus, Gambier, OH.
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WHERE!?!: Send me a message and I'll provide instructions.
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If you come from a distance (i.e. you don't live here) we can put
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you up (albeit on a dorm room floor), and probably give you a
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meal ($2.30, all you can eat of the same food they give you on
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airlines... what a bargain!.. if they catch you, otherwise
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free...).
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NO NEED FOR AN INVITE. JUST BRING THE TERMINAL ON WHICH THIS
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NOTE APPEARED! PJ.
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_______
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News
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-------
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PURPS.STUFF-- Once again we have new addresses here. Please pay
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close attention to the header. We're not ignoring you; you have
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the wrong address.
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Also, "Purps" is now FULLY COMPATIBLE with the new Eunuchs (TM)
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operating system (see attached ad below):
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OTISIAN NEWS:
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=======================Advertisement=============================
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The PURPS R&D department proudly presents:
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"E_U_N_U_C_H_S"
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The Operating System for No One in Particular
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-----------------------------------------------
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___________________
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| DOS | <---THIS is the stack of
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--------------------------- manuals you need for the other
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| Understanding 5.1 | guy's operating system
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------------------------------------
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| BASIC |
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| COMMANDS |
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-----------------------------------------
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| Why Men Hate Computers That Love Them |
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-----------------------------------------
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| Understanding |
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| Basic Point & |
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| Click |
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--------------------------------------
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| War & Peace |
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----------------------------------
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| Nested Command Structures | (Phew! Makes you catch your
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------------------------------ breath, huh?)
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___________________________________________
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|Why I like the Eunuchs Oppertaing System | <-- This is all the
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------------------------------------------- manual that comes
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with EUNUCHS
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AND FOR A GOOD REASON!
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(Well, three, actually...)
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1. IT DOESN'T DO MUCH. Our technicians have spent many long
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hours making EUNUCHS quite literally THE least complicated
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operating system not yet on the market. To do this they took a
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perfectly good operating system developed by a rival firm and
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deleted all of the complicated functions. Then, they doubled the
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price. So DON'T waste your valuable time learning complex
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commands you'll never use! With EUNUCHS, they don't do anything,
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anyway! EUNUCHS is so simplified, in fact, that you'll be lucky
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if you get it to do anything beyond printing out a simple
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directory and showing a text file! Don't muck around with
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complex operating systems ever again!
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2. YOU'LL PROBABLY NEVER USE IT ANYWAY! (So who needs a complex
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manual?) One of the nicest features of EUNUCHS is that it takes
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up very little space. In fact, there's no need to abandon your
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current operating system, EUNUCHS WILL FIT RIGHT ALONG SIDE IT
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WITH NARRY A COMPLAINT!* You'll hardly know it's there! You'll
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hardly give a d-mn, anyway!
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3. Actually, there is no number three. We screwed up. Um...
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sorry. It won't um happen again.
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E_U_N_U_C_H_S- The next step in operating system technology.
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E_U_N_U_C_H_S- only 1995959595.. umm... 95.
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E_U_N_U_C_S- Not Available in ANY Stores!
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*(save for the occasional hard disk delete...)
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===================Advertisement=================================
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OTHER NEWS
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============================================================
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"MTV has pulled the plug on Madonna's new video, 'Justify My
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Love'. In black and white, it portrays fantasies involving
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voyeurism, bisexuality, cross-dressing and mild sadomasochism.
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'Why is it that people are willing to go to a movie and watch
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someone get blown to bits for no reason, and nobody wants to see
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two girls kissing or two men snuggling?' Madonna said."
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===============================================================
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A Westchester, NY man shot & killed his wife while hunting, telling police
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he had mistaken her for a woodchuck.
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============================================================================
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A man shot & killed his friend Laurel Lange of LaCrosse, WI, while hunting,
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telling police he mistook Lange for a squirrel.
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============================================================================
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A 33-yr-old Virginia Beach, VA man told police that he'd mistaken his
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mother-in-law for a large raccoon when he killed her in his garage with a
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hatchet in 1981. He said that after he hit her once, he realized it was his
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mother-in-law and then he hit her again. "I...snapped or something," he
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said. He was later convicted of 2nd-degree murder. During his trial, his
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wife testified out of loyalty that she had committed the crime.
