616 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
616 lines
21 KiB
Plaintext
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[ MOGEL BIRTHDAY ISSUE, POUPEY #14 ]
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[ Mogel, of the Snobby `Zinesters ]
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[ A Clear Ripoff, by Nybar ]
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Mogel: "Greetings once again readers... I am MOGEL; OF THE Snobby
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`Zinesters@$!@ My good friend pip of the bald-people
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bald-people, and his fellow tribe member jubjub are here, too.
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Pip: "Heh.. I'm bald"
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Mogel: "Yes.. but do you walk with a woman?"
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Pip: "Yes, I----"
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VWEEEEVROAMFKAMMAMA@!#$!@$
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Bf, of the space people interrupts the signal!@$!@$!$@
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Bf: "Crank Crank.. you are not a skank, think of you when I
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masturbate."
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Pip: "Ahhh.. draw on my dick?"
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Bf: "FOOLISH EARTH MAN!@$!@$!@$"
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<bf disintergrates pip's dick with his space man death ray>
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Pip: "Damnit.. I needed that!@$#"
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Mogel: "DAMNIT.. THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY `ZINE$!@$!@#$"
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Nybarius the GOD: "No it isn't!@$ When I write.. I am GOD@#%$@!@$"
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Bf: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!@$!@$"
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<bf prepares to deploy all missles in nybarius's direction>
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KATHOOOOMMM!@$!@$!@$ <bf's ship blows up, along with him>
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Nybarius the GOD: "MUAHAHAHHAHAH$@!!@$ I have tasted destruction.. and
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I *LOVE IT!@$*"
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<pip and jubjub melt, alla raiders of the lost ark.>
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Mogel: "Ahhh."
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Nybarius, The GOD: "Hey.. look over there at mars!"
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MARS EXPLODES$@!!@$
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Nybarius: "Heh!"
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Mogel: "Hey.. ahh.."
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<nybarius grows to 50 feet in hight, and becomes
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surrounded with lightning and fire>
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Nybarius: "Spit it out.. INFIDEL!$@@@@)!@$*!_@@$!)*$!)*!$@)@!!!!!!"
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Mogel: "Ahhh.. would you please.. ahh.. stopp all of the
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wanton destruction??"
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Nybarius: "Yes.... I like chinese food to... lets go to a bar
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and get down with alot of drunken Japanese
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buisnessmen!@$!@$"
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Hours later..... Mogel and Nybarius are drunk together in the bar.
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Mogel: "So I ate the WHOLE.. THING!!"
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Nybar: "DEWD$@!!$@# Isn't that illeagel?!"
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Mogel: "Not then, it wasn't!"
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Nybar: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHQAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!$!@$"
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Crazy Bar-Dude: "Wouldn't that weigh more then you?"
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Mogel: "Of course! I can eat my bodies weight in
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twinkies.. I just eat half of one!!!"
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<crazy bar dude and nybar: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!@$#!@$!@$>
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Mogel: "Hehehe.. Nybarius, you dick.. hehehehehe."
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<electricity courses through the air... and mogel realizes he is
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about to become nybar toast>
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*KA-BOOOOOOMMMM!@$!"@$#"(*!@+$!@)$*!_+@!#*
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<mogel explodes in a ball of fire>
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Nybarius: "Livvveeee from Newark, DE.. it's mogel's birthday issue!!!!!"
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(note.. dramatization, may not have happened)
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+-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+
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Mogels Birthday, alla Kaia -Kaia... I SWEAR!
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there was an old shoe who lived in a shoe
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she gave birth to a mogel who had a "m0g" 'too
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she said to herself, "his name should be longer."
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so she made his name longer.
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a bird flew along
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soaring, gliding, free, and
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crashed into a telephone wire
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above mogel_'s head.
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so the shoe set off on a crazy-ass quest
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to find her son a job and a decongest-
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ant. he was allergic to feathers
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or something.
