189 lines
8.9 KiB
Plaintext
189 lines
8.9 KiB
Plaintext
|
Poor Old Ugly Pompous Electronic Yams #1
|
||
|
|
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ $$ $$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$ $$ $$
|
||
|
|
$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$ $$
|
||
|
|
$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$ $$
|
||
|
|
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$
|
||
|
|
$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$ $$$ $$
|
||
|
|
$$$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$$$ $$$ $$
|
||
|
|
$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$ $$$$ $$$$$$$$$ $$
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
============================intro======================================
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Grasping for breath Nybar runs onto screen, yelling, "BLOODY MURDER! DAMN
|
||
|
|
CIA! OH HOW I HATE YOU BILL!!" obviously, he didn't take to well to some
|
||
|
|
of the remarks in "Howard the Magical Chipmunk". He then runs offstage,
|
||
|
|
and a lot of large men w/ guns follow. There is alot of cursing and
|
||
|
|
screaming from offstage, then you hear Nybar yelling.. "NOW I HAVE THE
|
||
|
|
GUN!!! HOW YA LIKE THIS YA FRAGGAMUFFIN?!?!" (alot of gunshots, screams in
|
||
|
|
agony.) Nybar walks onstage very bloody, and he is holding something
|
||
|
|
behind his back. He holds up the arm of one of thos recently departed,
|
||
|
|
shakes it around in front of him and says, "HELLO EVERYBODY! WELCOME TO
|
||
|
|
POUPY!!! THIS IS JUST A JOKE!!! NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!! I DIDN'T
|
||
|
|
REALLY JUST KILL ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE!! OH NOOOOO." (sound of helicopter,
|
||
|
|
loud NEXT TIME NYBAR YOU SCUM! NEXT TIME!) Nybar yells, "TIME FOR POUPY
|
||
|
|
ONE!" and claps his hand and the severed arms together.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
==================Table=of=Contents====================================
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Who needs tables of contents? They're just so people who don't to read
|
||
|
|
the whole 'zine can say they have. Screw you and your tables of
|
||
|
|
contents, bastard.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
==================Me=Myself=&=Cheekface================================
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
by Nybar
|
||
|
|
So anyway I had pre menstrol syndrome, and I am a guy.. so I
|
||
|
|
was like "Not feeling to good." I asked my cat Vimto what to do.
|
||
|
|
She said "Goooooo Askkkk Theeee Magicallll Chippppp Munkkkkkkk"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I said "yeah.. whatever" and kicked her out of the way.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
So I was walking through the desert in search of a magical chipmunk
|
||
|
|
(I asked directions from some wandering Yakks, and they laughed like
|
||
|
|
hell.. and beat the crap out of me.) After wandering for a while..
|
||
|
|
I realized I was thirsty..
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I saw a bar and walked in. The bartender asked "Why the long face?" I
|
||
|
|
said "WHAT THE HELL DO I LOOK LIKE?!?! A HORSE?!?!?" and kicked his
|
||
|
|
butt. He started to flee and was caught by the jaws of death. So I
|
||
|
|
drank all of his beer and passed out.
|
||
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
|
I FELT COMPELLED TO SAY SOMETHING IN A SPACER THING THAT WASN'T
|
||
|
|
NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||
|
|
A few weeks later I realized I had been comatose for a few weeks.
|
||
|
|
Then I realized all of the other important stuff (where my car keys
|
||
|
|
were.. how I had P.M.S. .. how I now had no money on me ect ect.)
|
||
|
|
Then I started wandering. I wandered for many nights and many days.
|
||
|
|
I grew a beard. I started performing acts of nature w/ out taking off
|
||
|
|
my pants. Then.. I took of my (FILTHY) pants and my shirt so I was
|
||
|
|
naked. I got sun-burned like a... baked.. ... . potato.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I started singing "I am gay!!! I AM GAY! OHHHHH YEAHHHH!!! I AM GAY!"
|
||
|
|
People started running w/ me (alla Forest Gump) Then Someone got a
|
||
|
|
banjo and started singing "Runnnninnggg Faggottttt Runninnin' from the
|
||
|
|
fans! RUNNNING FAGGOT RUNNING FREEEEEEE!!!!!!" I came back to my
|
||
|
|
senses. I started kicking his butt. Then a giant fight ensued. I came
|
||
|
|
out w/ no penis. I (FINALLY!) found the chimpmunk and he said
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
"Get a professional!" W/ a mad cry, I stepped on him. Then I ate his
|
||
|
|
young. Then I went back to my house and got on the crapper and started
|
||
|
|
going. Then I passed out from exhaustion.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I woke up 50 years in the future. I thought to myself (how did this
|
||
|
|
happen?) I walked outside and I saw a big fat floating butt. It had a
|
||
|
|
brain wedged in between the cheeks and a mouth in the lower parts.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I said "HEY CHEEK FACE! WHERES THE POOP!" he said
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
"HEY HUMAN FACE! WHERES THE SPITTLE!!" I started beating on him. Seeing
|
||
|
|
as he had no arms.. not much he could do. He tried biting me and
|
||
|
|
pooping on me and I just got really mad. A bunch of other naked dudes
|
||
|
|
came out and helped me. We killed him.. roasted him and ate him. Then I
|
||
|
|
ate a poisoned part and went to sleep.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
===============Howard=the=Magical=Chipmunk=============================
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
by Nybar
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
I am here to obsesss about the following
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
1. Semen
|
||
|
|
2. The web decency act you fucking asshole
|
||
|
|
3. Cats Cats Cats Cats Cats
|
||
|
|
4. Chipmunks
|
||
|
|
--------------------------------
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
If there is somehow a story in all of this.. all for the better.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
By the stars.. my cats name is nybar.
|
||
|
|
U are a non semen jerk!!!!
|
||
|
|
YOU EAT BEANS IN IDAHO!