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[There seems to be a pattern developing here. I think it's definitely time
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to put the Easter Bunny suit back in the closet... PJ]
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============================================================================
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A St. Louis, MO woman killed Joel Robinson by running over his head with her
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car. She explained to police, who charged her with 1st-degree murder, that
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she has mistaken Robinson for her boyfriend, with whom she had quarreled.
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[On the other hand... PJ]
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============================================================================
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In 1987, a 61-year-old retired Army sergeant shot a woman he mistook for his
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estranged wife outside a church in Rochester, NY. "I'm sorry about the other
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woman," he told police. "I meant to kill my wife, but I forgot my glasses."
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============================================================================
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State prison officials in Arizona announced in 1984 that they would handle
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inmates who continually behave "in ana unacceptably manner" by serving them
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meat loaf for 21 consecutive meals. "Who says food served to incorrigible
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inmates has to be aesthetically attractive & tasteful?" said John Turner, a
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state Corrections Dept. spokesperson. The Arizona Civil Liberties Union
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challenged the get-tough policy as "cruel & unusual punishment."
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============================================================================
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These are some of the MANY discographies available on vacs.uwp.wisc.edu
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(131.210.1.1) by anonymous FTP. If you have a discography you would
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like added or you would like any of these via E-Mail, please mail
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datta@vacs.uwp.wisc.edu. -dave
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[I have edited this list severely for space. People with FTP privileges
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might also want to much around MIT's Athena BBS telneting there (address
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available in the LIBRARIESCOM in the Purps Archives) lets you do something
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similar to this semi-interactively) PJ]
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File Artist Author
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=============== =============================== ===================
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akiko Yano Akiko John Leo
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aon Art of Noise Lazlo Nibble
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bauhaus Bauhaus Dan Kletter
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buffett Jimmy Buffett Bill Hunter
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chills The Chills Dave Parrott
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clapton.1 Eric Clapton (Long Version) Tom Bowers
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costello Elvis Costello Tom Bowers
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cramps Cramps John Reeves
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cure The Cure Nancy Everson
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doors Doors Scott Galuska
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dylan Bob Dylan Anthony Kapolka
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erasure Erasure Cliff Che
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FTP Users:
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All of the files in /pub/discog are stored in compressed form
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with the .Z extension and are processed with the Unix
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'compress' command. If you cannot process these files, look in
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the /pub/discog/uncompressed subdirectory.
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-Dave datta@vacs.uwp.wisc.edu
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---Don't you wish there was good fractal technology in the 60's?---
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----------------------------------------------------------------
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OTISIAN RANTS
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---------------------------------------------------------------
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(in which everything worth knowing about absolutely everything will be
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revealed!)
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This Week: An OTISian X-Mass.
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My father gives joke gifts (slinky toys-- as opposed, I suppose to the
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real thing; why DO they name them that?). My grandmother gives Oxford
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button-downs, PLAID OXford, button downs, mind you, and nothing else. My
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mother give me sweaters. Lots of sweaters. I have considered opening a
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store (unfortunately my sources inform me that there is no great market
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demand for yellow fisherman's this year). My grandfather gives me whatever
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Grandma buys while he's not looking, and, less often, a piece of fishing
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equipment (not generally attached to a note asking if he could borrow it,
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but there might as well be, you know?). My sister usually aims better, but
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often gives the same gift over and over for a number of years. My Great-
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Grandmother, of course, gives me a check worth $1.00 for every year old she
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thinks I am. For the past 12 years it has been equal to all of six dollars.
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But none of this is anywhere NEAR as bad as the traditional X-Mass
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celebration with the god(esse)s.
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Picture, if you will, and even if you won't, this:
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Dec. 28th, 1989
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"So, do you like it?" OTIS asked, face buried in the very LARGE stocking
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I'd stuffed and hung for him/her.
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"I'm not sure", I said cautiously, "If the electric eel goes well with the
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hot tub."
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OTIS looked up. "Spode!"
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There was a muted snicker from the room around the corner.