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she wandered on into the forest
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a search to no avail
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she stepped on a snail,
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and got slime on her soul, but wait,
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i mean her sole
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because shoes don't have souls, silly willy.
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so when she died, she went to hell.
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but her dear son
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-- her dear, dear son --
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lived on
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ramen and vegetables
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and he grieved for her sole
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and at the funeral he was very
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sad
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and he threw a drive-thru funeral-party
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and
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did not serve sole
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did not play to soul music
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did not pursue a solo career and
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did not invite hans solo.
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in fact,
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he decided,
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the only people whom i shall let in
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are those who can say my name.
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i bid three tries each, he thought,
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failure will result in torture,
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a torture beyond imagination;
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even beyond the imagination of
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the most imaginative
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wanker
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on earth.
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so he sat at the drive-thru funeral-party window
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and sat
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and something
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and no one showed up.
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then timidly, a girl wandered up, holding a roll of rolo.
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"talk to the hand," mogel said, "for you are holding a roll of rolo!"
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and she began to cry, which resulted in
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her eyes melting,
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her cheeks melting,
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her nose melting,
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but before
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her lips melted,
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she screamed, "YOUR NAME IS MOGELSTILTSKIN!!!@!!"
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and she was correct, yes indeed!
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yes indeed.
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and so, mogelstiltskin let her into the party
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and something else happened but i forget,
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but alas, it was too late,
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for she had melted away.
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and so,
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the funeral-party was
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a celebration of irony,
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a "celebration" of her death.
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and so, mogelstiltskin lived on
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ramen and vegetables
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-- forever --
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ramen and vegetables
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who chant to him,
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"happy birthday m0ggie!"
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+-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+
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Mogels birthday issue... phear!@#$
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Mogel: "I think I should explain what happened back there.. you see
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nybar (who wrote it) didn't even know what the hell he was talking
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about. He was just rambling on and on. I don't think pip is bald.
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I'm not even dead. Actually.. I could be dead right now and this
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could still be written. Cause I (mogel) am not writing it. Nybar is.
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It's kind of sick that way. Actually, this is the third time he's
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destroyed me in his `zine. One noteable time.. he destroyed the whole
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`zining community and he then destroyed the universe after they had
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been ressurected as androids. Then there was this other one called
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mog.txt where he killed me in every conceiveable way.. but I only
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died once. That one will probably be later on in this issue. And then,
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a HOTDOG drove him insane. Damn... how did they get all those fish up
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there?!@$ BY DUES *so as not to be vulgar* IT'S FULL OF STARS!!! Hehe..
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thats how you can tell if it's me or him pretending to be me. Maybe I'm
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Mogel right now just faking it actually... I am just pathetic enough to
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fake being nybar faking me to get into a `zine which was designed as a
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happy bday thinkie anyway. I'm that desperate. Cerkit cerkit.. you are
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not a blerkit, draw on my dick. Fuck this is just filler... ahh.. next
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story.
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00000000000000000111111122222skipafew9910000000000000000000000000000000
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Some Sort of amphibious rodent, I presume
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00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
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Ok.. so this is mogels birthday issue?
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YES!
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Just checking.. geez..
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5..
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4...
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3....
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2......
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1.......
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<mogel enters kai.. kea.. kae.. whoever's dormathingie>
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Everyone: "SUPRRRRIIISSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEI!_+@$*_+@!$*!+@_$*!@+_$"
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Mogel: "AHHHHHHHHHH!@#*!@$+)*!&#@$+_$@#!Y?EA?H?AHHP!U34}!O#$!@$
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DEEPODEEEPDADEODOWAHHHH_!*@+!UFDCDFJDSJD!#$!$#)!$IJIGGER!"
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<mogel falls over.. and starts shivering>
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Mogel: "Ohhh yeah.. my birthday. Hmm.. my heart stopped for a few
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seconds. Cool."