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
Cats are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||
|
|
Are you all agreed?!?!
|
||
|
|
The web deceny act sucks!!
|
||
|
|
Sure CHIPMUNKS ROCK!
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
<the seven arguements>
|
||
|
|
<end of completely pointless and stupid obsessive junk.. onto
|
||
|
|
the story> &$&$&
|
||
|
|
$&$&$&$&$&$&&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
||
|
|
1:20 PM
|
||
|
|
&/ <-DISCO MAN!!
|
||
|
|
/|
|
||
|
|
/ \
|
||
|
|
Howard The Magical Chipmunk woke up to a REALLYYY!! bad
|
||
|
|
hangover (he had been beer-bonging w/ vimto and me.) He really
|
||
|
|
thought he shouldn't do that anymore.. seeing as how his table was
|
||
|
|
ruined and he felt like shit. He had some coffee mixed w/ the
|
||
|
|
powdery stuff in tylenol for adults and he was ready to start his
|
||
|
|
day. He decided to watch the TV.
|
||
|
|
2:30 PM
|
||
|
|
& <-DISCO IS DYING!!
|
||
|
|
/ | \
|
||
|
|
/ \
|
||
|
|
When flipping channels.. he came to Nickleodeen. It said it was
|
||
|
|
nick junior. He decided "What the `ell" and watched it anyway. It said
|
||
|
|
that "The Busy World of Richard Scary" was next. He watched it and
|
||
|
|
found that the star was a Hopping penis. He smiled to himself and
|
||
|
|
thought "Kids are watching this Porno junk?! Well, I guess that there
|
||
|
|
were some media outlets that republican dictators haven't crushed yet.
|
||
|
|
He managed to watch 3 hrs of TV.
|
||
|
|
5:30 PM
|
||
|
|
__ & __ <-NEARLY DEAD!!!
|
||
|
|
/- )
|
||
|
|
/ - )
|
||
|
|
| | - )
|
||
|
|
He took some lsd and went on a drug trip. The voices in his head told
|
||
|
|
him to invite everyone over for some beer bonging except w/ 165 proof
|
||
|
|
rum. They all came and he managed to kill another table (along
|
||
|
|
w/ 4 bottles of rum.)
|
||
|
|
He woke up at 12:00 am. Having nothing else to do..
|
||
|
|
he played Video games for until 3.. always chanting "Must..
|
||
|
|
defeat... Giant.... Space.... Caterpillar." He passed out at 3.
|
||
|
|
5:30 AM
|
||
|
|
| ^^ ^^^^|
|
||
|
|
| RIP DISCO|
|
||
|
|
|_________ | ^^^^^/^^^/^^^^^^^^^^^^^^|
|
||
|
|
& _----\ |
|
||
|
|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
||
|
|
He was awakend by someone shaking him. It was nybar's owner
|
||
|
|
Nybar. He was really sunburned and peeling, he had a big
|
||
|
|
beard and he was complety NAKED! He asked something about
|
||
|
|
pms. Yawning.. Howard said "Seek professional help."
|
||
|
|
Before he knew it.. he was dead. That Wierd guy had stepped
|
||
|
|
on him. He was as dead as disco.
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
<I would like to thank myself for writing one of the worst
|
||
|
|
Stories ever.>
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
=========My=Rubber=Ducky=-=A=Satire=On=The=World=At=Large==============
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
by Nybar
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
One day I was eating some soup. It was way too hot I spit it all over
|
||
|
|
my waiter. Then JoltCola, who was sitting across from me said "Spitting
|
||
|
|
soup? Is it St. Shnivvins Day already?"
|
||
|
|
"'Tis, brother JoltCola."
|
||
|
|
Just then the waiter and a large cook with a knife ran out of the
|
||
|
|
kitchen. The waiter yelled "YOU SPIT SOUP ON ME!!@#" and I replied with
|
||
|
|
"'Tis St. Shnivvins Day."
|
||
|
|
"I'm catholic"
|
||
|
|
"Oh shit"
|
||
|
|
We got the hell out of there. While we were walking down the street we
|
||
|
|
saw the Giant Bunny of Death. It was an omen, then saw some rabid cats.
|
||
|
|
We were trapped between the Giant Bunny of Death and the rabid cats.
|
||
|
|
Just then, Nybar said "Hey, this is a text file! We can fly!", so we
|
||
|
|
did. As we were flying around we ran out of gas, and we realized that
|
||
|
|
this text file is too short to end so fast, so we landed on a huge pile
|
||
|
|
of pillows. We dusted ourselves off, and stood up. Then Nybar said
|
||
|
|
"random end to this text file"
|
||
|
|
|
||
|
|
=======================================================================
|
||
|
|
yeah, poupey is the wave of the future. you fear us. yeah yeah yeah.
|
||
|
|
[eof]
|