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"Sorry." said OTIS, "Um, SOMEHOW the tags got switched around. Ah!"
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(S)he pulled a tag reading "From Spode" off a much smaller package and
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handed it to me. "Here you go. Open it."
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I tore carefully at the wrapping.
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"Socks." I said after a minute, and added "Thank you."
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"MATCHING socks" added OTIS knowingly.
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"Matching socks." I corrected myself.
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"Now" said OTIS, stuffing her/his face with a chocolate snack "You'll
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never have that problem again."
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I considered explaining that one pair of matching socks didn't really
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solve the problem, but then reconsidered. "I suppose", I mumbled, "I could
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always through away all the other ones..."
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"Attaboy!" whispered Lotus in my ear, slapping my back gently. "Wouldn't
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want to ruin his/er X-mas!"
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"My turn!" yelled Spode waltzing into the room. "Let's see, let's see...
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ah! here we are!" he smiled brightly "'From Pope Geoffee I to Spode.' Can't
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wait to see what you got me."
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He reduced the tissue paper to shreds.
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"A joy buzzer! A GOLD-PLATED joy buzzer!"
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Brass, actually, but I didn't want to burst his bubble.
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"Thanks Geoffee I."
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On to him, I didn't take the hand.
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Spode grinned evilly. "Gotta go find Rotus." He was off in a flash.
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From the other room a few moments later, the sound of a buzzer, and of
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furniture being thrown.
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"Probably," said Preacher Tim, coming in from the kitchen with a hot cup
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of wassail, "not a wise thing to do to the God of death."
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"Hmmm." I said, "Did I ever tell you how happy I am that we celebrate this
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little soire at your place?"
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Tim didn't hear. "Someone", he said, "had better keep him away from
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Brow."
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OTIS sighed heavily and rose from the couch. "I'll get it back from him."
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He paused for a moment at the door and turned "You have no idea how
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difficult it is being both father and mother to these clowns."
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"Well, now, I guess it's just us!" Said Lotus as he rummaged through the
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gifts, "Here!"
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He handed us each identical boxes.
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"Matching tuxes." I said.
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"Paisley tuxes", added Tim, and indeed they were, completely constructed
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of red and god paisley fabric.
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"Like 'em?" Said Lotus grinning broadly.
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Tim paused. "You gave everyone the same thing."
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"Sure did." he said "Prevents fights. No one gets jealous."
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"Ah, " I said.
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---
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AND THAT'S ALL FOR NOW! THERE WILL BE MORE OF 'AN OTISIAN X-MASS' NEXT
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ISSUE, WHEN WE'LL Learn what confirmed pagans are doing celebrating this
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holiday...anyway. Join us.
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============================================================================
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Dear List Organizers and List Members:
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We would appreciate your sharing this seven-screen Announcement of
|
|||
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an Electronic Journal. Thanks.
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Ted Jennings
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Ron Bangel
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**** About _EJournal_, part 1; approximately 2 screens --
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_EJournal_ is an all-electronic, Bitnet/Internet distributed,
|
|||
|
peer-reviewed, academic periodical. We are particularly interested in
|
|||
|
theory and praxis surrounding the creation, transmission, storage,
|
|||
|
interpretation, alteration and replication of electronic text. We are
|
|||
|
also interested in the broader social, psychological, literary, economic
|
|||
|
and pedagogical implications of computer-mediated networks. Texts that
|
|||
|
address virtually any subject across this broad spectrum will be given
|
|||
|
thoughtful consideration.
|
|||
|
Members of the electronic-network community and others
|
|||
|
interested in it make up a large portion of our audience. Therefore we
|
|||
|
would be interested (for example) in essays about whether or not anyone
|
|||
|
should own a communication that has been shared electronically, about
|
|||
|
the pragmatics of cataloguing and indexing electronic publications,
|
|||
|
about net-based collaborative learning, about artful uses of hypertext,
|
|||
|
about the challenges that distance learning may offer to residential
|
|||
|
campuses, about the role of The Matrix in cultural history and Utopian
|
|||
|
polemic, about digitally recorded aleatoric fiction, about the
|
|||
|
significance of resemblances between the electronic matrix and neural
|
|||
|
systems, . . . and so forth.