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<nybar jumps out from a couple of floor boards right behind mogel, with a
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chainsaw and wearing a hockey mask.>
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Nybar: "DESTROYYYYYYYYYYYY!@$ I mean suprise.#@!$*(!@$+#)!*@$+)!*$*!+@)$*"
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Mogel: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh..
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oh.. it's you. Damnit. That DEFINATELY isn't happening again!@#$"
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<a bunch of FBI dewds with glasses and trench coats jump out of nowhere and
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stick alot of smg's at mogel.>
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FBI Guy 1: "Are you MOGEL?!!?"
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Mogel: "Ahhh!!"
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FBI Guy 2: <punches mogel in the mouth> "Damn you! Out with it!@$!#@$"
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Mogel: "Yeah.. I'm mogel."
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FBI Guy 3: "You really enjoy setting up teleconferences don't you?"
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Mogel: "Kind of.. yeah."
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FBI Guy 1: "Oh yeah?!@$!@$!@$+!*@$+)!?$?!@$?!@?$ YOU LIKE SETTING THEM UP?!$"
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Mogel: "Hehhe.. yeah.. kind of.." <mogels knees knock>
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FBI Guy 2: "Ok.. thats cool. We'll be leaving now... actually.. can I
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have some cake?!"
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Mogel: "Ahh.. sure, I guess so."
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FBI Guy 2: "I don't like chocolate.... do you have some vanilla cake?"
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Mogel: "Nope.. Sorry."
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Nybar: "HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA@#!@$!@# Sorry.!@!@$!$(*+!@$ HAHAHAN
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VGBIO$E@HQW!@#$ SAY IT AGAIN!@#$!@$"
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Mogel: "Sorry."
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Nybar: "BWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!@#$!@$!@$#"
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<later.. the party commences.>
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Nybar: "Hey mogel... I got you a present@!!!!"
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Mogel: "Present?! NYBAR.. I LOVE YOU!"
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Nybar: "Here.. open it." <mogel opens it>
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Mogel "'Women Who Love Too Much'."
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<mogel looks at nybar with an uncomprehending expression>
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Mogel: "Ohhh.. I get it. Thats reaaalll funny."
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Nybar: "Tee-hee."
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<even later..... Handle and mercuri defy a whole bunch of spatial
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laws by sitting in a bar (in kia.. kai's dorm.>
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Mercuri: "So.. hozabout them bears?"
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Handle: "Gee.. I dunno."
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<at the same time.. nybar and jamesy converse>
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Nybar: "So... do you believe in god?"
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Jamesy: "Do you?"
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Nybar: "Oh.. you were predetermined to say that."
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<still later.... jubjub talks to FBI guy 2>
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Jubjub: "Y'know.. I hacked into NASA with AOL once."
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FBI Guy 2: "Really?"
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Jubjub: "Yup."
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FBI GUY 2: "Hehe... you couldn't hack your way into yer own pants."
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Jubjub: "Hey.. you jerk!@$!@$#"
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<FBI Guy 2 produces smg>
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Jubjub: "FUCK YOU MAN!@$#!$#!@$# RULE YAKUZA!@$!@$ *as a parody of the
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britania thang*
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<jubjub brings out a mini howitzer cannon with laser sighting and sound
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suppressor.. which is laughable because it's practically a rocket
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launcher. Also.. a bunch of Yakuza guys jump out of nowhere>
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FBI Guy 2: "OTHER FBI GUYS.. TO MY AID~@!!@$!@$ REMEMBER THE
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WATERGATE!@$!$!"
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......
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Mogel: "And then I fell into another dimension, strange and eerie beyond
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belief!@#$"
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Nybar: "You mean you had fallen into a puddle?"
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Mogel: "Yeah... and there was... CHAFING@#$!!#$!@$"
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Nybar: "Good GOD!#$! To much cake aye?"
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Mogel: "Yup."
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Nybar: "Anything else?"
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Mogel: "Yeah. Some wierd space daemons killed me."
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Nybar: "Neat."
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+-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+
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M O G E L Q U E S T
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A mini series thing, from the maker of poupey.
