146 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
146 lines
8.1 KiB
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____________________________
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\___________\_________\_____\
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/ / _/ ___/__ _/ \
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/ / / \ / /
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\/____/_____\________/________/
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"<22><>/<2F><><EFBFBD><EFBFBD> <20><>i<EFBFBD><69> /><3E><>/>z" p<><70>z<EFBFBD><7A><EFBFBD>:
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RED-008.TXT aka
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"Fun With Drive-Thru Windows"
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by: Intestinal Scum-Monkey
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Warning! The ideas presented in this article have not all been tested!
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Some may prove to be extremely dangerous! You may end up getting your ass
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kicked some some drive-thru window guy. So, proceed with caution and enjoy.
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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You know by now. The people who work the drive-thru of your local Burger
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King, McDonalds, Wendy's, Roy Rogers, or your generic fast food joint, are the
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single-most stupid people on the face of the Earth. Stupid people are not
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good, but yet, they're fun. That's why these drive-thrus can be the most
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entertaining thing on the face of the Easth. A virtual amusement park for
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the clinically bored. How do these imbeciles get jobs here anyway? No
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matter. If it wasn't for them, I would have probably killed myself by now
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because of chronic boredom. It's basically a cliche by now, they are
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scientifically proven stupid. E=MCPeopleWhoWorkTheDriveThruAreStupid.
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The idiots are hired, seen for the idiots they really are, and then plopped
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down in the drive-thru window. This is where we come in. It may seem cruel,
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and in an episode of The Simpsons, Homer was held at by police after
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constantly taunting the boy in the drive-thru booth.
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"Sir, did you know it's a federal offense to taunt the drive-thru window?"
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And, not only are they stupid, but they constantly screw up my order. Of
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course I give them the benefit of the doubt and drive away without checking my
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order, considering they read me back my order, I confirmed it, and they have
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it on their little machine there. This is a pain in the ass. Why? Because
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by the time you get home and check your order and find out that your order
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has been screwed up, you don't feel like putting your sneakers and coat back
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on and driving back to [your favorite fast food place here] to demand the
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correct order.
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Living with my lazy family, I know the drive-thru in and out. I'm handed a
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few bucks, and sent on my merry little way to the local fast food "resturant"
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to feed myself mountains of greasy slop passed off as food. So, in my various
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expliots, I've come across quite a few ways you could have fun with the ever-
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so-abundant drive-thru window. Here are a few little ideas that my cohorts
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and I have come up with in case you too get bored out of your mind and decide
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to risk life and limb and taunt the drive-thru boy. Please attempt these at
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your own risk, fast food managers have known to be dangerous.
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1.) I've always wondered why when you pull up to drive thru windows, they
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ask you, "Can I help you?" What the hell is that all about? Of course you
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can. That's why I'm here. Hey, if you're one of those people who still needs
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time to decide what to eat, you're a moron. You've most likely been there
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one thousand times before. They haven't changed the menus. If you're
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feeling frisky, and feel like eating something different, decide on the way
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there! Don't wait until you get there! Anyway, next time you pull up, if
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there's no one in front of you, you may want to try this. When they ask you
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"Can I help you?", scream (preferably as if extremely pissed-off), "NO! (add
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expletive here if you wish)" and then speed off past the window. This is
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sure to baffle these bastards.
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2.) Remeber those little CB-lookin'-megaphone things you used to have as
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a kid? The ones that made siren sounds, too? They can be a shitload of fun
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at drive-thrus. You know how terrible the people sound as they take your
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order, well, this is a great way to get back at them. While ordering your
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food, stick the speaker end right up to the microphone and give them your
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order as you usually would, trying not to laugh. Not only will it sound
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extremely annoying and irritating, but it will generate an extreme amount of
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feedback, possibly giving the person on the recieving end a migraine. (iTz
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AN AzzAziN BoX, D00Dz!)
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3.) It doesn't take a genius to think this one up, but, just generally be
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rude and obnoxious to whoever is taking your order. Use filthy language.
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Rasie your voice. Refer to your sexual organs as much as possible. You don't
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have to nessescarily have to be vulgar, you could be just as funny by being
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subtle. I do little things like say, "Yeah, gimme some of those big ass
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fries. I love them things. And a chocolate shake. Not for me, though! I
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would never drink those fuckin' things. They're fucking disgusting." Take
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what I told you and run with it. Have fun!
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4.) Be extremely indecisive. Contradict yourself as much as possible and
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change your mind at least three or four times for every item you order. This
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is especially fustrating at some of the older fast food places where the
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equipment isn't sophisticated enough to cancel orders, and the manager has to
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sign-off each mistake made. It can fustrate everyone in the building.
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5.) Start preaching. Ramble on about God, Satan, or anything you want,
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and then offer them literature.
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6.) Throw rotten fruit at the window and heckle the workers. I would
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never personally do this one, it's just too extreme. It's pushing the
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whole idea a little too far.
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7.) Don't even drive through in a car. Walk through, but, PRETEND that
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you're in a car. For dramatic effect, even like the little "Vroom! Vroom!"
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noises. Last time I did this, I had someone in the passenger seat and in
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the back seat. I stood there for a half an hour and they wouldn't serve us.
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They kept peering out the window at us, they knew we were there, but just
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refused to serve us. <shrug>
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8.) Ask for odd items that aren't on the menu. Personally, I use
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Wombat burger, fried worms, and poop shakes. When they insist that they
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don't have those items, being angry and iritable. Start raising your voice
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and insist that the items are on the menu.
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"Can I have.. a.. uh.. fecal burger?"
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"Sorry, Sir. We don't carry them."
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"What? What the hell are you talking about? It's right here."
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"Excuse me, Sir?"
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"Right there! Fecal fuckin' burger! $1.59! I want one!"
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9.) Drive through naked.
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10.) Order as normal, and when you drive up to the window for your order,
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duck under the dashboard and hide. Take it from there. Try staying there as
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long as possible. I've never tried this because I can't fit under my
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dashboard. But try it and see what happens. I'm anxious to hear about the
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results.
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There are ten wittle suggestions for you. I'm sure if you sit down and
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really think about it you can think of plenty more. Remeber, no matter how
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harsh you think some of these are, these people really deserve it. Later!
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Intestinal Scum-Monkeys Greets!
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Absolutely nobody! Hahaha! That's right! I just got my modem and I know
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absolutely NONE of you! Deal with it, pink boy!
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For those of you who would like to be greeted or something, kiss my ass and
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maybe I'll put you in my next article.
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And for those of you wondering where I got my handle, it was from some
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cartoon. It was a Nicktoon. I think it was Ren + Stimpy or something like
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that. Whatever.
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Oh yeah. Thanks to Black Francis for help with all this stuff and letting
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me in this group. It's pretty cool.
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Creepy fun for everyone!
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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