|
|||
|
The journal's essays will be available free to Bitnet/Internet
|
|||
|
addresses. Recipients may make paper copies; _EJournal_ will provide
|
|||
|
authenticated paper copy from our read-only archive for use by academic
|
|||
|
deans or other supervisors. Individual essays, reviews, stories-- texts
|
|||
|
--sent to us will be disseminated to subscribers as soon as they have
|
|||
|
been through the editorial process, which will also be "paperless." We
|
|||
|
expect to offer access through libraries to our electronic Contents,
|
|||
|
Abstracts, and Keywords, and to be indexed and abstracted in appropriate
|
|||
|
places.
|
|||
|
_EJournal_ is now soliciting essays for possible publication. We
|
|||
|
will be happy to consider reviews, letters, and (eventually) annotations
|
|||
|
that ought to accompany texts we have already published. We would be
|
|||
|
happy to add interested specialists and generalists to our panel of
|
|||
|
consulting editors.
|
|||
|
Please send essays for review, and inquiries, to
|
|||
|
ejournal@albnyvms.bitnet
|
|||
|
ejournal@rachel.albany.edu
|
|||
|
Ted Jennings, Editor, _EJournal_
|
|||
|
Department of English, University
|
|||
|
at Albany, State University of New York
|
|||
|
Ron Bangel, Managing Editor (acting)
|
|||
|
University at Albany, SUNY
|
|||
|
============================================================================
|
|||
|
From: eiverson@NMSU.EDU
|
|||
|
Subject: [eiverson@nmsu.edu: Re: Skills for Broadcasters]
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
I'd be interested in reading opinions on the following question:
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
What are the most important skills for a person working at a public radio
|
|||
|
station to have?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
The skills needed to work at a public radio station vary greatly from
|
|||
|
individual to individual. As such, there is no clear consensus on
|
|||
|
which skills are most important. However, the following skill
|
|||
|
exercises have certainly worked for me:
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
(1) Learn to tell time. Your days in rock music where you could just
|
|||
|
say "it's the top of the hour" are over. You need to actually tell
|
|||
|
time.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
(2) Repeat the phrase "I'm Martin Booksbann I'm Martin Booksbann" over
|
|||
|
and over until you really believe it. Try eventually working up to
|
|||
|
mimicking William F Buckley or Jean Kirkpatrick. (Actually the same
|
|||
|
person!)
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
(3) Give an ongoing synopsis of your daily activities as if you were
|
|||
|
summarizing the plot of "Tristan and Isolde." You can be Tristan
|
|||
|
and/or Isolde as circumstances warrent. If friends become bored, you
|
|||
|
are on the right track.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
(4) Never ever use the word "dude" in public.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
(5) Know the correct syllable count of such names as "Prokofiev"
|
|||
|
"Scriabin" and "Rimsky-Korsakov" (1, 3, and 27 respectively) Also,
|
|||
|
learn how to say "Gounod" and "Kunzel" without giggling.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
If you follow these simple rules, you can be the public radio employee
|
|||
|
you always dreamed to be. Free mug upon completion of the course, and
|
|||
|
a 10 dollar donation during pledge week!
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
--
|
|||
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|||
|
Eric Iverson Internet: eiverson@nmsu.edu
|
|||
|
Computing Research Lab
|
|||
|
Box 30001/3CRL Life is something to do when
|
|||
|
New Mexico State University you can't get to sleep.