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----
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Mogels apartment, 3:00:27; Mogel tries to sleep.
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---
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click.
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Mogel <in bed.. droswy> "Whawuzzat?!!?"
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creeeeeeaaaaaakkkkkk.
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Mogel "huh?!!@#$ Muien gott.. someones in the house!!"
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Meow. purrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
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Mogel "Nybar.. is that you and your ninja kitty cats?!@$"
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meow. meow. meow. meow (meow mix theme song).
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Mogel "I KNOW IT'S YOU NYBAR!@$!@#$"
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*CRASHHHHHH*
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Mogel "MY `POOTER@#%@#%_(@!$@#$ I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS
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NYBARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR--
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RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"
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<all the birds fly off house>
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------
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The Next Day, 8:00 am
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------
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Mogel "I'm telling you pip dude.. nybar and his cats
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wrecked my computer@#%! I found a note saying I'm next!!!
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I'm thinking of moving.. nybar is crazZzZzZzZzZy!#@%"
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Pip dude <fondling crank> "Crank crank.. you are not a
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skank.. think of you when I masturbate."
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Mogel "righhhttt..."
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*NEXT DAY.. INDIANA!%#!@$)*!@$+@!*$ BOWOWOBOVB
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OBOE@#%!#@$JNHGFCBHNESPGwiehg@#%_(*@#%+*
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Mercuri <smoking a cigaratte in a dark room at one of
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of a table that has mogel with a bright light on him
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on the other end> So you want nybar out of the way?"
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Mogel "God.. YES!@$)!@*$!@)$"
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Mercuri "How much would you pay.. 50 g's?"
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Mogel "WHATTTTTTTTTTT?!@#%?!$@ I'll give you a dto
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coffee cup!"
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Mercuri "Fair enough. I'll set out today. I'll be back in
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a day or two. Should I kidnap him? I'm already
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planning to..."
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Mogel "Nyahh.. bring me his scalp!@$!@$"
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Mercuri "K. Cyaz.. I'll be back in a day or two"
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<mercuri exits>
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2 days hence.. a box comes in the mail reading "From Nybar
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With Love".
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Mogel "EEWW@!#$!@$ MAIL!@#$ I NEVER GET MAIL!@$!@$"
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<mogel opens package and sees mercuri's bloody HEAD!@$#>
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Mogel "YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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!@$)*!@$+!*@$)+!~*@$+!@)$*!@)+$*)@%&@%)!&@$!@%)*@+
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)!@*$+@!)*$)+!@*$!@)+*U!@+)*!@+)$*!@$)+*$+)!@+1284
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)+!@$*!@!#%!%@!%!@$!@$!@$"
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||
|
THAT SICK BASTTTTTARRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!1 Ahh forget it.
|
||
|
|
||
|
+-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+
|
||
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|
||
|
Mogel Quest TWO: The Redemption.
|
||
|
------------------------------------
|
||
|
|
||
|
2:00: Played Rockey music. Ate a raw egg. I'm developing my
|
||
|
pallete for my trip to france. I'm a weeny boy like the frances.
|
||
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|
||
|
3:00: Played more Rockey music. Chased around a chicken, trying
|
||
|
to poach it. But then the farmer came up with a shotgun and
|
||
|
something jumped up and bit me. Hehe, gump. Wotta retard I am.
|
||
|
|
||
|
4:00: Played even more rockey music. I defeated Appollo Creed,
|
||
|
and even though he was 600 pounds and 45 years old it was a
|
||
|
challenge.
|
||
|
|
||
|
I love you dear diary, even more than.. ky.. kai.. ko..
|
||
|
kl.. ahhhh... whoever. I believe I am ready to face nybar.
|
||
|
Therefore I go to meet him in his home town of Newark, DE.
|
||
|
|
||
|
-Mogel
|
||
|
|
||
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+-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+
|
||
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|
||
|
The Amazing Story of Mogel Ramensoup..!! -Nybar
|
||
|
|
||
|
Da prez: "So mogel, wanna be a hero?"
