94 lines
4.2 KiB
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94 lines
4.2 KiB
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[ Mind Warp - Volume #3, Issue #10, File #051 ]
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[ "Roomates" by Mustaine ]
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Roomates..
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[Mustaine]
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Um...today's topic. Roomates? When you grow up and go to college,
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or perhaps graduate from college, and have to find some place to live,
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chances are you will find yourself stuck with a roomate. UHG. Well, I
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do belive I have written enough articles on roomates to tell you guys that
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you want to try to avoid them at ALL POSSIBLE opportunities. Today, I
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decided to compile a *very short* list of how to *try* to get rid of your
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roomate if you don't want him or her. (This list is geared towards college
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students.)
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o Call up Resident Life (or your landlord) and tell them that your
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roomate is a practicing member of the KKK. He or she has 7 robes
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for each day of the week, and has taken glow-juice (that only
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shows up under your k-spiff black lights) and drawn satanic crap
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all over your walls. AND to top it off, he or she also gave you
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the opportunity to become part of their rituals...say something
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like they offered you a free ride to hell if you let them gut you
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at their next group therapy session.
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o When your roomate is out, take ALL their stuff that you can carry,
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and accidentaly drop it out the window.
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o Or if that last one appealed to you, take ALL their stuff (that you
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can carry) and put it in the washing machine...yes even the
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microwave.
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o Speaking of microwaves, it REALLY pisses people off when you leave
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your dirty underwear in the microwave because "you wanted to dry it."
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o Steal his or her internet account (EVERYONE should HAVE ONE) and
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e-mail president@whitehouse.gov and include the phrases "you suck"
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"I want to kill you" and "rape Chelcy AND Socks."
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o Call his or her spouse (boy or girlfriend) and tell them he or she is
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cheating on them WITH you.
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o Or if that one appeals to you, and you dig the chick he or she is
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dating...go ahead and cheat with em... (makes for fun, eh?)
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o Take all their furniture, and accidentaly set it on fire. (Make it
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look like an accident.)
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o Call me, and I will come live with them, and then FOR sure they will
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leave.
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o If they have children (above 16)...and THIS IS ONLY for you out of
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college people...like have an affair, or something...Hell, it works
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on TV.
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o Play really amusing CD's like Vanilla ICE and Milli Vanilli and
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claim that they are stuck in an endless loop untill they leave.
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o Take your favorite blunt object (eg. retractable dildo, vibrator,
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hammer, lamp) and kill them.
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o Shoot them.
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o Stab them.
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o Make them read those 'other zines' like TWAT, and BoW, and TelStar.
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They'll leave.
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Woo! That's all. Hey folks, I'm outta here, but check out this
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'other' zine called uXu...it's k-spiff. (Enough with the k-spiff, eh?)
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Later from the Mustaine(ator!)
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Greets : Dani & Meg. Q, alt.gymkana, shadowdancer, Armitage, pornlo,
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Raven, Essex *shmuck*, and ME!
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==============================================================================
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Call The Omniverse, the Mind Warp WHQ - (301) 718-0225
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==============================================================================
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