|
|||
|
Las Cruces, NM 88003-0001 -Fran Lebowitz
|
|||
|
VOICE: (505) 646-5711
|
|||
|
FAX: (505) 646-6218
|
|||
|
===============================================================
|
|||
|
OTHER RANTS
|
|||
|
===============================================================
|
|||
|
(in which absolutely nothing will be revealed at all)
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
[Three years ago Dan was the only man ever to ALMOST send the newly formed
|
|||
|
IGHF (that's "Intergalactic House of Fruitcakes" for all you virgins, the
|
|||
|
FIRST FULLY REGISTERED OTISian worshiping organization in existence and the
|
|||
|
Last True Faith on this pathetic Little Planet. I run it.) so I figure I
|
|||
|
owe him one. :} Besides, he's really quite funny... And a hell of a poet,
|
|||
|
too. I don't suppose you've written a "Purps" worthy piece there, Dan? Dan
|
|||
|
graduated from the same school as Johnathon Winters a while ago, and now is
|
|||
|
an unemployed artist. Most recently he has taken to impersonating a woman
|
|||
|
in a game of Ars Magica. :}]
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
From: VAX001::CHADWICK "Alfred <20>berhacker Makertail ('Squirrel')"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Chewing Gum and other Mating Habits of the High School Student
|
|||
|
--------------------------------------------------------------
|
|||
|
I say "and other Mating Habits" because many habits of high school
|
|||
|
students relate to mating. Some behaviors of students, however, do not
|
|||
|
relate to mating. They are believed instead to be food-gathering and
|
|||
|
primitive social instincts.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
For those who have not had the opportunity to engage in a close study
|
|||
|
of high school students, I can give a few basic facts before going into an
|
|||
|
in-depth study of the behaviors of which I am writing.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
High school students are divided into four sub-species. The freshman
|
|||
|
is the lowest sub-species as far as development and intra-species status are
|
|||
|
concerned. Next on the developmental/status ladder is the sophomore, and
|
|||
|
then the junior. Highest of all is the senior.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
These animals seem to thrive equally well in the wild or in captivity.
|
|||
|
This has led some courageous individuals to attempt restraint of them in
|
|||
|
their captive state. This restraint is currently impossible, as the high
|
|||
|
school student is a notoriously determined being who dislikes any attempt to
|
|||
|
curtail what they refer to as their "freedom". Mixed rewards and
|
|||
|
restrictions have been slightly more successful, some to the point of
|
|||
|
getting a very few students to half-willingly enter captivity for the six
|
|||
|
hours that has been deemed by wise men and women to be the longest amount of
|
|||
|
time that the student can be kept out of the wild...while the student
|
|||
|
thrives well in captivity for longer than such time, the environment in
|
|||
|
which the student is placed fares rather less well.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Even in the wild, however, students are monitored by people, as otherwise
|
|||
|
the students' behavior pattern would quickly lead to the destruction of the
|
|||
|
world.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
I now begin my study of specific student behaviors:
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Chewing Gum...
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Although chewing gum is manufactured elsewhere now, it is my theory that it
|
|||
|
was originally secreted naturally by the mouth of the student. It is
|
|||
|
certain that this process still goes on, and the high school student uses
|
|||
|
the gum secretion to mark its territory. It does so in a unique manner --
|
|||
|
by sticking it to the undersides of flat surfaces. In captivity, this can
|
|||
|
lead to some sanitary problems with the undersides of tables.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Noises...
|
|||
|
Students in captivity have been observed to produce strange noises such
|
|||
|
as "fug" and "sht" and "mthrfug" (believed to be an advanced form of "fug").
|
|||
|
It is not certain whether these sounds are examples of communicative
|
|||
|
behavior or normal involuntary noises made during the respiratory process.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Smoke...
|
|||
|
Some students have been observed to breathe smoke from their mouths and
|
|||
|
noses. This has led certain learned observers to conclude that the student
|
|||
|
is distantly related to the ancient species of dragon (now believed
|
|||
|
extinct). The blustering, showy behavior of the male student also tends to
|
|||
|
support this theory. It is conjectured that in the male, the breathing of
|
|||
|
smoke and blustery behavior are part of a "mating show" designed to attract
|
|||
|
the female student. If this is the case, then the breathing of smoke by the
|
|||
|
female student may well support the hypothesis that smoke is mutually
|
|||
|
sexually attractive to students. Research is still being conducted.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
--Alfred <20>berhacker Makertail ("Squirrel")
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Dissenting opinions or additional research may be addressed to me at
|
|||
|
Chadwick's boarding house (Kenyon address: VAX001::CHADWICK
|
|||
|
BitNet address:
|
|||
|
CHADWICK@VAX001.KENYON.EDU
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
==========================================================================
|
|||
|
From ben@media-lab.media.mit.edu Tue Dec 4 14:49:24 1990
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Yesterday,in conversation, discussion was made as to future generations
|
|||
|
using in everyday language the term Milli-Vanilli hence my addition to the
|
|||
|
1991 edition of Webster's:
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Mil-li-Va-nil-i (Slang 1990) 1.v.To take authorized credit for someone's
|
|||
|
work, and displaying an attitude and image as if it was well earned and
|
|||
|
deserved(i.e. That professor Milli-Vanillied my thesis.)