|
||
|
Mogel: "I'm already a hero.."
|
||
|
Da Prez: "A REAL HERO! NOT JUST HERO OF A BUNCH OF LOW LIFE
|
||
|
NE'ER DO WELL `ZINE GUYS!@$"
|
||
|
Mogel: "Ahh.. sure why not."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<da prez starts whispering into mogels ear like in all of
|
||
|
those cartoons>
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel: "I'LL DO IT@$#!"
|
||
|
|
||
|
Later; China, the dictators office.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel: <pops out of nowhere> "So.. how ya doin?"
|
||
|
Dictator <in obviously overdubbed voice> "MOGEL RAMENSOUP!!!"
|
||
|
Mogel <puts on a dramatic face> "I come bearing ramen."
|
||
|
Dictator: "YAY! You please us with your ramen! Cook it with egg?"
|
||
|
Mogel: "Yes, I will cook it with egg."
|
||
|
|
||
|
RING-RING
|
||
|
|
||
|
^ Dictator: "Hello?"
|
||
|
| Other guy: "Yammeryammeryammer (untranslated)"
|
||
|
| Dictator: "OH NO! THEY WANT TO ABOLISH RAMEN!@ Good thing,
|
||
|
<Phone> MOGEL RAMENSOUP, is here."
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel Ramensoup: "Ahh.. no. I'd rather not take on 50000 ramen
|
||
|
hating guerillas.. I'm 4'2.. and all."
|
||
|
Dictator: "Worry not, there are no guerillas, only 50000 rebels!"
|
||
|
Mogel: "Ahh.. damn I'm dead"
|
||
|
|
||
|
TO BE CONTINUED LATER ON IN THIS VERY ISSUE!#$!@$!`32 ....
|
||
|
|
||
|
Scant minutes later, Mogel Ramensoup speaks to the reb
|
||
|
leader...
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel Ramensoup "Ahh.."
|
||
|
Nybar "Hi Mogel.. how ya doin'? I'm kinda busy
|
||
|
overthrowing the goverment.."
|
||
|
Mogel Ramensoup "Ahhhh.."
|
||
|
Nybar "No, I don't plan on abolishing ramen.. but I DO
|
||
|
plan on POLISHING ramen. I make the best ramen.. yers
|
||
|
sucks!%#"
|
||
|
Mogel Ramensoup "Dewd!#% NO WAY! Contest!!#%"
|
||
|
Nybar "Nope, I got nothing ta prove. Get em boys."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<nybar's revolutionaries lay hands on mogel>
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Please" begged mogel "Let me go, for I am such a little foe!"
|
||
|
"No" said nybar "Not at all, for I am big and you are small."
|
||
|
|
||
|
----------
|
||
|
|
||
|
Nybar: "Hmm.. THROW EM IN THE SHORTIE PITS@#!@$# No wait
|
||
|
thats lame, ...ahh.. fuck just kill him in some
|
||
|
imaginative way."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<soon.. mogel ramensoup dangles above a pool of boiling ramen as
|
||
|
Nybar's followers lash him with hot, wet ramen noodles.>
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel "Wheee.. going unconcious from pain."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<mogel falls and is horribly boiled alive, just as nybar
|
||
|
overthrows the government.. woowoo!!>
|
||
|
|
||
|
And thus ends the brave tail of Mogel Ramensoup.
|
||
|
|
||
|
+-happybirthdaytomogelhappybirthdaydearmogelhappybirthdaytoyou-+
|
||
|
|
||
|
Shortie!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$!@$
|
||
|
|
||
|
Make no mistake.. Mogel is a shortie. But this time..
|
||
|
instead of peppering the short jokes throughout the
|
||
|
issue.. I have decided to put all of them at one time
|
||
|
at the end!! So here we go.. first a short story then
|
||
|
some haiku's and jokes.
|
||
|
|
||
|
------------
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel and his Father......