|
|||
|
2.n. A person or group that acts like, says that it is, and defends
|
|||
|
itself of the truth only to be revealed as a front to bunch of idiotic
|
|||
|
and artless neer dowells.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
============================================================================
|
|||
|
From: IN%"GRIDLEY@maine.maine.edu" "David Gridley" 28-NOV-1990 23:41:14.93
|
|||
|
To: BARKER@ACC.FAU.EDU
|
|||
|
Subj: The horrors of baking
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Did you know?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
EVERY TIME A LOAF OF BREAD
|
|||
|
IS BAKED,
|
|||
|
APPROXIMATELY
|
|||
|
150,000,000 YEASTS ARE
|
|||
|
KILLED.
|
|||
|
____________________________________________________________________________
|
|||
|
Come to the award-winning 1987 film,
|
|||
|
"The Very Small and Quiet Screams"
|
|||
|
-- a cinematic electromicrograph of yeasts being baked.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
"A must for those who care about yeast, and especially for those who don't."
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
+------------------------------------+
|
|||
|
| Evening showing in Johnson & Wales |
|
|||
|
| Pirsig Auditorium: 7PM, 4/19 |
|
|||
|
+------------------------------------+
|
|||
|
============================================================================
|
|||
|
SPONSORED BY
|
|||
|
Brown Anaerobe Rights Coalition (BARC)
|
|||
|
Student Bakers for Social Responsibility
|
|||
|
Coalition for the ELevation of Life (CELL)
|
|||
|
Campus Crusade for Fetal Matters
|
|||
|
============================================================================
|
|||
|
Defend all life: 'from greatest to least, from human to yeast!"
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
This poster printed on 100% yeast-free paper.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
===========================================================================
|
|||
|
From: VAX001::WINS%"FAUVAX::BARKER@SERVAX.FIU.EDU" 1-DEC-1990 11:05:38.11
|
|||
|
Subj: and you thought an after dinner chat at Mt. Olympus was confusing.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Well here you go. More or less raw though I edited out all my
|
|||
|
private cross talk since that will only confuse matters more. I
|
|||
|
suppose you should just pick out the good parts if there are any. I
|
|||
|
just send you all if it in case you wanted it. This is not made up
|
|||
|
these are indeed real folks on relay. Other people I don't know or don't
|
|||
|
recall or any of that business. Probably you shouldn't print who these
|
|||
|
people are. I don't know how people take kindly to having their convos
|
|||
|
intercepted and published.
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
<Pich> where is the universe expanding TO anyway??
|
|||
|
<mal> it's expanding to make room for more malls.
|
|||
|
<Kang> pich who said the universe is expanding
|
|||
|
<mal> and place to store all those home videos
|
|||
|
<Kang> b----- we could do artichokes .....
|
|||
|
<Kang> mal hehehe
|
|||
|
<Pich> kang: my buddy carl...
|
|||
|
<B------> Kang: True...
|
|||
|
<Kang> mal the shoe event horizon limits that doesn't
|
|||
|
<Kang> it ?
|
|||
|
<mal> kang: yeah it does come to think of it :-)
|
|||
|
<A--> Hello?
|
|||
|
<A--> What's the topic?
|
|||
|
<Kang> pich oh him .... who told him :)
|
|||
|
<Pich> kang: but what does he know... he's more of a TV personality at
|
|||
|
<Pich> this point
|
|||
|
<mal> 'the universe slowly expanded over billions and billions of years
|
|||
|
filling up with
|
|||
|
<mal> billions and billions of shopping malls'
|
|||
|
<mal> Pich: I have nightmares about them.