|
||
|
|
||
|
<mogel sits at his fathers house.... drinking a sip of bourbon on the
|
||
|
rocks with mint. his father and him are having a man to man talk>
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel's Father: "Oh mogel.. today you are a grownup! 21 years of age..
|
||
|
you be! I remember when it alllllll began... with
|
||
|
your mother in Madison County. I was a
|
||
|
photographer, taking picures of bridges.. and I-----"
|
||
|
Mogel: "I think that you a thinking of a movie based on my favorite
|
||
|
book.. the Briges of Madison County."
|
||
|
Mogel's Father: "Oh yeah. Now I remember... your mother was a cheap
|
||
|
street hooker, and you are my Bastard son. And now
|
||
|
you have thrown away your life by becoming a
|
||
|
fucking nobody hacker jerk!#@$!@$# Still..
|
||
|
<sniff> I was always proud.. you weren't a short man."
|
||
|
Mogel: "Actually dad.. I've been meaning to tell you about that..."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<mogel removes platform shoes and lifts... and around 500 pairs of socks>
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel's Dad: "Well.. son. You are still around six feet tall."
|
||
|
Mogel: "Actually..."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<mogel removes huge top hat and affro that it was on>
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel's Dad: "At least you are still 5'5..."
|
||
|
Mogel: "I didn't want to admit it.. but.."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<mogel takes removes stilts that were under his hugely sized baggy pants>
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel's Dad: "Ok.. beginning to be embarrased... you are 3 foot tall
|
||
|
now..."
|
||
|
Mogel: "About that three feet tall thing..."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<mogel snips a string that was holding him in the air, and takes off
|
||
|
oversizes pants revealing shorts>
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mogel's Dad: "Where are you?!!#@%"
|
||
|
M(for miniscule)ogel: "Down here!! Get a microscope."
|
||
|
|
||
|
<as mogel's father searches for a microscope.. he steps on Mogel..
|
||
|
going with the trend of him getting killed every story.>
|
||
|
|
||
|
---
|
||
|
Mogel haiku's!!
|
||
|
--
|
||
|
Mogel is real short.
|
||
|
His clothes are to small for me.
|
||
|
Way to small, baby.
|
||
|
--
|
||
|
Mogel loves jubjub.
|
||
|
Theres a poem about that here.
|
||
|
Jubjub loves Mogel.
|
||
|
--
|
||
|
Eat this pig mogel!#$!@$
|
||
|
Mogel: Vegetarian.
|
||
|
What a gaybo, heh.
|
||
|
--
|
||
|
Mogel:Weiner dog.
|
||
|
Fat, Short, and stupid looking.
|
||
|
And he's a frenchie.
|
||
|
|
||
|
-------------------------
|
||
|
|
||
|
Some mogel jokes.
|
||
|
|
||
|
What do you get when you cross metalchic with mogel?
|
||
|
|
||
|
A short hoe that says "Sorry." alot.
|
||
|
|
||
|
---
|
||
|
|
||
|
Is mogel one syllable or two?
|
||
|
|
||
|
I don't know........ STUPID!#@$!@$
|
||
|
|
||
|
---
|
||
|
|
||
|
How many mogel's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
|
||
|
|
||
|
I don't know.. I didn't read that issue of hoe.
|
||
|
|
||
|
---
|
||
|
|
||
|
What does Black Ruby think Mogel is?
|
||
|
|
||
|
Nybar.
|
||
|
|
||
|
---
|
||
|
|
||
|
Who the hell is black ruby?!@$
|
||
|
|
||
|
A delewarian.. or was that delawarite?
|
||
|
|
||
|
---
|
||
|
|
||
|
DELEWHAT?!@$
|
||
|
|
||
|
CHICKENBUTT!@!$!@#!@$!@$
|
||
|
|
||
|
----
|
||
|
|
||
|
fuck.. that's enough.
|
||
|
|
||
|
FIN
|
||
|
|