|
|||
|
<Kang> pich mal containing BILLIONS and BILLIONS
|
|||
|
<Kang> of shoe stores
|
|||
|
<A----> Mal: The shopping mall being the fundamental
|
|||
|
<A----> particle of gaudiness
|
|||
|
<Kang> pich well he could have helped when the
|
|||
|
<Kang> martians took santa
|
|||
|
<A-----> Mall--that most fundamental particle, having
|
|||
|
<A-----> the properties of volume and parking space,
|
|||
|
<A----> and gaudiness,
|
|||
|
<A----> but no intelligence or substance whatsoever...
|
|||
|
<E----> hi guys
|
|||
|
<E----> mean guys!
|
|||
|
<E----> do you mind me here?
|
|||
|
<Kang> hi e-----
|
|||
|
<Pich> mean?
|
|||
|
<mal> oh we are very mean.
|
|||
|
<Kang> i don't , welcome
|
|||
|
<Kang> ah thats it !!!!!
|
|||
|
<Kang> I know the ultimate question !
|
|||
|
<E----> relax Mal. Hi to the rest!
|
|||
|
<Kang> the answer to witch is now known to be 42 !
|
|||
|
<E----> what is it?
|
|||
|
<Kang> mal i am meaner than the grinch .... ask anyone
|
|||
|
<mal> no no the ultimate question is why do open 24 hour a day stores
|
|||
|
<mal> have locks on their doors if they never close?
|
|||
|
<Pich> sigh... the average IQ of a mall worker?
|
|||
|
<mal> kang: you mean why do you think they call me mal? :-)
|
|||
|
<Pich> mal: some don't have locks
|
|||
|
<Kang> mal i know the answer to that one
|
|||
|
<Gridlock> Mal: In case religious fanatics storm the
|
|||
|
<Gridlock> place.
|
|||
|
<Kang> mal when the clerk needs to go to the bath
|
|||
|
<Kang> room or mop the floors or lock out the world
|
|||
|
<Kang> pich no no , 42 is much bigger
|
|||
|
<Kang> mal er no ... why do they call you mal ?
|
|||
|
<Kang> gridlock ... yeah :)
|
|||
|
<Pich> yale &opn
|
|||
|
<Pich> oops...
|
|||
|
<Kang> hi ara--
|
|||
|
<Gridlock> G----, ara--
|
|||
|
<mal> why would religious fanatics storm a 7-11?
|
|||
|
<Gridlock> Mal: Because of all the sinful products
|
|||
|
<Gridlock> they sell
|
|||
|
<ARA---> hi, whats up??
|
|||
|
<ARA---> how was everyones turkey day?
|
|||
|
<Kang> mal you know , to convert the heathen ,
|
|||
|
<Kang> to smash the den's of iniquity
|
|||
|
<Pich> mal: out of extreme discontent with the watered down big gulps...
|
|||
|
<mal> gridlock: hmm yeah 'big gulp' is kinda suggestive and titillating.
|
|||
|
<Kang> ara-- all gone :(
|
|||
|
<Kang> hi eggplant
|
|||
|
<Eggplant> reset by operator?
|
|||
|
<Eggplant> what kind of a topic was that?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
============================================================================
|
|||
|
LAST WORD!
|
|||
|
---------
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Quote for the day: "Utinam barabari spatium proprium tuum invadant!"
|
|||
|
(May barbarians invade your personal space.)
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
Should be a way to pervert this to Otis' cause...Utinam Otisiani, perhaps?
|
|||
|
|
|||
|
[BEHOLD THE NEW OTISian PHRASE: Utinam OTISiani spatium proprium tuum
|
|||
|
invadant!-- May OTIS invade your personal space!... or, if you prefer
|
|||
|
"Utinam Brow rosum gardum proprium tuum visitant!-- May Brow appear and stay
|
|||
|
in your rose garden!
|
|||
|
________________________________________________________________
|
|||
|
THE PURPLE THUNDERBOLT OF SPODE ISSUE # 10
|
|||
|
----------------------------------------------------------------
|
|||
|
Neither censored nor edited. Deal.
|